‘Game of Thrones’ Season 8: Why It Was Trash (SPOILERS!)

Man…2019 has been chock full of disappointment.  First, True Detective let me down with that ho-hum season finale (sorry, Mahershala).  Then, the Russo brothers hurt my feelings with Avengers:  Endgame (please don’t get me started on that one).   However, when the eighth season of Game of Thrones premiered last month, I was certain that it’d be stellar just like the previous six (season seven was aiight).  Unfortunately, the best way to describe season eight would be the GIF below:

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I know what you’re thinking:  “How can you compare this last season to a dumpster fire when you yourself posted articles about what blew your mind in the first two episodes (click here and here for those posts)?”   I’ll be happy to answer that question:  the first three episodes of the show weren’t that bad.  The Battle of Winterfell episode was the best one in the season, hands down (although it too had its flaws).  However, the next three episodes were trash, and when you have a season with a six episode arc that includes two that were just okay, another that was excellent, and three that were sorry, it’s safe to say that the series as a whole was hot garbage.  I’ll explain further.  Sit tight.  Oh, yeah…there’s spoilers.

WARNING:  ONCE AGAIN, THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR SEASON EIGHT OF GAME OF THRONES.  IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST SEASON YET, I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU DO NOT READ THE REST OF THIS POST!

YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

Crappin’ On Dany’s Character Arc

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I’ll start with the thing that irritated me most about season eight, and it was what the writers decided to do with Daenerys’s character.  For seven and a half seasons, Dany was the queen of the people.  Yes, she had some violent tendencies and she was ruthless when she had to be (for the most part—burning the Tarly men alive in season seven may have been a touch much), but when all was said and done she was a good person that looked out for the little guy.  As a matter of fact, when she was ruthless and showed violence, it was usually when she was seeking retaliation for injustices done to the little guy.  Then all of a sudden, out of the doggone blue, in the span of two friggin’ episodes, she decides to lay waste to innocent men, women and children?  I call bullshit!

There’s some people out there that say that they’re not irritated about Dany becoming the mad queen, but they’re actually upset that the development was rushed.  I have to say that I’m PO’ed that the writers decided to make her a villain and because her change in character happened faster than the speed of light.  Dany may have been prone to rushed judgement and violence, and her father may have been The Mad King, but why couldn’t she continue to be good?  Why couldn’t she prove her naysayers wrong and keep fighting for the common people?  And why did Dany go from fighting for humanity in episode three to burning people alive in episode five?  Yeah, she lost her two best friends  and one of her dragons back to back, but I refuse to believe Dany would throw everything she believed in out the window that damn fast, even in the face of all that heartache and tragedy.   Even though Missandei’s last word was “dracarys” before Cersei’s ratchet ass had her beheaded, I’m sure the former meant for Dany to burn the latter’s no good ass, not mothers and babies.  Miss me with that nonsense.  If I had known then what I know now, I would’ve been rooting for Dany to keep her ass in Meereen with Daario Naharis.

Bran the Broken, King of the Six Kingdoms  (Huh?)

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Now on to the second most annoying aspect of this Godforsaken season.  After all the wars that were waged, all the plotting and scheming, and after all the powerful and more memorable characters made their mark on the show, Brandon Stark—now known as Bran the Broken—is voted King of the Six Kingdoms.  Seriously?  Don’t get me wrong, Bran was not my least favorite character.  To be honest though, he wasn’t my favorite, either.  I liked him a lot better when he was an actual human being with supernatural abilities.  However, once he became the Three Eyed Raven and evolved into an emotionless Vulcan, his scenes have just irked me to no end.

That’s the reason I believe Bran would be a suck king; he’s a hollow shell of a young man.  Good leaders empathize with their subjects in order to improve the standards of the world they live in.  Empathy waved bye-bye to Bran after Hodor died, as did any type of zest or compassion, for that matter.  Like my boy Jeremy Jahns said during his season eight review, do you honestly believe Bran would have any type of compassion for anyone that needs protection against someone seeking to wage war against the fomer’s house/family?  I highly doubt it.  I’ll give D&D this much, choosing Bran to win the game of thrones was definitely unexpected.  Was it the best choice, though?  Hell, no.  They would’ve done better with Hot Pie taking the throne.

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Flushing Jaime’s Character Development Down the Toilet

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Jaime was another Game of Thrones character whose development was mangled all to hell this season.  When we were first introduced to Jaime, he was a complete dick.  He was screwing his sister, pushed a 10 yr. old kid out of a window, strangled his cousin to death, and made it his business to fight Ned Stark in the street.  His only redeeming quality was that he was the sole member of the Lannister family that showed Tyrion unconditional and unwavering love.  However, after Jaime lost his hand and became close to Brienne, he began to form some sort of humanity, and he eventually saw Cersei for the ratchet ass woman she was and left her.

In season eight, we had the chance to see Jaime make up for all the wrong he did, and possibly start a new life with Brienne, a woman that truly loved him (and wasn’t his kin).  And what did we get?  We got Jaime dumping Brienne like a bad habit and crawling back to Cersei like a damn simp.   WTF?  What’s worse is due to Jaime being a simp, we were cheated out of witnessing Cersei die alone and disgraced like she dammit deserved.  Lord, have mercy.

Tyrion Kept Mookin’ Up

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Tyrion was always my all-time favorite character in this series, because although he was constantly looked down upon, his confidence and wit never faltered, and he was the most intelligent man in Westeros.  I especially loved how Tyrion always managed to outwit his foes during season two.  However, all that changed after Tyrion offed Tywin.  Murdering his father seemed to take a bit of pep out of Tyrion’s step.  In seasons six and seven, Tyrion started making some missteps, but quickly corrected them.  But this season, Tyrion made mistake…after mistake…after mistake.

First he trusted Cersei to assist with the war against the White Walkers just because her ratchet ass was knocked up.  Boy, you knew better than that.  Then he refused to listen to Varys when he mentioned that Dany’s mental state was troublesome.  That was his biggest doggone mistake.  I don’t know; it’s possible Tyrion was doing the same thing I was…trying to convince himself that Dany wasn’t rapidly becoming The Mad Queen.  After all, she wouldn’t go from being sane to a complete nut in a few weeks time, am I right?  The other maddening faux pas Tyrion committed was snitching on Varys after the latter mentioned that Jon he’d make a better ruler than Dany.  Needless to say, Tyrion regretted that later.  Lastly, Tyrion continued to hold onto hope that Dany wouldn’t burn the residents of King’s Landing and only focus her attention on Cersei, although every sign pointed to her doing the exact opposite.

What gets me about Tyrion is that it seems he became less cynical and more trusting of people after his own father and sister tried to have him executed for a crime he didn’t commit.  That makes absolutely no sense to me.  Like I said earlier, this irritating change in character started in season six, but season eight just brought it to the extreme.  Once again, I hoped that Dany would prove all her naysayers wrong and not incinerate the whole damn city too, but I’m not the Hand of the Queen.

Storylines That Went Nowhere

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Another thing that I loathed about season eight of Game of Thrones was the fact that it ended with storylines that either failed to launch or became stagnant.  For example, if Jon wasn’t meant to be the prince that was promised, why did the Lord of Light have Melisandre bring him back?  Why did we have to have the big R+L=J reveal if Jon didn’t even have control of the Iron Throne for two seconds?  What the hell was the point?  Back in season six, there was a red priestess like Melisandre in Meereen named Kinvara that was a staunch supporter of Daenerys.  She swore up and down that Dany was the Queen that was promised, just like Melisandre swore up and down that Stannis was the jackass—I mean, prince—that was promised (and later Jon).  It would’ve been nice to see what she would’ve thought of Dany burning King’s Landing to a crisp and being Queen of the Ashes for a full hour.  What ever happened to Daario Naharis?  What’ll happen with Meereen and the Bay of Dragons (formerly Slaver’s Bay) now that Dany is gone?  Oh yeah, did Gilly have a boy or a girl?

Also, they really missed a grand opportunity for Euron’s dumb ass to confront Cersei about the true father of her child.  Euron was under the impression that Cersei only broke the news to him after their one night together, but Tyrion already knew about the baby when they tried to form a truce outside of the King’s Landing gate.  Ol’ boy should’ve put two and two together and spoke on it, but that would mean that he’d have a modicum of sense.

