If y’all missed this week’s episode of “Game of Thrones,” I highly suggest that you get your butt to HBO On Demand, HBO Go or HBO Now and start watchin’. Also, this recap/review has some major spoilers, just like my other recaps/reviews, so if you haven’t seen the show yet, don’t read the rest of this until you do. Otherwise, let’s get this party started, boo.
As fate would have it, Jon hasn’t left Castle Black just yet; he’s still packing. Edd (his buddy! I finally found out his name!) tries to get him to stay, but Jon says that he can’t stay at The Wall after his own brothers killed him, and I can’t say I blame him. Just then, guests arrive at the gates. It’s Sansa, Podrick and Brienne! Jon sees Sansa, and after staring at each other in complete shock, they run into each other’s arms and embrace. That was so sweet. Finally, two of the Stark children are reunited (and right after I ranted about them always just missing each other in my last post)! Later that night, Sansa and Jon are having dinner and reminiscing on old times. Sansa remembers what a spoiled brat she was and asks Jon to forgive her for being so horrible. Jon tells her there’s nothing to forgive, but she insists, so he forgives her anyway. Sansa asks where Jon will go now, but he makes it clear that he’s not going anywhere without her. Sansa tells him the only place they can go is back to Winterfell. Jon thinks that’s a crazy idea, considering that the Boltons have control of the place, but Sansa suggests fighting for it. Sansa’s gettin’ a little bit bold, isn’t she? Jon tells her he’s tired of fighting. All he’s done is fight ever since he left Winterfell: Wildlings, White Walkers, deserters, traitors…he’s tired. Sansa lets him know that if they don’t take Winterfell back, they’ll never be safe. Sansa really has come a long way from that spoiled little girl we met in the first season.
Ser Davos sees Melisandre outside and asks her if she’ll leave Castle Black. She says she’ll do whatever Jon Snow commands. Davos asks if she serves Jon now, and she tells him that he was the “prince that was promised.” Oh, Lord. Davos asks what happened with Stannis, and Melisandre walks off like, “Fuck Stannis.” Yeah, fuck Stannis. Davos asks her what happened with Stannis, and she lets him know his army was defeated. Then Davos asks about Shireen. Man, I couldn’t wait to hear her answer! Unfortunately, Brienne interrupted the convo and tells them she saw what happened, but she only mentions that Stannis got his ass handed to him, and she killed him (good riddance). She also mentioned that she still remembers how Renly was killed by Melisandre’s demon baby, and although it’s in the past, she won’t forgive that or forget it. Melisandre, you might wanna get the hell out of Castle Black and the hell away from Brienne.
Robyn Arryn has grown in size, but not in mentality or strength. We see him trying to shoot an arrow at a stationary target and hitting the damn grass each time. He’s worse than I was in 9th grade gym class! While he’s “practicing,” who shows up? None other than that damn Littlefinger! He brings Robyn a doggone gyrfalcon or whatever, and that has the boy’s full attention. It’s like giving me an LL Cool J picture when I was 15 years old. Nothing or no one else matters after that. A grey haired dude asks Littlefinger how and why Sansa ended up married to Ramsay Bolton when she was supposed to be heading to The Fingers with him. Littlefinger tells a boldfaced lie about being surrounded by Bolton forces or some bullshit, and accuses the grey guy of giving away their position to the Boltons, since he was the only person that knew where they were going. He then lets it be known that Robyn has the power to execute the guy for treason. Littlefinger really is a dirty bastard. Robyn, who’s still focusing on the doggone bird, suggests throwing the guy through the moon door, and asks his Uncle Peytr if it’s a good idea. Thankfully, Littlefinger advises against it. He lets Robyn know that Sansa escaped from Ramsey’s grasp, and young Robyn, being slow on the uptake, finally catches on that they should help her. I can’t help but wonder what Littlefinger’s real objective is, because I know he has one. I know his intention with Robyn is to make him his puppet, but what’s the deal with Sansa? First he sells her to Ramsay, then he goes on a “rescue mission” for her? WTF?
