“La Dame Blanche” – Recap and Review

Outlander Season 2 2016

Praise Jesus.  This episode was actually good.  Let’s do this.

The show begins with Jamie and Monsieur Duvernay playing what appears to be another boring game of chess, when the minister asks Jamie what he plans on naming the baby.  He and Claire–who’s watching the game—have a chuckle worthy disagreement over what to name the baby if it’s a boy when who shows up?  Le Comte de St. Germain!  Yeah, That French Fucker is back with a vengeance!  Not only does that bastard ruin the chess game by giving away Monsieur Duvernay’s moves, but he also makes time to see that Claire’s drink is poisoned.  Never mind that she’s pregnant and showing.  This man is purely evil…but damn, he makes for good TV.

Thankfully, the poison in Claire’s drink isn’t fatal…but while Claire is recuperating later that night, she guesses that cascara was put in her drink.  She knows for a fact that her apothecary friend sells cascara.  Hmmm…  To distract Claire from the pain the poison’s causing, Jamie tells her of his new plan:  Invite the Duke of Sandringham and Prince Charles to a dinner at their house.  That way, the duke can meet the prince’s nutty ass in person and take back his funding.  Claire is none too happy about the plan, and Jamie notices.  She finally fesses up that Black Jack is actually alive and that she heard the news from his baby bro, who is the duke’s secretary.  To Claire’s—and all viewers’—surprise, Jamie isn’t upset, scared or angry by this news.  He’s happy.  Extremely happy.  Now, Jamie has the opportunity to kill Randall himself.  Too bad Jamie never watched Back to the Future.

Claire goes to the apothecary the next day and asks if he sold the cascara to TFF.  He claims he sold it to Joe Schmo months ago (rhyme not intended…not really), and he could’ve possibly have been employed by the Comte, but he had no idea.  Much like Gellis Duncan (see season one), the apothecary seems to have two sides to him.  He then takes Claire in the back and shows her his cool collection of dinosaur fossils and unconventional medicine.  He even allows Claire to shake up some sheep knuckles in a cup and throw them onto to a zebra hide like dice to learn more about Frank’s future.  The apothecary says that he can’t see Frank’s fate, but the bones do say that she’ll see Frank again.  Claire is shocked.  Yahtzee!

That night, Jamie comes home and lo and behold, he’s horny.  Claire is all but ready to give it to him until she sees bite marks on his thighs.  Of course, she wigs out and Jamie mentions that he was approached by a ho that wanted him to engage in the sixty-nine position.  Jamie lets Claire know that he didn’t do anything with the whore, but she showed him that he still had sexual urges, a revelation that made him all too happy.  Claire understandably becomes livid at the thought that Jamie was aroused by another woman, especially given the fact that he hasn’t touched her in ages.  Jamie lets her know that Claire is also responsible for making him feel like more of a man, by telling him that Randall is still alive.  That still doesn’t appease Claire.  She mentions that she and Jamie don’t talk like they used to, and she feels alone at times.  She even says that they didn’t even talk about baby names until Duvernay asked about it.  Jamie says that she doesn’t know how he’s been struggling since his rape, and Claire makes him open up.  He tells her that the assault made him feel extremely exposed and vulnerable, like being naked and forced to hide under a blade of grass.  Claire understands, and after trying to sleep in separate bedrooms, she goes to Jamie in the middle of the night, and they make love.  I’m sure half of America cheered.

While basking in the afterglow, Jamie hears noises coming from the roof.  It’s none other than crazy ass Prince Charles trying to get in Jamie’s house at God-knows-what hour so he can chit-chat and have Claire patch up his injured hand.  While Claire’s tending the wound, the prince tells them that his married lover dumped him and kicked him out of her house when she heard her husband returning.  Before he left, his lover’s pet monkey bit the crap out of his hand, hence the wound.  He decided to go to Jamie’s house for comfort and refuge since it was down the street.  Claire remembers earlier that day that Louise confided in her that she was pregnant with another man’s child and didn’t want her husband to know…and Louise has a pet monkey.  After Charles leaves, Claire and Jamie devise another plan:  Invite Louise to the big dinner and announce the pregnancy in front of Charles.  That way, Charles’ll go ape shit in front of Sandringham, making him even more convinced not to spend a dime of his money.  Claire asks Jamie if doing this makes them bad people, to which Jamie says, “It’s a bad thing…but we’re doing it for a good reason.”  Claire then asks if that’s what all bad people say.  Nah, Claire!  Not all bad people!  Just Hitler, Bin Laden…

