Top 10 ‘Outlander’ Moments

Outlander - Claire and Jamie (Alt)

What’s poppin’, y’all?  As die hard fans like myself may already know by now, season 2 of Outlander officially ended a few weeks ago, and we’re officially in the time period known as “Droughtlander.”  To be honest though, if I have to endure an entire season of bratty ass Brianna Randall, I’d rather brave the drought!  Anyway, despite losing Starz a while back, I was able to catch up on the last couple of episodes (and got royally pissed off at the events of the season finale, namely Claire’s spoiled brat of a daughter), and now I’d like to do a top 10 list of the most memorable moments—good and bad—of the Outlander TV series!  Let’s hop to it!

10.  Brianna Cusses At Her Mother

Outlander - Claire and Her Brat 2 (Alt)

In the season finale, 20 years have passed, and a 50 year old Claire and her rotten daughter Brianna travel to Scotland to attend Rev. Wakefield’s funeral.  While there, Brianna learns the truth about her father—her real father—and basically tells her mother, “You were just fucking another man behind Dad’s back!”  What’s even crazier is that Claire didn’t smack the child silly!  Okay, did Brianna have the right to be upset?  Sure.  Did Claire’s story about traveling to the 18th century sound ludicrous?  Yeah.  But did she have the right to drop an F bomb at her mother and basically call her a ho?  HELL NO!

I’ma need you to have several seats, Brianna.

Jesse Williams - Sit Down

9.  The Spanking

Outlander - Jamie's Belt (Alt)

Yep, I went there.

In this scene, Jamie has just rescued Claire from Black Jack’s clutches, but feels the need to punish her since he ordered her to stay with Willie in the woods, but she “wandered off” towards the stones at Craigh Na Du instead, leading to her capture.  What does he consider punishment?  Puttin’ a belt to her behind.  Okay…I know I’m gonna catch holy hell for this one, but as I always say, I have to keep it 100%.  I’m a black woman from the south, raised during the ’80s and ’90s.  When I got out of line as a child, my mother and grandmother spanked me.  Some people look at this scene and see abuse.  I see a spanking.  Now, did Claire deserve the spanking?  Hell no, especially given the fact that she was running back to the stones to go home (which Jamie later learned and deservedly ended up with egg on his face).  Do I believe a husband should whup his wife’s booty with a belt?  Not unless it’s for kinks.  However, I laughed out loud when I first watched this …because Claire whupped Jamie’s ass more than he whupped hers.  Homegirl refused to go down without a fight, and she gave him the silent treatment for the next week, to boot.  Jamie had no choice but to literally get on his knees and beg for forgiveness.

8.  All of Gellis’s Moments

Outlander - Gellis (Alt)

Yes, you read that correctly.  All of Gellis Duncan’s moments are memorable.  Whether she’s worshiping mother nature, killing both of her husbands, channeling her inner Malcolm X at a Prince Charlie rally, whipping up her potions or announcing that she’s “going to a fucking barbecue,” when Gellis comes on screen, you know it’s about to go down.

7.  Angus Dies

Outlander - Angus Dies (Alt)

In the episode “Prestonpans,” Angus returns from the eponymous battle bruised from a cannon blast that exploded next to him, while Rupert was unconscious and seemingly circling the drain.  Ever the faithful best friend, Angus never left his side, and it looked as if he was going to lose his partner in crime.  However, it turns out that Angus was the one that was dying.  He passed out after bleeding internally for the past few hours from the cannon blast, and all Claire and the others could do was watch in horror as he bled to death.  Ironically enough, Rupert woke up the second Angus died.  This scene really broke my heart.

 6.  Black Jack Violates Fergus

Outlander - Fergus (Alt)

Just when we thought that Black Jack couldn’t get any more evil, we learn that Jamie found his ratchet ass raping Fergus, the 10 year old boy Jamie and Claire took under their wing.  Hence, Jamie broke his word to Claire about waiting a year to kill Black Jack, and went ahead with their scheduled duel.  I cheered when Jamie stabbed his no good ass in the balls towards the end of the fight.

5.  Dougal Gets Killed

Outlander - Dougal's Dead (Alt)

Another reason this season 2 finale pissed me off.  After realizing that crazy ass “Bonny” Prince Charles is going to send the Scots to their death no matter what, Claire suggests killing him via poison.  Dougal overhears this plot, goes into a murderous rage and lashes at Jamie, with Claire presumably to be next.  Jamie and Dougal fight, and Jamie eventually gets the upper hand with Dougal’s knife aimed at his chest.  Dougal’s a tough SOB, and he struggles to keep the dagger from piercing his body, so Claire, being the ride or die chick she is, bears her weight down on Jamie, causing to knife to enter Dougal’s chest.  Let’s face it, Dougal McKenzie was a bastard.  He cheated on his sick (and supposedly lonely) wife, 90% of the time he was out for self, he knocked up Gellis and forgot about her, and he tried to hook up with his nephew’s wife on his wedding day!  In spite of all that though, I liked Dougal.  Really, really deep down, he had a good heart, and his love and loyalty to Scotland were very commendable.  He also cared a great deal about Claire as well as Colum, although he had a shitty way of showing it.  That’s why it broke my heart that Claire and Jamie had to kill him, especially given the fact that Dougal went out of his way to save Claire’s life previously (which makes it even more hurtful, considering that Claire is the one that sealed his death warrant).  Hell, he’s the reason they’re a married couple in the first place.  I hated that his last thoughts of Jamie and Claire were that they were a couple of traitorous bitches.

4.  Claire Loses Faith

Outlander - Claire Holds Faith (Alt)

“Faith” was the most powerful episode of season 2, hands down.  As previously mentioned, Jamie breaks his word to leave Black Jack alone for an entire year, and as a result, a very pregnant Claire goes into distress upon seeing him fight the no-good Englishman.  Claire goes into labor immediately after the duel, and the baby is stillborn.  Naturally, Claire is depressed and when the nuns allow her to see the baby, she holds the child for the remainder of the day.  In what’s possibly the most thoughtful and selfless act of her life, Claire’s friend, Louise de Rohan, convinces her to let the baby go for good.  If this episode didn’t pull at your heartstrings, I don’t know what will.  I wish the baby had lived and Claire and Jamie raised her.  I’d trade Faith for Brianna any day (it’s okay to say that about TV characters).