The Series Should’ve Ended With the Great War

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The Battle of Winterfell was one of—if not the—best thing in this otherwise shitty season.  However, it should have taken place at the end of the series, not midway through.  For years, the theme of the show has been, “Winter is coming.”  All this time, the White Walkers have posed the biggest threat against the majority of the characters on the show, namely those in the North.  Although the show is entitled Game of Thrones, the Night King’s campaign of bringing back the darkness shows that everyone’s political squabbles are just worthless when all is said and done.  What matters is life, humanity, and trying to preserve it.  The Great War should’ve been the series finale, especially given the fact that Cersei’s dumbass was treating the whole thing like a joke and went behind the Dragon Crew’s back to betray them.  The Night King should’ve marched his ass straight to King’s Landing and took her out.  And speaking of Cersei…

Cersei’s End Was Unsatisfying

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Cersei Lannister was one of the most evil characters in Game of Thrones.  I knew that when all was said and done, she’d eventually meet her end, and I hoped with all my being that she would die slowly and painfully.  I mean, there were so many delightful ways she could’ve been snuffed out:  Jaime or Tyrion could’ve killed her (as prophesied); as I previously mentioned, the Night King and his wights could’ve arrived to King’s Landing and torn her to pieces, or Dany could’ve just rode Drogon to the Red Keep and fried her like a piece of bacon.  But noooooo!  Queen Cersei succumbed to rubble from the Red Keep entombing her, all while in the arms of the man she loved…her freakin’ brother.  Gross.  It really would’ve been cool if she got crushed to death by an elephant instead.

 Jon Gets Shitted On…Again

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When Jon was named King in the North, I was so happy.  I felt like he was finally getting his just due, after enduring years of hell and ill treatment.  Lord, was I wrong.  After Jon was forced to kill the woman he loved/his auntie, he was imprisoned and sentenced to live the rest of his life at The Wall…again.  That sentence was carried out by his own brother, King Bran, who couldn’t even give Jon a hug goodbye when he left.  Slightly off topic, how did anyone know Jon killed Dany?  Drogon flew off with the body.  He must’ve fessed up to Grey Worm.  Ahh, that good ‘ol Stark honor system.  It’s done wonders for the family.  Also, exactly what purpose does The Wall serve now?  The White Walkers and the Night King are dead, the Wildlings made peace with most of the folks south of The Wall, and there’s a big ass wide open space on one side of it that’s big enough for a dragon to literally fly through (y’all ain’t gonna tell me that damn hole got fixed that fast).  What’s the point?

Jon must’ve thought the purpose of The Wall was useless as all hell now too, because he left with the Wildlings, presumably to be their king.  I’m not crazy about that ending.  I know in the end, Jon is still a king, and he was happiest with the Wildlings, but the ending just doesn’t sit that well with me.  (AVENGERS:  ENDGAME SPOILER AHEAD!!!)  It’s like when Captain America went back in time, lived out his life with Peggy, and returned to the present day a hot old grandpa.  Yeah, living with the woman he loved made him happy, but I preferred to see young Cap kickin’ ass with the rest of the crew.  In this case, I preferred Jon to be King of either the Iron Throne or the North, because he deserves to be true nobility, doggone it.

The Season Rushed Faster Than Jackie Joyner-Kersee

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Despite the fact that the majority of the episodes this season were the length of a feature film, season eight was rushed as hell!  Bam!  The White Walkers are close to Winterfell.  Bam!  The White Walkers descend on Winterfell.  Bam!  The battle between the White Walkers is over.  Bam!  The Dragon Crew prepares to strike against Cersei.  Bam!  Euron gets to them first.  Do y’all see where I’m going with this?  The days of intricate detail and fleshed out story points are over.  Welcome to Game of Thrones, fast food style.

The Starbucks Cup

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I ain’t even gonna lie, I didn’t even notice this travesty of a film flub until all the media outlets pointed it out the next day.  I’m really just being petty at this point.  😃

I will say that this film flub proves that D&D not only rushed through the storyline, but they must’ve had the editors rush through compiling the scenes together if they let this bad boy slip through.  This faux pax has since been digitally removed from the episode.

Was There Anything I Did Like About This Season?

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There were some good things that occurred in season eight, believe it or not.  The Battle of Winterfell (although it was a bit hard to see thanks to it being so dark), seeing a vulnerable Brienne, the epic shot of Dany appearing to sprout dragon wings, Jon and Arya finally reuniting, the entire repast/party scene after the battle, those were some things I enjoyed.  I also liked that Arya and Gendry hooked up, although I wish they had toned down the scene…a lotSansa being crowned Queen in the North is cool, but I wish Jon could’ve kept his title.  Just sayin’.  Arya sailing to the land that’s west of Westeros (America!) was nice to see as well.  I was hoping Gendry would pop up on deck next to her, watching Westeros fade into the horizon, but Arya ain’t the sail off in the sunset type.  One of my favorite scenes was Drogon melting the Iron Throne after Dany died.   Not only was the scene visually stunning, but it was interesting to see that Drogon knew the true reason for his mother’s death, and it wasn’t the knife Jon plunged in her heart.  I know I may be in the minority, but I also like that Arya killed the Night King, although it was completely inexplicable and infeasible how she managed to get past the other White Walkers.

Sadly enough, Game of Thrones’s eighth season had way too many crappy scenes and plot points that offset the good stuff.  Some of it I didn’t even bother to mention (this post is lengthy enough) like Cleganebowl being anti-climatic (and that wack ending to the fight burned me up.  Pun intended), losing Theon and Jorah, Missandei’s death and Grey Worm’s subsequent villainous turn, Jaime and Arya’s “hit and quit it” routines, Melisandre dying after she removes her necklace, although the last time she took her necklace, she was alright (just old as Methuselah), the Westerosi north behaving like the American South, and so on and so forth.

*Sigh*  This last season of Game of Thrones disgusted me.  Just like the running joke around the internet goes, “Jon went north, Arya went west, Drogon went east, and the show went south.”  Truer words have never been spoken.  It’s just so sad, because this entire series was damn near perfect, but season eight was a complete let down; a pale shadow of the greatness that Game of Thrones once was.  It basically crapped on everything that was established in the previous seasons and ended on a completely unfulfilling note, to boot.  In conclusion…

GAME OF THRONES SEASON 8 WAS TRASH. 

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P.S.  Sam Esmail, it’s all on you now.  DO NOT disappoint me.

—Written by Nadiya

So what did you think about the final season of Game of Thrones?  Was it trash or was it passable (ain’t no way in hell you thought it was flawless!)?  If you liked it or disliked it, why?  Let me know in the comments section!

 

Arya Loses It, and Winterfell Is Racist (Plus Other Stuff That Blew My Mind)!

Hey, y’all!  Just wanted to talk about some of the things that blew my mind on last week’s episode (Apr. 21, 2019) of Game of Thrones before The Battle of Winterfell officially begins tonight.  Man, I’m dreading the possibility of losing some of my favorite people.

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Yeah, I know I’m late, but let’s face it…I’m always late (except for my Avengers:  Endgame review.  I had to hurry up and release my frustration and anger with that one).   Anyway, let’s do this!

Y’all Sure This is the North?  It Feels More Like the Deep South!

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When the Dragon Crew rode into The North during the premiere episode, Dany and her people received some strange looks from the Northerners—some dirty, some in awe.  However, when Missandei and her boo Grey Worm rode in, all they got were nasty stare downs.  Now, I noticed the hostile reaction the two of them acquired right off the bat.  As a matter of fact, it was a bit reminiscent of this scene:

However, being the optimist I am, I tried to give the Northerners the benefit of the doubt and deduce that they were just unwelcoming to strangers.  But, last week, Missandei walked up to two children to tell them hello, and those jokers took one look at her and scurried off like roaches when the lights come on!  I’m sorry…it feels like Winterfell is a bit racist.  Just sayin’.  The Northerners’ rude behavior wasn’t lost upon Grey Worm, and he offered Missandei the chance to run away with him when the fighting is over.  Missandei said she’d love to go to Naath with him and make love on the sand (okay, that’s a slight exaggeration).  I really hope Grey Worm lives.

Theon and Sansa Might Have a Love Connection…If He Survives

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So, while Sansa and Dany were trying their best to have a sisterly moment—which ended up in failure—Theon returned to Winterfell and declared that he would fight for them against the Night King and his army, sealing his loyalty to her and her house.  Dany was somewhat shocked to hear that, I noticed.  Sansa was so overcome with emotion, that she ran up and hugged him, and it felt like more than just a brother/sister type thing.  Later that night, Theon and Sansa were sitting outside and exchanging some longing looks.  Hmmm…  This could be interesting…  I really hope Theon lives.

