Arya Loses It, and Winterfell Is Racist (Plus Other Stuff That Blew My Mind)!

Hey, y’all!  Just wanted to talk about some of the things that blew my mind on last week’s episode (Apr. 21, 2019) of Game of Thrones before The Battle of Winterfell officially begins tonight.  Man, I’m dreading the possibility of losing some of my favorite people.

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Yeah, I know I’m late, but let’s face it…I’m always late (except for my Avengers:  Endgame review.  I had to hurry up and release my frustration and anger with that one).   Anyway, let’s do this!

Y’all Sure This is the North?  It Feels More Like the Deep South!

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When the Dragon Crew rode into The North during the premiere episode, Dany and her people received some strange looks from the Northerners—some dirty, some in awe.  However, when Missandei and her boo Grey Worm rode in, all they got were nasty stare downs.  Now, I noticed the hostile reaction the two of them acquired right off the bat.  As a matter of fact, it was a bit reminiscent of this scene:

However, being the optimist I am, I tried to give the Northerners the benefit of the doubt and deduce that they were just unwelcoming to strangers.  But, last week, Missandei walked up to two children to tell them hello, and those jokers took one look at her and scurried off like roaches when the lights come on!  I’m sorry…it feels like Winterfell is a bit racist.  Just sayin’.  The Northerners’ rude behavior wasn’t lost upon Grey Worm, and he offered Missandei the chance to run away with him when the fighting is over.  Missandei said she’d love to go to Naath with him and make love on the sand (okay, that’s a slight exaggeration).  I really hope Grey Worm lives.

Theon and Sansa Might Have a Love Connection…If He Survives

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So, while Sansa and Dany were trying their best to have a sisterly moment—which ended up in failure—Theon returned to Winterfell and declared that he would fight for them against the Night King and his army, sealing his loyalty to her and her house.  Dany was somewhat shocked to hear that, I noticed.  Sansa was so overcome with emotion, that she ran up and hugged him, and it felt like more than just a brother/sister type thing.  Later that night, Theon and Sansa were sitting outside and exchanging some longing looks.  Hmmm…  This could be interesting…  I really hope Theon lives.

Brienne Is Made a Knight!

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Before The Night King and his crew make their official entrance, Tyrion, Jaime, Tormund, Ser Davos, Brienne, and Podrick decide to sit up until 3:00 AM and get drunk, because…reasons.  Someone brought up the subject of Brienne being a knight, and she confessed that she was never knighted.  Tormund said her that if he were a king, he’d knight her 10 times over (he’s so cute), and Jaime informed him that it doesn’t take a king to knight someone, just another knight.  He then proved it by knighting her himself, thus making her Ser Brienne of Tarth.  Tormund gave Brienne a standing O for that (ovation; get your head out the gutter), as did Tyrion.  I really hope they all live.

Jon Fessed Up To Dany!

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During the season premiere, Bran convinced Sam to tell Jon the truth about his true parentage.  Considering that Dany just admitted to Sam that she killed all the male members of his family, Sam didn’t have too much issue letting Jon know that he was the true heir of the Iron Throne.  Jon spent last week’s episode aloof towards Dany, and she noticed it.  Of course, we all knew the reason behind Jon’s indifferent attitude.  Towards the end of the episode, Dany caught Jon in the crypt looking at his birth mother’s grave, and he admitted to her that he is actually Aegon Targaryen, son of Rhaegal Targaryen and Lyanna Stark.  Dany wasn’t happy to hear the news, naturally.  What kills me about all this is that no one seems to be concerned with the fact that Jon was hookin’ up with his auntie.

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I would say that I hope Jon and Dany live, but I’m 100% sure that they will.  I’d bet my wrestling DVD’s on it.

Last But Not Least…Arya Gets Some!

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Let me just say, I’ve wanted Arya and Gendry to get together ever since they met.  I thought they’d make a cute couple, and last week, it looked like my wish was granted.  It turned out to be a lot more than I bargained for.  Once Arya learned that the White Walkers would be at Winterfall sometime before dawn, she decided to use her possible last hours fulfilling a dream.  It turns out her dream was to lose her virginity, and who else to do it with than the guy she’s had a little crush on all these years (I don’t care what you say; she was crushin’ on him).  So, she retrieved the weapon that she had Gendry make for her, and asked him (or should I say, demanded him) to use his other weapon on her.

Now, I have to say, I always figured that Arya and Gendry would eventually hook up via a first kiss or something like that.  In this scene, Arya went all out—and I mean all out.  This scene really made me and a few other viewers extremely uncomfortable (Arya was trending on Twitter for nearly two days after this episode aired).  So much so, that when she started stripping naked, I turned my head until the scene was over.  Yeah, I realize that on the show, Arya is about 18 and in real life, Maisie Williams is 22, but I still remember Arya when she looked like this:

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It’s like watching your kids grow up and do something like this on prom night.  Nope!  I do have to agree with what my boy Jeremy Jahns said about this situation, though.  We can watch Arya murder countless people with no problem, but when it comes to watching her lose her virginity, that’s too doggone awkward!  Either way, I really hope Arya and Gendry live.  That way, she can confirm whether or not she enjoyed herself.  After seeing the stoic look on her face afterwards, we all had questions about that, too.  😃😃

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about last week’s episode of Game of Thrones?  Are you psyched for this week’s episode?  What scenes from last week blew your mind?  Let me know in the comments section!

 

 

Cersei Lannister Is a Damn Fool!

What’s poppin’, y’all?  After a long and tortuous year and a half wait, the finale season of Game of Thrones premiered on HBO two Sundays ago (Apr. 14, 2019), and I was here for it!  Normally, I post a recap and review about the show, but I’m extremely late as all hell, and I’m sure you’ve all peeped the season premiere by this point.  So instead of my usual post, I’m gonna touch on a subject that really made my head spin last week.  It’s wasn’t Bran waiting in the freezing cold all night to see Jaime and it wasn’t Jon making out with his auntie while Drogon gave him a menacing stare.  It was Cersei Lannister’s dumb ass.

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As I’m sure you all are aware, last season, Jon, Dany, Tyrion and the rest of The Dragon Crew (that’s my new name for the folks on Dany’s side) traveled to King’s Landing and showed Cersei an actual wight.  “Wight” is the official name for those decaying zombies that make up the Night King’s army, in case you’re wondering.  Even though Cersei saw a rotten zombie with her own two eyes and clearly heard Jon and Dany say that hundreds upon thousands of those things are heading south, she opts not to use her common sense and decides to betray Jon and Dany by having that nutbag Euron Greyjoy employ extra soldiers from The Golden Company to take out The Dragon Crew.

Thus, bringing us to the present.  Euron’s nutty ass returns with The Golden Company and Cersei is whining because she hoped with all her heart and soul that they’d bring elephants, because that’s smart.  After all, a land dwelling elephant will make quick work out of flying, fire breathing dragons.  Yeah.

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When Cersei questions why she wasn’t given the elephants she was promised, the army captain tells her what everyone with actual intelligence already knew:  it was impossible to transport the elephants across the sea.  I mean, it’s not like there were any trains or airplanes to transport the doggone animals back then.

After the captain exits, Euron Greyjoy’s horny ass starts coercing Cersei into some personal time.  Cersei rebuffs him, and Euron starts whining.  Cersei replies to his griping with this now epic line:

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Now, before we start high fivin’ Cersei and giving her props for women’s empowerment, she soon remembers that 1) she hasn’t had any in a while, 2) Jaime’s gone, and her source for regular dick has gone with him, and 3) she has a bun in the oven and has to place the blame on somebody other than Jaime, considering that regardless of the fact that she’s the queen of the seven kingdoms, folks tend to frown on incest.  With all that being said, Cersei—somewhat reluctantly—gives up the booty.

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After she and Euron do the do, Cersei is still whining about those damn elephants.  Euron, on the other hand, can’t stop bragging and asking Cersei if he was the best she ever had.  Fool, if you have to ask, you probably sucked.   Cersei doesn’t indulge him, but she doesn’t wound his ego, either.  Before Euron leaves, he swears down he’s going to put a prince in her belly, and you can literally see the damn creaky ass wheels turning in Cersei’s head.  Lord, have mercy.