3.  The Duke of Sandringham Loses His Head

Outlander - Sandringham's Head (Alt)

We all knew that the Duke of Sandringham was an asshole, but in the episode “Vengeance Is Mine, ” we learned that the duke was damn near evil incarnate.  It’s revealed that he was the one that orchestrated Claire and Mary’s attack in Paris, and to add insult to injury, we also learn that Mary was the Duke’s own goddaughter, and he still allowed the attack!  Apparently, St. Germain (aka TFF) wanted Claire dead, but Sandringham suggested rape, because it “wasn’t as bad.”  WTF!?  After finding out about the duke’s evil deed, Murtagh, who promised Claire he would lay vengeance at her feet for what happened to her and Mary, promptly buries an ax into the Duke’s skull and proceeds to chop off his head.  He then lays the head at Claire and Mary’s feet and lets them know that he fulfilled his vow.  Go ‘head Murtagh.  I cheered at this scene, too.

2.  Wentworth Prison

Outlander - Jamie and Nasty Black Jack

Jamie’s torture scenes in Wentworth Prison are stomach turning, to say the least.  Black Jack promised he would break Jamie…and he does just that, and makes the viewing audience cringe in fear and disgust in the process.  His tactics are enough to make Jeffrey Dahmer shiver:  brutal and multiple rapes, molestation, mutilation, and psychological games, all ending with a “mercy kill” that thankfully never happened, thanks to Claire and Murtagh.  When the founding fathers of America outlawed “cruel and unusual punishment” in the Bill of Rights, I believe they were thinking about Black Jack Randall (psych).  Seriously, I can hardly watch these scenes now, but you best believe they stayed burned in my mind.

1.  All the Times Claire and Jamie Hooked Up

Outlander - Jamie and Claire 2 (Alt)

Real talk, we all love the drama and action Outlander brings, but what we all salivate over is Claire and Jamie’s sex scenes.  Whether they’re consummating their marriage, having a sizzling make up session, or Claire letting Jamie give her a “good morning kiss,” we live to see these two hook up.  Claire and Jamie have explosive chemistry, and together, they’ve had some of the hottest love scenes I’ve seen in ages.  So much so, that everybody and their mama was beggin’ to see Claire and Jamie get it on in season 2.  Unfortunately, they only had two measly hot scenes together this season (and one of them was a quickie).  Boo!  Maybe they’ll get together a little bit more next season after their 20 year separation (God, I hate that storyline), but it begs the question…do we really wanna see middle aged folks get their freak on?

Oh, yeah…honorable mention:

Jamie's Got a Gun

“I’ll thank you to take your hands off my wife.”  I love it!

—Written by Nadiya

So tell me, what’s your favorite Outlander moment?  Did you agree with the list, or did you have a different opinion?  Let me know in the comments section!

 

“Je Suis Prest” – Recap and Review

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Je Suis Prest means “I am ready” in French, for those of y’all that forgot (like me).  I did remember that it’s Jamie’s family motto, and it’s more than fitting for this episode.  So y’all get ready to get this party started!

Some more time has passed.  A few of the men have deserted Claire and Jamie due to their hatred of being bossed around by Lord Lovat.  Lovat’s son had to go back and persuade them to rejoin the ranks, with the promise of land after the war ends (40 acres and a mule, anyone?).  Claire, Jamie and their remaining soliders finally meet up with Murtagh and Fergus (last week, little Fergus insisted on joining them to fight), and set up camp.  The next day, Claire and Jamie get another blast from the past!  Angus, Rupert and shady ass Dougal McKenzie join the army (Willie married an Irish woman and moved to America, much to the fellas’ chagrin)!  Claire and Jamie are more than happy to see Angus and Rupert.  Dougal?  Not so much.  Dougal, on the other hand, is glad to see that Jamie’s taken up the Jacobite cause, but it’s short lived when Jamie lets him know that he’s in charge and that the men are going to to stay at the camp for further training, ’cause Lord knows they need it.  Dougal’s more hellbent on just charging in on the British as is.  Fool.

While the soldiers train, Claire begins to have flashbacks of her time as a nurse in World War II, which reveal that she’s struggling with a form of PTSD.  Jamie has his hands full not only trying to figure out what’s going on with Claire (she won’t admit that she’s reliving WWII), but trying to lead the soldiers, who are no where near ready to fight a war.  Oh, yeah…and Dougal keeps trying to undermine Jamie’s authority.  During another one of the soldiers’ bumbling training sessions (if that’s what you call them…I’m not well versed in military shit), Jamie gives a Braveheart type speech about the horrors of facing a real war with trained killers, and reminds them that they need to take training seriously.  Two seconds later, Dougal and his boys come running up wielding swords, scaring the shit out of the men and causing them to fall out of rank, despite Jamie and Murtagh telling them to halt.  Dougal starts braggin’ about how the real way to defeat the British is to surprise them just like he and his boys just did.  Jamie puts Dougal in check by letting him know that he’s the boss, and he’s the one calling the shots.  I heard that.

Dougal can’t resist the urge to start more drama, so he corners Claire in the kitchen and takes the opportunity to blackmail her into talking to Jamie about having him “help” with training the troops.  He reminds her of their little deal about marrying him if Jamie died in Wentworth Prison, how he’s so sure that Claire never mentioned it Jamie.  Claire is quick to remind Dougal that she already told Jamie about their deal, and he was fine with it.  She also tells him that he’s only concerned with his own self interests and should really stop pretending to be Barack Obama when he’s really Donald Trump.  Then she ends her rant in true Claire badassery:  “Fuck yourself!”

Little Girl Giving the Finger

Dougal admits he’s a narcissistic asshole, but he also admits that as much as he loves himself, he loves Scotland more, and would give his life to make sure King James takes his rightful place on the throne.  Claire appears unmoved.  Personally, I believe him.  Dougal is a jerk, but he’s proven that he loves his country time and time again.

In the meantime, the soldiers are getting better (they’re still not great, though), but Claire’s PTSD is getting worse.  She has another flashback while she’s going in on Angus for not taking better care of his feet, which is crucial for soldiers.  By the way, when the flashback ended, Claire dropped another F bomb.  18th century society will learn the meaning of that word yet.  Later that night, Dougal continues to be a douchebag, and forces a few locals to join the army, claiming they “volunteered” for the cause.  Jamie sees right through that and sends the men home.  Jamie has to pull rank on Dougal’s behind again, and reminds him that he is to follow orders, and places him and his men on sentry duty.  As for the sentries that let the men in without even saying a word, they’re gonna be punished.  The following morning, they each get six lashes from a leather strap.  It reminded me of all the times my mom put the belt to my behind.

