“The Fox’s Lair” – Recap and Review


FINALLY!  The Frasers have come back…to Scot-land!  I had to give y’all some Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson realness in there.  That’s right y’all, “Outlander” has gone back to its roots!  Even the theme song is completely in English again!  Jamie started wearing his kilts like he used to!  The old show is back…sort of.

Jamie and Claire have gone back to Lallybroch, and they’re a lot happier than they were in Paris.  Murtagh is back with them, along with Jenny, Ian, Fergus and all the other kids.  Claire’s advice to plant potatoes is working out for Jenny and Ian, just as she said it would.  However, everyone’s happiness is short lived when Jamie gets a letter from his cousin publicly declaring him an ally of King James and Prince Charles.  Jamie’s cousin even took the liberty of forging his name on the letter!  Ah, the joys of family!  Now Jamie is an official traitor of King George (the current king) and a card carrying member of the Jacobites!  Thanks, Jamie’s dumb cousin!

Claire suggests she and Jamie take the whole family and go to Ireland, but Jamie knows that’s not logical.  It’s inevitable that the Jacobite Rebellion is going to go on as planned, so Jamie runs this idea by Claire:  instead of trying to stop the rebellion, why don’t they try to win the rebellion and change history that way?   It takes some convincing, but Claire agrees.

So let me get this straight…Claire and Jamie spend the last seven episodes trying to stop the rebellion, and now they up and decide the rebellion should go on as planned so they can win it??

I Can't 2

Alright, so we’re all for the Jacobite Rebellion going on now.  Yay…  First order of business is gathering up enough men to fight the British.  Jamie has some support from a few families, but he decides to get a few more good men from Lord Lovat aka Simon Fraser…his grandpa.  Jenny makes it known that Lord Lovat is a despicable man that is so hateful, he tried to have their mother kidnapped before her wedding day because he had some bad blood with the MacKenzie clan.  Jamie sees no other alternative and arranges to see the nasty old man anyway.  Later that night, Jamie admits that his father was actually a bastard and was the product of Lord Lovat gettin’ his freak on with the kitchenmaid.  Lovat decided to officially declare Jamie’s dad as his son, even though he never treated him with love or kindness.  Hey, Ned Stark didn’t even do that (giving his son his name, I mean).  Claire lets Jamie know that his dad’s parentage doesn’t matter to her, and then she and Jamie make lurrrve…and the screen fades to black.  Boooo!  Claire wakes up in the middle of the night to find Jamie cradling his infant niece/nephew and speaking to her/him in Gaelic (Jenny had another baby since they went to Paris, but it was never specified if it was a boy or a girl).  Jenny sees Claire watching them, and tells her about how people tell their infant children all the things that’s on their mind to comfort themselves.  Claire agrees, but appears a bit heartbroken to see Jamie’s heart to heart with the baby.

The next day, Claire and Jamie say their goodbyes to everyone and head out to Beaufort Castle.  On the ride up there, Jamie lets Claire know that Lord Lovat kept an alliance with both King James and King George, and he’s had three wives, two of which were joined in marriage thanks to Lovat’s evil deeds.  What a guy.  When they get to the castle, the first person they meet is Colum MacKenzie!  Colum tries to tell Claire that he’s happy to see her, but Claire tells him to save the bullshit and reminds him of the witch trial (see season one for that!).  Colum is all like, “That wasn’t me!  That was Lagohaire (pronounced lee-ry.  A fitting name for that heffa)!”  Then, Jamie’s grandpa shows up and proves to be everything Jamie and Claire said he was.  He rudely scorns Jamie for marrying a Sassenach (a British woman, for those that don’t know), and tells her to leave so the men can talk politics.  Claire leaves, but not before giving one of her death glares.

As Claire waits for Jamie to come back out, Lagohaire’s slutty ass makes a comeback!  “Mistress Claire!  I’ve changed!  I’ve gotten right with Jesus!  I’ve seen the light!  I’m saved and sanctified!  Please forgive me for trying to have you burned alive!”  And Claire basically responds with:

Shut the F Up 2 (Ice Cube)

Claire doesn’t care if white-as-a-damn-ghost Lagohaire has gotten right with God or not.  She’s not trying to give her any forgiveness.  Lagohaire starts crying.  Good for her ass.  Claire tells Jamie she feels better after telling her off, and Jamie lets it be known that she’s better than him.  He’s not even trying to give Lagohaire the time of day.  Ha, ha!  Claire joins Jamie for dinner (but has to remain silent), and watches Jamie try to convince everyone to fight for King James and Prince Charles.  Colum and Lovat aren’t bitin’, and when Lovat’s son tries to agree with Jamie (in a weak attempt to impress Lagohaire), Lovat quickly puts him down and humiliates him.  He even flirts with Lagohaire to rub salt in the wound.  This dude is a real bastard.

Jamie decides to speak to Lovat on his own to try to convince him to fight with the rebellion.  Later that night, Claire is walking down the hallway when she sees Lovat beat up an old woman.  Claire helps the woman to her feet, and learns that she’s Lovat’s psychic friend.  The lady then runs from Claire like she’s a ghost.  The next day, Jamie meets with his grandpa, and has to endure (to an extent) listening to this man call his mother a whore and his dad a bastard.  Takes a bastard to know a bastard, if you ask me.  Lovat makes a deal with Jamie:  he’ll back up the Jacobite Rebellion if Jamie gives him Lallybroch.  Jamie’s not tryin’ to give up Lallybroch that easily, of course.  This fool actually tells Jamie if he doesn’t wanna give up Lallybroch, he can give up Claire!  He even warns Jamie that Claire can’t be guarded all day, and there’s plenty of men at the castle that would violate her.  Wow.  What a guy.  Jamie warns him in return that Claire is La Dame Blanche, and if a man rapes her, his dick will explode and his soul will burn in hell.  That scared the shit out of Lovat’s old ass.  Despite that, Jamie is seriously considering handing Lallybroch over to that old bastard.  That night, Claire and Jamie decide to have Lovat’s son on their side, that way, Lovat’s hand will be forced into joining the rebellion.  However, considering that Lovat’s son is weak willed, he’ll need some convincing…and who better than Scotland’s favorite ho!

Claire asks Lagohaire to speak to Lovat’s son and boost his confidence to convince him and his dad to join the Jacobites.  Lagohaire, whose mind basically stays in the gutter, goes on her newfound spiritual diatribe:  “I’m saved and sanctified!  I’m not gonna spread my legs just to help you out!”  Claire tells the stupid girl that it’s not about sex, it just involves her being friendly to him to build his self esteem up.  To sweeten the deal, Claire tells Lagohaire if she does it, she’ll find a way for Jamie to forgive her for what she did (oh, yeah…she’s all upset because Jamie didn’t give her the time of day, just like he said wouldn’t.  Wah, wah.).  Of course, that heffa agrees.

In the castle, it appears that Jamie has fessed up and told Colum that the British will win the rebellion and the Highlander culture will be destroyed.  He goes on to say the only way to prevent that from happening is to win the war.  Colum, hardheaded as ever, is still against the war and showing any sort of loyalty to Charles.  He figures that since the rebellion has no outside support, it’ll be over before it starts, just like all the other rebellions, and their culture will go on.  Colum makes Jamie promise not to trade in his home for a war he can’t win.  Jamie promises he’ll do whatever it takes to keep his family and the fate of Scotland safe.

Claire puts her plan of (platonically) hookin’ up Laoghaire and Lovat’s son into action.  She sets them up together near the chapel and leaves them alone to talk.  It’s clear Lagohaire would rather be with someone else…perhaps a tall, sexy redhead with a nice set of pecs and a tight butt?  When Claire goes into the chapel, she finds Lovat’s psychic friend, who reveals that the reason Lovat was beating her was due to one of her visions.  Claire presses her about the vision and she tells her that she saw a man chop the hell out of Lovat with an ax.  Okay, she saw the shadow of an ax, but my first description was a lot better.  The psychic friend admits that sometimes the future can change, and Claire tells her that she could convince Lovat to change his behavior to prevent the outcome.  She tells Claire that Lovat would simply kill the messenger.  Then Laoghaire’s useless ass comes runnin’ up, saying that Lovat’s son ran off after she let him look down her dress at her boobs.  Dumbass.