Allow me to reiterate what I said in the title of this post:  Cersei Lannister is a damn fool.  It’s a wonder she survived this long.  I honestly believe that if it wasn’t for Tywin and Jaime (and to a certain degree, Tyrion), she would’ve dug her own hole a long time ago.  First of all, like Jaime told your simple ass last season, you not helping the North fight the Night Walkers is a lose-lose situation.  Either the Northerners win and kill you for your betrayal—and Dany (or Jon) still takes the Iron Throne in the process—or the Night Walkers win, continue their campaign further south and kill everyone in King’s Landing, thus making the damn Night King the King of the Seven Kingdoms (try saying that five times fast).

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Second of all, Dany may have lost Viserion, but she still has Drogon and Rhaegal, two full grown, fire breathing, flying dragons.  You honestly think some Barnum and Bailey elephants can really do something on land?  I seriously doubt it, Dumbo.

Third, don’t give an epic speech about Euron having to earn a queen and then spread ’em like peanut butter five minutes later because you wanna play the okey doke with another man, pretending he’s the father of your unborn child, when everyone knows it belongs to you doggone brother (which is gross enough).  Dang, not only is Cersei stupid as hell, she’s a nasty ho!

Unfortunately for Cersei, Tywin and Jamie are both gone, and she’s completely exposed.  I just hope that Cersei isn’t stupid enough to think that Euron’s crazy, non-stop-dick-joke-tellin’ ass is gonna protect her, because he won’t.  If anything, that guy’s out for himself.  But anyone with half a doggone brain could see that.  Then again, we’re talking about Cersei.

With all that being said, I’m just gonna close this post out with the perfect GIF, dedicated to Queen Cersei:

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—-Written by Nadiya

So, do you think Cersei will win the game of thrones?  If so, why (because I really need to hear this)?  Let me know in the comments section!

 

Top 10 ‘Game of Thrones’ Psychos

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What’s poppin’, y’all?  I know Game of Thrones‘ sixth season has ended, but I’m quite sure some of y’all have been going through withdrawals.  With that being said, I decided to do a Game of Thrones Top 10 list, and what better way to do it than to name off the top 10 psychos on the show!  I mean, let’s face it, a lot of the characters on Game of Thrones aren’t particularly balanced.  Let’s hop to it!  By the way…do y’all like my house sigil?

10.  Sandor “The Hound” Clegane

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I know what y’all are thinkin’, “What’s The Hound doing on this list?”  Now I know that all of y’all love The Hound; I love him, too.  However, you have to admit that he’s a bit psychotic.  I can see why, though.  If my brother burned half my face for playing with one of his favorite toys, I’d be a bit off myself.  Yes, deep down The Hound is a good man, but he actually enjoys killing.  Remember when he told either Sansa or Arya (I can’t remember which one it was) that killing was the most wonderful thing in the world and that Ned enjoyed it, too?  Every time I watched Ned—or even Jon—kill someone, it was a necessary evil, but they got no enjoyment from it.  Only The Hound finds glee in murder.  Unless it’s folks gettin’ burned to death, of course.

9.  Euron Greyjoy

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That’s right, number nine is the king of the Iron Islands and the king of dick jokes himself, Euron Greyjoy!  It’s true that he just joined the cast this season, but right out of the gate, he proved himself to be an A1 nut!  First he killed his brother, proved himself to be obsessed with Theon’s no-longer-existing dick, and then uttered his famous phrase, “Where’s my niece and nephew?  Let’s go murder them!”  Cu-koo!

8.  Walder Frey

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He flirts with chicks young enough to be his granddaughters, he murders entire families at social functions, and always appears to be constipated!  The number eight spot goes to none other than ratchet ass Walder Frey!  Anyone that can watch folks get slaughtered at a wedding and get years of enjoyment from it (not to mention the fact that he imprisoned his son-in-law for God knows how many years after the massacre) is a pure psycho!

7.  Cersei Lannister

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Cersei was always a bitch, but she crossed into pure psychotic territory during the sixth season finale.  When a monarch commits mass genocide (and let’s not forget, she blew up a church!) in her own kingdom and smiles with joy, it proves that she isn’t playing with a full deck.  Plus, there were her past deeds:  trying to kill Tyrion, sleeping with Jaime (ill!), not caring when Jaime pushed Bran out the window, etc.  Hell, in the books, she murdered one of her close friends because the latter had a crush on Jaime!  With an ally like her, who needs enemies?

6.  Ellaria Sand and the Sand Snakes

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These ladies are so hellbent on revenge, they don’t care who they take out to get it, and if you’re not with them, you’re damn sure against them.  I get Ellaria and the crew being pissed at Cersei, but why kill Myrcella?  She was completely innocent!  Why kill Prince Doran and his son for (wisely) not wanting to wage war?  Let’s not forget how the youngest Sand Snake (her name escapes me) poisoned Bronn just for shits and giggles.  A family full of fools, indeed.

5.  Meryn Trant

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Meryn Trant was an arrogant, murderous pedophiliac who got his rocks off on following Joffrey’s sick orders and beating up little girls under the age of 14.  I cheered out loud when Arya messed his ass up.  Talk about just desserts!  The only reason this dude isn’t higher on the list because there’s much, much worse people on Game of Thrones.  You have to have a strong will and thick skin to enjoy this show.

4.  Lysa Arryn

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Lord, have mercy.  Lysa Arryn was the epitome of batshit crazy.  Considering that she’s the one that poisoned her husband and sent that letter to Ned Stark implicating the Lannisters for his murder, it’s possible to say that her actions put all the horrible events in the show into motion (Ned wouldn’t have gone to King’s Landing if the former Hand of the King—Lysa’s husband—hadn’t been murdered).  Some of Lysa’s favorite pastimes included dropping people to their death (which makes it fitting that she was killed the same way), obsessing over Littlefinger, and allowing her nine year old son to be breastfed.  Did I mention that she was a horrible parent, too?  Lysa was single-handedly responsible for raising the most spoiled and useless child on the face of the Earth, and I’ve seen some bad ones, boo.

3.  Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane

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The Hound made it on to the list, but his big brother, The Mountain, is waaaaaaay crazier than he is.  As I said earlier, The Mountain is basically the reason The Hound is on this list in the first place.  Much like Meryn Trant, he found joy in carrying out The Lannisters’ dirty deeds (i.e. raping and killing women and children), but he’d also go after anyone and everyone that pissed him off.  He tried to kill Loras Tyrell once for beating him fair and square during a game of joust.  And of course, there was that time he crushed Oberyn Martell’s skull (the very act that turned Ellaria and the Sand Snakes into vengeful nuts).  To add insult to injury, ever since he’s become a reanimated corpse, he’s gotten even crazier!  Smashing people’s heads, raping nuns…move over, Hannibal Lector!

2.  Joffrey Baratheon

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Now y’all know the king we all loved to hate was gonna be on this list!  Joffrey was a spoiled rotten young king that thrived on torture and humiliation.  He didn’t care who felt his wrath:  his uncle, his fianceé, his future father-in-law, innocent animals, random folks in King’s Landing, or some hoes that just wanted to show him a good time.  The very first episode of Game of Thrones I ever watched was “The Lion and the Rose” (the episode with “The Purple Wedding”), and I witnessed what an asshat Joffrey was.  I couldn’t say I was too upset—or shocked—when he was poisoned to death at the end of the episode.  Hell, I laughed out loud!

1.  Ramsay Bolton

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Real talk, if you were surprised Ramsay made the number one spot, you must be a new fan.  Ramsay is on a whole ‘nother level of insanity that even Joffrey’s spoiled, maniacal ass can’t touch.  Even Joffrey had a limit to his craziness.  Ramsay, on the other hand, had no chill.  He killed his dad, his step mother, and even his 10 minute old newborn brother!  Like Joffrey, he got off on torture, but he took it a step further than beatings and using folks for crossbow practice.  He cut off appendages and peeled the skin off people.  He raped and used psychological torture.  We have Ramsay to thank for Euron’s never ending dick jokes and for Theon being the poster child for PTSD.  What made Ramsay even scarier than Joffrey is the fact that Ramsay was actually intelligent, whereas Joffrey was a vicious idiot.  Ramsay used his insanity and mind games to his advantage, and he came out on top just about every time…until Jon beat his ass and Sansa turned him into Dog Chow.