Brienne Is Made a Knight!

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Before The Night King and his crew make their official entrance, Tyrion, Jaime, Tormund, Ser Davos, Brienne, and Podrick decide to sit up until 3:00 AM and get drunk, because…reasons.  Someone brought up the subject of Brienne being a knight, and she confessed that she was never knighted.  Tormund said her that if he were a king, he’d knight her 10 times over (he’s so cute), and Jaime informed him that it doesn’t take a king to knight someone, just another knight.  He then proved it by knighting her himself, thus making her Ser Brienne of Tarth.  Tormund gave Brienne a standing O for that (ovation; get your head out the gutter), as did Tyrion.  I really hope they all live.

Jon Fessed Up To Dany!

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During the season premiere, Bran convinced Sam to tell Jon the truth about his true parentage.  Considering that Dany just admitted to Sam that she killed all the male members of his family, Sam didn’t have too much issue letting Jon know that he was the true heir of the Iron Throne.  Jon spent last week’s episode aloof towards Dany, and she noticed it.  Of course, we all knew the reason behind Jon’s indifferent attitude.  Towards the end of the episode, Dany caught Jon in the crypt looking at his birth mother’s grave, and he admitted to her that he is actually Aegon Targaryen, son of Rhaegal Targaryen and Lyanna Stark.  Dany wasn’t happy to hear the news, naturally.  What kills me about all this is that no one seems to be concerned with the fact that Jon was hookin’ up with his auntie.

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I would say that I hope Jon and Dany live, but I’m 100% sure that they will.  I’d bet my wrestling DVD’s on it.

Last But Not Least…Arya Gets Some!

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Let me just say, I’ve wanted Arya and Gendry to get together ever since they met.  I thought they’d make a cute couple, and last week, it looked like my wish was granted.  It turned out to be a lot more than I bargained for.  Once Arya learned that the White Walkers would be at Winterfall sometime before dawn, she decided to use her possible last hours fulfilling a dream.  It turns out her dream was to lose her virginity, and who else to do it with than the guy she’s had a little crush on all these years (I don’t care what you say; she was crushin’ on him).  So, she retrieved the weapon that she had Gendry make for her, and asked him (or should I say, demanded him) to use his other weapon on her.

Now, I have to say, I always figured that Arya and Gendry would eventually hook up via a first kiss or something like that.  In this scene, Arya went all out—and I mean all out.  This scene really made me and a few other viewers extremely uncomfortable (Arya was trending on Twitter for nearly two days after this episode aired).  So much so, that when she started stripping naked, I turned my head until the scene was over.  Yeah, I realize that on the show, Arya is about 18 and in real life, Maisie Williams is 22, but I still remember Arya when she looked like this:

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It’s like watching your kids grow up and do something like this on prom night.  Nope!  I do have to agree with what my boy Jeremy Jahns said about this situation, though.  We can watch Arya murder countless people with no problem, but when it comes to watching her lose her virginity, that’s too doggone awkward!  Either way, I really hope Arya and Gendry live.  That way, she can confirm whether or not she enjoyed herself.  After seeing the stoic look on her face afterwards, we all had questions about that, too.  😃😃

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about last week’s episode of Game of Thrones?  Are you psyched for this week’s episode?  What scenes from last week blew your mind?  Let me know in the comments section!

 

 

Cersei Lannister Is a Damn Fool!

What’s poppin’, y’all?  After a long and tortuous year and a half wait, the finale season of Game of Thrones premiered on HBO two Sundays ago (Apr. 14, 2019), and I was here for it!  Normally, I post a recap and review about the show, but I’m extremely late as all hell, and I’m sure you’ve all peeped the season premiere by this point.  So instead of my usual post, I’m gonna touch on a subject that really made my head spin last week.  It’s wasn’t Bran waiting in the freezing cold all night to see Jaime and it wasn’t Jon making out with his auntie while Drogon gave him a menacing stare.  It was Cersei Lannister’s dumb ass.

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As I’m sure you all are aware, last season, Jon, Dany, Tyrion and the rest of The Dragon Crew (that’s my new name for the folks on Dany’s side) traveled to King’s Landing and showed Cersei an actual wight.  “Wight” is the official name for those decaying zombies that make up the Night King’s army, in case you’re wondering.  Even though Cersei saw a rotten zombie with her own two eyes and clearly heard Jon and Dany say that hundreds upon thousands of those things are heading south, she opts not to use her common sense and decides to betray Jon and Dany by having that nutbag Euron Greyjoy employ extra soldiers from The Golden Company to take out The Dragon Crew.

Thus, bringing us to the present.  Euron’s nutty ass returns with The Golden Company and Cersei is whining because she hoped with all her heart and soul that they’d bring elephants, because that’s smart.  After all, a land dwelling elephant will make quick work out of flying, fire breathing dragons.  Yeah.

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When Cersei questions why she wasn’t given the elephants she was promised, the army captain tells her what everyone with actual intelligence already knew:  it was impossible to transport the elephants across the sea.  I mean, it’s not like there were any trains or airplanes to transport the doggone animals back then.

After the captain exits, Euron Greyjoy’s horny ass starts coercing Cersei into some personal time.  Cersei rebuffs him, and Euron starts whining.  Cersei replies to his griping with this now epic line:

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Now, before we start high fivin’ Cersei and giving her props for women’s empowerment, she soon remembers that 1) she hasn’t had any in a while, 2) Jaime’s gone, and her source for regular dick has gone with him, and 3) she has a bun in the oven and has to place the blame on somebody other than Jaime, considering that regardless of the fact that she’s the queen of the seven kingdoms, folks tend to frown on incest.  With all that being said, Cersei—somewhat reluctantly—gives up the booty.

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After she and Euron do the do, Cersei is still whining about those damn elephants.  Euron, on the other hand, can’t stop bragging and asking Cersei if he was the best she ever had.  Fool, if you have to ask, you probably sucked.   Cersei doesn’t indulge him, but she doesn’t wound his ego, either.  Before Euron leaves, he swears down he’s going to put a prince in her belly, and you can literally see the damn creaky ass wheels turning in Cersei’s head.  Lord, have mercy.

Allow me to reiterate what I said in the title of this post:  Cersei Lannister is a damn fool.  It’s a wonder she survived this long.  I honestly believe that if it wasn’t for Tywin and Jaime (and to a certain degree, Tyrion), she would’ve dug her own hole a long time ago.  First of all, like Jaime told your simple ass last season, you not helping the North fight the Night Walkers is a lose-lose situation.  Either the Northerners win and kill you for your betrayal—and Dany (or Jon) still takes the Iron Throne in the process—or the Night Walkers win, continue their campaign further south and kill everyone in King’s Landing, thus making the damn Night King the King of the Seven Kingdoms (try saying that five times fast).

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Second of all, Dany may have lost Viserion, but she still has Drogon and Rhaegal, two full grown, fire breathing, flying dragons.  You honestly think some Barnum and Bailey elephants can really do something on land?  I seriously doubt it, Dumbo.

Third, don’t give an epic speech about Euron having to earn a queen and then spread ’em like peanut butter five minutes later because you wanna play the okey doke with another man, pretending he’s the father of your unborn child, when everyone knows it belongs to you doggone brother (which is gross enough).  Dang, not only is Cersei stupid as hell, she’s a nasty ho!

Unfortunately for Cersei, Tywin and Jamie are both gone, and she’s completely exposed.  I just hope that Cersei isn’t stupid enough to think that Euron’s crazy, non-stop-dick-joke-tellin’ ass is gonna protect her, because he won’t.  If anything, that guy’s out for himself.  But anyone with half a doggone brain could see that.  Then again, we’re talking about Cersei.

With all that being said, I’m just gonna close this post out with the perfect GIF, dedicated to Queen Cersei:

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—-Written by Nadiya

So, do you think Cersei will win the game of thrones?  If so, why (because I really need to hear this)?  Let me know in the comments section!

 

Top 10 ‘Game of Thrones’ Psychos

Nadiya's House

What’s poppin’, y’all?  I know Game of Thrones‘ sixth season has ended, but I’m quite sure some of y’all have been going through withdrawals.  With that being said, I decided to do a Game of Thrones Top 10 list, and what better way to do it than to name off the top 10 psychos on the show!  I mean, let’s face it, a lot of the characters on Game of Thrones aren’t particularly balanced.  Let’s hop to it!  By the way…do y’all like my house sigil?