Jamie decides to give Lovat Lallybroch.  At a house meeting, Lovat tells Jamie and Collum that if Jamie signs the contract to give him Lallybroch, he’ll back the rebellion, but if he doesn’t sign, he’ll sign a neutrality agreement with Colum, showing that he’s against the rebellion.  Just then, Claire has a “vision” of Lovat being threatened by an ax, with the floor covered in white roses.  The white rose is the Jacobite symbol.  Just when Lovat threatens to cut out Claire’s tongue, his son stops him and makes his stand with the Jacobites.  Lovat signs the neutrality agreement.

Before they leave Castle Hell, Colum tries to convince Jamie to give up the rebellion and go back home to his family, but to no avail.  Claire also tells Jamie to thank Lagohaire for what she did.  Jamie thanks her, and she tells him, “I hope to one day have your forgiveness.”  Jamie walks off (ha, ha!).  Then she says under her breath, “And your love.”  That child hasn’t changed a damn bit.  Lovat’s son joins their party, and they ride off.  Down the road, Lovat’s men cut them off, and Lovat himself shows up.  It turns out that Lovat signed the agreement with Collum to save his skin if King George wins the war.  But, if King James and Prince Charles win the war, it’ll be documented that Lovat’s son was with the Jacobites, and he’s still in the clear.  Even if George’s men say something about Lovat’s son joining the Jacobites, he can always say that his son is his own man.  Either way, he won’t be hanged for treason.  Jamie begs Claire to tell him that he’s nothing like his grandfather.  Claire jokingly tells him that he actually has a teensy bit of shadiness in him, and they all ride off with their new army.

Well, ladies and gents, no one wanted the Frasers to return to Scotland more than I did, and once they did, I found the episode to be just…meh.  It wasn’t absolutely horrid, but it wasn’t great, either.  The sudden 180º shift with the rebellion threw me off, too.  I kid you not, I had to watch this damn episode twice to understand what the hell was going on.  I couldn’t believe they decided to go ahead with the rebellion after all the plotting and scheming they did in France!   Also, I’m starting to feel like the rest of the ladies out there…what’s up with the sex scenes?  Granted, I expected the sex scenes to be few and far between while Jamie was healing from his traumatic rape.  But now that Jamie’s slowly getting past it, I also expected the love scenes to pick up!  Whenever Claire and Jamie have a hot scene now, the picture fades to black!  Man, bye.  That love scene today had some serious potential and they ended right when it was about to get good!  Bring the lovin’ back!

My favorite parts were the times we saw the Frasers at Lallybroch, and when Claire blessed Lagohaire out.  Other than that, this episode didn’t do much for me.  However, I learned something tonight.  Deep down, I thought the location was effecting the show.  I thought that France was just too boring and that a move back to Scotland would liven things up.  I mean, whenever they discussed politics in Scotland last season, I was actually interested!  Tonight though, I learned that the problem isn’t the location.  The problem is the storyline.  This storyline is dull and lifeless, and no matter where Claire and Jamie go, as long as they droll on endlessly about the Jacobite Rebellion, the show will never pick up.  It hit me that my favorite episodes so far this season were “Faith” and “La Dame Blanche” (in that order).  They took a page from the first season and kept us entertained and full of emotion.  They also strayed away from hardly any talk of the rebellion, which made for a much more interesting hour.  The Lallybroch and Lagohaire scenes also were also devoid of a lot of talk about the rebellion, and as a result, they were a lot more entertaining than everything else.  So yeah, we no longer have boring ass games of chess to endure or drawn out conversations that could put Christian Bale to sleep (if you don’t get that joke, you don’t watch a lot of movies), but the trade off doesn’t help as long as we still have to deal with Jamie and Claire’s countless plotting that hardly goes anywhere.

Man, I miss the old “Outlander.”

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “The Fox’s Lair”?  Was it boring, or did you enjoy it?  What do you think about Claire and Jamie pulling a 180º and actually supporting the rebellion now?  Also, what did you think about Colum and Lagohaire making a comeback?  Is Simon Fraser aka Lord Lovat a good addition to the show in your opinion?  Do you think “Outlander” has hit the sophomoric slump?  Which location did you prefer, France or Scotland?  Give me your thoughts!





“Faith” – Recap and Review

Claire and Jamie 4

The show begins in Boston, 1954.  Claire’s daughter, Brianna, is looking at a picture book with birds, and she sees a Heron.  She asks Claire if she’s ever seen a Heron before, and Claire tells her that she saw one once in Scotland.  Brianna asks Claire when she went to Scotland, and Claire tells her that she was in Scotland a long time ago.  That’s an understatement.

We cut to 1740’s France, where Claire is going through a difficult and seemingly painful labor at the hospital.  Mother Hildegarde and the doctor/executioner are trying to help as best they can, but to no avail.  When Claire wakes up, she learns that her baby was stillborn.  In shock, Claire tearfully demands to see the baby.  *Sob*  Some time later, Mother Hildegarde lets Claire know that they baptized the baby as Faith, and buried her in the cemetery at the convent (Mother Hildegarde also lets her know that baptizing the baby was illegal since she wasn’t alive, but she wanted her buried in hallow ground).  A priest also comes in so Claire can give her last confession, as she has what’s known as “childbirth fever,” and may not live much longer.  Claire asks for Jamie, but he’s still locked up.

Later that night, Master Raymond sneaks in the hospital, on the run from King Louis, who is indeed out for blood.  He asks what Claire sees, and she answers that she sees wings.  Master Raymond tells her that wings mean healing, and he places his hands on her, taking the infection out of her.  He then reaches inside her, and tells her to call Jamie’s name as he pulls out the placenta, which was gross, but necessary, since that’s what was making her sick in the first place.  They say their goodbyes and the nuns return, thanking God for making Claire well again.  Mother Hildegarde informs Claire that Jamie is going to stay locked up for a while, and if he had killed his opponent, he would’ve been locked up longer even longer.  She goes on to tell Claire that Black Jack was sent back to England to have his pee-pee stitched up.  I swear, Black Jack is proof that evil never dies.  Claire lets it be known that she’ll never forgive Jamie for dueling with Black Jack.

Weeks later, Claire comes home.  Her servants all show their sympathy, namely Fergus, Suzette and Magnus, the butler that took her to the hospital.  Claire thanks Magnus for helping her.  She’s extremely depressed and angry while she’s home, and there’s also something going on with Fergus.  One night, while Claire’s crying in the hall, she hears Fergus having a nightmare.  Claire goes to his room to comfort him, and tries to get him to talk about it.  Fergus confesses that while he and Jamie were at the whorehouse, he snuck into a room to steal some perfume for Claire, and it turns out Black Jack was renting the room.  Once Black Jack caught Fergus in the room, he locked him inside and proceeded to rape him.  When Fergus cried for help, Jamie caught that no good bastard in the act, and the duel was back on.  *Sigh*  So, not only is Black Jack a rapist, but he’s also a damn pedophile.  There is a special place in Hell for that fool.  That’s why you got stabbed in the dick, Dick.

Claire - Sadistic Piece of Crap

Once Claire finds out the truth, she asks Mother Hildegarde if she can have a private audience with the king (Mother Hildegarde has some pull because she was the goddaughter of the old sun king…whatever that means).  Mother Hildegarde warns her that if she has a private audience to plead Jamie’s freedom, the king may ask her to sleep with him.  Gulp.  Claire pretty much accepts the risk, and soon after, she goes to Versailles.

King Louis sees Claire and she asks for Jamie’s release.  Louis agrees…if Claire does something for him.  Claire immediately expects him to break out the Viagra, but instead, he takes her to a strange room.  He lets her know that he would like her to judge two men on trial for witchcraft.  Sure enough, the men on trial are Master Raymond and That French Fucker.  Louis apparently wants Claire to be a judge since she is “Le Dame Blanche” and can see things that normal folks can’t.  Okaaaayyy…  Oh yeah, and the doctor/executioner was there, too.  Claire utters her now famous “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ” phrase, as she correctly deduces that somebody ’bout to die.  Although Claire does not want either man to die for crimes they did not commit, she can’t resist the urge to screw with St. Germain, and I can’t say I blame her.  She lets it be known that he has darkness within him and tries to get him to admit to Mary’s rape.  TFF denounces her as a witch, and even admits to poisoning her.  Claire says that she is a witch, but a white witch that practices white magic (why does the bad magic have to be black?).  The king lets TFF know that Claire’s not on trial, he is.  Oopsie!  Claire backs off and lets Louis know that all mean have darkness, and Master Raymond’s and St. Germain’s are not different than anyone else’s.