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—Written by Nadiya

So who do think is the biggest psychopath on Game of Thrones?  Do you agree with the list?  Also, do you like my house sigil?  No, really.  Do you?  Give me your thoughts!

“Game of Thrones” Season Six Finale!!

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Okay, I know what I said earlier about losing HBO and Starz, and how I wouldn’t post any more recaps/reviews.  However, I found a way to watch last night’s season finale of “Game of Thrones” (and I actually found a way to catch up on the other episodes, as well as the other episodes of “Outlander.”  Don’t ask; it’s a long story, and we A LOT to talk about in this post).   That doggone episode was too doggone epic to not post anything about it.  So, instead of me giving my usual recap/review, I’m just going to go over the events that blew my mind and made me rethink my universe.

***WARNING:  IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED “THE WINDS OF WINTER” SEASON SIX FINALE YET, I HIGHLY SUGGEST THAT YOU STAY AWAY FROM THIS POST, BECAUSE THERE’S SPOILERS HEREIN.  YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.***

The Sept Is Gone (and the Septons, too) and the Tyrells Are No More (sort of)!

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Okay, Cersei’s trial is coming up, and instead of facing The High Sparrow’s biased and arbitrary form of justice, she carries out a plan that a lot of folks have been theorizing for quite some time now.  She learned about a cache of wildfire directly under the Sept thanks to her buddy Qyburn, had one of his “birds” empty a few of the crates near the supply and light some candles in a puddle of the stuff…and boom.

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In one swoop, she took out nearly the entire Faith Militant, including Lancel, who was lured to the bottom of the Sept by one of the “birds” when the blast went off.  The Tyrell family was also there, and got blasted to kingdom come.  By the way, Margaery was the only one that had sense enough to know something was up when she noticed that Cersei and Tommen were absent from the trial, but those idiot minions wouldn’t allow her, her brother or anyone else to leave the building.  Cersei also managed to take out Pycelle (in another location) by the hands of Qyburn’s “birds” and her uncle Kevan (he was in the Sept).  She later exacted her revenge on Septa Unella, via The Mountain.  And poor Tommen, who could only watch the 9/11 type destruction his mother caused, and knowing his wife was in that blast, promptly committed suicide.  And all this was just in the first twenty minutes.

Winter Is Finally Here (and it only took five years!)!

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While Sansa and Jon are discussing how they must trust each other and who should take over the Stark household, Sansa mentions that a raven came from the Citadel (I’m assuming that was from the nasty ass admissions director that didn’t believe Jon was the Lord Commander and the letter of recommendation he wrote for Sam was “irregular”)…a white raven.  Sansa says that means that winter is actually here.  Jon laughs and talks about how Ned always said it was coming.  Well, it’s about doggone time!  I wish winter was like that in real life.  After six more measly months, we’ll all be shivering again (yes it gets cold in the south).

The Sand Snakes and Granny Tyrell Align…and They Have Extra Help!

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Remember I said “The Tyrells Are No More (sort of)”?  There’s one Tyrell left…Oleanna aka Granny Tyrell, and she’s pissed.  Thanks to Cersei’s terrorist attack, the Tyrell name will now end with Oleanna.  She wants revenge, and she goes to Dorne to get it.  Despite the fact that Granny epically shut the younger Sand Snakes up, she and Ellaria still agree to team up, and they have another force aligning with them…

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Hell yeah.  It’s on now.  I can’t stand the Sand Snakes, but I’m loving this new alliance.

Tyrion Is Appointed Hand of the Queen!

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After Dany officially announces that she is indeed heading to Westeros in the near future and drops Daario Naharis like a bad habit, she and Tyrion have a heart to heart, where he tries to console her for dumping her lover, seeing as she had to leave him if she wants to be queen of the seven kingdoms (I can’t help but wonder if Daario got dumped so the writers could make the Dany/Yara thing happen).  Dany’s inconsolable, especially since she just realized she never really loved Daario and had no emotion when she dumped him, but Tyrion tells her how he’s been a cynic all his life and never believed in anything…but he believes in her.  That’s when Dany presents Tyrion with the pin she had especially made for him and officially declares him the Hand of the Queen.  Tyrion responds in a way he never has before…

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He kneels before her.  Y’all know how much I love Tyrion, so it was really nice to see him finally being appreciated for the things he’s done (by the way, the war waged by the masters was wasn’t so much a fuck up by Tyrion, but more so of a double cross…although Grey Worm and Missandei warned him of said double cross…never mind).  I’m also glad to see a genuine relationship forming between Dany and Tyrion now.  I believe they’re becoming real friends, and not just political allies.  *Squee*

Arya Kills Walder Frey’s Ratchet Ass (and smiles!)

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Walder Frey is enjoying his delicious meat pie and a flirting with a handmaiden young enough to be his granddaughter.  Then he wonders where his sons are.  The maiden tells him his sons are right there with him.  The old man’s confused, so the young lady shows him the slice of pie and tells him again, his sons are there.  Frey takes the top crust off the pie, and sure enough, he finds the top of a finger (or a toe…I know the nail was green..ill…).  Gross…but cool!  I have to say, in the Shakespearean play Titus, the main character got revenge on a rival family by putting their evil sons in a pie.  That was epic then, and it’s epic now!  Then, the ultimate…the maiden takes off her mask to reveal that she’s none other than Arya Stark.  She introduces herself to Frey and lets him know the last thing he’ll see is her smiling down on him as he dies.  Then she slices his throat and smiles as he bleeds out.  Valar morghulis, bitch.

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The R+L=J Theory Is True!  WTF!?!?

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Long story short, Bran wargs out again, with his Three-Eyed Raven powers fully realized, thanks to his Uncle Benjen, and goes back in time to where he saw his father heading up to the Tower of Joy to save Lyanna.  Lyanna has obviously just given birth, and she’s dying from excessive hemorrhage.  She makes Ned promise to take care of her baby boy if and when she dies.  Bran looks on as the midwife hands Ned the baby who opens his brown eyes…

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And then we cut to this:

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Holy shit.  Now here’s why this has rocked my world…I always thought that the R+L=J theory was bogus and just something that the fans really wanted to see (like Tyrion actually being a Targaryen instead of a Lannister).  There’s really only two reasons I felt like the theory wasn’t warranted, and one of my best friends (who’s also a big “Game of Thrones” fan) and I have discussed this at length.  Reason one:  Why didn’t Ned at the very least confide in Catelyn that Jon was actually his nephew?  It doesn’t make sense for him to come home and introduce Jon as his bastard child and put the boy—and his own marriage—through all that stress and misery.  Reason two (and this was the BIG reason):  As most of y’all may remember, in season one, Ned learned that Robert Baratheon did not father any of his legitimate children when he read that family history book and saw that all the descendants of the Baratheon family had dark hair, not blond hair.  In the “Game of Thrones” universe, genetics are pretty simple.  The children—namely the males—take their father’s hair color.  If Jon was a Targaryen, wouldn’t he have silver hair like Dany and Viserys, instead of dark hair like the rest of the Starks (except Sansa)?  Despite what I think though, D&D and Mr. Martin proved that Jon is a Targaryen, and even though I have to reevaluate my life, I can’t wait to see the sparks that are gonna fly when Jon finally meets Dany (his auntie)!

Jon Stark is Declared the King in the North!  Yaaaassss, Bitch!

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Earlier in the show, Littlefinger told Sansa he wanted to sit on the Iron Throne and he wanted her by his side…then he made a pass at her by trying to kiss her, but Sansa rejected his ass and he ended up throwing a brick like Steph Curry at the NBA Finals.  Soon after, all the Northerners gather for a pow wow, and Jon informs them that winter has arrived, and the White Walkers are coming.  At first, no one wants to listen…until Lyanna Mormont reminds them how most of them punked out when House Stark needed them, and she publicly declares Jon King in the North.  I’m starting to like her now.  Everyone realizes she’s speaking truth and all of them declare Jon king.  By the way, I love this exchange between Jon and Sansa while everyone’s pledging their allegiance:

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These two are so cute (in a brother/sister type way, you nasty shippers!).  While everyone’s cheering for Jon however, Sansa spots Littlefinger in a corner mean muggin’.