10.  Sandor “The Hound” Clegane

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I know what y’all are thinkin’, “What’s The Hound doing on this list?”  Now I know that all of y’all love The Hound; I love him, too.  However, you have to admit that he’s a bit psychotic.  I can see why, though.  If my brother burned half my face for playing with one of his favorite toys, I’d be a bit off myself.  Yes, deep down The Hound is a good man, but he actually enjoys killing.  Remember when he told either Sansa or Arya (I can’t remember which one it was) that killing was the most wonderful thing in the world and that Ned enjoyed it, too?  Every time I watched Ned—or even Jon—kill someone, it was a necessary evil, but they got no enjoyment from it.  Only The Hound finds glee in murder.  Unless it’s folks gettin’ burned to death, of course.

9.  Euron Greyjoy

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That’s right, number nine is the king of the Iron Islands and the king of dick jokes himself, Euron Greyjoy!  It’s true that he just joined the cast this season, but right out of the gate, he proved himself to be an A1 nut!  First he killed his brother, proved himself to be obsessed with Theon’s no-longer-existing dick, and then uttered his famous phrase, “Where’s my niece and nephew?  Let’s go murder them!”  Cu-koo!

8.  Walder Frey

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He flirts with chicks young enough to be his granddaughters, he murders entire families at social functions, and always appears to be constipated!  The number eight spot goes to none other than ratchet ass Walder Frey!  Anyone that can watch folks get slaughtered at a wedding and get years of enjoyment from it (not to mention the fact that he imprisoned his son-in-law for God knows how many years after the massacre) is a pure psycho!

7.  Cersei Lannister

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Cersei was always a bitch, but she crossed into pure psychotic territory during the sixth season finale.  When a monarch commits mass genocide (and let’s not forget, she blew up a church!) in her own kingdom and smiles with joy, it proves that she isn’t playing with a full deck.  Plus, there were her past deeds:  trying to kill Tyrion, sleeping with Jaime (ill!), not caring when Jaime pushed Bran out the window, etc.  Hell, in the books, she murdered one of her close friends because the latter had a crush on Jaime!  With an ally like her, who needs enemies?

6.  Ellaria Sand and the Sand Snakes

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These ladies are so hellbent on revenge, they don’t care who they take out to get it, and if you’re not with them, you’re damn sure against them.  I get Ellaria and the crew being pissed at Cersei, but why kill Myrcella?  She was completely innocent!  Why kill Prince Doran and his son for (wisely) not wanting to wage war?  Let’s not forget how the youngest Sand Snake (her name escapes me) poisoned Bronn just for shits and giggles.  A family full of fools, indeed.

5.  Meryn Trant

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Meryn Trant was an arrogant, murderous pedophiliac who got his rocks off on following Joffrey’s sick orders and beating up little girls under the age of 14.  I cheered out loud when Arya messed his ass up.  Talk about just desserts!  The only reason this dude isn’t higher on the list because there’s much, much worse people on Game of Thrones.  You have to have a strong will and thick skin to enjoy this show.

4.  Lysa Arryn

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Lord, have mercy.  Lysa Arryn was the epitome of batshit crazy.  Considering that she’s the one that poisoned her husband and sent that letter to Ned Stark implicating the Lannisters for his murder, it’s possible to say that her actions put all the horrible events in the show into motion (Ned wouldn’t have gone to King’s Landing if the former Hand of the King—Lysa’s husband—hadn’t been murdered).  Some of Lysa’s favorite pastimes included dropping people to their death (which makes it fitting that she was killed the same way), obsessing over Littlefinger, and allowing her nine year old son to be breastfed.  Did I mention that she was a horrible parent, too?  Lysa was single-handedly responsible for raising the most spoiled and useless child on the face of the Earth, and I’ve seen some bad ones, boo.

3.  Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane

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The Hound made it on to the list, but his big brother, The Mountain, is waaaaaaay crazier than he is.  As I said earlier, The Mountain is basically the reason The Hound is on this list in the first place.  Much like Meryn Trant, he found joy in carrying out The Lannisters’ dirty deeds (i.e. raping and killing women and children), but he’d also go after anyone and everyone that pissed him off.  He tried to kill Loras Tyrell once for beating him fair and square during a game of joust.  And of course, there was that time he crushed Oberyn Martell’s skull (the very act that turned Ellaria and the Sand Snakes into vengeful nuts).  To add insult to injury, ever since he’s become a reanimated corpse, he’s gotten even crazier!  Smashing people’s heads, raping nuns…move over, Hannibal Lector!

2.  Joffrey Baratheon

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Now y’all know the king we all loved to hate was gonna be on this list!  Joffrey was a spoiled rotten young king that thrived on torture and humiliation.  He didn’t care who felt his wrath:  his uncle, his fianceé, his future father-in-law, innocent animals, random folks in King’s Landing, or some hoes that just wanted to show him a good time.  The very first episode of Game of Thrones I ever watched was “The Lion and the Rose” (the episode with “The Purple Wedding”), and I witnessed what an asshat Joffrey was.  I couldn’t say I was too upset—or shocked—when he was poisoned to death at the end of the episode.  Hell, I laughed out loud!

1.  Ramsay Bolton

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Real talk, if you were surprised Ramsay made the number one spot, you must be a new fan.  Ramsay is on a whole ‘nother level of insanity that even Joffrey’s spoiled, maniacal ass can’t touch.  Even Joffrey had a limit to his craziness.  Ramsay, on the other hand, had no chill.  He killed his dad, his step mother, and even his 10 minute old newborn brother!  Like Joffrey, he got off on torture, but he took it a step further than beatings and using folks for crossbow practice.  He cut off appendages and peeled the skin off people.  He raped and used psychological torture.  We have Ramsay to thank for Euron’s never ending dick jokes and for Theon being the poster child for PTSD.  What made Ramsay even scarier than Joffrey is the fact that Ramsay was actually intelligent, whereas Joffrey was a vicious idiot.  Ramsay used his insanity and mind games to his advantage, and he came out on top just about every time…until Jon beat his ass and Sansa turned him into Dog Chow.

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—Written by Nadiya

So who do think is the biggest psychopath on Game of Thrones?  Do you agree with the list?  Also, do you like my house sigil?  No, really.  Do you?  Give me your thoughts!

“Game of Thrones” Season Six Finale!!

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Okay, I know what I said earlier about losing HBO and Starz, and how I wouldn’t post any more recaps/reviews.  However, I found a way to watch last night’s season finale of “Game of Thrones” (and I actually found a way to catch up on the other episodes, as well as the other episodes of “Outlander.”  Don’t ask; it’s a long story, and we A LOT to talk about in this post).   That doggone episode was too doggone epic to not post anything about it.  So, instead of me giving my usual recap/review, I’m just going to go over the events that blew my mind and made me rethink my universe.

***WARNING:  IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED “THE WINDS OF WINTER” SEASON SIX FINALE YET, I HIGHLY SUGGEST THAT YOU STAY AWAY FROM THIS POST, BECAUSE THERE’S SPOILERS HEREIN.  YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.***

The Sept Is Gone (and the Septons, too) and the Tyrells Are No More (sort of)!

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Okay, Cersei’s trial is coming up, and instead of facing The High Sparrow’s biased and arbitrary form of justice, she carries out a plan that a lot of folks have been theorizing for quite some time now.  She learned about a cache of wildfire directly under the Sept thanks to her buddy Qyburn, had one of his “birds” empty a few of the crates near the supply and light some candles in a puddle of the stuff…and boom.

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In one swoop, she took out nearly the entire Faith Militant, including Lancel, who was lured to the bottom of the Sept by one of the “birds” when the blast went off.  The Tyrell family was also there, and got blasted to kingdom come.  By the way, Margaery was the only one that had sense enough to know something was up when she noticed that Cersei and Tommen were absent from the trial, but those idiot minions wouldn’t allow her, her brother or anyone else to leave the building.  Cersei also managed to take out Pycelle (in another location) by the hands of Qyburn’s “birds” and her uncle Kevan (he was in the Sept).  She later exacted her revenge on Septa Unella, via The Mountain.  And poor Tommen, who could only watch the 9/11 type destruction his mother caused, and knowing his wife was in that blast, promptly committed suicide.  And all this was just in the first twenty minutes.