Louis’ still not convinced, and wants a demonstration.  He brings out a snake a la tent revival preachers that are close to my neck of the woods, and says that if the snake kills the men, they were evil all along.  Instead, Claire opts to have the men drink her “poison” to see if it kills them.  Claire gets a bottle of bitter cascara and gives it to Master Raymond first.  He gets sick, but doesn’t die.  Claire passes the same cup to St. Germain, and the white stone on her necklace turns black (remember, that stone changes color when it’s near poison!)!  It turns out Master Raymond used his slight of hand to slip a little poison in that bad boy after he drank it.  Claire resists giving TFF’s evil ass the cup, but Louis insists.  Hey, you can’t say no to the king!  St. Germain starts crying and curses Master Raymond and Claire.  As a matter of fact, he takes a page out of The Exorcist and says that Claire sucks the devil’s cock.  Ass.  He drinks the poison and dies right there on the spot.  Bye, bitch.


Master Raymond is free to leave, but Louis lets it be known that he can never return to France.  Claire is heartbroken to see her friend go.  After the guards drag Master Raymond away, Claire asks Louis if her request to have Jamie released is granted, and he tells her that there’s still a debt to be paid.  He takes her back to his chambers runnin’ (leaving St. Germain’s dead body right there…ha, ha!), and Claire does it with the king…for two seconds.  I mean seriously, Louis pulled down his trousers, thrust inside Claire three times, and was finished.  Worse sex ever, I’m sure.  Shortest, most definitely.  That wasn’t even long enough to even feel guilty about, to be honest.  The king lets Claire know that her request will be fulfilled, and she can leave.

Jamie is released, looking like Santa Claus before his hair turned white, and he asks about the baby.  Claire tells him that Mother Hildegarde actually allowed her to see the baby before she was buried.  Poor Claire held on to little Faith for the rest of the day, until Louise came by the hospital later that night to see her.  Louise convinced her to let the baby go, both literally and figuratively, and once she did, Claire cried her eyes out.  Jamie asks if Claire hated him for what happened, and Claire tells him that she did, but at the same time, she asked Jamie to do the impossible and she put Frank before her family.  Jamie reminds Claire that Frank is her family, too.  Claire asks for forgiveness and Jamie tells her that she’s already forgiven.  Claire also fesses up about her record breaking two second sex with the king, and Jamie immediately forgives her for that as well.  Claire wonders if there’s anyway they can go on, and Jamie tells her they can get through this heartbreak together.  With that being said, Claire tells Jamie she wants to go home…to Scotland.  Jamie agrees, but not before visiting Faith’s grave.  *Sob*

Man…this was the best episode of the season so far, but at the same time, it was also the saddest.  What really made this show sad was that the characters that were victimized blamed themselves for the horrible things that happened.  Like most rape victims, Fergus felt ashamed after being sexually assaulted by Black Jack, and Claire and Jamie each blamed themselves for Faith dying.  Fergus is certainly not to blame for what happened to him, but I also have to say that neither Claire nor should Jamie take responsibility for Faith’s death.  Like Jamie said, Frank is Claire’s family as well, and he shouldn’t have to pay for his great-great grandfather being a complete bastard.  On the other hand, Lord knows Black Jack deserved that ass whuppin’ he took and more.  I still say that Jamie should’ve went full Lorena Bobbitt on him.  I still can’t believe St. Germain aka TFF is gone, but it’s fitting seeing as the Frasers are finally leaving France, praise Jesus.  I’m so happy they’re going back to Scotland.  Paris kind of got on my last nerve.  To say it’s the City of Light, the Frasers’ time there was pretty damn humdrum.  I want the excitement back!  Apparently next week, some shady Jacobite dude is trying to take Lallybroch from Jamie!  You know Jamie ain’t gonna let that shit happen!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Faith”?  Was it the saddest episode of “Outlander” ever?  Are you excited to see Claire and Jamie go back to Scotland, or did you enjoy seeing them in France?  What did you think about St. Germain getting killed ?  And how ’bout that “sex” scene?  Jamie lasted longer on his wedding night than the king did, and keep in mind, Jamie was a virgin!  Did this episode make you cry at all?  Give me your thoughts!

“Best Laid Schemes…” – Recap and Review

Outlander Season 2 2016

This last episode starts off with Jamie still brooding over not being able kill Black Jack.  Murtagh, on the other hand, is still gung ho over the now cancelled duel.  He’s settin’ up times for Jamie to practice his swordfighting and what have you, so y’all can imagine how disappointed he is when Jamie tells him that the duel’s been called off.  Murtagh actually tells Jamie that he changes his mind like a woman with PMS.  Ouch.

Claire is at the hospital, when the dude that’s a doctor by day and an executioner by night (or afternoon…whatever), goes into detail that we never asked for about hanging, drawing and quartering a poor soul later that day.  Claire is obviously sick to her stomach, and the executioner/doctor tells her she should see Master Raymond (the apothecary!  I finally found out his name!).  Claire takes this as a threat and goes to Master Raymond, warning him to leave the city.  At first, Raymond blows the threat off, saying that Louis’ great-grandfather went after various folks in France that were involved in the “dark arts,” but all the accused were later released.  Claire lets Raymond know that unlike his great-grandad, Louis’ ain’t playin’.  Raymond thanks Claire for being a good friend and resigns himself to leave town.  I’m not convinced he’s really gonna leave, personally.

Later that night, Jamie is rubbing Claire’s feet, so it looks like they’ve made up…kind of.  Jamie’s still a bit distant.  He brings up what’s been bothering him:  Claire says that he owes her a life for saving his, but he’s saved her life multiple times and they should be even.  He also brings up that he doesn’t owe Frank anything; Claire had to choose between the two of them and she chose him, not Frank.  Claire asks why Jamie promised to save Frank, and he lets her know that the Stuart Rebellion will probably go on no matter what they do, and he’ll probably be a casualty.  Jamie makes Claire promise to go back through the stones and back to Frank if that happens.  Claire is horrified at the thought of losing Jamie, but she promises.  Well, now we know why she returned.

The next day, Claire uses Jamie as a guinea pig for her smallpox ruse (remember last week, she said she could make a concoction to make it appear like TFF’s men had smallpox so the wine they’re shipping off could be destroyed).  All the stuff she makes Jamie drink, mixes up and puts on his skin works perfectly, but Murtagh could care less.  He’s still pissed about the duel.  Jamie lets Claire know that it’s time to tell Murtagh the truth, and he meets Murtagh outside to do just that.  Once Murtagh finds out, he gives Jamie a swift punch in the face for not telling him sooner “[that Claire] was a witch” (Jamie, stop telling folks Claire is a witch!).  Classic Murtagh.  Jamie and Fergus ride off later to put the plan into action.  Claire approaches Murtagh in the house, while he’s literally writing down all the years she’s been alive (all the years in the 20th century).  He asks if she knows what happens in the Jacobite Rebllion, and she lets him know that she does, and that it doesn’t end well.  Murtagh asks if she knows when people will die, and Claire lets him know that she doesn’t know when any of them will die, personally.  Murtagh, in a rare show of sweetness and empathy, lets her know that he wouldn’t want to bear her burden of knowing the things she does know.

Meanwhile, Jamie and Fergus reach St. Germain’s warehouse, where they poison the wine and put that stuff all over the mens’ jackets to break their skin out.  Later, Jamie meets the prince and TFF at that damn whorehouse.  Crazy ass Charles lets Jamie know that a “mysterious illness” has broken out amongst TFF’s men.  Jamie throws shade and asks if the disease was contagious.  Charles tells him that they’re not sure, and lets him know that he wants Jamie to deliver that wine by foot.  I tell you what…that damn Charles might be crazy, but he’s not as idiotic as we all thought.  He’s thrown a monkey wrench in Jamie and Claire’s plans every week.  They find a way for him to lose his financial backers, he finds another backer.  They try to embarrass him publicly by allowing his lover to announce her pregnancy, he takes it in stride.  They try to talk the Minister of Finance out of funding the rebellion, Charles promises him a French/British alliance.  The man’s not exactly dumb.  Jamie has no choice but to agree to deliver the wine, when TFF nastily tells him he’ll accompany him on the way.

Plan B:  Jamie and Claire decide to stage an ambush en route to deliver the wine, only the “thieves” will be Murtagh and some other dudes dressed in fancy clothes to look like Les Disciples.  Murtagh hates the outfit, by the way.  Claire is nervous about the mission, saying that bad things happen whenever they’re apart (this is true!).  Jamie tells her not to worry, and later that night, they make luuurrrrve (but they don’t show the sex scene.  Sorry).  That next night, Jamie goes with TFF to deliver the wine, while Claire sits through unbearable gossip with Louise and the other cackling hens of Paris.  Jamie and TFF get ambushed as scheduled, and Murtagh even does one better by pretending to try to shoot St. Germain.  Jamie pushes him out the way and Murtagh knocks him out.  They ride off with all the wine, leaving Jamie on the ground and TFF pissed off.