When the men have target practice later, Claire experiences another flashback, and this one is much worse than the others.  She remembers her car being shot down by the Germans while trying to take some American soldiers back to their unit.  Claire and one of the Americans are hidden in a trench, while the other private is somewhere across the street, badly injured and screaming for his mother.  The Germans are patroling the streets with tanks, searching for the enemy.  The American solider tries to cross the street to get to the injured private, but he’s seen and quickly killed.  Claire stays in the trench for the rest of the night and is later found by another American soldier the next morning, clearly traumatized.  Jamie finds Claire cowering on the ground, just as she was in the trench.  She finally tells Jamie about how training for the Jacobite Rebellion is bringing back bad memories of the war.  Jamie offers to send her back home, but Claire tells him that leaving him is not an option.  If she goes back home, it’ll be like lying in the ditch again, because this time, people that she loves will be lost, and she’ll be helpless to save them.  Jamie promises she’ll never be alone again.  Awww…

That night, while Jamie’s takin’ a pee (ill…), he’s attacked by a young British guy.  The young Brit claims he saw the lights from the camp’s fires and went to investigate, when he came upon “Red Jamie,” a traitor to the crown.  Jamie tries to find out what army the boy marches for, but the kid ain’t talkin’.  Claire walks in and pretends to be a helpless English lady held prisoner.  She and Jamie put on a convincing show as a would be vicious rapist and a scared victim.  The boy starts talking immediately, and reveals that he is William Grey.  Jamie lets the boy go, but not before Young Grey states that since Jamie spared his life, he owes him a debt, but once that debt is paid, he will kill him (if I’m not mistaken, I remember the book readers saying that William Grey will be an important figure in this series).  Jamie, being a fair man, decides that he himself deserves an ass whuppin’ for not shielding the camp’s fires.  Murtagh does the honors (I don’t think he’d have it any other way).  Man, Jamie doesn’t friggin’ play in his camp.

After Jamie gets whipped, he and some of the men get ready to do some guerrilla warfare and sabotage William Grey’s army.  What I loved is that they went full on commando just like Arnold Schwarzenegger, baby!  They had the camouflage paint on and everything!  Dougal thinks he’s going to be in on the action, but Jamie lets him know that he’s on sentry duty, and he has to stay to guard the camp.  Shots fired!  Jamie reaches the British camp, but he doesn’t do too much damage.  He just takes the wheels from the cannons, and burns them, which is enough to cripple the hell out of them.  Jamie tells Claire about their victory and they get lovey dovey…but Jamie cuts the sexy time off, saying they have to move out before the British camp wakes.

The camp picks up and leaves, and reaches Prince Charles’ encampment soon after.  Jamie allows Dougal to ride to the prince and let him know that they’ve arrived.  He then turns to Claire and tells her that there’s no turning back now.  She responds by saying, “Je suis prest.”

This episode was better than last week’s.  It turns out that it’s more interesting to see these men prepare for war as opposed to seeing them talk about why it’s necessary, or seeing Claire, Jamie and Murtagh try to stop the war.  It was also really interesting to see Claire deal with her PTSD.  You can argue that she never showed any signs of it before, which she hadn’t, but at the same time, nothing had ever set her off to make her relive those traumatic moments until now.  I was reading an internet article about “Outlander” last week, where someone was comparing the first season with the second, and it was pointed out that whereas the second season mostly dealt with politics and intrigues, the previous season dealt mostly with human relationships.  This episode was one of the best ones (it ranks #3 in my list) so far this season because it dealt with human relationships:  Claire reliving the war, the soldiers slowly realizing that fighting is no laughing matter, Jamie and Dougal’s power struggle, etc.  Also, it was great to see Dougal, Angus and Rupert again, especially Dougal.  He always brings the drama.  My only gripe with this episode was once again, they cheated us out of a love scene.  I honestly believe that one scene in “La Dame Blanche” is the only one we’re gonna get.  Aside from that, it was a good ep.  Keep ’em comin’!

Jamie - Je Suis Prest

—Written by Nadiya

So what did you think about “Je Suis Prest”?  Was it a welcome relief to see some type of action, or do you long for the days of chess games and long conversations?  What did you think about Claire’s struggle with her PTSD?  Were you happy to see Dougal come back?  What about Rupert and Angus?  What about the arrival of young William Grey?  Do you think he’ll be an important character?  Give me your thoughts!

 

“The Fox’s Lair” – Recap and Review

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FINALLY!  The Frasers have come back…to Scot-land!  I had to give y’all some Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson realness in there.  That’s right y’all, “Outlander” has gone back to its roots!  Even the theme song is completely in English again!  Jamie started wearing his kilts like he used to!  The old show is back…sort of.

Jamie and Claire have gone back to Lallybroch, and they’re a lot happier than they were in Paris.  Murtagh is back with them, along with Jenny, Ian, Fergus and all the other kids.  Claire’s advice to plant potatoes is working out for Jenny and Ian, just as she said it would.  However, everyone’s happiness is short lived when Jamie gets a letter from his cousin publicly declaring him an ally of King James and Prince Charles.  Jamie’s cousin even took the liberty of forging his name on the letter!  Ah, the joys of family!  Now Jamie is an official traitor of King George (the current king) and a card carrying member of the Jacobites!  Thanks, Jamie’s dumb cousin!

Claire suggests she and Jamie take the whole family and go to Ireland, but Jamie knows that’s not logical.  It’s inevitable that the Jacobite Rebellion is going to go on as planned, so Jamie runs this idea by Claire:  instead of trying to stop the rebellion, why don’t they try to win the rebellion and change history that way?   It takes some convincing, but Claire agrees.

So let me get this straight…Claire and Jamie spend the last seven episodes trying to stop the rebellion, and now they up and decide the rebellion should go on as planned so they can win it??

I Can't 2

Alright, so we’re all for the Jacobite Rebellion going on now.  Yay…  First order of business is gathering up enough men to fight the British.  Jamie has some support from a few families, but he decides to get a few more good men from Lord Lovat aka Simon Fraser…his grandpa.  Jenny makes it known that Lord Lovat is a despicable man that is so hateful, he tried to have their mother kidnapped before her wedding day because he had some bad blood with the MacKenzie clan.  Jamie sees no other alternative and arranges to see the nasty old man anyway.  Later that night, Jamie admits that his father was actually a bastard and was the product of Lord Lovat gettin’ his freak on with the kitchenmaid.  Lovat decided to officially declare Jamie’s dad as his son, even though he never treated him with love or kindness.  Hey, Ned Stark didn’t even do that (giving his son his name, I mean).  Claire lets Jamie know that his dad’s parentage doesn’t matter to her, and then she and Jamie make lurrrve…and the screen fades to black.  Boooo!  Claire wakes up in the middle of the night to find Jamie cradling his infant niece/nephew and speaking to her/him in Gaelic (Jenny had another baby since they went to Paris, but it was never specified if it was a boy or a girl).  Jenny sees Claire watching them, and tells her about how people tell their infant children all the things that’s on their mind to comfort themselves.  Claire agrees, but appears a bit heartbroken to see Jamie’s heart to heart with the baby.