Winter Is Finally Here (and it only took five years!)!

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While Sansa and Jon are discussing how they must trust each other and who should take over the Stark household, Sansa mentions that a raven came from the Citadel (I’m assuming that was from the nasty ass admissions director that didn’t believe Jon was the Lord Commander and the letter of recommendation he wrote for Sam was “irregular”)…a white raven.  Sansa says that means that winter is actually here.  Jon laughs and talks about how Ned always said it was coming.  Well, it’s about doggone time!  I wish winter was like that in real life.  After six more measly months, we’ll all be shivering again (yes it gets cold in the south).

The Sand Snakes and Granny Tyrell Align…and They Have Extra Help!

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Remember I said “The Tyrells Are No More (sort of)”?  There’s one Tyrell left…Oleanna aka Granny Tyrell, and she’s pissed.  Thanks to Cersei’s terrorist attack, the Tyrell name will now end with Oleanna.  She wants revenge, and she goes to Dorne to get it.  Despite the fact that Granny epically shut the younger Sand Snakes up, she and Ellaria still agree to team up, and they have another force aligning with them…

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Hell yeah.  It’s on now.  I can’t stand the Sand Snakes, but I’m loving this new alliance.

Tyrion Is Appointed Hand of the Queen!

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After Dany officially announces that she is indeed heading to Westeros in the near future and drops Daario Naharis like a bad habit, she and Tyrion have a heart to heart, where he tries to console her for dumping her lover, seeing as she had to leave him if she wants to be queen of the seven kingdoms (I can’t help but wonder if Daario got dumped so the writers could make the Dany/Yara thing happen).  Dany’s inconsolable, especially since she just realized she never really loved Daario and had no emotion when she dumped him, but Tyrion tells her how he’s been a cynic all his life and never believed in anything…but he believes in her.  That’s when Dany presents Tyrion with the pin she had especially made for him and officially declares him the Hand of the Queen.  Tyrion responds in a way he never has before…

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He kneels before her.  Y’all know how much I love Tyrion, so it was really nice to see him finally being appreciated for the things he’s done (by the way, the war waged by the masters was wasn’t so much a fuck up by Tyrion, but more so of a double cross…although Grey Worm and Missandei warned him of said double cross…never mind).  I’m also glad to see a genuine relationship forming between Dany and Tyrion now.  I believe they’re becoming real friends, and not just political allies.  *Squee*

Arya Kills Walder Frey’s Ratchet Ass (and smiles!)

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Walder Frey is enjoying his delicious meat pie and a flirting with a handmaiden young enough to be his granddaughter.  Then he wonders where his sons are.  The maiden tells him his sons are right there with him.  The old man’s confused, so the young lady shows him the slice of pie and tells him again, his sons are there.  Frey takes the top crust off the pie, and sure enough, he finds the top of a finger (or a toe…I know the nail was green..ill…).  Gross…but cool!  I have to say, in the Shakespearean play Titus, the main character got revenge on a rival family by putting their evil sons in a pie.  That was epic then, and it’s epic now!  Then, the ultimate…the maiden takes off her mask to reveal that she’s none other than Arya Stark.  She introduces herself to Frey and lets him know the last thing he’ll see is her smiling down on him as he dies.  Then she slices his throat and smiles as he bleeds out.  Valar morghulis, bitch.

NWA Dancing

The R+L=J Theory Is True!  WTF!?!?

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Long story short, Bran wargs out again, with his Three-Eyed Raven powers fully realized, thanks to his Uncle Benjen, and goes back in time to where he saw his father heading up to the Tower of Joy to save Lyanna.  Lyanna has obviously just given birth, and she’s dying from excessive hemorrhage.  She makes Ned promise to take care of her baby boy if and when she dies.  Bran looks on as the midwife hands Ned the baby who opens his brown eyes…

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And then we cut to this:

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Holy shit.  Now here’s why this has rocked my world…I always thought that the R+L=J theory was bogus and just something that the fans really wanted to see (like Tyrion actually being a Targaryen instead of a Lannister).  There’s really only two reasons I felt like the theory wasn’t warranted, and one of my best friends (who’s also a big “Game of Thrones” fan) and I have discussed this at length.  Reason one:  Why didn’t Ned at the very least confide in Catelyn that Jon was actually his nephew?  It doesn’t make sense for him to come home and introduce Jon as his bastard child and put the boy—and his own marriage—through all that stress and misery.  Reason two (and this was the BIG reason):  As most of y’all may remember, in season one, Ned learned that Robert Baratheon did not father any of his legitimate children when he read that family history book and saw that all the descendants of the Baratheon family had dark hair, not blond hair.  In the “Game of Thrones” universe, genetics are pretty simple.  The children—namely the males—take their father’s hair color.  If Jon was a Targaryen, wouldn’t he have silver hair like Dany and Viserys, instead of dark hair like the rest of the Starks (except Sansa)?  Despite what I think though, D&D and Mr. Martin proved that Jon is a Targaryen, and even though I have to reevaluate my life, I can’t wait to see the sparks that are gonna fly when Jon finally meets Dany (his auntie)!

Jon Stark is Declared the King in the North!  Yaaaassss, Bitch!

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Earlier in the show, Littlefinger told Sansa he wanted to sit on the Iron Throne and he wanted her by his side…then he made a pass at her by trying to kiss her, but Sansa rejected his ass and he ended up throwing a brick like Steph Curry at the NBA Finals.  Soon after, all the Northerners gather for a pow wow, and Jon informs them that winter has arrived, and the White Walkers are coming.  At first, no one wants to listen…until Lyanna Mormont reminds them how most of them punked out when House Stark needed them, and she publicly declares Jon King in the North.  I’m starting to like her now.  Everyone realizes she’s speaking truth and all of them declare Jon king.  By the way, I love this exchange between Jon and Sansa while everyone’s pledging their allegiance:

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These two are so cute (in a brother/sister type way, you nasty shippers!).  While everyone’s cheering for Jon however, Sansa spots Littlefinger in a corner mean muggin’.

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Why so pissed?  Sexually frustrated?  Mad ’cause a “bastard’s” been declared king (a bastard hatin’ on a bastard)?  Or are you PO’ed because now that ugly ass throne is a little further out of your reach?  And speaking of which…

Cersei Lannister Sits On the Iron Throne  (Armageddon has arrived…)

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Jaime returns from Riverrun just in time to see the disaster area that is now King’s Landing.  He also comes back just in time to see Cersei’s coronation as the Queen of the Andals and the First Men and Protector of the Seven Kingdoms.  He didn’t look too happy.  Me personally, I nearly fainted.

And last, but damn sure not least…

Dany and Her Army FINALLY Sail to Westeros (and it only took five years!)

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Theon is shown looking up at a flag on a ship.  He’s standing next to Yara, who’s looking out at the horizon.  Then we see another ship setting sail with Grey Worm and most of the Unsullied.  Another ship is full of Dothraki Bloodriders and their horses (by the way, the Dothraki learned in a short period of time how to manage a ship!).  There’s close to a thousand ships sailing in the ocean, all with dragons embroidered on the sails.  Drogon, Viscerion and Rhaegal fly overheard.  The dragons pass the leading ship, which contains Varys, Missandei, Tyrion…and Dany.

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So Dany basically has the Unsullied, the Dothraki, most of the Ironborn, the Sand Snakes, Granny Tyrell, Tyrion and Vary’s sharp minds, the Second Sons on call (she left them in Meereen with Daario), Jorah Mormont’s eventual comeback, and three big ass dragons?  Let’s not forget there’s a possibility the North might join in.

Cersei…you in danger, girl.

You In Danger Girl

I don’t have to tell y’all, this entire season was asskickin’.  From the Bastard Bowl, to The Hound coming back, to Jon’s resurrection, Dany’s epic war with the slave masters, Ramsay being turned into Alpo, to this game changing season finale (I have to say, this may be one of the best season finales in “Game of Thrones” history, in my humble opinion), I loved it all.  I especially loved how the biggest outcasts in the show (Jon and Tyrion) are finally getting the respect and accolades they deserve.  The only thing I hated in this episode was Margaery being killed and Tommen committing suicide, but all that’s going to lead to Cersei’s ultimate destruction, which’ll be be so delightful to see (even Jaime’s pissed at her now!).  I have to say though, it looks as though everything’s come full circle with Jon becoming king, Tyrion becoming Hand of the Queen, Cersei ruling the Seven Kingdoms, Dany sailing to Westeros and winter finally arriving.  That may very well mean that season seven will indeed be the last season.  If it is…I’ll be sad to see the show go, but I know it’ll give us a final season we won’t forget!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Winds of Winter”?  Was it a great season finale, or was it disappointing?  What blew your mind?  Do you have something to add to the list?  Give me your thoughts!