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Why so pissed?  Sexually frustrated?  Mad ’cause a “bastard’s” been declared king (a bastard hatin’ on a bastard)?  Or are you PO’ed because now that ugly ass throne is a little further out of your reach?  And speaking of which…

Cersei Lannister Sits On the Iron Throne  (Armageddon has arrived…)

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Jaime returns from Riverrun just in time to see the disaster area that is now King’s Landing.  He also comes back just in time to see Cersei’s coronation as the Queen of the Andals and the First Men and Protector of the Seven Kingdoms.  He didn’t look too happy.  Me personally, I nearly fainted.

And last, but damn sure not least…

Dany and Her Army FINALLY Sail to Westeros (and it only took five years!)

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Theon is shown looking up at a flag on a ship.  He’s standing next to Yara, who’s looking out at the horizon.  Then we see another ship setting sail with Grey Worm and most of the Unsullied.  Another ship is full of Dothraki Bloodriders and their horses (by the way, the Dothraki learned in a short period of time how to manage a ship!).  There’s close to a thousand ships sailing in the ocean, all with dragons embroidered on the sails.  Drogon, Viscerion and Rhaegal fly overheard.  The dragons pass the leading ship, which contains Varys, Missandei, Tyrion…and Dany.

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So Dany basically has the Unsullied, the Dothraki, most of the Ironborn, the Sand Snakes, Granny Tyrell, Tyrion and Vary’s sharp minds, the Second Sons on call (she left them in Meereen with Daario), Jorah Mormont’s eventual comeback, and three big ass dragons?  Let’s not forget there’s a possibility the North might join in.

Cersei…you in danger, girl.

You In Danger Girl

I don’t have to tell y’all, this entire season was asskickin’.  From the Bastard Bowl, to The Hound coming back, to Jon’s resurrection, Dany’s epic war with the slave masters, Ramsay being turned into Alpo, to this game changing season finale (I have to say, this may be one of the best season finales in “Game of Thrones” history, in my humble opinion), I loved it all.  I especially loved how the biggest outcasts in the show (Jon and Tyrion) are finally getting the respect and accolades they deserve.  The only thing I hated in this episode was Margaery being killed and Tommen committing suicide, but all that’s going to lead to Cersei’s ultimate destruction, which’ll be be so delightful to see (even Jaime’s pissed at her now!).  I have to say though, it looks as though everything’s come full circle with Jon becoming king, Tyrion becoming Hand of the Queen, Cersei ruling the Seven Kingdoms, Dany sailing to Westeros and winter finally arriving.  That may very well mean that season seven will indeed be the last season.  If it is…I’ll be sad to see the show go, but I know it’ll give us a final season we won’t forget!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Winds of Winter”?  Was it a great season finale, or was it disappointing?  What blew your mind?  Do you have something to add to the list?  Give me your thoughts!

 

 

 

“The Broken Man” – Recap and Review

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This past episode of “Game of Thrones” was chock full of surprises!  Let’s do this!

A Beautiful Meadow With Nice, Happy Church Folk (Before the Opening Credits…huh?)

Yeah, you read that right.  I never remember any new scenes being shown before the opening credits, but this week, the show begins with happy, shiny people not holding hands, but building what appears to be a church steeple.  The equally happy, shiny leader is Ian McShane, aka The Guy That’s In Everything.  It’s true.  He was in Pirates of the Caribbean:  On Stranger Tides, Hercules, Snow White and the Huntsman…this dude is in everything!  As the camera shows groups of men carrying large logs of wood to be added to the steeple, we see one large, burly man carrying a log all by himself.  He drops the log and camera pans upward to reveal…The Hound!  The Hound is back, baby!

Then the opening credits start.  Dun-dun-du-du-dun-dun-du-du-dun-dun…

The story goes back to all the happy, shiny people…and The Hound.  It turns out Ian McShane is a priest (a Septon) and he found The Hound near dead.  Ian McShane was planning to give him a proper burial, but before the priest could put the big guy in the ground, he coughed, and here we are.  Turns out Ian McShane is a cool priest a la Father Bobby in Sleepers (shout out to Robert DeNiro), and can’t resist ribbin’ The Hound a little bit when he finds out that it was actually a woman that took the big man out.  Later, they have a spiritual conversation, where Father McShane (that’s what I’m gonna call him) admits that he doesn’t know everything about the gods, but he knows that there’s something greater out there and whatever it is has a plan for The Hound.  The Hound asks if the gods are real, then why hasn’t he been punished yet?  Father McShane tells him that he has been punished.

King’s Landing

Margaery is in the Sept, reading from the bible when The High Sparrow walks in.  On a side note, her hair looks blonder (is that a word?) in this episode.  Anyway, The High Sparrow starts asking why Margaery and Tommen aren’t bumpin’ and grindin’ like they used to.  Margaery tells him that she doesn’t have the desire to.  After all, that kid is like what?  16?  I feel like I’m about to get a visit from the folks at “Dateline NBC” every time I see the two of them together.  The High Sparrow tells her that she has a duty to her husband and her country, and the king must have an heir so “their good work” can continue.  He then tells her that she’s made a lot of progress, and he only wishes her grandmother would make the same progress…or else.  Later that day, Margaery meets with Granny Tyrell with Septa Unella, the psychotic nun.  Granny Tyrell is pissed that Septa Unella is hanging on to their every word, but Margaery won’t send her away.  BTW, I love Granny’s comments about Unella, “Can it move or talk?”  Granny’s also pissed that Margaery seems to be content with Loras still being locked up and being the new poster girl for The Seven.  She tries to make Margaery go back to Highgarden, but she refuses, and instead, Margaery pleads for her grandmother to go back home.  She slips a piece of paper in her grandmother’s hand and warns her, “Go home.”  Granny understands completely at that point.  They say their goodbyes, and when Granny goes outside, she looks at the piece of paper.  It has a rose (the Tyrell symbol) drawn on it.  It’s enough to put a smile on Granny Tyrell’s face.  Margaery’s playing them, and this ain’t over.

Somewhere in The North

Jon, Sansa, Tormund and Ser Davos meet up with the Wildlings to get them to fight in The Bastard Bowl (yep, The Bastard Bowl).  They don’t wanna do it; they promised they’d help Jon fight the White Walkers, not psychos that would make Ted Bundy shake his head.  Tormund reminds them that Jon literally gave his life for them, and if they don’t fight for him, they’re all cowards.  Wun Wun the Giant (I think that’s his name) stands up for Jon, and the others follow.  That’s a point for the Starks!

King’s Landing…The Land of Shade

Cersei approaches Granny Tyrell about leaving King’s Landing, and asks if she’ll really leave her grandson in a cell.  Granny reminds Cersei that it’s her fault that Loras is rotting in a cell, and it’s her fault that The High Sparrow rose to power.  Cersei actually accepts responsibility and admits it’s her fault all this has happened.  She says her stupid decision haunts her every day, to which Granny replies, “Good.”  Cersei practically begs Granny for help, but Granny remembers that signature smirk Cersei had on her face when Loras and Margaery were taken away, and she refuses to lift a finger for her ratchet ass.  Granny tells her that she’s leaving for Highgarden, and if Cersei had any sense (which she doesn’t), she’ll do the same.  Cersei refuses to leave Tommen.  Granny reminds Cersei that she has no support in King’s Landing anymore, and it’s the only joy she can hold to in all this misery.  Every dark cloud has a silver lining.

Riverrun

Jaime and Bronn (Bronn’s back!) arrive in Riverrun, and see the Frey army’s piss poor attempt at trying to take the castle back.  Frey’s son and the other men are threatening to cut Lord Edmure’s throat if the Blackfish doesn’t surrender.  The Blackfish is basically like…

Look at All the Fucks I Give

Jaime can’t stand looking at these fools bumble around anymore and takes over the siege.  He also demands that Lord Edmure be cleaned and fed (Black Jack looks a hot ass mess).  One of the idiots tries to back talk to Jaime, but he quickly get bitchslapped with Jaime’s metal hand.  Ouch!  Jaime tells Bronn to get word to The Blackfish for a parley.