The next day, Claire and Jamie say their goodbyes to everyone and head out to Beaufort Castle.  On the ride up there, Jamie lets Claire know that Lord Lovat kept an alliance with both King James and King George, and he’s had three wives, two of which were joined in marriage thanks to Lovat’s evil deeds.  What a guy.  When they get to the castle, the first person they meet is Colum MacKenzie!  Colum tries to tell Claire that he’s happy to see her, but Claire tells him to save the bullshit and reminds him of the witch trial (see season one for that!).  Colum is all like, “That wasn’t me!  That was Lagohaire (pronounced lee-ry.  A fitting name for that heffa)!”  Then, Jamie’s grandpa shows up and proves to be everything Jamie and Claire said he was.  He rudely scorns Jamie for marrying a Sassenach (a British woman, for those that don’t know), and tells her to leave so the men can talk politics.  Claire leaves, but not before giving one of her death glares.

As Claire waits for Jamie to come back out, Lagohaire’s slutty ass makes a comeback!  “Mistress Claire!  I’ve changed!  I’ve gotten right with Jesus!  I’ve seen the light!  I’m saved and sanctified!  Please forgive me for trying to have you burned alive!”  And Claire basically responds with:

Shut the F Up 2 (Ice Cube)

Claire doesn’t care if white-as-a-damn-ghost Lagohaire has gotten right with God or not.  She’s not trying to give her any forgiveness.  Lagohaire starts crying.  Good for her ass.  Claire tells Jamie she feels better after telling her off, and Jamie lets it be known that she’s better than him.  He’s not even trying to give Lagohaire the time of day.  Ha, ha!  Claire joins Jamie for dinner (but has to remain silent), and watches Jamie try to convince everyone to fight for King James and Prince Charles.  Colum and Lovat aren’t bitin’, and when Lovat’s son tries to agree with Jamie (in a weak attempt to impress Lagohaire), Lovat quickly puts him down and humiliates him.  He even flirts with Lagohaire to rub salt in the wound.  This dude is a real bastard.

Jamie decides to speak to Lovat on his own to try to convince him to fight with the rebellion.  Later that night, Claire is walking down the hallway when she sees Lovat beat up an old woman.  Claire helps the woman to her feet, and learns that she’s Lovat’s psychic friend.  The lady then runs from Claire like she’s a ghost.  The next day, Jamie meets with his grandpa, and has to endure (to an extent) listening to this man call his mother a whore and his dad a bastard.  Takes a bastard to know a bastard, if you ask me.  Lovat makes a deal with Jamie:  he’ll back up the Jacobite Rebellion if Jamie gives him Lallybroch.  Jamie’s not tryin’ to give up Lallybroch that easily, of course.  This fool actually tells Jamie if he doesn’t wanna give up Lallybroch, he can give up Claire!  He even warns Jamie that Claire can’t be guarded all day, and there’s plenty of men at the castle that would violate her.  Wow.  What a guy.  Jamie warns him in return that Claire is La Dame Blanche, and if a man rapes her, his dick will explode and his soul will burn in hell.  That scared the shit out of Lovat’s old ass.  Despite that, Jamie is seriously considering handing Lallybroch over to that old bastard.  That night, Claire and Jamie decide to have Lovat’s son on their side, that way, Lovat’s hand will be forced into joining the rebellion.  However, considering that Lovat’s son is weak willed, he’ll need some convincing…and who better than Scotland’s favorite ho!

Claire asks Lagohaire to speak to Lovat’s son and boost his confidence to convince him and his dad to join the Jacobites.  Lagohaire, whose mind basically stays in the gutter, goes on her newfound spiritual diatribe:  “I’m saved and sanctified!  I’m not gonna spread my legs just to help you out!”  Claire tells the stupid girl that it’s not about sex, it just involves her being friendly to him to build his self esteem up.  To sweeten the deal, Claire tells Lagohaire if she does it, she’ll find a way for Jamie to forgive her for what she did (oh, yeah…she’s all upset because Jamie didn’t give her the time of day, just like he said wouldn’t.  Wah, wah.).  Of course, that heffa agrees.

In the castle, it appears that Jamie has fessed up and told Colum that the British will win the rebellion and the Highlander culture will be destroyed.  He goes on to say the only way to prevent that from happening is to win the war.  Colum, hardheaded as ever, is still against the war and showing any sort of loyalty to Charles.  He figures that since the rebellion has no outside support, it’ll be over before it starts, just like all the other rebellions, and their culture will go on.  Colum makes Jamie promise not to trade in his home for a war he can’t win.  Jamie promises he’ll do whatever it takes to keep his family and the fate of Scotland safe.

Claire puts her plan of (platonically) hookin’ up Laoghaire and Lovat’s son into action.  She sets them up together near the chapel and leaves them alone to talk.  It’s clear Lagohaire would rather be with someone else…perhaps a tall, sexy redhead with a nice set of pecs and a tight butt?  When Claire goes into the chapel, she finds Lovat’s psychic friend, who reveals that the reason Lovat was beating her was due to one of her visions.  Claire presses her about the vision and she tells her that she saw a man chop the hell out of Lovat with an ax.  Okay, she saw the shadow of an ax, but my first description was a lot better.  The psychic friend admits that sometimes the future can change, and Claire tells her that she could convince Lovat to change his behavior to prevent the outcome.  She tells Claire that Lovat would simply kill the messenger.  Then Laoghaire’s useless ass comes runnin’ up, saying that Lovat’s son ran off after she let him look down her dress at her boobs.  Dumbass.

Jamie decides to give Lovat Lallybroch.  At a house meeting, Lovat tells Jamie and Collum that if Jamie signs the contract to give him Lallybroch, he’ll back the rebellion, but if he doesn’t sign, he’ll sign a neutrality agreement with Colum, showing that he’s against the rebellion.  Just then, Claire has a “vision” of Lovat being threatened by an ax, with the floor covered in white roses.  The white rose is the Jacobite symbol.  Just when Lovat threatens to cut out Claire’s tongue, his son stops him and makes his stand with the Jacobites.  Lovat signs the neutrality agreement.