 

 

 

“The Broken Man” – Recap and Review

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This past episode of “Game of Thrones” was chock full of surprises!  Let’s do this!

A Beautiful Meadow With Nice, Happy Church Folk (Before the Opening Credits…huh?)

Yeah, you read that right.  I never remember any new scenes being shown before the opening credits, but this week, the show begins with happy, shiny people not holding hands, but building what appears to be a church steeple.  The equally happy, shiny leader is Ian McShane, aka The Guy That’s In Everything.  It’s true.  He was in Pirates of the Caribbean:  On Stranger Tides, Hercules, Snow White and the Huntsman…this dude is in everything!  As the camera shows groups of men carrying large logs of wood to be added to the steeple, we see one large, burly man carrying a log all by himself.  He drops the log and camera pans upward to reveal…The Hound!  The Hound is back, baby!

Then the opening credits start.  Dun-dun-du-du-dun-dun-du-du-dun-dun…

The story goes back to all the happy, shiny people…and The Hound.  It turns out Ian McShane is a priest (a Septon) and he found The Hound near dead.  Ian McShane was planning to give him a proper burial, but before the priest could put the big guy in the ground, he coughed, and here we are.  Turns out Ian McShane is a cool priest a la Father Bobby in Sleepers (shout out to Robert DeNiro), and can’t resist ribbin’ The Hound a little bit when he finds out that it was actually a woman that took the big man out.  Later, they have a spiritual conversation, where Father McShane (that’s what I’m gonna call him) admits that he doesn’t know everything about the gods, but he knows that there’s something greater out there and whatever it is has a plan for The Hound.  The Hound asks if the gods are real, then why hasn’t he been punished yet?  Father McShane tells him that he has been punished.

King’s Landing

Margaery is in the Sept, reading from the bible when The High Sparrow walks in.  On a side note, her hair looks blonder (is that a word?) in this episode.  Anyway, The High Sparrow starts asking why Margaery and Tommen aren’t bumpin’ and grindin’ like they used to.  Margaery tells him that she doesn’t have the desire to.  After all, that kid is like what?  16?  I feel like I’m about to get a visit from the folks at “Dateline NBC” every time I see the two of them together.  The High Sparrow tells her that she has a duty to her husband and her country, and the king must have an heir so “their good work” can continue.  He then tells her that she’s made a lot of progress, and he only wishes her grandmother would make the same progress…or else.  Later that day, Margaery meets with Granny Tyrell with Septa Unella, the psychotic nun.  Granny Tyrell is pissed that Septa Unella is hanging on to their every word, but Margaery won’t send her away.  BTW, I love Granny’s comments about Unella, “Can it move or talk?”  Granny’s also pissed that Margaery seems to be content with Loras still being locked up and being the new poster girl for The Seven.  She tries to make Margaery go back to Highgarden, but she refuses, and instead, Margaery pleads for her grandmother to go back home.  She slips a piece of paper in her grandmother’s hand and warns her, “Go home.”  Granny understands completely at that point.  They say their goodbyes, and when Granny goes outside, she looks at the piece of paper.  It has a rose (the Tyrell symbol) drawn on it.  It’s enough to put a smile on Granny Tyrell’s face.  Margaery’s playing them, and this ain’t over.

Somewhere in The North

Jon, Sansa, Tormund and Ser Davos meet up with the Wildlings to get them to fight in The Bastard Bowl (yep, The Bastard Bowl).  They don’t wanna do it; they promised they’d help Jon fight the White Walkers, not psychos that would make Ted Bundy shake his head.  Tormund reminds them that Jon literally gave his life for them, and if they don’t fight for him, they’re all cowards.  Wun Wun the Giant (I think that’s his name) stands up for Jon, and the others follow.  That’s a point for the Starks!

King’s Landing…The Land of Shade

Cersei approaches Granny Tyrell about leaving King’s Landing, and asks if she’ll really leave her grandson in a cell.  Granny reminds Cersei that it’s her fault that Loras is rotting in a cell, and it’s her fault that The High Sparrow rose to power.  Cersei actually accepts responsibility and admits it’s her fault all this has happened.  She says her stupid decision haunts her every day, to which Granny replies, “Good.”  Cersei practically begs Granny for help, but Granny remembers that signature smirk Cersei had on her face when Loras and Margaery were taken away, and she refuses to lift a finger for her ratchet ass.  Granny tells her that she’s leaving for Highgarden, and if Cersei had any sense (which she doesn’t), she’ll do the same.  Cersei refuses to leave Tommen.  Granny reminds Cersei that she has no support in King’s Landing anymore, and it’s the only joy she can hold to in all this misery.  Every dark cloud has a silver lining.

Riverrun

Jaime and Bronn (Bronn’s back!) arrive in Riverrun, and see the Frey army’s piss poor attempt at trying to take the castle back.  Frey’s son and the other men are threatening to cut Lord Edmure’s throat if the Blackfish doesn’t surrender.  The Blackfish is basically like…

Look at All the Fucks I Give

Jaime can’t stand looking at these fools bumble around anymore and takes over the siege.  He also demands that Lord Edmure be cleaned and fed (Black Jack looks a hot ass mess).  One of the idiots tries to back talk to Jaime, but he quickly get bitchslapped with Jaime’s metal hand.  Ouch!  Jaime tells Bronn to get word to The Blackfish for a parley.

Bear Island

Jon, Sansa and Ser Davos meet up with Lady Lyanna, the head of House Mormont, and let me tell you…Lady Lyanna needs a belt to her behind.  The internet is lovin’ her, and I have to say, she’s much stronger than Tommen and Robyn, and smarter, too.  However, she’s a nasty little thing and could use a swift kick in her rump!  When Jon and Sansa ask her for help (all while making the mistake of trying to appeal to her as a child), the 10 year old quickly shuts them down, and uses a considerable amount of shade to do so, especially with Sansa, “Lady Sansa is a Bolton…or are you a Lannister?  I’ve heard conflicting reports.”  Ser Davos steps up to speak, and as we all know, he’s always had a way with children…even the difficult ones.  He tells her about the White Walkers coming, and how all the houses have to band together to fight them.  Lyanna finally agrees and allows Jon to use her soldiers…all 62 of them.  Massive.  Another point for the Starks (sort of).

Riverrun (Another Land of Shade)

Jaime and The Blackfish have their parley.  Jaime threatens to kill Edmure if The Blackfish doesn’t surrender, blah, blah, blah.  The Blackfish knows that Edmure’s dead either way, and he refuses.  Jaime tells him if he surrenders now, his men will be spared.  The Blackfish tells Jaime that he was born at that castle and will die there if need be.  Jaime asks why The Blackfish wanted to parley in the first place, seeing that he has no interest in negotiating.  The Blackfish says he wanted to measure Jaime up in person…and he’s disappointed.  BUUUUURRRRNNNNNN!

House Glover (Suck Castle)

Lord Glover refuses to fight for the Starks due to The Boltons helping him take his house back from The Ironborn.  Jon tries to reason with him, but the minute ol’ boy finds out that The Wildlings are fighting alongside The Starks, he wants nothing to do with the takeover.  Sansa reminds Lord Glover that his house pledged loyalty to House Stark.  He tells Sansa that when the Ironborn took over his house, Robb was too busy getting himself killed to protect his family.  His loyalty to House Stark died with Robb.  Interception.  The Starks lose a point.

Whore Island

Theon and Yara are on some unnamed island full of hoes.  Yara is havin’ a fine old time (yep, she’s a lesbian, or bisexual at the very least.  Seems a bit stereotypical if you ask me), whereas Theon is nervous around all the naked women.  In true Ironborn fashion, Yara makes it clear that she’s sick of Theon’s PTSD and makes him drink a mug full of ale to toughen him up.  She also reveals their plan:  they’re going to Meereen to make a pact with Dany to take back the Iron Islands and overthrow their evil ass uncle.  However, Yara needs the old Theon, not traumatized Theon (she also tells him that if he’s too broken to be himself again, he should slit his wrists.  Man, there’s no love for the mentally distressed with the Ironborn!).  Yara asks if he’s with him.  Theon looks up at Yara with a newfound confidence and nods.  In a show of compassion, Yara gives him a kiss on the forehead, and proceeds to go bang a ho, leaving Theon alone at the table.