The next week, the Fraser household prepares for the dinner…well, most of the Fraser household.  Claire decides to do a shift at the hospital to make herself useful.  Now, I’m a modern day woman, so I’m all for a sister doing it for herself, but with all things considered, this would’ve been the perfect time for Claire to stay her ass at home.  You’ll see what I mean in a minute.  Claire’s shift runs longer than usual, and to add insult to injury, the wheel on the carriage “breaks.”  Claire, Mary (she came with Claire to volunteer) and Murtagh don’t have time to wait for the wheel to be repaired, so they walk back home.  Murtagh sends Fergus ahead to let Jamie know they’re gonna be late.  Back at the house, Jamie greets the guests, including the slimy ass Duke of Sandringham, who was among the first to arrive.  After flirting with Jamie, he wastes no time introducing Black Jack’s baby bro to him.  Jamie is a little taken aback, but if that asshole was looking for complete shock, he’s a day late and a few dollars short.

While walking home, Mary confesses to Claire that although she’s betrothed (to an ugly man), she’s fallen in love with a man named Randall.  Claire freezes up, thinking she’s referring to Black Jack, but Mary soon mentions that it’s Alex Randall she’s smitten with (the baby bro).  Just then, they’re attacked by a group of thugs.  One thug rapes Mary, the other two knock Murtagh out, and then try to force Claire to perform oral (I’m guessing it was because she’s pregnant).  Claire notices that one of them has a wine colored birthmark on his hand.  In the opening credits, a man with a wine colored birthmark can be seen dismantling a wheel on a carriage.  Coincidence?  I think not.  When they try to rip Claire’s clothes off, they see a white stone around her neck .  The apothecary gave Claire the stone earlier, saying that it changes color whenever it’s near anything poisonous.  The men wig out.  “C’est la dame blanche!”  Then they run like roaches when the lights come on.  Okay…you’re scared of a white woman.  Isn’t France full of white women?  Didn’t you just rape one white woman and try to rape another?  I’m glad these punks got scared and ran off, but WTF?

Back at the house, Jamie’s still greeting his guests, when who shows up uninvited?  TFF.  Turns out Sandringham invited him to the party.  I ask again…WTF?  How are you gonna invite some dude to someone else’s house?  I wouldn’t be surprised if the duke found out how much the Comte hates the Frasers and invited him to the party for shits and giggles.  Ass.  Claire and the others finally arrive at the house.  Mary has passed out from the shock of the assault.  When Jamie finds out what happened, he’s ready to kill.  Claire stops him and lets him know that taking care of Mary and keeping up appearances at the party are more important.  Baby Bro Randall, who also sees the injured party arrive, lets Claire know that he’ll stay by Mary’s side throughout the night.  They sneak in the house around the back to keep the others in the dark.  Claire wants to tell the authorities about Mary’s rape, but Jamie mentions that if anyone finds out what happened to her, her reputation will be destroyed, as no man wants to marry a woman who’s no longer a virgin.  Damn, it’s not like Mary asked to be violently raped!  Man, I’m glad I was born in the 20th century.  Jamie spills the news about the Comte being “invited” to dinner and correctly deducing that he had something to do with the sabotage.  Claire is visibly shaken by this news, but she tells Jamie to keep his head and go on with the dinner, as too much is at stake.

When Claire makes her grand entrance, Jamie introduces her.  All the guests politely bow to her as a form of respect, except for the Duke and TFF.  Jamie notices TFF’s rude behavior.  Hell, no one wanted his nasty ass there anyway.  Dinner is served, and the guests make small talk.  The Duke tells bad jokes that work the prince’s nerves.  Jamie asks Charles to tell Sandringham to tell him his political views, which clearly bore the duke and Louise, who promptly changes the subject.  Seems like they feel the same way we have this entire season.  Jamie spills the beans on Louise’s pregnancy, which shakes Charles up.  Charles keeps his cool for the most part, but he doesn’t hesitate to throw shade toward Louise’s husband.  TFF sits near Claire, eating his soup like everything is everything.  Claire nervously eats, throwing glances his way, and vice versa.  The Comte’s side chick compliments the stone Claire’s wearing, when TFF lets it be known that the stone will change color if poison is near and maybe everyone should wear a stone like it if Claire’s so afraid of her own food.  Claire tells him that maybe he should wear a stone.  Shots fired.