Before they leave Castle Hell, Colum tries to convince Jamie to give up the rebellion and go back home to his family, but to no avail.  Claire also tells Jamie to thank Lagohaire for what she did.  Jamie thanks her, and she tells him, “I hope to one day have your forgiveness.”  Jamie walks off (ha, ha!).  Then she says under her breath, “And your love.”  That child hasn’t changed a damn bit.  Lovat’s son joins their party, and they ride off.  Down the road, Lovat’s men cut them off, and Lovat himself shows up.  It turns out that Lovat signed the agreement with Collum to save his skin if King George wins the war.  But, if King James and Prince Charles win the war, it’ll be documented that Lovat’s son was with the Jacobites, and he’s still in the clear.  Even if George’s men say something about Lovat’s son joining the Jacobites, he can always say that his son is his own man.  Either way, he won’t be hanged for treason.  Jamie begs Claire to tell him that he’s nothing like his grandfather.  Claire jokingly tells him that he actually has a teensy bit of shadiness in him, and they all ride off with their new army.

Well, ladies and gents, no one wanted the Frasers to return to Scotland more than I did, and once they did, I found the episode to be just…meh.  It wasn’t absolutely horrid, but it wasn’t great, either.  The sudden 180º shift with the rebellion threw me off, too.  I kid you not, I had to watch this damn episode twice to understand what the hell was going on.  I couldn’t believe they decided to go ahead with the rebellion after all the plotting and scheming they did in France!   Also, I’m starting to feel like the rest of the ladies out there…what’s up with the sex scenes?  Granted, I expected the sex scenes to be few and far between while Jamie was healing from his traumatic rape.  But now that Jamie’s slowly getting past it, I also expected the love scenes to pick up!  Whenever Claire and Jamie have a hot scene now, the picture fades to black!  Man, bye.  That love scene today had some serious potential and they ended right when it was about to get good!  Bring the lovin’ back!

My favorite parts were the times we saw the Frasers at Lallybroch, and when Claire blessed Lagohaire out.  Other than that, this episode didn’t do much for me.  However, I learned something tonight.  Deep down, I thought the location was effecting the show.  I thought that France was just too boring and that a move back to Scotland would liven things up.  I mean, whenever they discussed politics in Scotland last season, I was actually interested!  Tonight though, I learned that the problem isn’t the location.  The problem is the storyline.  This storyline is dull and lifeless, and no matter where Claire and Jamie go, as long as they droll on endlessly about the Jacobite Rebellion, the show will never pick up.  It hit me that my favorite episodes so far this season were “Faith” and “La Dame Blanche” (in that order).  They took a page from the first season and kept us entertained and full of emotion.  They also strayed away from hardly any talk of the rebellion, which made for a much more interesting hour.  The Lallybroch and Lagohaire scenes also were also devoid of a lot of talk about the rebellion, and as a result, they were a lot more entertaining than everything else.  So yeah, we no longer have boring ass games of chess to endure or drawn out conversations that could put Christian Bale to sleep (if you don’t get that joke, you don’t watch a lot of movies), but the trade off doesn’t help as long as we still have to deal with Jamie and Claire’s countless plotting that hardly goes anywhere.

Man, I miss the old “Outlander.”

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “The Fox’s Lair”?  Was it boring, or did you enjoy it?  What do you think about Claire and Jamie pulling a 180º and actually supporting the rebellion now?  Also, what did you think about Colum and Lagohaire making a comeback?  Is Simon Fraser aka Lord Lovat a good addition to the show in your opinion?  Do you think “Outlander” has hit the sophomoric slump?  Which location did you prefer, France or Scotland?  Give me your thoughts!

 

 

 

 

“Faith” – Recap and Review

Claire and Jamie 4

The show begins in Boston, 1954.  Claire’s daughter, Brianna, is looking at a picture book with birds, and she sees a Heron.  She asks Claire if she’s ever seen a Heron before, and Claire tells her that she saw one once in Scotland.  Brianna asks Claire when she went to Scotland, and Claire tells her that she was in Scotland a long time ago.  That’s an understatement.

We cut to 1740’s France, where Claire is going through a difficult and seemingly painful labor at the hospital.  Mother Hildegarde and the doctor/executioner are trying to help as best they can, but to no avail.  When Claire wakes up, she learns that her baby was stillborn.  In shock, Claire tearfully demands to see the baby.  *Sob*  Some time later, Mother Hildegarde lets Claire know that they baptized the baby as Faith, and buried her in the cemetery at the convent (Mother Hildegarde also lets her know that baptizing the baby was illegal since she wasn’t alive, but she wanted her buried in hallow ground).  A priest also comes in so Claire can give her last confession, as she has what’s known as “childbirth fever,” and may not live much longer.  Claire asks for Jamie, but he’s still locked up.

Later that night, Master Raymond sneaks in the hospital, on the run from King Louis, who is indeed out for blood.  He asks what Claire sees, and she answers that she sees wings.  Master Raymond tells her that wings mean healing, and he places his hands on her, taking the infection out of her.  He then reaches inside her, and tells her to call Jamie’s name as he pulls out the placenta, which was gross, but necessary, since that’s what was making her sick in the first place.  They say their goodbyes and the nuns return, thanking God for making Claire well again.  Mother Hildegarde informs Claire that Jamie is going to stay locked up for a while, and if he had killed his opponent, he would’ve been locked up longer even longer.  She goes on to tell Claire that Black Jack was sent back to England to have his pee-pee stitched up.  I swear, Black Jack is proof that evil never dies.  Claire lets it be known that she’ll never forgive Jamie for dueling with Black Jack.

Weeks later, Claire comes home.  Her servants all show their sympathy, namely Fergus, Suzette and Magnus, the butler that took her to the hospital.  Claire thanks Magnus for helping her.  She’s extremely depressed and angry while she’s home, and there’s also something going on with Fergus.  One night, while Claire’s crying in the hall, she hears Fergus having a nightmare.  Claire goes to his room to comfort him, and tries to get him to talk about it.  Fergus confesses that while he and Jamie were at the whorehouse, he snuck into a room to steal some perfume for Claire, and it turns out Black Jack was renting the room.  Once Black Jack caught Fergus in the room, he locked him inside and proceeded to rape him.  When Fergus cried for help, Jamie caught that no good bastard in the act, and the duel was back on.  *Sigh*  So, not only is Black Jack a rapist, but he’s also a damn pedophile.  There is a special place in Hell for that fool.  That’s why you got stabbed in the dick, Dick.

Claire - Sadistic Piece of Crap

Once Claire finds out the truth, she asks Mother Hildegarde if she can have a private audience with the king (Mother Hildegarde has some pull because she was the goddaughter of the old sun king…whatever that means).  Mother Hildegarde warns her that if she has a private audience to plead Jamie’s freedom, the king may ask her to sleep with him.  Gulp.  Claire pretty much accepts the risk, and soon after, she goes to Versailles.