Punk Ass Stannis’ Old Camp

Davos, Jon and Sansa arrive at Stannis’ old camp in the North.  Davos says it’s the perfect place due to the surrounding mountains, but Jon announces that he’s not staying there long, just in case a storm hits.  When Davos leaves the siblings to attend to some mess going down with the soldiers, Sansa lets it be known that she doesn’t exactly trust Davos, and that they need more men to take Winterfell.  Jon reminds Sansa that Davos is the reason he’s alive and that he served Stannis for years.  Sansa reminds Jon that Stannis was an asshole that lost Blackwater and later, his own head.  Jon tells her there’s no more time to get more men, and they have to make due with what they have.  Sansa secures a raven and sends a message to someone for further assistance.  I really hope it’s not who folks on the net think it is…

Back at the Beautiful Meadow…

Father McShane and the other happy people (and The Hound) are having a bible study (or maybe just plain church), where the priest speaks on his wrong doings before he became saved and sanctified.  He mentions that it’s never to late to stop robbing or killing people, and it’s never too late to start helping people.  The Hound appears to take the sermon in.  Then, up rides some folks that don’t look too friendly.  They ask for horses, but Father McShane tells them they have no horses or riches.  They ask for food, and Father McShane invites them for supper.  They ride off, but not before saying, “The night is dark and full of terrors.”  Afterwards, The Hound berates the priest for not being more wary of the men.  Father McShane says that fighting them wouldn’t be the answer, and besides, he’s done with fighting.  He feels that violence is a disease that shouldn’t be spread.  He invites The Hound to stop working and get some supper.  The Hound continues chopping wood, since it’s supposed to be a cold night.

Braavos

Arya comes across a Westerosi man and promises him two bags of coins for passage on his ship back to Westeros.  He agrees, and Arya walks off.  She reaches a bridge and takes a look at the city.  An old woman approaches her saying, “Sweet girl?”  Once Arya turns around the woman slices her across the abdomen and stabs her twice in the stomach.  She takes off her mask to reveal that she’s actually the blonde heffa.  Arya head butts the witch and jumps in the water.  The heffa looks over the side of the bridge to see if a body floats up, but it never does.  The blonde heffa looks pleased with herself and leaves.  Dummy.  Arya swims back to the surface, and walks through the city, badly wounded.  She’s scared out of her mind, as she clearly can’t trust anyone.  Any one of the people may be a Faceless Man…

The Not-So-Beautiful Meadow

The Hound finally finishes chopping wood when he hears a scream.  He comes back to the meadow to find everyone massacred.  The men, the women, the children…everyone.  Worse yet, he sees Father McShane hanging by his neck from the unfinished steeple.  The Hound grabs a nearby ax, and goes off in search of those three fools.

Mike - S Just Got Real

And that, my friends, is how the story ends.

This episode was great, as usual, and I loved seeing The Hound’s return.  I can’t wait to see what he does to those three guys.  However, there was something that really disappointed me this week…Arya.  My girl is way too smart to do something that dumb.  You know you’re on the run from assassins that can disguise themselves as anyone and everyone, and you actually walk out in the open?  Then you don’t get suspicious of a random old lady that walks up to you?  Come on!  I’m a bit disappointed in Sansa too, if she did what we all think she did.  She took two steps forward this season, but if she sent that raven to the person we think she sent it to, she basically took ten steps back.  A minuscule gripe that I had this week is that Tyrion and Dany were absent from this episode, and this is actually the second time in a row that Tyrion didn’t make an appearance.  The previews show that he’ll be back next week, though (yay!).  Another cool thing that happens next week is that Jaime and Brienne meet each other again…only this time, they’re rivals!  I’m anxious to see what Arya’s next move is (even though she ticked me off.  Even I knew that old woman was the blonde heffa in disguise!), as well as Margaery’s.  I’m also curious to see if Theon really is the old Theon.  If modern psychology has taught us anything, PTSD and even acute trauma isn’t gone over night, and Yara isn’t exactly the type to sit down and listen to Theon discuss his fears.  Hell, she suggested he should commit suicide!  Lord willin’, I’ll give you guys another recap next week!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did you think about “The Broken Man”?  Did you like seeing The Hound again?  How do you feel about Riverrun?  Do you think Jaime and Bronn will take it?  What about Sansa?  Do you think she sent that raven to you-know-who?  Did you know all along that Margaery was playin’ The High Sparrow, or did you have some doubts like I did?  Did you think Arya taking in the city while she was on the run was a horrible idea?  Will Theon be himself again?  Also, did you miss Tyrion, too?  Give me your thoughts!

“Blood of My Blood” – Recap and Review

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DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK!  Well actually, I do have to call a lot of these characters’ appearances in this episode comebacks because there’s so damn many of them, and we haven’t seen these folks in ages!  Let’s hop to it!

Somewhere in the North

Poor Meera is dragging Bran in the snow, and slowly losing the strength to do it.  Bran is still warged out, seeing images of him falling from the tower, the Mad King ordering folks to be burned, young Ned Stark, Robb being killed, Leaf creating the White Walkers, all that good stuff (or should I say, nightmarish stuff?).  In the meantime, the wights are gaining on them.  Meera can’t go any further and stops.  Bran finally comes out of his trance, and lets Meera know that the wights have caught up to them.  Sure enough Meera sees them and shields Bran, apologizing.  Then, a man who looks a lot like the angel of death, kills all the wights with fire and a sickle.  He orders Meera and Bran to come with him, as more of the wights will return.  Naturally, they go with him and they ride off.

On the Way to Sam’s House

Sam is nervously chatting about his home, and Gilly senses his anxiety.  He tells her about how nasty his father was to him and advises her to tell the family that little Sam (who’s growing like a weed!) is really his, so his dad will take her and the baby in.  Gilly asks what Sam told the family about her.  Sam only told them that he met her up north, but he never said how far north.  He never mentioned she was a wildling, and Sam advises not to even bring the subject up.  When they get to Sam’s House (which rivals the Red Keep…Sam’s folks have money!), they meet up with Sam’s mother and sister, both of which are very sweet.  Sam’s sister even hooks Gilly up with a dress for dinner.  Too bad the shit hits the fan later.

King’s Landing

The time has come for Margaery’s Walk of Atonement, and Tommen’s extremely nervous for her.  The High Sparrow puts his mind at ease and even allows him to see Margaery.  It’s made clear that Tommen has been completely taken in by The High Sparrow, and Margaery appears to be, too…emphasis on appears.  Margaery goes on about how The High Sparrow has opened up her mind and all that jazz, and Tommen just eats it all up like Barney Rubble sittin’ in front of a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

Sam’s House (Douchebag Hall)

It’s dinner time, and Sam’s dad and brother have returned from their hunt.  The once happy reunion has now become so tense, you could cut it with a knife.  All Daddy can do is stare at Sam and Gilly in contempt.  Sam’s uppity brother doesn’t have too much to say either, until Sam initiates small talk.  Sam’s mother offers bread and when he accepts, his dad decides to speak…to criticize his weight.  He then goes on to criticize the fact that Sam is studying to be a maester, and tells him he’s not a real man, since he’s got his nose stuck in books instead of fighting and killing people, because intelligence is the enemy!  Yeah, you’re definitely gettin’ the Father of the Year award.  When he starts going on about how Sam’s probably couldn’t wield a sword, Gilly promptly lets him know that Sam killed a Thenn and a White Walker.  Sam’s know-it-all brother says there’s no such thing as White Walkers.  Gilly lets him know that they do exist and Sam killed one up close and personal.  She even tells them that he’s a greater warrior than either one of them.  BUUUUURRRNNNNN!  The sweet feeling of seeing Gilly tell these fools off is short lived, however.  She mentioned in her rant that they were north of The Wall when they encountered the White Walkers.  Daddy caught that statement and realized that Gilly was a Wildling.  He goes on and on about how Sam’s a disgrace and he won’t inherit their family sword, blah, blah, blah.  He exiles Sam from the house and tells him that Gilly can stay on as the kitchenmaid, and they’ll raise “the bastard.”  After dinner, Sam apologizes to Gilly for his father’s abominable behavior, and she let’s him know that she’s not mad at him.  She’s angry that awful people can treat good people badly and get away with it.  Sam says goodbye to Gilly and leaves the room…and comes right back to get his girl and his baby.  You go, boy!  To make the scene even better, before Sam leaves, he goes in the dining hall and steals the old man’s sword.  That’s gangsta.