Claire is still listening to the ladies gossip, looking as if she’s about to die when she asks them what could be done about the destitute people in the city.  She mentions that she saw a mother and her baby dead in the city streets the other day.  The ladies appear concerned, but their true colors are soon revealed when Louise says that she’ll speak to someone about moving the poor to a less desirable part of the city where they don’t have to be seen.  Claire is disgusted and leaves them high and dry.  She goes to the hospital to do some more volunteer work, but since she’s about eight months preggo, she starts to get a little worn down.  Mother Hildegarde makes her lie down, and she notices some blood on Claire’s stocking.  She tells Claire that it’s normal for women to bleed a little during pregnancy, and not to worry about it.  However, Mother Hildegarde makes her stay there for the rest of the night, just to be on the safe side.  Jamie and St. Germain meet with crazy ass Charles to tell him the bad news about the wine.  For the first time, Charles doesn’t have a backup plan, and that bitch TFF still blames Jamie for what happened.  I mean, Jamie is to blame, but…aw, hell.  I just don’t like his ass.

Jamie comes back and notices Claire is gone.  Fergus tells him she’s at the hospital resting and that she’ll be back soon.  They sit down to have breakfast when one of the servants lets Jamie know that the prince lost his damn mind at the whorehouse and needs some assistance paying the bill he ran up.  Jamie goes up there with Fergus.  Once they get here, Jamie tells Fergus to stay put while he talks to the head pimp, or whoever, but being a typical hardheaded child, Fergus walks off.  He goes into a room that has a British officer’s jacket hanging up near the bed…as he’s stealing some of the things off a table, the officer walks back into the room and shuts the door…

Claire returns and finds out that Jamie got into a fight with an English officer at the whorehouse.  He’s now in the woods…fighting a duel.  He left a note for Claire that reads, “I am sorry.  I must.”  Claire rushes out of the house and has the butler take her to the woods.  She appears to be in distress the entire way there.  When she gets to the woods, she sees Jamie and Black Jack fighting each other.  Now she’s so weak and in pain, she can barely stand up.  She watches in horror as Jamie and Black Jack fight, knowing that she’s going to lose either Jamie or Frank in the end.  Eventually, Jamie gets the upper hand and stabs Black Jack in the junk!  Yeeaaah, boyeeee!  I just wish that Jamie had gone full Lorena Bobbitt on his ass! By this time, Claire is bleeding all over herself, and is hunched over in pain.  The butler comes over to see about her, and she instructs him to take her to Mother Hildegarde.  Then the cops come and arrest Jamie for dueling.  Claire cries out for Jamie, who finally notices her in the woods.  He cries out to her as the gen d’armes surround him, and Claire weakly calls out his name one more time before passing out.  Black Jack passes out from his wound, too.  Ass.

Like the week before, this episode was slightly dull until midway through.  The excitement doesn’t really get started until Claire and Jamie really put their plan into action, and of course, the ending left me at the edge of my seat.  I just wish the show could’ve started off as fantastic as it ended.  So far this season, there’s only been one episode that was great from start to finish.  I shouldn’t complain, though.  At least it wasn’t completely dull like “Useful Occupations and Deceptions” (episode three).  God, that was awful.  Now that Black Jack has been castrated (sort of), I have a little theory about Frank’s fate.  Considering that this is the 18th century, and that he was stabbed in the balls, Black Jack’s chances of having kids is pretty much nil.  However, Claire didn’t immediately disappear from the 1700’s once he got stabbed (see my review about dull behind episode three for further nerdy explanation on the space time continuum), meaning that it’s possible that Frank may actually be a descendant of Alex Randall, not Black Jack Randall.  Maybe something happens to Alex, and Mary, not wanting to raise a child alone, marries Black Jack (poor child).  I’m thinking that’s what may have happened, considering that Frank is still alive and well in the 1940’s.  I can’t wait for next week’s episode.  It looks like the outcome with the baby isn’t good, and Claire’s pissed at Jamie for breaking his promise, but I’m really anxious to find out what that damn Black Jack did to Fergus in that room.  For Jamie to get pissed off enough to break his word, it had to be horrendous.  Be sure to tune in!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Best Laid Schemes…”?  Was it phenomenal from start to finish, exciting only after it got midway through, or just plain dull from the time it came on till the time it went off?  What do you think happened to Fergus in the room?  Do you think Black Jack is incapable of having children now?  Also, do you think Prince Charles will have a comeback from this setback?  Give me your thoughts!




“Untimely Resurrection” – Recap and Review

Claire and Jamie 2

We pick up right where we left off last week.  The house is in shambles from the fight that broke out.  It turns out the g‘darmes TFF summoned actually were the cops, and they arrested everyone, including Jamie (where I come from, the Comte would be known as a “snitch bitch”).  Claire and Fergus sat up all night waiting for him to return.  When Jamie returns the next morning, he sweetly puts Fergus to bed and lets Claire know that Alex was blamed for Mary’s rape, and the only thing that’ll get him out of the Bastille is Mary’s word that Alex is innocent.  The Duke of Sandringham already fired him to avoid any scandal.  Punk.  Jamie asks if Claire could identify any of the men, but she says she couldn’t (did she forget about the wine colored birthmark on the dude’s hand?); only that they spoke aristocratic French.  Jamie asks how she got away from them, and she lets them know about the whole La Dame Blanche nonsense.  It turns out that Jamie knows how the whole La Dame Blanche rumor got started…it was him.  At the whorehouse he and crazy ass Charles love to frequent, Jamie started the rumor about Claire to keeps the hoes away.  Claire is pissed at first, considering that she was nearly burned as a witch back in Scotland, but Jamie lets her know that if one of the men that tried to rape her frequent the whorehouse, he can find out exactly who it was, and they may lead him to St. Germain, who was most likely behind the attack.

When Murtagh’s finally released from jail, he’s tasked with following St. Germain to find out exactly what he has going on with the prince (Claire let Jamie know they left the party together) and to verify if he was behind Claire and Mary’s attack.  Murtagh goes to Jamie’s workplace and informs him that there’s a gang of masked wealthy folks in Paris known as “Les Disciples” that attack people at night.  The way they’re initiated into the gang is by raping a virgin.  Gross.  Murtagh goes on to say that he feels guilty for not protecting Claire and Mary, not to mention Jamie’s unborn child.  Jamie tells him there’s nothing for him to feel bad about.  Murtagh still says he can’t forgive himself, and Jamie advises him to stay on TFF if he wants to feel better.  Murtagh swears to him that he will.

Claire visits Mary, who’s writing a letter to prove Alex’s innocence.  Like most rape victims, Mary is feeling ashamed and that she’ll never be herself again.  Claire lets her know that she has nothing to be ashamed of, and gives her some herbs to help with her physical pain.  Mary tells Claire that she’s glad she doesn’t have to marry that ugly old man she was betrothed to, and now she’s free to marry Alex once he gets out of jail.  Mary asks Claire to deliver the letter to the authorities, but Claire actually considers not sending it, due the fact that if Alex and Mary get married, it may put Frank’s existence in jeopardy.  According to Frank’s family tree, Mary has a child with Black Jack, not Alex.  Uh-oh…

Crazy ass Charles visits Jamie at work, letting him know that although his other financial backers have let him twist in the wind, he’ll soon be getting $10,000 pounds…from Le Comte St. Germain.  I can’t stand that guy.  Apparently, TFF and Charles have made a business arrangement:  TFF wants to buy Portuguese wine to sell, and Charles took out a loan to help him buy it, since the Comte’s running low on funds (I wonder why?).  They’ll use the profit from selling the wine to start securing ships for the Rebellion.  I can’t help buy wonder what’s in this for St. Germain.  I’m sure he doesn’t give a damn about Scotland.  Charles lays another doozy on Jamie:  he has to work with TFF to sell the wine.  *Groan*

It turns out that Claire sent the letter to the authorities and Alex is released from the Bastille.  However, Claire does everything in her power to dissuade Alex from marrying Mary.  “Blah, blah…you just lost your job…blah, blah…you have a bad cold and she shouldn’t be your nurse…blah, blah.”  All the negative talk pretty much makes Alex feels like he’s not the man for her, and he decides to give her up.  Claire feels bad for breaking his heart, as she should, but she convinces herself she’s doing it to secure Frank’s existence.  Poor Mary.  Black Jack’s homicidal rapist ass’ll make the ugly dude with warts look good in comparison.