King Louis sees Claire and she asks for Jamie’s release.  Louis agrees…if Claire does something for him.  Claire immediately expects him to break out the Viagra, but instead, he takes her to a strange room.  He lets her know that he would like her to judge two men on trial for witchcraft.  Sure enough, the men on trial are Master Raymond and That French Fucker.  Louis apparently wants Claire to be a judge since she is “Le Dame Blanche” and can see things that normal folks can’t.  Okaaaayyy…  Oh yeah, and the doctor/executioner was there, too.  Claire utters her now famous “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ” phrase, as she correctly deduces that somebody ’bout to die.  Although Claire does not want either man to die for crimes they did not commit, she can’t resist the urge to screw with St. Germain, and I can’t say I blame her.  She lets it be known that he has darkness within him and tries to get him to admit to Mary’s rape.  TFF denounces her as a witch, and even admits to poisoning her.  Claire says that she is a witch, but a white witch that practices white magic (why does the bad magic have to be black?).  The king lets TFF know that Claire’s not on trial, he is.  Oopsie!  Claire backs off and lets Louis know that all mean have darkness, and Master Raymond’s and St. Germain’s are not different than anyone else’s.

Louis’ still not convinced, and wants a demonstration.  He brings out a snake a la tent revival preachers that are close to my neck of the woods, and says that if the snake kills the men, they were evil all along.  Instead, Claire opts to have the men drink her “poison” to see if it kills them.  Claire gets a bottle of bitter cascara and gives it to Master Raymond first.  He gets sick, but doesn’t die.  Claire passes the same cup to St. Germain, and the white stone on her necklace turns black (remember, that stone changes color when it’s near poison!)!  It turns out Master Raymond used his slight of hand to slip a little poison in that bad boy after he drank it.  Claire resists giving TFF’s evil ass the cup, but Louis insists.  Hey, you can’t say no to the king!  St. Germain starts crying and curses Master Raymond and Claire.  As a matter of fact, he takes a page out of The Exorcist and says that Claire sucks the devil’s cock.  Ass.  He drinks the poison and dies right there on the spot.  Bye, bitch.

Peace

Master Raymond is free to leave, but Louis lets it be known that he can never return to France.  Claire is heartbroken to see her friend go.  After the guards drag Master Raymond away, Claire asks Louis if her request to have Jamie released is granted, and he tells her that there’s still a debt to be paid.  He takes her back to his chambers runnin’ (leaving St. Germain’s dead body right there…ha, ha!), and Claire does it with the king…for two seconds.  I mean seriously, Louis pulled down his trousers, thrust inside Claire three times, and was finished.  Worse sex ever, I’m sure.  Shortest, most definitely.  That wasn’t even long enough to even feel guilty about, to be honest.  The king lets Claire know that her request will be fulfilled, and she can leave.

Jamie is released, looking like Santa Claus before his hair turned white, and he asks about the baby.  Claire tells him that Mother Hildegarde actually allowed her to see the baby before she was buried.  Poor Claire held on to little Faith for the rest of the day, until Louise came by the hospital later that night to see her.  Louise convinced her to let the baby go, both literally and figuratively, and once she did, Claire cried her eyes out.  Jamie asks if Claire hated him for what happened, and Claire tells him that she did, but at the same time, she asked Jamie to do the impossible and she put Frank before her family.  Jamie reminds Claire that Frank is her family, too.  Claire asks for forgiveness and Jamie tells her that she’s already forgiven.  Claire also fesses up about her record breaking two second sex with the king, and Jamie immediately forgives her for that as well.  Claire wonders if there’s anyway they can go on, and Jamie tells her they can get through this heartbreak together.  With that being said, Claire tells Jamie she wants to go home…to Scotland.  Jamie agrees, but not before visiting Faith’s grave.  *Sob*

Man…this was the best episode of the season so far, but at the same time, it was also the saddest.  What really made this show sad was that the characters that were victimized blamed themselves for the horrible things that happened.  Like most rape victims, Fergus felt ashamed after being sexually assaulted by Black Jack, and Claire and Jamie each blamed themselves for Faith dying.  Fergus is certainly not to blame for what happened to him, but I also have to say that neither Claire nor should Jamie take responsibility for Faith’s death.  Like Jamie said, Frank is Claire’s family as well, and he shouldn’t have to pay for his great-great grandfather being a complete bastard.  On the other hand, Lord knows Black Jack deserved that ass whuppin’ he took and more.  I still say that Jamie should’ve went full Lorena Bobbitt on him.  I still can’t believe St. Germain aka TFF is gone, but it’s fitting seeing as the Frasers are finally leaving France, praise Jesus.  I’m so happy they’re going back to Scotland.  Paris kind of got on my last nerve.  To say it’s the City of Light, the Frasers’ time there was pretty damn humdrum.  I want the excitement back!  Apparently next week, some shady Jacobite dude is trying to take Lallybroch from Jamie!  You know Jamie ain’t gonna let that shit happen!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Faith”?  Was it the saddest episode of “Outlander” ever?  Are you excited to see Claire and Jamie go back to Scotland, or did you enjoy seeing them in France?  What did you think about St. Germain getting killed ?  And how ’bout that “sex” scene?  Jamie lasted longer on his wedding night than the king did, and keep in mind, Jamie was a virgin!  Did this episode make you cry at all?  Give me your thoughts!

“Best Laid Schemes…” – Recap and Review

Outlander Season 2 2016

This last episode starts off with Jamie still brooding over not being able kill Black Jack.  Murtagh, on the other hand, is still gung ho over the now cancelled duel.  He’s settin’ up times for Jamie to practice his swordfighting and what have you, so y’all can imagine how disappointed he is when Jamie tells him that the duel’s been called off.  Murtagh actually tells Jamie that he changes his mind like a woman with PMS.  Ouch.

Claire is at the hospital, when the dude that’s a doctor by day and an executioner by night (or afternoon…whatever), goes into detail that we never asked for about hanging, drawing and quartering a poor soul later that day.  Claire is obviously sick to her stomach, and the executioner/doctor tells her she should see Master Raymond (the apothecary!  I finally found out his name!).  Claire takes this as a threat and goes to Master Raymond, warning him to leave the city.  At first, Raymond blows the threat off, saying that Louis’ great-grandfather went after various folks in France that were involved in the “dark arts,” but all the accused were later released.  Claire lets Raymond know that unlike his great-grandad, Louis’ ain’t playin’.  Raymond thanks Claire for being a good friend and resigns himself to leave town.  I’m not convinced he’s really gonna leave, personally.