Bear Island

Jon, Sansa and Ser Davos meet up with Lady Lyanna, the head of House Mormont, and let me tell you…Lady Lyanna needs a belt to her behind.  The internet is lovin’ her, and I have to say, she’s much stronger than Tommen and Robyn, and smarter, too.  However, she’s a nasty little thing and could use a swift kick in her rump!  When Jon and Sansa ask her for help (all while making the mistake of trying to appeal to her as a child), the 10 year old quickly shuts them down, and uses a considerable amount of shade to do so, especially with Sansa, “Lady Sansa is a Bolton…or are you a Lannister?  I’ve heard conflicting reports.”  Ser Davos steps up to speak, and as we all know, he’s always had a way with children…even the difficult ones.  He tells her about the White Walkers coming, and how all the houses have to band together to fight them.  Lyanna finally agrees and allows Jon to use her soldiers…all 62 of them.  Massive.  Another point for the Starks (sort of).

Riverrun (Another Land of Shade)

Jaime and The Blackfish have their parley.  Jaime threatens to kill Edmure if The Blackfish doesn’t surrender, blah, blah, blah.  The Blackfish knows that Edmure’s dead either way, and he refuses.  Jaime tells him if he surrenders now, his men will be spared.  The Blackfish tells Jaime that he was born at that castle and will die there if need be.  Jaime asks why The Blackfish wanted to parley in the first place, seeing that he has no interest in negotiating.  The Blackfish says he wanted to measure Jaime up in person…and he’s disappointed.  BUUUUURRRRNNNNNN!

House Glover (Suck Castle)

Lord Glover refuses to fight for the Starks due to The Boltons helping him take his house back from The Ironborn.  Jon tries to reason with him, but the minute ol’ boy finds out that The Wildlings are fighting alongside The Starks, he wants nothing to do with the takeover.  Sansa reminds Lord Glover that his house pledged loyalty to House Stark.  He tells Sansa that when the Ironborn took over his house, Robb was too busy getting himself killed to protect his family.  His loyalty to House Stark died with Robb.  Interception.  The Starks lose a point.

Whore Island

Theon and Yara are on some unnamed island full of hoes.  Yara is havin’ a fine old time (yep, she’s a lesbian, or bisexual at the very least.  Seems a bit stereotypical if you ask me), whereas Theon is nervous around all the naked women.  In true Ironborn fashion, Yara makes it clear that she’s sick of Theon’s PTSD and makes him drink a mug full of ale to toughen him up.  She also reveals their plan:  they’re going to Meereen to make a pact with Dany to take back the Iron Islands and overthrow their evil ass uncle.  However, Yara needs the old Theon, not traumatized Theon (she also tells him that if he’s too broken to be himself again, he should slit his wrists.  Man, there’s no love for the mentally distressed with the Ironborn!).  Yara asks if he’s with him.  Theon looks up at Yara with a newfound confidence and nods.  In a show of compassion, Yara gives him a kiss on the forehead, and proceeds to go bang a ho, leaving Theon alone at the table.

Punk Ass Stannis’ Old Camp

Davos, Jon and Sansa arrive at Stannis’ old camp in the North.  Davos says it’s the perfect place due to the surrounding mountains, but Jon announces that he’s not staying there long, just in case a storm hits.  When Davos leaves the siblings to attend to some mess going down with the soldiers, Sansa lets it be known that she doesn’t exactly trust Davos, and that they need more men to take Winterfell.  Jon reminds Sansa that Davos is the reason he’s alive and that he served Stannis for years.  Sansa reminds Jon that Stannis was an asshole that lost Blackwater and later, his own head.  Jon tells her there’s no more time to get more men, and they have to make due with what they have.  Sansa secures a raven and sends a message to someone for further assistance.  I really hope it’s not who folks on the net think it is…

Back at the Beautiful Meadow…

Father McShane and the other happy people (and The Hound) are having a bible study (or maybe just plain church), where the priest speaks on his wrong doings before he became saved and sanctified.  He mentions that it’s never to late to stop robbing or killing people, and it’s never too late to start helping people.  The Hound appears to take the sermon in.  Then, up rides some folks that don’t look too friendly.  They ask for horses, but Father McShane tells them they have no horses or riches.  They ask for food, and Father McShane invites them for supper.  They ride off, but not before saying, “The night is dark and full of terrors.”  Afterwards, The Hound berates the priest for not being more wary of the men.  Father McShane says that fighting them wouldn’t be the answer, and besides, he’s done with fighting.  He feels that violence is a disease that shouldn’t be spread.  He invites The Hound to stop working and get some supper.  The Hound continues chopping wood, since it’s supposed to be a cold night.

Braavos

Arya comes across a Westerosi man and promises him two bags of coins for passage on his ship back to Westeros.  He agrees, and Arya walks off.  She reaches a bridge and takes a look at the city.  An old woman approaches her saying, “Sweet girl?”  Once Arya turns around the woman slices her across the abdomen and stabs her twice in the stomach.  She takes off her mask to reveal that she’s actually the blonde heffa.  Arya head butts the witch and jumps in the water.  The heffa looks over the side of the bridge to see if a body floats up, but it never does.  The blonde heffa looks pleased with herself and leaves.  Dummy.  Arya swims back to the surface, and walks through the city, badly wounded.  She’s scared out of her mind, as she clearly can’t trust anyone.  Any one of the people may be a Faceless Man…

The Not-So-Beautiful Meadow

The Hound finally finishes chopping wood when he hears a scream.  He comes back to the meadow to find everyone massacred.  The men, the women, the children…everyone.  Worse yet, he sees Father McShane hanging by his neck from the unfinished steeple.  The Hound grabs a nearby ax, and goes off in search of those three fools.

Mike - S Just Got Real

And that, my friends, is how the story ends.

This episode was great, as usual, and I loved seeing The Hound’s return.  I can’t wait to see what he does to those three guys.  However, there was something that really disappointed me this week…Arya.  My girl is way too smart to do something that dumb.  You know you’re on the run from assassins that can disguise themselves as anyone and everyone, and you actually walk out in the open?  Then you don’t get suspicious of a random old lady that walks up to you?  Come on!  I’m a bit disappointed in Sansa too, if she did what we all think she did.  She took two steps forward this season, but if she sent that raven to the person we think she sent it to, she basically took ten steps back.  A minuscule gripe that I had this week is that Tyrion and Dany were absent from this episode, and this is actually the second time in a row that Tyrion didn’t make an appearance.  The previews show that he’ll be back next week, though (yay!).  Another cool thing that happens next week is that Jaime and Brienne meet each other again…only this time, they’re rivals!  I’m anxious to see what Arya’s next move is (even though she ticked me off.  Even I knew that old woman was the blonde heffa in disguise!), as well as Margaery’s.  I’m also curious to see if Theon really is the old Theon.  If modern psychology has taught us anything, PTSD and even acute trauma isn’t gone over night, and Yara isn’t exactly the type to sit down and listen to Theon discuss his fears.  Hell, she suggested he should commit suicide!  Lord willin’, I’ll give you guys another recap next week!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did you think about “The Broken Man”?  Did you like seeing The Hound again?  How do you feel about Riverrun?  Do you think Jaime and Bronn will take it?  What about Sansa?  Do you think she sent that raven to you-know-who?  Did you know all along that Margaery was playin’ The High Sparrow, or did you have some doubts like I did?  Did you think Arya taking in the city while she was on the run was a horrible idea?  Will Theon be himself again?  Also, did you miss Tyrion, too?  Give me your thoughts!

“Blood of My Blood” – Recap and Review

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DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK!  Well actually, I do have to call a lot of these characters’ appearances in this episode comebacks because there’s so damn many of them, and we haven’t seen these folks in ages!  Let’s hop to it!

Somewhere in the North

Poor Meera is dragging Bran in the snow, and slowly losing the strength to do it.  Bran is still warged out, seeing images of him falling from the tower, the Mad King ordering folks to be burned, young Ned Stark, Robb being killed, Leaf creating the White Walkers, all that good stuff (or should I say, nightmarish stuff?).  In the meantime, the wights are gaining on them.  Meera can’t go any further and stops.  Bran finally comes out of his trance, and lets Meera know that the wights have caught up to them.  Sure enough Meera sees them and shields Bran, apologizing.  Then, a man who looks a lot like the angel of death, kills all the wights with fire and a sickle.  He orders Meera and Bran to come with him, as more of the wights will return.  Naturally, they go with him and they ride off.