Like a Boss

Braavos

The Artist Formerly Known as Arya is watchin’ this blame play again.  This time, they’re depicting The Purple Wedding, and once again, they’re gettin’ shit wrong.  I read something on You Tube’s comments section that definitely rang true about this Braavosi take on Westerosi royalty.  A commentator basically pointed out that with the exception of Sansa and Robert Baratheon, all the characters’ traits are pretty mixed up.  Cersei is seen as loving and kind.  Joffrey is portrayed as a well meaning ruler, who always treats people with respect.  Tyrion is a greedy, menacing and conniving man, only caring about his own selfish needs.  And Ned, of course, is played as a complete idiot that actually wanted to take the throne for himself.  I know it’s all fiction, but their depiction of events astounds me.  They couldn’t be more wrong.  Anyway, Arya is really getting a kick out of Joffrey’s death scene, but she’s visibly moved by the actress’ portrayal of Cersei.  After the performance, she goes backstage to poison the actress’ whiskey.  The actress sees Arya backstage and asks her about her interest in the theatre, seeing as she’s seen her in the audience.  As they speak, Arya sees that the actress is indeed a kind woman, and she praises her performance.  Arya leaves, and the actress is about to drink her poisoned whiskey, all the while being ridiculed by the other performers for proposing Arya’s idea on how to make Cersei’s last speech more realistic.  Just when she’s about to drink the liquor, Arya knocks it out of her hand and tells her that the young actress in the troupe is plotting to have her killed.  She leaves again, but is seen by that damn blonde heffa!

The blonde heffa goes back to snitch on Arya to Jaqen H’ghar (who’s cutting off a dude’s face!  I always knew they cut off the dead folks’ faces, but I don’t wanna see that shit!), just beggin’ to kill Arya.  Jaqen gives her the go ahead, but informs her not to make Arya suffer.  The blonde witch practically skips off in glee.  I have a feeling she’ll go back on her word.  Arya goes to the place where she hid her sword, Needle, and retrieves it, getting ready for the ensuing battle.  A girl may be a cold blooded killer, but only when people are evil and cruel.  Decent people deserve a chance to live.  Hence, Arya Stark is Arya Stark once again.

King’s Landing…Or Should I Say, Jonestown?

The troops have assembled on the streets, and Margaery’s dad gives the weakest battle speech in the history of the world.  The second Margaery’s Walk of Atonement is about to start, Jaime and the troops march up to The Sept, along with Granny Tyrell.  Jaime threatens to kill The Sparrows if Margaery isn’t released.  The High Sparrow claims they’re all ready to die, but there’s no need to fight.  The Walk of Atonement has been cancelled thanks to Margaery bringing another person into the faith.  And who shows up as the new poster boy for The Seven?  Tommen.  Oh yes, The High Sparrow is playing him like a fiddle.  Now this man pretty much has absolute power, a fact that Granny Tyrell actually has to explain to her son (this guy must be adopted).  To add insult to injury, Tommen fires Jaime from the Kingsguard for going against The High Septon.  Wow.  On a side note, now that The High Sparrow is more powerful than the king, can he at least take a bath?  Their scriptures say you have to be humble, not filthy.

Walder Frey’s House (Jeffrey Dahmer’s Wet Dream)

Walder Frey’s evil ass is back, and he’s pissed that Sansa’s great uncle has taken Riverrun over again.  He’s whining to his son about taking the castle back, but his son and the other men are saying they don’t have the manpower to do so, nor the leverage.  He tells them to show the Blackfish the weapons they used to kill Robb, Catelyn and Talisa as leverage, and if that doesn’t work, they have a further bargaining chip…  That’s when they bring out Edmure Tully, who’s apparently been locked up all this time in Frey’s dungeon.  By the way, Edmure is played by none other than Tobias Menzies, who also plays Frank/Black Jack Randall in “Outlander”!  He’s great in that show (check my recaps/reviews on “Outlander” if you’re interested).  Anyway, Frey let’s Edmure know that he’s “going home.”  I don’t see this ending well for him.

Flowers In the King’s Landing Attic

Jaime tells Cersei about him getting fired by Tommen and how he’s been reassigned to take back Riverrun.  Damn, everyone’s after this damn castle, aren’t they?  Cersei reminds him that being reassigned is better than being in the Sept dungeon.  Jaime would rather kill The High Sparrow for corrupting Tommen and humiliating Cersei, but Cersei tells him to be patient and go ahead and take the castle back.  Jaime doesn’t want to leave her alone when she’s on trial, but Cersei lets him know that it’s going to be a trial by combat, and she has The Mountain.  I remember the last time The Mountain participated in a trial by combat.  It wasn’t pretty.  Cersei goes on to tell him that in time, their enemies will see just how powerful they are (if that show at the Sept was any demonstration, y’all really need to get your shit together).  Then Jaime and Cersei start making out.  It would be touching and romantic…if they weren’t brother and sister.

Okay

A Forest With Lots of Snow

Meera watches her and Bran’s newfound savior fill up a cup with animal blood (ill!) and asks why he helped them.  He answers that The Three Eyed Raven sent for him.  When Meera tells him that The Three Eyed Raven is dead, he tells her that now he lives again.  Bran wakes up from one of his freaky-deaky dreams, and the mysterious man says the last time he saw Bran, he was a little boy.  Bran asks who he is, and he takes off the hood and scarf covering his face, revealing himself.  It’s Benjen Stark!  And he looks half-dead!  Hey, I thought he was all the way dead!  Turns out that Benjen was attacked by the White Walkers and almost made into one, but The Children (Leaf’s people) found him and shoved some dragonglass into his heart to stop the process, hence the reason he looks slightly zombiefied.  He tells Bran that he has to learn how to control his power before the Night King comes, and he gives him the blood to drink (gross!).  Benjen says that one day, the king will encounter the humans, and Bran will be ready when that time comes.

Somewhere In the Desert

Dany and Daario are riding along with the Dothraki when she asks him how many ships it would take for all of them and the Unsullied to sail to Westeros.  Daario estimates it would be about one thousand.  He also comments that she’s a conqueror, not just a queen.  She appears flattered, but she still has every intention of taking the Seven Kingdoms.  She makes the horde stop and wait for her as she rides off.  Some time passes, and Daario is about to go looking for her, when a large shadow looms over their heads.  It’s Drogon, and that bad boy has gotten even bigger!  When he lands, we see Dany mounting him.  She tells everyone that the khals would always choose three bloodriders to fight alongside them, but she is no khal, and wants all the Dothraki to fight with her.  She asks them if they will ride with her across the sea and help her conquer the Seven Kingdoms just as Khal Drogo promised he would.  They wholeheartedly stand by her and cheer.  Even Daario is moved, and Drogon lets out a battle cry.  Take a lesson, Daddy Tyrell.  That’s how you give a war speech.

Once again, this episode did not disappoint, and it was great to see all the faces, good and evil alike.  I always wondered what happened to Benjen and Edmure, and now a piece of the puzzle has been solved.  That’s one cool thing about this season:  it’s answering questions that we as the audience have always had.  We even got to see whether or not Sam’s dad is the bastard he always said he was, and it turns out the dude is much worse!  My only gripe with this episode was that Tyrion was missing, and no, fake Tyrion playing a murderous asshole in a wack play is not a substitute.  Another point…this didn’t bother me, but I couldn’t help but notice that for the first time ever I believe (excluding the very first episode), we didn’t visit The Wall.  That tripped me out a little, considering that nearly every episode this season opens up with The Wall.  Despite all that, this episode was fantastic, and now I’m really excited to see Arya’s showdown with that blonde heffa.  Man, I hope Arya skewers her.

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Blood of My Blood?”  Was it another great episode of “Game of Thrones,” or do you think it was weak as all get out?  Do you think Arya will survive the blonde heffa’s wrath?  Did you miss Tyrion this episode?  What did you think about Sam’s father?  Were you happy to see Walder Frey, Benjen and Edmure again?  Which war speech did you prefer:  Lord Tyrell’s or Dany’s?  Also, do you feel like Margaery is playing a game, or do you think she really has embraced the faith?  What do you think about Tommen being manipulated?  Give me your thoughts!