Later that night, Jamie is rubbing Claire’s feet, so it looks like they’ve made up…kind of.  Jamie’s still a bit distant.  He brings up what’s been bothering him:  Claire says that he owes her a life for saving his, but he’s saved her life multiple times and they should be even.  He also brings up that he doesn’t owe Frank anything; Claire had to choose between the two of them and she chose him, not Frank.  Claire asks why Jamie promised to save Frank, and he lets her know that the Stuart Rebellion will probably go on no matter what they do, and he’ll probably be a casualty.  Jamie makes Claire promise to go back through the stones and back to Frank if that happens.  Claire is horrified at the thought of losing Jamie, but she promises.  Well, now we know why she returned.

The next day, Claire uses Jamie as a guinea pig for her smallpox ruse (remember last week, she said she could make a concoction to make it appear like TFF’s men had smallpox so the wine they’re shipping off could be destroyed).  All the stuff she makes Jamie drink, mixes up and puts on his skin works perfectly, but Murtagh could care less.  He’s still pissed about the duel.  Jamie lets Claire know that it’s time to tell Murtagh the truth, and he meets Murtagh outside to do just that.  Once Murtagh finds out, he gives Jamie a swift punch in the face for not telling him sooner “[that Claire] was a witch” (Jamie, stop telling folks Claire is a witch!).  Classic Murtagh.  Jamie and Fergus ride off later to put the plan into action.  Claire approaches Murtagh in the house, while he’s literally writing down all the years she’s been alive (all the years in the 20th century).  He asks if she knows what happens in the Jacobite Rebllion, and she lets him know that she does, and that it doesn’t end well.  Murtagh asks if she knows when people will die, and Claire lets him know that she doesn’t know when any of them will die, personally.  Murtagh, in a rare show of sweetness and empathy, lets her know that he wouldn’t want to bear her burden of knowing the things she does know.

Meanwhile, Jamie and Fergus reach St. Germain’s warehouse, where they poison the wine and put that stuff all over the mens’ jackets to break their skin out.  Later, Jamie meets the prince and TFF at that damn whorehouse.  Crazy ass Charles lets Jamie know that a “mysterious illness” has broken out amongst TFF’s men.  Jamie throws shade and asks if the disease was contagious.  Charles tells him that they’re not sure, and lets him know that he wants Jamie to deliver that wine by foot.  I tell you what…that damn Charles might be crazy, but he’s not as idiotic as we all thought.  He’s thrown a monkey wrench in Jamie and Claire’s plans every week.  They find a way for him to lose his financial backers, he finds another backer.  They try to embarrass him publicly by allowing his lover to announce her pregnancy, he takes it in stride.  They try to talk the Minister of Finance out of funding the rebellion, Charles promises him a French/British alliance.  The man’s not exactly dumb.  Jamie has no choice but to agree to deliver the wine, when TFF nastily tells him he’ll accompany him on the way.

Plan B:  Jamie and Claire decide to stage an ambush en route to deliver the wine, only the “thieves” will be Murtagh and some other dudes dressed in fancy clothes to look like Les Disciples.  Murtagh hates the outfit, by the way.  Claire is nervous about the mission, saying that bad things happen whenever they’re apart (this is true!).  Jamie tells her not to worry, and later that night, they make luuurrrrve (but they don’t show the sex scene.  Sorry).  That next night, Jamie goes with TFF to deliver the wine, while Claire sits through unbearable gossip with Louise and the other cackling hens of Paris.  Jamie and TFF get ambushed as scheduled, and Murtagh even does one better by pretending to try to shoot St. Germain.  Jamie pushes him out the way and Murtagh knocks him out.  They ride off with all the wine, leaving Jamie on the ground and TFF pissed off.

Claire is still listening to the ladies gossip, looking as if she’s about to die when she asks them what could be done about the destitute people in the city.  She mentions that she saw a mother and her baby dead in the city streets the other day.  The ladies appear concerned, but their true colors are soon revealed when Louise says that she’ll speak to someone about moving the poor to a less desirable part of the city where they don’t have to be seen.  Claire is disgusted and leaves them high and dry.  She goes to the hospital to do some more volunteer work, but since she’s about eight months preggo, she starts to get a little worn down.  Mother Hildegarde makes her lie down, and she notices some blood on Claire’s stocking.  She tells Claire that it’s normal for women to bleed a little during pregnancy, and not to worry about it.  However, Mother Hildegarde makes her stay there for the rest of the night, just to be on the safe side.  Jamie and St. Germain meet with crazy ass Charles to tell him the bad news about the wine.  For the first time, Charles doesn’t have a backup plan, and that bitch TFF still blames Jamie for what happened.  I mean, Jamie is to blame, but…aw, hell.  I just don’t like his ass.

Jamie comes back and notices Claire is gone.  Fergus tells him she’s at the hospital resting and that she’ll be back soon.  They sit down to have breakfast when one of the servants lets Jamie know that the prince lost his damn mind at the whorehouse and needs some assistance paying the bill he ran up.  Jamie goes up there with Fergus.  Once they get here, Jamie tells Fergus to stay put while he talks to the head pimp, or whoever, but being a typical hardheaded child, Fergus walks off.  He goes into a room that has a British officer’s jacket hanging up near the bed…as he’s stealing some of the things off a table, the officer walks back into the room and shuts the door…

Claire returns and finds out that Jamie got into a fight with an English officer at the whorehouse.  He’s now in the woods…fighting a duel.  He left a note for Claire that reads, “I am sorry.  I must.”  Claire rushes out of the house and has the butler take her to the woods.  She appears to be in distress the entire way there.  When she gets to the woods, she sees Jamie and Black Jack fighting each other.  Now she’s so weak and in pain, she can barely stand up.  She watches in horror as Jamie and Black Jack fight, knowing that she’s going to lose either Jamie or Frank in the end.  Eventually, Jamie gets the upper hand and stabs Black Jack in the junk!  Yeeaaah, boyeeee!  I just wish that Jamie had gone full Lorena Bobbitt on his ass! By this time, Claire is bleeding all over herself, and is hunched over in pain.  The butler comes over to see about her, and she instructs him to take her to Mother Hildegarde.  Then the cops come and arrest Jamie for dueling.  Claire cries out for Jamie, who finally notices her in the woods.  He cries out to her as the gen d’armes surround him, and Claire weakly calls out his name one more time before passing out.  Black Jack passes out from his wound, too.  Ass.