On the Way to Sam’s House

Sam is nervously chatting about his home, and Gilly senses his anxiety.  He tells her about how nasty his father was to him and advises her to tell the family that little Sam (who’s growing like a weed!) is really his, so his dad will take her and the baby in.  Gilly asks what Sam told the family about her.  Sam only told them that he met her up north, but he never said how far north.  He never mentioned she was a wildling, and Sam advises not to even bring the subject up.  When they get to Sam’s House (which rivals the Red Keep…Sam’s folks have money!), they meet up with Sam’s mother and sister, both of which are very sweet.  Sam’s sister even hooks Gilly up with a dress for dinner.  Too bad the shit hits the fan later.

King’s Landing

The time has come for Margaery’s Walk of Atonement, and Tommen’s extremely nervous for her.  The High Sparrow puts his mind at ease and even allows him to see Margaery.  It’s made clear that Tommen has been completely taken in by The High Sparrow, and Margaery appears to be, too…emphasis on appears.  Margaery goes on about how The High Sparrow has opened up her mind and all that jazz, and Tommen just eats it all up like Barney Rubble sittin’ in front of a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

Sam’s House (Douchebag Hall)

It’s dinner time, and Sam’s dad and brother have returned from their hunt.  The once happy reunion has now become so tense, you could cut it with a knife.  All Daddy can do is stare at Sam and Gilly in contempt.  Sam’s uppity brother doesn’t have too much to say either, until Sam initiates small talk.  Sam’s mother offers bread and when he accepts, his dad decides to speak…to criticize his weight.  He then goes on to criticize the fact that Sam is studying to be a maester, and tells him he’s not a real man, since he’s got his nose stuck in books instead of fighting and killing people, because intelligence is the enemy!  Yeah, you’re definitely gettin’ the Father of the Year award.  When he starts going on about how Sam’s probably couldn’t wield a sword, Gilly promptly lets him know that Sam killed a Thenn and a White Walker.  Sam’s know-it-all brother says there’s no such thing as White Walkers.  Gilly lets him know that they do exist and Sam killed one up close and personal.  She even tells them that he’s a greater warrior than either one of them.  BUUUUURRRNNNNN!  The sweet feeling of seeing Gilly tell these fools off is short lived, however.  She mentioned in her rant that they were north of The Wall when they encountered the White Walkers.  Daddy caught that statement and realized that Gilly was a Wildling.  He goes on and on about how Sam’s a disgrace and he won’t inherit their family sword, blah, blah, blah.  He exiles Sam from the house and tells him that Gilly can stay on as the kitchenmaid, and they’ll raise “the bastard.”  After dinner, Sam apologizes to Gilly for his father’s abominable behavior, and she let’s him know that she’s not mad at him.  She’s angry that awful people can treat good people badly and get away with it.  Sam says goodbye to Gilly and leaves the room…and comes right back to get his girl and his baby.  You go, boy!  To make the scene even better, before Sam leaves, he goes in the dining hall and steals the old man’s sword.  That’s gangsta.

Like a Boss

Braavos

The Artist Formerly Known as Arya is watchin’ this blame play again.  This time, they’re depicting The Purple Wedding, and once again, they’re gettin’ shit wrong.  I read something on You Tube’s comments section that definitely rang true about this Braavosi take on Westerosi royalty.  A commentator basically pointed out that with the exception of Sansa and Robert Baratheon, all the characters’ traits are pretty mixed up.  Cersei is seen as loving and kind.  Joffrey is portrayed as a well meaning ruler, who always treats people with respect.  Tyrion is a greedy, menacing and conniving man, only caring about his own selfish needs.  And Ned, of course, is played as a complete idiot that actually wanted to take the throne for himself.  I know it’s all fiction, but their depiction of events astounds me.  They couldn’t be more wrong.  Anyway, Arya is really getting a kick out of Joffrey’s death scene, but she’s visibly moved by the actress’ portrayal of Cersei.  After the performance, she goes backstage to poison the actress’ whiskey.  The actress sees Arya backstage and asks her about her interest in the theatre, seeing as she’s seen her in the audience.  As they speak, Arya sees that the actress is indeed a kind woman, and she praises her performance.  Arya leaves, and the actress is about to drink her poisoned whiskey, all the while being ridiculed by the other performers for proposing Arya’s idea on how to make Cersei’s last speech more realistic.  Just when she’s about to drink the liquor, Arya knocks it out of her hand and tells her that the young actress in the troupe is plotting to have her killed.  She leaves again, but is seen by that damn blonde heffa!

The blonde heffa goes back to snitch on Arya to Jaqen H’ghar (who’s cutting off a dude’s face!  I always knew they cut off the dead folks’ faces, but I don’t wanna see that shit!), just beggin’ to kill Arya.  Jaqen gives her the go ahead, but informs her not to make Arya suffer.  The blonde witch practically skips off in glee.  I have a feeling she’ll go back on her word.  Arya goes to the place where she hid her sword, Needle, and retrieves it, getting ready for the ensuing battle.  A girl may be a cold blooded killer, but only when people are evil and cruel.  Decent people deserve a chance to live.  Hence, Arya Stark is Arya Stark once again.

King’s Landing…Or Should I Say, Jonestown?

The troops have assembled on the streets, and Margaery’s dad gives the weakest battle speech in the history of the world.  The second Margaery’s Walk of Atonement is about to start, Jaime and the troops march up to The Sept, along with Granny Tyrell.  Jaime threatens to kill The Sparrows if Margaery isn’t released.  The High Sparrow claims they’re all ready to die, but there’s no need to fight.  The Walk of Atonement has been cancelled thanks to Margaery bringing another person into the faith.  And who shows up as the new poster boy for The Seven?  Tommen.  Oh yes, The High Sparrow is playing him like a fiddle.  Now this man pretty much has absolute power, a fact that Granny Tyrell actually has to explain to her son (this guy must be adopted).  To add insult to injury, Tommen fires Jaime from the Kingsguard for going against The High Septon.  Wow.  On a side note, now that The High Sparrow is more powerful than the king, can he at least take a bath?  Their scriptures say you have to be humble, not filthy.

Walder Frey’s House (Jeffrey Dahmer’s Wet Dream)

Walder Frey’s evil ass is back, and he’s pissed that Sansa’s great uncle has taken Riverrun over again.  He’s whining to his son about taking the castle back, but his son and the other men are saying they don’t have the manpower to do so, nor the leverage.  He tells them to show the Blackfish the weapons they used to kill Robb, Catelyn and Talisa as leverage, and if that doesn’t work, they have a further bargaining chip…  That’s when they bring out Edmure Tully, who’s apparently been locked up all this time in Frey’s dungeon.  By the way, Edmure is played by none other than Tobias Menzies, who also plays Frank/Black Jack Randall in “Outlander”!  He’s great in that show (check my recaps/reviews on “Outlander” if you’re interested).  Anyway, Frey let’s Edmure know that he’s “going home.”  I don’t see this ending well for him.

Flowers In the King’s Landing Attic

Jaime tells Cersei about him getting fired by Tommen and how he’s been reassigned to take back Riverrun.  Damn, everyone’s after this damn castle, aren’t they?  Cersei reminds him that being reassigned is better than being in the Sept dungeon.  Jaime would rather kill The High Sparrow for corrupting Tommen and humiliating Cersei, but Cersei tells him to be patient and go ahead and take the castle back.  Jaime doesn’t want to leave her alone when she’s on trial, but Cersei lets him know that it’s going to be a trial by combat, and she has The Mountain.  I remember the last time The Mountain participated in a trial by combat.  It wasn’t pretty.  Cersei goes on to tell him that in time, their enemies will see just how powerful they are (if that show at the Sept was any demonstration, y’all really need to get your shit together).  Then Jaime and Cersei start making out.  It would be touching and romantic…if they weren’t brother and sister.