Jamie and TFF meet at the whorehouse to discuss the wine sale…or at least, they were supposed to discuss the wine sale.  Jamie tells TFF that he doesn’t want to be around him, and wants to just get down to business so they can leave.  Like the bastard he is, TFF taunts Jamie about Claire.  Jamie tells him that if he finds out he had anything to do with Claire’s attack, he’s dead where he sits.  TFF shrugs the threat off, and tells Jamie that he’ll handle the shipment of the wine and he’ll keep it at his warehouse.  Jamie can call him when he gets a buyer, and only when he gets a buyer.  Whatever.  He doesn’t wanna be in business with your shady ass, either.  Back at the house, Jamie gives Claire the news, and Claire has an idea to make TFF’s men appear like they have smallpox so the shipment of wine can be destroyed, which in turn would cause Charles to lose his money.  In a sweet Fraser moment (I’m so damn tired of politics), Jamie gives Claire a christening gift of twelve spoons for each of the twelve Apostles.  It turns out to be a Fraser heirloom.  Claire is moved by the gift, and she asks Jamie if he thinks she’ll be a good mother.  Jamie assures her she will, and whatever she doesn’t know, they’ll learn together.  Awww…

The next day, Jamie and Claire go to Versailles to help the Duke buy horses.  Trust me…this is actually where the story gets interesting.  Just sit tight.  The Duke and Jamie engage in small talk as the latter checks horses like a doggone equestrian expert.  Prince Charles’ name comes up, and the Duke lets him know that he thinks the prince is an utter ass (that was funny!).  He also can’t help but notice that Jamie is such a good judge of horses but not of men.  Jamie lets the Duke know he sees Charles for what he is, but is in league with him because of the king (lies from the tree of lies!).  In the meantime, Jamie’s ex-girlfriend Annalise sees Claire and asks to walk with her in the garden.  Annalise basically discusses how much Jamie has changed since she knew him.  Before he was impulsive and passionate, and now he’s all about business and politics like everyone else (yeah, we miss the old Jamie, too).  Claire tries to convince Annalise that deep down, Jamie hasn’t changed, but Annalise is distracted by a man in the distance that keeps staring at Claire.  Claire turns around to see who she’s talking about, and it’s none other than…


Awwww, hell!  It’s on now!

Black Jack introduces himself like everything is everything, and Claire starts to feel sick, naturally.  Annalise runs off to get Jamie, leaving poor Claire with one of the most sadistic men to walk the face of the Earth.  Black Jack taunts Claire, of course, and refuses to let her walk away from him.  He even goes so far as to grab her arm to keep her there.  Claire demands that he let her go.  “The King,” Black Jack sneers.  Channeling The Hound from “Game of Thrones,” Claire answers back, “FUCK THE KING!”

It turns out King Louis is right behind her.  Claire straightens herself up and bows for the king; she even introduces Black Jack to him.  She’s better than me, I wouldn’t have introduced that asshole for all the money in the world.  Louis is charmed by Claire, but he appears to not care too much for Black Jack, and even goes so far as to insult his French (I love it!).  Jamie shows up (oh, shit!), and gives his respects to the king as well.  Claire coolly asks Randall what he’s doing in France, and it turns out he came there to get Alex’s job back.  Louis tells him to get on his knees and beg for it.  At first Black Jack thinks he’s joking, but he soon sees that Louis is serious.  That’s right, get on your knees, bitch!  Black Jack eventually gets on his knees, much to the satisfaction of Claire, Jamie, and the king.  Even the king’s men were crackin’ up.  I officially love King Louis now.  Claire and Jamie excuse themselves (Claire blames morning sickness for the third time that day), and the king allows Randall to get off his knees (ha, ha!).  Before they leave, Jamie and Black Jack have one last talk.  It turns out they scheduled a duel.  Claire is horrified.

When Jamie gets home, he’s happier than a kid on Christmas Day.  Claire on the other hand, immediately has their carriage take her to the Bastille.  I don’t even think Jamie noticed she was gone.  Later that night, Jamie and Murtagh prepare for the duel, when Claire comes in and tells them that there’s not going to be one.  She went to the Bastille and falsely accused Randall of raping Mary and attacking Claire.  Hey, it’s not like Black Jack isn’t really a rapist!  Claire sends Murtagh away so she and Jamie can talk.  Jamie reminds her that when she told him that Black Jack was alive, she gave him a gift, and now he wants to claim that gift.  Claire finally fesses up a la Doc Brown and tells Jamie that if he kills Black Jack, Frank will vanish from existence.  Jamie ain’t tryin’ to hear it.  Black Jack did too much to him to live another second.  Claire has to choose:  it’s either him or Frank.  Claire asks Jamie to wait a year, and reminds him that she saved his life twice and he owes her.  Jamie is mad enough to breathe fire, but since he’s a man of honor, he repays his debt to Claire and promises to wait one year…but not a day later.  Claire tries to hug Jamie, but he very angrily—and nastily—warns her not to touch him.  *Sob*

This episode started off pretty dull and my interest was waning.  Then again, that could’ve been because I was psyched to go see Captain America:  Civil War after the show (and I still ended up not going.  Long story.  I’m definitely going to tomorrow’s show so I can post a blog on it).  But when Black Jack showed up, the TV had my undivided attention!  I can’t wait to see where this is going to go!  Now the Frasers have to deal with the Duke, the Comte and Black Jack!  And poor Jamie can’t touch Randall for another year!  Ouch!  I was really sad to see Jamie so pissed at Claire, though.  Don’t get me wrong, I get why he was pissed, but I also get why Claire had to do what she did.  Not only does she still love Frank (not as much as Jamie, but she still loves him), but as I said a while back, if Frank ceases to exist, it’ll cause an alternate timeline of events and Claire will never go back in time to meet Jamie.  Yes, I’m a nerd.  My favorite part of the show had to be when King Louis humiliated Black Jack.  It was so great to see that fool get his.  Louis must have a way of detecting pure evil when he sees it.  Oh yeah, there’s another thing I loved about this episode…Jamie wore his kilt again and showed off those sexy legs!  Yay!  It looks like next week, Claire and Jamie will have gotten over this blowout (thank God) and will concentrate on how to destroy TFF’s wine shipment.  I really hope it’s red wine.  I hate red wine.  So nasty.  Tastes like beer.

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Untimely Resurrection”?  Was the entire episode dull, or did you pipe up once Black Jack Randall returned?  Also, what do you think about Black Jack’s return?  Do you think Jamie should still kill him and get it over with, or do you side with Claire and believe he should live until he gets Mary pregnant?  Your thoughts, please!



“La Dame Blanche” – Recap and Review

Outlander Season 2 2016

Praise Jesus.  This episode was actually good.  Let’s do this.

The show begins with Jamie and Monsieur Duvernay playing what appears to be another boring game of chess, when the minister asks Jamie what he plans on naming the baby.  He and Claire–who’s watching the game—have a chuckle worthy disagreement over what to name the baby if it’s a boy when who shows up?  Le Comte de St. Germain!  Yeah, That French Fucker is back with a vengeance!  Not only does that bastard ruin the chess game by giving away Monsieur Duvernay’s moves, but he also makes time to see that Claire’s drink is poisoned.  Never mind that she’s pregnant and showing.  This man is purely evil…but damn, he makes for good TV.

Thankfully, the poison in Claire’s drink isn’t fatal…but while Claire is recuperating later that night, she guesses that cascara was put in her drink.  She knows for a fact that her apothecary friend sells cascara.  Hmmm…  To distract Claire from the pain the poison’s causing, Jamie tells her of his new plan:  Invite the Duke of Sandringham and Prince Charles to a dinner at their house.  That way, the duke can meet the prince’s nutty ass in person and take back his funding.  Claire is none too happy about the plan, and Jamie notices.  She finally fesses up that Black Jack is actually alive and that she heard the news from his baby bro, who is the duke’s secretary.  To Claire’s—and all viewers’—surprise, Jamie isn’t upset, scared or angry by this news.  He’s happy.  Extremely happy.  Now, Jamie has the opportunity to kill Randall himself.  Too bad Jamie never watched Back to the Future.