Tyrion invites the slave masters from Astapor, Yunkai and Volantis to Meereen, and Grey Worm and Missandei are none too happy about it. Tyrion lets them know that negotiations are in order to stop them from funding the Sons of the Harpy, but Grey Worm and Missandei don’t like the fact that they’re letting the enemy into the city. Tyrion reminds them that he was a slave for about two days, and he knows the horrors of that situation. Missandei reminds him that two days don’t mean shit. Tyrion meets with the slave masters, and negotiates that slavery will never return to Meereen, but that in their respective cities, they end slavery in seven years time. That way they have some transition time to find a new method of income. He even brings in some hoes to satisfy them for good measure. Once again, Grey Worm and Missandei are none too happy, and neither are the citizens of Meereen. Grey Worm and Missandei chastise Tyrion for his politics, arguing that seven years is not a short time for a slave (very true). Tyrion tells them that slavery is a horrible practice that should be abolished, but war is as well, and he can’t prevent both of them at the same time. Grey Worm and Missandei still disagree with him, and let him know that he can’t trust the slave masters. Tyrion tells them that he doesn’t trust the masters per se, but what he does trust is their arrogance and misgivings about them all. Grey Worm and Missandei ain’t buyin’ it. I can definitely see both points of view on this. Grey Worm and Missandei were slaves all their lives, so I understand why they’re so against the idea of negotiating with the slave masters. Tyrion, on the other hand, is very intelligent and good at reading people, as well as handling political matters, so he knows that a bit of diplomacy will go a long way. With politics, it’s never gonna be 100% great for everyone involved. Take Obamacare. The folks that wanted it made sure that it had some groundbreaking features (lowered premiums for folks with low incomes), but I’m sure that the fools that were against it added some shit that irritates the hell out of people (those damn tax penalties).
Jorah and Daario finally arrive at Vaes Dothrak (took y’all long enough!), and they start having a pissing contest over who should hold Dany’s heart. Sorry, I still have to say it should be Daario. Jorah is too damn old for Dany (which is a point that Daario makes countless times during the pissing contest). Jorah tells Daario that they’ll go to get Dany at nightfall, and instructs him to get rid of all his weapons, since it’s illegal to carry them into the sacred city. Daario refuses to get rid of one of his knives, though. When Jorah takes it, Daario notices the greyscale spreading up Jorah’s arm. Jorah assures him that none of it touched Daario. Daario asks Jorah if he knows what will eventually happen to him. Jorah tells him he does. When night falls, Daario and Jorah head into the city, posing as merchants. Two Dothraki spot them and aren’t fooled by the ruse. Daario manages to break one’s neck and he stabs the other one with his knife (how did he get it back?). Jorah tells him that when the Dothraki see the man with a stab wound, they’ll scour the city looking for them. Daario proceeds to bash the guy’s head in with a rock. Ouch.
Dany is in the temple with the other Dosh Khaleens, being hated on by the older heffas because she’s a foreigner. The head Dosh Khaleen tells Dany that the older women are idiots and the Dothraki have always had “diluted blood.” She goes on to tell the story of a younger widowed Khaleesi in the group from Lhazareen that was married off when she was twelve. The young girl gave the khal a daughter, and in return, he gave her a broken rib. Dick. Dany excuses herself to pee, and the Lhazareen Khaleesi goes with her to show her where the bathroom is, or the urine hole. I know damn well there wasn’t a toilet or port-a-john out there. They make small talk about how the old women stink all to be damned and Dany’s dragons when Daario and Jorah emerge from the shadows. Daario holds his knife to the other Khaleesi’s throat, but Dany instructs him not to hurt her. They try to get her to leave right then, but Dany lets them know that they’ll never get out of Vaes Dothrak alive if they do that. She has a better plan, and she commands them to help her, and also asks the other Khaleesi not to betray her plans. The other queen agrees.
Margaery is still locked up, and Septa Unella (the psychotic nun) lets her out to speak to The High Sparrow. He asks who Margaery would seek out if she were released, and she basically tells him that she’d go to her family. He writes that off as her seeking out sin, since they have money and power, and he goes on to wax poetic about how he became saved and sanctified. After the talk, he takes her to see her brother. When Margaery sees him, he’s not in good shape at all. He’s cowering and begging for the nightmare to end. Margaery tries to get him to stay strong, but he can’t do it. She tries to tell him that if they give in, The High Sparrow wins, but Loras still doesn’t care. All he wants is for his suffering to end. Margaery holds him in her arms and reluctantly agrees.