Okay

A Forest With Lots of Snow

Meera watches her and Bran’s newfound savior fill up a cup with animal blood (ill!) and asks why he helped them.  He answers that The Three Eyed Raven sent for him.  When Meera tells him that The Three Eyed Raven is dead, he tells her that now he lives again.  Bran wakes up from one of his freaky-deaky dreams, and the mysterious man says the last time he saw Bran, he was a little boy.  Bran asks who he is, and he takes off the hood and scarf covering his face, revealing himself.  It’s Benjen Stark!  And he looks half-dead!  Hey, I thought he was all the way dead!  Turns out that Benjen was attacked by the White Walkers and almost made into one, but The Children (Leaf’s people) found him and shoved some dragonglass into his heart to stop the process, hence the reason he looks slightly zombiefied.  He tells Bran that he has to learn how to control his power before the Night King comes, and he gives him the blood to drink (gross!).  Benjen says that one day, the king will encounter the humans, and Bran will be ready when that time comes.

Somewhere In the Desert

Dany and Daario are riding along with the Dothraki when she asks him how many ships it would take for all of them and the Unsullied to sail to Westeros.  Daario estimates it would be about one thousand.  He also comments that she’s a conqueror, not just a queen.  She appears flattered, but she still has every intention of taking the Seven Kingdoms.  She makes the horde stop and wait for her as she rides off.  Some time passes, and Daario is about to go looking for her, when a large shadow looms over their heads.  It’s Drogon, and that bad boy has gotten even bigger!  When he lands, we see Dany mounting him.  She tells everyone that the khals would always choose three bloodriders to fight alongside them, but she is no khal, and wants all the Dothraki to fight with her.  She asks them if they will ride with her across the sea and help her conquer the Seven Kingdoms just as Khal Drogo promised he would.  They wholeheartedly stand by her and cheer.  Even Daario is moved, and Drogon lets out a battle cry.  Take a lesson, Daddy Tyrell.  That’s how you give a war speech.

Once again, this episode did not disappoint, and it was great to see all the faces, good and evil alike.  I always wondered what happened to Benjen and Edmure, and now a piece of the puzzle has been solved.  That’s one cool thing about this season:  it’s answering questions that we as the audience have always had.  We even got to see whether or not Sam’s dad is the bastard he always said he was, and it turns out the dude is much worse!  My only gripe with this episode was that Tyrion was missing, and no, fake Tyrion playing a murderous asshole in a wack play is not a substitute.  Another point…this didn’t bother me, but I couldn’t help but notice that for the first time ever I believe (excluding the very first episode), we didn’t visit The Wall.  That tripped me out a little, considering that nearly every episode this season opens up with The Wall.  Despite all that, this episode was fantastic, and now I’m really excited to see Arya’s showdown with that blonde heffa.  Man, I hope Arya skewers her.

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Blood of My Blood?”  Was it another great episode of “Game of Thrones,” or do you think it was weak as all get out?  Do you think Arya will survive the blonde heffa’s wrath?  Did you miss Tyrion this episode?  What did you think about Sam’s father?  Were you happy to see Walder Frey, Benjen and Edmure again?  Which war speech did you prefer:  Lord Tyrell’s or Dany’s?  Also, do you feel like Margaery is playing a game, or do you think she really has embraced the faith?  What do you think about Tommen being manipulated?  Give me your thoughts!

“The Door” – Recap and Review

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Sorry I’m late to the party, y’all.  Got a little busy with some spring cleaning yesterday (and I still have some to finish up).  Well…let’s do this!

The Wall

The show always starts at The Wall this season, doesn’t it?  Anyway, Sansa’s stitching something together when she gets a letter from someone, asking her to meet up in Mole’s Town.  Sansa and Brienne get there, and see Littlefinger’s no good ass.  Sansa goes in on him for selling her to Ramsay, telling him about the abuse she suffered at his hands.  Littlefinger tries to convince Sansa that he’s still on her side (boy, bye), but she’s not tryin’ to hear it, and tells him that she never wants to see him again.  She also rejects his help in taking the North (yeah, girl!  I’m lovin’ Sansa this season).  Before he leaves, Littlefinger lets her know that her great-uncle has taken control of Riverrun, and has the Tully forces behind him.  They can possibly help her take back the North.  Sansa tells him that she has her brother’s army, and Littlefinger can’t resist throwing shade at the fact that Jon’s her half-brother.  God, he irks me.

Braavos

The Artist Formerly Known as Arya is sparring with that blonde heffa once again, and even though Arya has her sight back, the blonde heffa bests yet again…this time without the damn stick.  I have to admit, even though I can’t stand that witch, the way she took Arya out is pretty badass.  I found out that she’s known as “The Waif,” but I’m gonna keep calling her the blonde heffa.  I like that name better.  Anyway, the blonde heffa mocks Arya, saying that she’ll never be one of the Faceless Men, when Jaqen H’ghar shows up.  He tells Arya the heffa has a point, due to the fact that the Faceless Men are usually slaves and what have you, not noblemen or noblewomen.  He then gives Arya another assignment:  to kill an actress.

Arya goes to the play that features the actress, and it turns out to be a production about Westeros, namely the Lannisters.  Arya’s enjoying the play…until they feature Ned Stark as a complete idiot.  Not only that, but they recreate Ned’s execution, and reveal to Arya that Sansa eventually married Tyrion.  Keep in mind that Arya was with the Hound when Sansa was forced to marry Tyrion, so she had no idea that happened, and she doesn’t look too happy about it.  Arya goes on to scope out the actress she’s assigned to kill, and she seems to be a nice lady.  Arya goes back to tell Jaqen how she can poison the woman, and also tells him that the actress appears to be decent.  Jaqen says that a price has been paid, and the execution will go on as scheduled.  Well, damn!  So much for the House of Black and White sojourning for truth and justice for all!  Arya deduces that the younger actress that played Sansa put the hit out on the lady out of jealousy, and Jaqen warns her that a servant of the Many Faced God does not ask questions.

The Three Eyed Raven’s Cave

Bran wargs out and learns that Leaf’s people created the White Walkers (whaaatttt?).  When he awakens, Leaf tells Bran that they created them to protect themselves against human beings that were cutting down their sacred trees and treating the Earth like shit.  What is this, a homicidal version of Ferngully?

The Iron Islands (Land of Assholes)

The day of the Kingsmoot has arrived.  It’s basically a political debate, and Yara gives her speech about how she’ll be a great queen.  However, the chauvinistic assholes of the Iron Islands put her down and say that Theon should be king, since he’s the male heir of Balon Greyjoy.  Theon speaks up for Yara just as he promised (oh yeah, and he got a haircut!  He looks like how he did in the first three seasons!), and it looks like Yara has the Kingsmoot won.  Then, Euron shows up.  He goes on to make fun of Theon getting captured by Ramsay and Yara losing the castle she took hold of, and even throws a dick joke in there.  Funny.  Yara accuses Euron of killing Balon, and this fool doesn’t even deny it!  Not only that, but the idiots of the Iron Islands don’t say a word about this fool killing the king!  Euron goes on to make another damn dick joke at Theon’s expense, and says that he’ll take a fleet of ships to Meereen and unite with Dany to take over the seven kingdoms by marrying her (oh yeah, and he manages to throw in a third dick joke.  Ha, ha.).  Dany don’t want your ugly ass!  Just like that, Euron is elected king.  While going through his inauguration (which involves him nearly drowning), Yara, Theon and a few other Ironborn folks get the hell out of dodge.  When Euron recovers (’cause you know, evil never dies!), he asks, “Where’s my niece and nephew?  Let’s murder them!”  And whaddya know?  Half the damn island goes with Euron to murder Yara and Theon.  This is why I can’t stand the Ironborn.  When he and his flunkies go to look for them, they see that Yara and Theon’s crew not only left, but they took the best ships of the fleet.  Euron makes his first decision as king, and demands everyone to cut down every tree they can find (what damn trees?  All I ever see on those ugly ass islands are rocks and grey skies!) and have the women sew sails so they can build more ships and track them down.  That’ll give them a six month head start against you, idiot.