Claire goes to the apothecary the next day and asks if he sold the cascara to TFF.  He claims he sold it to Joe Schmo months ago (rhyme not intended…not really), and he could’ve possibly have been employed by the Comte, but he had no idea.  Much like Gellis Duncan (see season one), the apothecary seems to have two sides to him.  He then takes Claire in the back and shows her his cool collection of dinosaur fossils and unconventional medicine.  He even allows Claire to shake up some sheep knuckles in a cup and throw them onto to a zebra hide like dice to learn more about Frank’s future.  The apothecary says that he can’t see Frank’s fate, but the bones do say that she’ll see Frank again.  Claire is shocked.  Yahtzee!

That night, Jamie comes home and lo and behold, he’s horny.  Claire is all but ready to give it to him until she sees bite marks on his thighs.  Of course, she wigs out and Jamie mentions that he was approached by a ho that wanted him to engage in the sixty-nine position.  Jamie lets Claire know that he didn’t do anything with the whore, but she showed him that he still had sexual urges, a revelation that made him all too happy.  Claire understandably becomes livid at the thought that Jamie was aroused by another woman, especially given the fact that he hasn’t touched her in ages.  Jamie lets her know that Claire is also responsible for making him feel like more of a man, by telling him that Randall is still alive.  That still doesn’t appease Claire.  She mentions that she and Jamie don’t talk like they used to, and she feels alone at times.  She even says that they didn’t even talk about baby names until Duvernay asked about it.  Jamie says that she doesn’t know how he’s been struggling since his rape, and Claire makes him open up.  He tells her that the assault made him feel extremely exposed and vulnerable, like being naked and forced to hide under a blade of grass.  Claire understands, and after trying to sleep in separate bedrooms, she goes to Jamie in the middle of the night, and they make love.  I’m sure half of America cheered.

While basking in the afterglow, Jamie hears noises coming from the roof.  It’s none other than crazy ass Prince Charles trying to get in Jamie’s house at God-knows-what hour so he can chit-chat and have Claire patch up his injured hand.  While Claire’s tending the wound, the prince tells them that his married lover dumped him and kicked him out of her house when she heard her husband returning.  Before he left, his lover’s pet monkey bit the crap out of his hand, hence the wound.  He decided to go to Jamie’s house for comfort and refuge since it was down the street.  Claire remembers earlier that day that Louise confided in her that she was pregnant with another man’s child and didn’t want her husband to know…and Louise has a pet monkey.  After Charles leaves, Claire and Jamie devise another plan:  Invite Louise to the big dinner and announce the pregnancy in front of Charles.  That way, Charles’ll go ape shit in front of Sandringham, making him even more convinced not to spend a dime of his money.  Claire asks Jamie if doing this makes them bad people, to which Jamie says, “It’s a bad thing…but we’re doing it for a good reason.”  Claire then asks if that’s what all bad people say.  Nah, Claire!  Not all bad people!  Just Hitler, Bin Laden…

The next week, the Fraser household prepares for the dinner…well, most of the Fraser household.  Claire decides to do a shift at the hospital to make herself useful.  Now, I’m a modern day woman, so I’m all for a sister doing it for herself, but with all things considered, this would’ve been the perfect time for Claire to stay her ass at home.  You’ll see what I mean in a minute.  Claire’s shift runs longer than usual, and to add insult to injury, the wheel on the carriage “breaks.”  Claire, Mary (she came with Claire to volunteer) and Murtagh don’t have time to wait for the wheel to be repaired, so they walk back home.  Murtagh sends Fergus ahead to let Jamie know they’re gonna be late.  Back at the house, Jamie greets the guests, including the slimy ass Duke of Sandringham, who was among the first to arrive.  After flirting with Jamie, he wastes no time introducing Black Jack’s baby bro to him.  Jamie is a little taken aback, but if that asshole was looking for complete shock, he’s a day late and a few dollars short.

While walking home, Mary confesses to Claire that although she’s betrothed (to an ugly man), she’s fallen in love with a man named Randall.  Claire freezes up, thinking she’s referring to Black Jack, but Mary soon mentions that it’s Alex Randall she’s smitten with (the baby bro).  Just then, they’re attacked by a group of thugs.  One thug rapes Mary, the other two knock Murtagh out, and then try to force Claire to perform oral (I’m guessing it was because she’s pregnant).  Claire notices that one of them has a wine colored birthmark on his hand.  In the opening credits, a man with a wine colored birthmark can be seen dismantling a wheel on a carriage.  Coincidence?  I think not.  When they try to rip Claire’s clothes off, they see a white stone around her neck .  The apothecary gave Claire the stone earlier, saying that it changes color whenever it’s near anything poisonous.  The men wig out.  “C’est la dame blanche!”  Then they run like roaches when the lights come on.  Okay…you’re scared of a white woman.  Isn’t France full of white women?  Didn’t you just rape one white woman and try to rape another?  I’m glad these punks got scared and ran off, but WTF?

Back at the house, Jamie’s still greeting his guests, when who shows up uninvited?  TFF.  Turns out Sandringham invited him to the party.  I ask again…WTF?  How are you gonna invite some dude to someone else’s house?  I wouldn’t be surprised if the duke found out how much the Comte hates the Frasers and invited him to the party for shits and giggles.  Ass.  Claire and the others finally arrive at the house.  Mary has passed out from the shock of the assault.  When Jamie finds out what happened, he’s ready to kill.  Claire stops him and lets him know that taking care of Mary and keeping up appearances at the party are more important.  Baby Bro Randall, who also sees the injured party arrive, lets Claire know that he’ll stay by Mary’s side throughout the night.  They sneak in the house around the back to keep the others in the dark.  Claire wants to tell the authorities about Mary’s rape, but Jamie mentions that if anyone finds out what happened to her, her reputation will be destroyed, as no man wants to marry a woman who’s no longer a virgin.  Damn, it’s not like Mary asked to be violently raped!  Man, I’m glad I was born in the 20th century.  Jamie spills the news about the Comte being “invited” to dinner and correctly deducing that he had something to do with the sabotage.  Claire is visibly shaken by this news, but she tells Jamie to keep his head and go on with the dinner, as too much is at stake.

When Claire makes her grand entrance, Jamie introduces her.  All the guests politely bow to her as a form of respect, except for the Duke and TFF.  Jamie notices TFF’s rude behavior.  Hell, no one wanted his nasty ass there anyway.  Dinner is served, and the guests make small talk.  The Duke tells bad jokes that work the prince’s nerves.  Jamie asks Charles to tell Sandringham to tell him his political views, which clearly bore the duke and Louise, who promptly changes the subject.  Seems like they feel the same way we have this entire season.  Jamie spills the beans on Louise’s pregnancy, which shakes Charles up.  Charles keeps his cool for the most part, but he doesn’t hesitate to throw shade toward Louise’s husband.  TFF sits near Claire, eating his soup like everything is everything.  Claire nervously eats, throwing glances his way, and vice versa.  The Comte’s side chick compliments the stone Claire’s wearing, when TFF lets it be known that the stone will change color if poison is near and maybe everyone should wear a stone like it if Claire’s so afraid of her own food.  Claire tells him that maybe he should wear a stone.  Shots fired.

In the meantime, Baby Bro Randall is looking after Mary, never leaving her side.  He gently tells her that he loves her and that he won’t let any harm come to her.  Aww…he’s so sweet.  Black Jack must’ve been adopted.  Mary wakes up, still traumatized, and starts fighting Alex.  She jumps out of bed and runs away.  Alex goes after her and catches up to her in one of the parlor rooms.  Mary continues to fight him and Alex tackles her to the ground.  By this time, Mary’s screaming and thrashing, while Alex is holding her down, trying to get her to relax.  Now it looks like he’s raping Mary, and when the guests hear the commotion and try to see what’s going on, that’s exactly what they think.  Jamie pulls Alex off her and picks Mary up, and Mary’s idiotic uncle and fiancé (who were also invited) think that Jamie just raped Mary.  Never mind the fact that Jamie was in the damn dining room with them when they heard all the noise.  They try to jump Jamie, but they’re no match for the sexy Scot, and Jamie beats the crap of them.  More morons jump in the fight, and Jamie fights them off too.  Claire holds an extremely frightened Mary in her arms and yells for the men to stop, but to no avail.  Then Murtagh walks in, wearing his traditional Scottish shirt and kilt.  Oooh…it’s on now!  Murtagh and Jamie start kickin’ ass and takin’ names!  There’s even a point in time where Claire tosses a curtain cord to Jamie to whup some sense into those fools!  I guess she figured she might as well help out, seeing as the fight had no chance of just ending.  The Duke, being the punk that he is, whines about how he won’t be able to have dessert and leaves.  TFF plays on Charles’ unease with the fight and has him leave with him and his side chick, but not before summoning the g’darmes, whoever the hell they are.  Sound like the cops.  The show ends with Fergus’ little bad ass sneaking into the dining room to eat all the food and drink all the wine, while Jamie and Murtagh continue to hand these French folks’ asses to them.  Don’t fuck with Scotland.