Back at the Red Keep, Pycelle is talking with Tommen when Cersei walks in. Cersei demands to know what Pycelle is doing, and ol’ boy actually shows a bit of backbone and tells her straight up that he’s advising the king. Cersei demands that he leave, and Pycelle stays put until Tommen dismisses him. Before Pycelle leaves, he and Cersei exchange a look. Seems to me that Pycelle is finally tired of Cersei’s abuse. Tommen tries to convince Cersei not to antagonize The High Sparrow, but she won’t hear of it. Tommen then confides in Cersei that Margaery is going to make her own Walk of Atonement. Cersei and Jaime run up in the small council meeting again, wanting to be heard. Granny Tyrell and Uncle Kevan are about to walk out on her ass again, but this time, Cersei has the upper hand when she lets them know that Margaery is going to be the one walking down the streets naked this time. Jaime suggests that Granny Tyrell use her army to storm The Sept and get Margaery out, since Tommen ordered the Kingsguard to stand down. Oleanna agrees to this, but Kevan is still unsure about the idea. Cersei reminds him that Lancel has been brainwashed by The High Sparrow as well, and asks if he wants he son back. Kevan admits he does, and goes along with the plan. Cersei learned an important lesson this episode: if you stop talking about yourself all the damn time, and at least appear to care about someone else, and you’ll actually get shit done.
The Wack Ass Iron Islands, Where PTSD Victims Can Go Straight to Hell!
Theon returns to the Iron Islands. *Sigh* When he sees Yara again, she immediately chastises him for betraying her men and causing their deaths. Theon apologizes and tries to explain—with tears streaming down his face, no less—that Ramsay broke him into a thousand pieces. Yara continues to be cold to Theon and tells him that she knew Ramsay broke him into a thousand pieces. She and her father actually received one of his pieces. She accuses him of coming back just to seize the Salt Throne, but Theon lets her know that he came back to help her take it. This scene got on my last nerve. Yara actually blamed Theon for being too traumatized to escape with the Ironborn. The man was physically tortured, psychologically tortured, had his penis severed from his body, and was forced to sleep in the kennels with the dogs. Yara, on the other hand, had shields, swords and God know what other weapons to fight off those dogs, but the minute Ramsay siced them on her, she ran with her tail between her legs (pun slightly intended). Yeah, blame Theon.
Ramsay has Osha sent to him and starts asking her if he knows who he is. Osha, who’s unimpressed, replies that he’s a lord. Ramsay goes on to ask if she saw his banner with the flayed man symbol, and Osha asks if he eats the men when he’s done. Ramsay lets her know that he hasn’t quite reached that level of crazy yet. “Then I’ve seen worse,” Osha tells him. Burn! Well, not really. Ramsay’s crazy ass actually liked that shit. He asks about Osha’s time with the Starks, and she tells them she only served them because she was forced to do so, and she only continued protecting Rickon because he may have brought her a good price if she sold him. Ramsay lets her know that Rickon is no longer hers to sell, and Osha proceeds to seduce him…all while trying to reach the knife the fool was using for his dinner. Osha reaches it the second Ramsay tells her that Theon mentioned how Osha helped Bran and Rickon escape previously. Before she can use the knife against Ramsay, he quickly stabs her in the neck with the knife he was using to cut an apple. Osha dies on the floor, as Ramsay watches. Afterwards, he wipes the blood off the knife and continues eating the doggone apple. Damn. Rest in peace, Osha.
Back to The Wall!