In the meantime, Baby Bro Randall is looking after Mary, never leaving her side.  He gently tells her that he loves her and that he won’t let any harm come to her.  Aww…he’s so sweet.  Black Jack must’ve been adopted.  Mary wakes up, still traumatized, and starts fighting Alex.  She jumps out of bed and runs away.  Alex goes after her and catches up to her in one of the parlor rooms.  Mary continues to fight him and Alex tackles her to the ground.  By this time, Mary’s screaming and thrashing, while Alex is holding her down, trying to get her to relax.  Now it looks like he’s raping Mary, and when the guests hear the commotion and try to see what’s going on, that’s exactly what they think.  Jamie pulls Alex off her and picks Mary up, and Mary’s idiotic uncle and fiancé (who were also invited) think that Jamie just raped Mary.  Never mind the fact that Jamie was in the damn dining room with them when they heard all the noise.  They try to jump Jamie, but they’re no match for the sexy Scot, and Jamie beats the crap of them.  More morons jump in the fight, and Jamie fights them off too.  Claire holds an extremely frightened Mary in her arms and yells for the men to stop, but to no avail.  Then Murtagh walks in, wearing his traditional Scottish shirt and kilt.  Oooh…it’s on now!  Murtagh and Jamie start kickin’ ass and takin’ names!  There’s even a point in time where Claire tosses a curtain cord to Jamie to whup some sense into those fools!  I guess she figured she might as well help out, seeing as the fight had no chance of just ending.  The Duke, being the punk that he is, whines about how he won’t be able to have dessert and leaves.  TFF plays on Charles’ unease with the fight and has him leave with him and his side chick, but not before summoning the g’darmes, whoever the hell they are.  Sound like the cops.  The show ends with Fergus’ little bad ass sneaking into the dining room to eat all the food and drink all the wine, while Jamie and Murtagh continue to hand these French folks’ asses to them.  Don’t fuck with Scotland.

As you can see by my lengthy recap, a lot happened in this episode, and I loved it!  This was hands down the best episode of the season so far; a complete 180º from the sleep inducing show we had to endure last week.  It had romance, drama, thrills and excitement.  This is the “Outlander” that we’ve all come to know and love.  Stuff like this is what made us all fans in the first place.  Welcome back old “Outlander.”  Please don’t leave us again.  I can’t wait to see what TFF is going to do on next week’s episode (assuming he’ll be back next week).  Not only that, but according to the previews, Claire tells Jamie that killing Black Jack before he marries will destroy the space-time continuum and cause Frank not to exist.  Jamie responds by telling Claire she has to choose between Frank and him.  Yeah…I’m really gonna need Jamie to watch Back to the Future.

—Written by Nadiya

EDIT:  After watching the episode once more, I realized I was wrong about two things in this post.  Number one, the Comte showed up with his wife, the Comtess, not a side piece as I originally thought.  That poor woman.  I can’t imagine being married to that beast.  Secondly, the rapists in the alley didn’t freak out after seeing the stone around Claire’s neck.  They freaked out when they actually saw Claire’s face.  Claire had a hood over her head when the thugs jumped them, and it was dark.  When they tried to force her to perform oral, they removed the hood, and freaked out the minute they saw who she was.  These idiots must’ve believed she was a witch, which makes no sense considering that all she’s done while in town was correctly diagnose a few men with smallpox.  Basically, they were scared of an actual white woman…despite the fact that I’ve only seen one person of color (the apothecary’s maid) in the whole damn city.  That’s all!

So what did y’all think about “La Dame Blanche?”  Was it a throwback to the first season of “Outlander” or do you still think that it’s still not quite as good as it used to be?  Your thoughts, please!


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