As you can see by my lengthy recap, a lot happened in this episode, and I loved it!  This was hands down the best episode of the season so far; a complete 180º from the sleep inducing show we had to endure last week.  It had romance, drama, thrills and excitement.  This is the “Outlander” that we’ve all come to know and love.  Stuff like this is what made us all fans in the first place.  Welcome back old “Outlander.”  Please don’t leave us again.  I can’t wait to see what TFF is going to do on next week’s episode (assuming he’ll be back next week).  Not only that, but according to the previews, Claire tells Jamie that killing Black Jack before he marries will destroy the space-time continuum and cause Frank not to exist.  Jamie responds by telling Claire she has to choose between Frank and him.  Yeah…I’m really gonna need Jamie to watch Back to the Future.

—Written by Nadiya

EDIT:  After watching the episode once more, I realized I was wrong about two things in this post.  Number one, the Comte showed up with his wife, the Comtess, not a side piece as I originally thought.  That poor woman.  I can’t imagine being married to that beast.  Secondly, the rapists in the alley didn’t freak out after seeing the stone around Claire’s neck.  They freaked out when they actually saw Claire’s face.  Claire had a hood over her head when the thugs jumped them, and it was dark.  When they tried to force her to perform oral, they removed the hood, and freaked out the minute they saw who she was.  These idiots must’ve believed she was a witch, which makes no sense considering that all she’s done while in town was correctly diagnose a few men with smallpox.  Basically, they were scared of an actual white woman…despite the fact that I’ve only seen one person of color (the apothecary’s maid) in the whole damn city.  That’s all!

So what did y’all think about “La Dame Blanche?”  Was it a throwback to the first season of “Outlander” or do you still think that it’s still not quite as good as it used to be?  Your thoughts, please!


“Useful Occupations and Deceptions” – Recap and Review

Jamie and Murtagh

*Sigh*  Let’s just jump right into this.

So…the Frasers are still in Paris, but the couple isn’t having too much fun in the City of Light.  Jamie spends his days and nights rubbing elbows with Monsieur Duvernay and the crazy ass “Bonny” Prince Charles trying to bring down the Rebellion, whereas Claire spends her days and nights not doing a damn thing but sitting around the house and joining in the occasional card game with Louise de la Tour and timid Mary Hawkins.  Although Jamie’s life is busy, he hates what he’s doing, and Claire can’t stand being reduced to a socialite.  The only one having a blast is Murtagh, and that’s because he’s started participating in extracurricular activities with the maid.  Murtagh cracks me up this season!

To make matters worse for the Frasers, Jamie soon learns that the prince actually has an unknown financial backer to fund his war, and although Jamie previously convinced Monsieur Duvernay to talk the Prince out of the Rebellion, crazy ass Charles gave him an even sweeter deal:  an alliance between Britain and France in exchange for King Louis’ financial assistance.  If that’s not bad enough, Claire finally pieces together why Mary Hawkins’ name is so familiar to her…she’s Frank’s great-great grandmother, soon to be married to none other than Black Jack Randall (who’s still alive, by the way.  Evil never dies).  Claire realizes that Black Jack can’t be killed, because if he is, Frank will cease to exist.  If you wanna get even deeper than that, if Frank vanishes from existence, Claire will also vanish from the 1700’s, since she’ll never have a reason to go to Scotland on her second honeymoon and visit the stones of Craigh Na Dun.  I know, I just gave y’all a serious nerd moment.

Claire lets Murtagh know that Black Jack is still alive (naturally, she leaves out the second part about killing him and destroying the space-time continuum as they know it), and Murtagh advises that she not tell Jamie, as it will take his mind off what they’re doing and have him only focused on revenge.  In the meantime, Claire decides to do more while she’s in France.  Thanks to her apothecary buddy (whose name I still can’t remember!), she learns that the charity hospital in town is always looking for volunteers, and the services of a healer would be much appreciated.  Claire jumps on the opportunity and quickly finds herself in her element.  She diagnoses patients, tends to wounds, she even tasted some urine to deduce what was ailing a sick woman (yes, you read that right.  She tasted pee).  Jamie wasn’t too happy to hear about Claire becoming Florence Nightingale.  Not only was she not home when he needed her to be, but he believes being around all those sick people (and tasting their pee) will hurt the baby.  They get into a big argument—even Murtagh gets in trouble for taking her down there (Murtagh’s reaction had me rollin’!)—and Jamie storms out the house.  Booooooo.

While Jamie’s drowning his sorrows in a nearby tavern, he encounters a young pickpocket ripping all the patrons off (he even managed to steal Jamie’s beloved snake sculpture a few nights earlier.  You have to watch the first season to learn the significance of that wooden figurine).  Jamie chases him down and puts the kid in his employ, having him steal letters from crazy ass Charles so he and Murtagh can decipher the coded messages.  He pretty much adopts the kid.  Jamie moves him into their house and renames him “Fergus” because his real name “wasn’t manly enough.”  Claire isn’t too keen on the new living situation, but she praises Jamie for his idea.  That’s about all she’s willing to say to him though, considering they’re not exactly on speaking terms.

For the next few days, Fergus steals letters for Jamie, who in turn attempts to crack the codes with Murtagh.  Claire continues her work at the charity hospital.  One day, Fergus retrieves a letter that is actually a musical composition.  Jamie correctly deduces that it’s actually a coded message, so he begrudgingly visits Claire at the hospital to have her boss, Mother Hildegarde, decipher the meaning.  The sheet music is a German composition, and since Mother Hildegarde is indeed German, Jamie figures she’s the best lady for the job.  She notes (no pun intended) that the piece is taken from one of Bach’s works (and she knows Bach personally!) but the key is constantly changing.  Later that night, Jamie and Claire figure out that the key changes are what’s needed to decode the actual letter.  They soon learn it’s a message from the Duke of Sandringham himself, stating that he’s gathered all the funds they need.  Jamie is happier than he’s been in weeks, and he breaks out the good alcohol to celebrate.  Little does he realize, the second he meets up with the Duke, he’ll learn that Black Jack is actually alive (remember Black Jack’s baby bro works for the Duke).  Murtagh begs Claire to tell Jamie, but she remains tight lipped, not wanting to spoil Jamie’s moment in the sun.  DUN-DUN-DUUUUUNNNNNN!

I have to say, this episode was dull as dishwater.  I’m ready for the Frasers to return to their beloved Scotland, because France isn’t delivering the goods like I thought it would.  Nothing exciting is happening.  I can see why Claire and Jamie are dissatisfied with their new lives; their new lives are beginning to dissatisfy us!  All they have are conversations over games of chess, conversations in brothels, conversations at parties…long, boring drawn out conversations.  “Madame Secretary” brings more fire than this season of “Outlander,” and that’s an actual political drama.  I want the heat, drama and romance as well as the political aspects to come back.  Claire working in the hospital gave a small taste of what we’ve come to love about the show, but it’s still a pale version of what the series once was.  Then, when there’s an opportunity for something interesting to happen, it’s over all too soon!  TFF made an appearance this week (to learn what that means, see my last week’s “Outlander” review), but it lasted all of five seconds, and hardly any words were exchanged between him and Claire.  I will say that the apothecary seemed a bit chummy with TFF, although he let it be known last week that he considers the Comte an enemy as well.  Claire called him on it, and I hope we get more insight into their relationship as well as the Comte’s conflict with the Frasers.  Next week, Claire and Jamie host a huge dinner with Monsieur Duvernay and the Duke of Sandringham in attendance, which I’m sure will bring about more boring political mumbo jumbo, but Jamie apparently gets pissed off and starts whuppin’ someone’s ass halfway through the episode.  My mom was psyched to see a fight actually break out, and to honest, so am I.  I’m ready to kill to see some real action and excitement happen this season.  Step it up, y’all.  Bring back the “Outlander” that made us all fans in the first place.

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Useful Occupations and Deceptions”?  Did it have you biting your fingernails or was it so boring you could hear your hair grow?  Give me your thoughts, please!