Sansa, Jon and everyone else is at the dinner table eating…something. Jon’s tearin’ his whatever up, while Sansa is trying to figure out what the hell it is. Brienne just watches everyone else eating like they’ve never seen food before, and Tormund is watching her like he wants to hit that…badly. I swear I lost my junk when I saw that. What made it even funnier is that Edd looks at the two of them like, “Okaaaay…” A message is delivered to the Lord Commander (Jon). Jon lets him know that he’s not the Lord Commander anymore, but the messenger just stands there with the letter extended towards him. Resigned, Jon takes it and reads it. The letter is from Ramsay’s crazy ass, who lets Jon know that he has Rickon, and he wants Sansa back. If Sansa isn’t returned, Ramsay promises to kill all the Wildlings, have his soldiers gang rape Sansa, sic the dogs on Rickon and later sic the dogs on Jon too, but not before gouging his eyes out. This guy makes Hannibal Lector look balanced. Jon asks how many people Ramsay has in his army, and Sansa tells him that he has about 5,000. He then asks Tormund how many Wildlings are available, and he tells him they only have about 2,000. Dammit. Jon is still reluctant to fight, but Sansa reminds him that their little brother is in grave danger. They need to save him and take their house back. Jon agrees. Sansa has a little bit of Arya in her after all.
Vaes Dothrak…You In Danger, Girl
It’s the big night of Dany’s “trial.” First, the khals discuss the dude that got his head bashed in with a rock. The discussion basically ends with “fuck that guy” and they call Dany in to decide her fate. The khal that captured her recommends that she become a Dosh Khaleen, but the others are hellbent on raping her. Dany asks them if any of them care what she thinks. Of course, they tell her they don’t, never mind the fact that they’re deciding her future. Dany goes on to talk about her time with Khal Drogo, and how the Dosh Khaleen predicted that her son would mount the world, and how Drogo promised to cross the Dothraki Sea and conquer the seven kingdoms. The khals continue to disrespect her, like morons. Dany points out that while Khal Drogo made serious plans, all they talk about is how many women they can rape and how many horses they can steal. She tells them they’re not worthy of leading the Dothraki…but she is. The khal that captured her tells her she won’t be a Dosh Khaleen, but their personal plaything to rape, and if there’s anything left, she’ll be thrown to the bloodriders and later to the horses so they can have their way with her. He goes on to say that they would never serve her. Dany lets them know that they won’t be serving her…they’re going to die. Before they can say anything else, Dany starts throwing down the fire lamps, and the flames immediately spread towards the khals. It’s almost as if the temple were doused in gasoline. The khals try to get out, but the door’s been barred, and the guards outside are dead. I’m sure that was Jorah and Daario’s doing. Dany knocks down one last lamp, and light ’em up, flame on! The khals are gone! All the other Dothraki people see the temple in flames. As they run to it and watch the temple burn, they see Dany emerge. Her clothes are burned off, but she’s completely unscathed. They all kneel to her in reverence. That’s right, bow down, bitches. Now Dany has control of the Unsullied and the entire Dothraki. That’s boss.
I was waiting for something BIG to happen, and something BIG did happen. Jon and Sansa are reunited, and Sansa’s ain’t playin’ any games. I love how she was the one that had to be strong for Jon, and not the other way around. Sometime women can uplift the men. I really felt for Tyrion. As an African-American woman, I’m sickened by the thought of slavery as well, so I definitely got where Grey Worm and Missandei were coming from. Tyrion, on the other hand, had to take the best action that would placate the evil ass slave owners, and he got torn a new butthole for it. He just can’t fit in anywhere. I can’t wait to see how Theon will help Yara get the Salt Throne. That’s going to be interesting. I just hope she can get her head out of her ass long enough to see that he’s traumatized and only wanted to come home to find some peace. That Dany scene was fire (pun intended)! I’m really excited to see what she does with the Dothraki and the Unsullied! By season seven, she should be sailin’ to Westeros (let’s hope)! Needless to say, I really enjoyed this episode. Stay tuned to see what happens next week!
—Written by Nadiya
So what did y’all think about “Book of the Stranger”? Was it one of the best episodes of the season, or was it hot garbage? What do y’all think about Tyrion’s dilemma? Was he right or wrong for allowing slavery to go on for another seven years? Did you shed a tear when Jon and Sansa saw each other again? What do you think about Tormund and Brienne? Y’all wanna see that happen or what? Is Yara being an insensitive bitch to Theon, or is her attitude justified? Lastly, what do y’all think about Dany burnin’ the hell out of those khals, and do you think she’s rallied enough folks behind her to take the Iron Throne? Give me your thoughts!