Vaes Dothrak

Dany is speaking with Jorah and Daario in private, where she tells Jorah that although she’s banished him twice, he saved her life, so she can’t take him back or send him away.  Jorah says that he must send her away because he has greyscale, and he shows her how much it’s spread up his arm.  He finally admits that he loves her and walks away from her.  Dany makes him stop, and commands him to find a cure for the greyscale and to come back to her when he’s well, as she needs him by her side when she takes the seven kingdoms.  Dany then rides off with the Dothraki, while Jorah watches.  That’s it.  I expected more after last week.  I will say that I liked Dany’s hair this episode.

Meereen

Tyrion, Varys, Missandei and Grey Worm have another political pow wow, where the discuss the lack of killings that have taken place since the agreement was made between Meereen and Slaver’s Bay.  Varys is happy that a “fragile peace” has been made, but Tyrion says that it’s not enough.  They need someone to let it be known that Dany is responsible for that peace.  They have an audience with Kinvara, another priestess of the Lord of Light (Lord, have mercy).  Kinvara sees Dany as the princess that was promised, just like Melisandre sees Jon as the prince that was promised (and before that, Stannis).  I couldn’t help but notice that Kinvara has the same necklace that Melisandre does.  I wonder if she turns into an old hag when she takes it off.  Kinvara is more than happy to spread the word (and even mentions to have non-believers burned, much to Tyrion’s disagreement), but Varys shows that he doesn’t trust her, and compares her ramblings to Melisandre’s.  Kinvara tells him that horrible things happen for a reason, and that Varys’ castration led to him being a great and powerful man.  She even brings up the fact that a name was called out when Varys’ privates were thrown in the fire, and asks if he’d like to know the name that was called.  For the first time in the history of the series, Varys looks shook.  Kinvara tells him that if he’s Dany’s true friend, he has nothing to fear.  Sure…

The Three Eyed Raven’s Cave…Once Again

Everyone in the cave is asleep, except for Bran, who’s clearly bored.  He tries to wake The Three Eyed Raven up by throwing shit at him, but to no avail.  So, to pass the time, he decides to warg on his own.  When he does, he finds himself standing amongst an army full of wights.  He walks past all of them, and comes across the king of the White Walkers himself, who looks right at Bran!  Then, the other wights notice him, and the king shows up right behind Bran and grabs his arm.  Bran wakes up screaming, awakening the others.  The Three Eyed Raven knows that the king touched Bran, and sure enough, there’s a mark on Bran’s arm.  Now that Bran has the mark, not only does the king know where he is, but he now has the ability to come inside the cave.  The Three Eyed Raven tells Bran that they must leave, and that the time has come for Bran to become him.  Bran asks him if he’s ready for that, and The Three Eyed Raven answers, “No.”  Way to go, Bran.  Suddenly, Bran wargs out again.

Back to The Wall!

Jon and the others are preparing strategy to take Winterfell.  At first it seems hopeless, but Jon thinks of houses that will help, and Sansa tells them about her uncle reinforcing the Tully’s troops (although she says that she learned that info from a raven that Ramsay received).  Sansa tasks Brienne with going to Riverrun to ask for her uncle’s help, but Brienne doesn’t like the idea of leaving Sansa alone with Ser Davos, Melisandre or Tormund (aka “that Wildling fellow with the beard!”  Ha, ha!).  Sansa insists that Jon will keep her safe.  Brienne asks if that’s the case, why did Sansa lie about how she found out about her uncle’s army?  Sansa doesn’t give an answer.  Later, Sansa gives Jon a present; a fur coat with her father’s sigil imprinted on the leather strap.  That’s what she was stitching earlier.  Jon thanks her for the present (another touching moment…aww!), and he says goodbye to Edd.  When they ride off, Edd is officially made the acting Lord Commander (“Shall we close the gate, Lord Commander?”  “I’m not the Lord—  Oh.  Yeah, close the bloody gate.”).

Shit Just Got Real… (The Three Eyed Raven’s Cave)

Meera is getting their things together, and telling Hodor how much she can’t wait to leave the cave and eat some good food.  Hodor agrees as only he can.  She senses something is amiss and goes outside.  Sure enough, the wight army is there, with the King of the White Walkers.  Yikes.  Those mofo’s didn’t waste any time, did they?  Leaf tells Meera to get Bran and run, and tries to hold them off as best she can using supernatural grenades.  The wight army and the White Walkers just walk right through that crap.  Meera tries to wake Bran up, but she can’t.  Bran’s dreaming of Winterfell once again, with Young Ned, Lyanna and Wylis (Hodor).  The Three Eyed Raven is with him.  Back in the cave, poor Hodor is scared out of his mind, and cowering.  Meera begs him to help her put Bran on the cart, but he’s too frightened to even move.  The wights make their way in the cave, and Meera has to fight them off.  Bran still won’t wake up.  Meera shakes him and tells him that they need Hodor and he has to warg into him.  The Three Eyed Raven tells Bran to listen to her, and he wargs into Hodor.  Hodor grabs the cart and pulls Bran away.  Meera and Leaf’s people continue to fight the White Walkers and the wights, and Meera succeeds in killing one of the White Walkers.  Summer the direwolf goes after the wights to protect her master and gets killed.  Damn, that basically means that Ghost and Nymeria are the only ones left!  As the others run off, the king enters the cave and prepares to kill The Three Eyed Raven.  In the dream, he tells Bran that the time has come and he must leave him.  The king kills him in the cave, and the Three Eyed Raven’s image in the dream disintegrates.  The wights catch up with the others, and Leaf sacrifices herself by allowing the wights to attack her before she blows them up with one of her grenades.  They reach the door at the back of the cave, and Hodor pushes it open.  Meera takes Bran and runs off saying, “Hold the door!”  In the dream, Wylis hears this and wargs out, having a seizure.  At the cave, Hodor holds the door shut as the wights try to break their way through.  Back in the dream, everyone sees Wylis having a seizure and runs to his aid.  All he can manage to say is, “Hold the door!  Hold the door!”  Then it becomes slurred:  “Holddadoor, holddadoor!”  Then it’s shortened to, “Holdoor!  Holdoor!”  Then eventually, the phrase becomes, “Hodor…hodor…hodor…”  All Bran can do is watch in horror, knowing that he’s responsible for Hodor becoming Hodor.  Meanwhile, Hodor holds the door as Meera and Bran vanish into the blizzard, and the wights tear him apart.  *Sob*  RIP Hodor.

This was a great episode, although I was bit disappointed with Dany’s arc.  Next week’s preview shows that we’ll see a little bit more from her.  I was so sad to see Hodor go.  I have to say though, it was really interesting to learn how he actually became Hodor.  This means that Bran warging into the past can effect the future.  Arya’s storyline has me intrigued as well.  Will she go along with killing the actress?  Also, it’s clear she will never completely sever the ties she has with her family.  Does the blonde heffa have a point about her never becoming one of the Faceless Men?  And back to the acting troupe that Arya’s infiltrated, I’ve noticed that everybody and their mama on the internet is havin’ a fit about the young actor showing his junk.  Personally, I don’t understand why.  It’s not like full frontal male nudity has never been shown on “Game of Thrones” before.  Back on subject, where are Yara and Theon going?  Are they going to try to start an alliance with Dany themselves?  That’ll be interesting to see as well.  And how ’bout Sansa?  I love the way that child has grown up and gotten tough this season!  By the way, I just realized something…if I’m not mistaken, this is the only “Game of Thrones” episode that didn’t feature Kings Landing or the Lannisters (not counting Tyrion, since he’s “against” them now)!  I have to say, the show was still enjoyable, nonetheless!  Besides, they’ll be back next week to go against The High Sparrow.  Stay tuned!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did you think about “The Door?”  Did you cry at the end?  Will you miss Hodor?  Do you think Bran will ever wake up, or is he lost in his dream?  Do you think Arya will truly be a Faceless Woman?  Also, what did you think about that play?  Are the Faceless Men people that kill for the greater good, or are they just cold blooded assassins?  What about Sansa?  How do you like her change in character?  Do you think Tyrion asking the priestess for help was a good thing or a bad thing?  Do you think Varys can trust her?  How about Theon and Yara?  Where do you think they’re going, or do you think they were just getting away from Euron’s crazy ass because they knew he’d kill them?  Give me your thoughts!