“Not In Scotland Anymore” – Recap and Review

Claire and Jamie

What’s up, y’all?  For those of you that don’t know, I’m a HUGE fan of the “Outlander” TV series.  My mom became addicted to the show first, and I decided to give it a chance when I logged onto to my VUDU account one faithful night and saw that they were giving away the first episode of the first season for free.  I’ve been hooked ever since.  Very briefly, for the folks that have never heard of the show, it tells the adventures of a woman named Claire Beauchamp Randall Fraser (that’s a mouthful, isn’t it?), who travels back in time to the 1740’s and ends up meeting Jamie Fraser, a super hot Scotsman.  Claire eventually marries and falls helplessly in love with Jamie (in that order).  The only thing is, back in the 1940’s (her original time period), she’s already married to a sweet, yet slightly dull British professor named Frank Randall.  Intrigued?  That’s just the tip of the iceberg!  I highly suggest y’all go back and watch the first season.  Good stuff.

For my readers that are fans of the show, let’s get into this recap!  By the way, I’m sorry I never posted anything about the season premiere.  Life got in the way, as it sometimes does, and before I knew it, it was time for the next episode to air.  I promise to be more diligent with my recaps and reviews for the rest of the season.  Scout’s honor.  Anyway, this past episode starts off a few weeks after Claire and Jamie arrived in France and began making new enemies.  We learned that they were in Paris to stop the Jacobite Rebellion, which would in turn would prevent the Battle of Culloden…but they failed.  Now that we know what happened, we have to find out why and how it happened.  We finally get some clues in this episode.

At the beginning of the show, something happens that nearly everyone’s been beggin’ to see…sex!  Well, sort of.  Jamie has a dream that he and Claire are making love, and Claire is soon replaced by none other than Black Jack Randall.  For those that don’t know, Jonathan “Black Jack” Randall is Frank’s ancestor and the two of them look exactly alike, which causes a dilemma for Claire at times.  Black Jack is also Jamie’s captor/torturer/rapist.  Once again, you have to see season one.  It’s intense.  Anyway, Jamie naturally goes straight HAM and starts stabbing Black Jack with his dagger, only to see Jack’s evil behind survive the attack.  Poor Jamie wakes up in a cold sweat and refuses to go back to sleep.  Claire tries to reassure Jamie that Randall’s dead, but it doesn’t do much to ease his mind.

In the days that follow, Claire and Jamie try to acclimate themselves in a new country.  Claire makes some new friends:  the hilarious Louise de la Tour, who reveals that waxing was around in the 1700’s (including bikini waxing…ouch!), the timid Mary Hawkins, a guest at Louise’s house who will be a very important part of the series, and a charming apothecary, whose name I can’t remember.  I’m glad to see she’s not pissing off everyone she comes in contact with.  Last week, she got on the bad side of a nefarious man known as Le Comte de Saint Germain, or as I like to call him, That French Fucker.  Murtagh, on the other hand, can’t wait to leave France, and had some interesting observations about Paris and the people there.  When he said the city smelled like a toilet, I lost my shit (no pun intended).

Jamie’s cousin soon hooks him up with an invitation to meet Prince Charles Stuart aka The Bonny Prince, who is the leader of the Jacobite Rebellion.  Jamie and Murtagh take the opportunity to try to talk the prince out of rebelling, but the prince is, for lack of a better word, dumb.  He claims to listen to no one but God—never mind the fact that God pretty much sent two messengers to talk some sense into his dumb ass—and wants to go ahead with the rebellion.  However, he needs funds to do it, and wants the French Minister of Finance to do help him.  He asks Jamie to be the liaison between the two men.  By the way, “bonny” means “pretty” in Scottish, right?  The prince is pretty strange looking, in my opinion.  Also, I learned something else in this scene…dildos were around in the 1700’s, too.  Mind blown.

Since Jamie is tasked with asking the Minister of Finance for funds, he and Claire decide to meet him at the French Court in Versailles to actually talk him out of it.  Thanks to Louise, they had the necessary invitation to go up there.  This leads up to the scene we’ve all been waiting for…Claire in the red dress (I’ll save my commentary on the dress for later).  The final scene at the French Court was hands down the best one of the episode.  So much went down in those final 15-20 minutes.  Jamie bumped into his ex-girlfriend, and he got to witness King Louis XV attempting to take a crap.  Jamie even gave him some tips to ease his constipation (I swear I’m not making this up.  Murtagh had some hilarious commentary on that as well.  Murtagh is my boy!  I liked him in season one, but I’m lovin’ him this season!).  Monsieur Duvernay, the Minister of Finance, eventually met up with Claire, but not before he tried to hit on her and Jamie promptly pushed him into a nearby lake.  Thankfully for them, Monsieur Duvernay admitted his behavior was out of line and he apologized, opting to meet Jamie later for a game of chess.  Then, the king (still constipated and walking funny to boot) made an appearance at the gala with his mistress…who was wearing a dress with her breasts completely exposed, save some swans glued near the nipples (once again, I’m not making this up).  Murtagh’s reaction to the king’s mistress was priceless.  He actually liked seeing that.

Last, but definitely not least, the Frasers learned that the Duke of Sandringham was in town, still causing trouble.  Last season, the Duke promised to help Jamie clear his name by denouncing Black Jack’s false accusations and bringing his deplorable treatment of the Scottish people to light.  Instead, the Duke betrayed Jamie by runnin’ his mouth to Black Jack about the document he was supposed to send to the British officials and even going so far as to give him the damn paper.  Jack destroyed it, of course.  Claire and Murtagh made it clear they had no use for the Duke—hell, Murtagh wanted to kill him right there in the palace—but Jamie was willing to let bygones be bygones.  I’m guessing that Jamie sees that the Duke is too powerful of a man to have as an enemy.  Despite the fact that he and Jamie seemed to be on decent terms, the fool took great pleasure in introducing Claire to Alexander Randall, his new cleric.  What’s so special about that, you ask?  Alexander Randall is no other than Black Jack Randall’s baby bro.  Not only that, baby bro revealed that Black Jack is actually alive and well.  DUN-DUN-DUUNNNNNN!  Then to add insult to injury, the Duke had the nerve to smirk in Claire’s face after that revelation.  Punk ass.  Now Claire is debating whether or not she should even tell Jamie the news (he wasn’t in the room when this little tidbit of information came out).  DUN-DUN-DUUNNNNNN!

In my opinion, this episode was better than last week’s, but there still wasn’t enough excitement to keep me on the edge of my seat.  Political matters in the Scottish highlands had me glued to the TV last season.  Political matters in France  aren’t really tickling my fancy this go around.  As a matter of fact, they’re a bit ho-hum.  I was hoping That French Fucker (or TFF, for short) would make an appearance again, seeing as he was the saving grace in last week’s episode, but alas, he was a no-show.  The Duke coming back was a welcome sight, though.  I’m beggin’ for either Claire or Jamie to give him a much deserved ass whuppin’.  I’m ready for this season to pick up.  After the brilliance of the first season, season two has some big shoes to fill.  However, we’re only two episodes in, so I’m still holding out hope.  I will say this though, folks really need to be more patient about the sex scenes.  In nearly every article I’ve read, all I’ve seen is, “Where’s the sex?” or “There were no love scenes in the episode!”  Yes, the love scenes were one of the many things that had us all hooked on the show, but you have to remember that Jamie is still recovering from being brutally raped and tortured.  It’s gonna take a while for him to recover, and one of the things I liked about this episode is that it showed that Jamie has a long way to go in the healing process.  Hell, I’m surprised he’s doing as well as he is.  By the way, it was cute to see Jamie’s reaction to Claire getting her bikini line waxed, “Yer honeypot…it’s bare!”

Finally…my thoughts on Claire’s dress.  I liked it, but there were two things that bothered me about it.  One, the bottom front was too high.  I read that some French women wore their skirts high so their ankles could be revealed.  It was considered “scandalous” back in the 1700’s.  Be that as it may, on an elegant 18th century dress, it just looks wrong.  Also, I’ve noticed that the French couture styles all have extra padding in the hips, and Claire’s dress was no exception.  Yeah…that didn’t look right.  Other than those two things, the dress was fire.  The plunging neckline, the color, the shoes (I REALLY loved the shoes!)…hot to death.  If the skirt was lower and the hips weren’t padded wide enough to rival a school bus, that dress would’ve been flawless.

Can’t wait for next week’s episode!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Not In Scotland Anymore”?  Is the season picking up or is it dull as dishwater?  Once again, I wanna hear your thoughts!