Like the week before, this episode was slightly dull until midway through.  The excitement doesn’t really get started until Claire and Jamie really put their plan into action, and of course, the ending left me at the edge of my seat.  I just wish the show could’ve started off as fantastic as it ended.  So far this season, there’s only been one episode that was great from start to finish.  I shouldn’t complain, though.  At least it wasn’t completely dull like “Useful Occupations and Deceptions” (episode three).  God, that was awful.  Now that Black Jack has been castrated (sort of), I have a little theory about Frank’s fate.  Considering that this is the 18th century, and that he was stabbed in the balls, Black Jack’s chances of having kids is pretty much nil.  However, Claire didn’t immediately disappear from the 1700’s once he got stabbed (see my review about dull behind episode three for further nerdy explanation on the space time continuum), meaning that it’s possible that Frank may actually be a descendant of Alex Randall, not Black Jack Randall.  Maybe something happens to Alex, and Mary, not wanting to raise a child alone, marries Black Jack (poor child).  I’m thinking that’s what may have happened, considering that Frank is still alive and well in the 1940’s.  I can’t wait for next week’s episode.  It looks like the outcome with the baby isn’t good, and Claire’s pissed at Jamie for breaking his promise, but I’m really anxious to find out what that damn Black Jack did to Fergus in that room.  For Jamie to get pissed off enough to break his word, it had to be horrendous.  Be sure to tune in!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Best Laid Schemes…”?  Was it phenomenal from start to finish, exciting only after it got midway through, or just plain dull from the time it came on till the time it went off?  What do you think happened to Fergus in the room?  Do you think Black Jack is incapable of having children now?  Also, do you think Prince Charles will have a comeback from this setback?  Give me your thoughts!

 

 

 

“Untimely Resurrection” – Recap and Review

Claire and Jamie 2

We pick up right where we left off last week.  The house is in shambles from the fight that broke out.  It turns out the g‘darmes TFF summoned actually were the cops, and they arrested everyone, including Jamie (where I come from, the Comte would be known as a “snitch bitch”).  Claire and Fergus sat up all night waiting for him to return.  When Jamie returns the next morning, he sweetly puts Fergus to bed and lets Claire know that Alex was blamed for Mary’s rape, and the only thing that’ll get him out of the Bastille is Mary’s word that Alex is innocent.  The Duke of Sandringham already fired him to avoid any scandal.  Punk.  Jamie asks if Claire could identify any of the men, but she says she couldn’t (did she forget about the wine colored birthmark on the dude’s hand?); only that they spoke aristocratic French.  Jamie asks how she got away from them, and she lets them know about the whole La Dame Blanche nonsense.  It turns out that Jamie knows how the whole La Dame Blanche rumor got started…it was him.  At the whorehouse he and crazy ass Charles love to frequent, Jamie started the rumor about Claire to keeps the hoes away.  Claire is pissed at first, considering that she was nearly burned as a witch back in Scotland, but Jamie lets her know that if one of the men that tried to rape her frequent the whorehouse, he can find out exactly who it was, and they may lead him to St. Germain, who was most likely behind the attack.

When Murtagh’s finally released from jail, he’s tasked with following St. Germain to find out exactly what he has going on with the prince (Claire let Jamie know they left the party together) and to verify if he was behind Claire and Mary’s attack.  Murtagh goes to Jamie’s workplace and informs him that there’s a gang of masked wealthy folks in Paris known as “Les Disciples” that attack people at night.  The way they’re initiated into the gang is by raping a virgin.  Gross.  Murtagh goes on to say that he feels guilty for not protecting Claire and Mary, not to mention Jamie’s unborn child.  Jamie tells him there’s nothing for him to feel bad about.  Murtagh still says he can’t forgive himself, and Jamie advises him to stay on TFF if he wants to feel better.  Murtagh swears to him that he will.

Claire visits Mary, who’s writing a letter to prove Alex’s innocence.  Like most rape victims, Mary is feeling ashamed and that she’ll never be herself again.  Claire lets her know that she has nothing to be ashamed of, and gives her some herbs to help with her physical pain.  Mary tells Claire that she’s glad she doesn’t have to marry that ugly old man she was betrothed to, and now she’s free to marry Alex once he gets out of jail.  Mary asks Claire to deliver the letter to the authorities, but Claire actually considers not sending it, due the fact that if Alex and Mary get married, it may put Frank’s existence in jeopardy.  According to Frank’s family tree, Mary has a child with Black Jack, not Alex.  Uh-oh…

Crazy ass Charles visits Jamie at work, letting him know that although his other financial backers have let him twist in the wind, he’ll soon be getting $10,000 pounds…from Le Comte St. Germain.  I can’t stand that guy.  Apparently, TFF and Charles have made a business arrangement:  TFF wants to buy Portuguese wine to sell, and Charles took out a loan to help him buy it, since the Comte’s running low on funds (I wonder why?).  They’ll use the profit from selling the wine to start securing ships for the Rebellion.  I can’t help buy wonder what’s in this for St. Germain.  I’m sure he doesn’t give a damn about Scotland.  Charles lays another doozy on Jamie:  he has to work with TFF to sell the wine.  *Groan*

It turns out that Claire sent the letter to the authorities and Alex is released from the Bastille.  However, Claire does everything in her power to dissuade Alex from marrying Mary.  “Blah, blah…you just lost your job…blah, blah…you have a bad cold and she shouldn’t be your nurse…blah, blah.”  All the negative talk pretty much makes Alex feels like he’s not the man for her, and he decides to give her up.  Claire feels bad for breaking his heart, as she should, but she convinces herself she’s doing it to secure Frank’s existence.  Poor Mary.  Black Jack’s homicidal rapist ass’ll make the ugly dude with warts look good in comparison.

Jamie and TFF meet at the whorehouse to discuss the wine sale…or at least, they were supposed to discuss the wine sale.  Jamie tells TFF that he doesn’t want to be around him, and wants to just get down to business so they can leave.  Like the bastard he is, TFF taunts Jamie about Claire.  Jamie tells him that if he finds out he had anything to do with Claire’s attack, he’s dead where he sits.  TFF shrugs the threat off, and tells Jamie that he’ll handle the shipment of the wine and he’ll keep it at his warehouse.  Jamie can call him when he gets a buyer, and only when he gets a buyer.  Whatever.  He doesn’t wanna be in business with your shady ass, either.  Back at the house, Jamie gives Claire the news, and Claire has an idea to make TFF’s men appear like they have smallpox so the shipment of wine can be destroyed, which in turn would cause Charles to lose his money.  In a sweet Fraser moment (I’m so damn tired of politics), Jamie gives Claire a christening gift of twelve spoons for each of the twelve Apostles.  It turns out to be a Fraser heirloom.  Claire is moved by the gift, and she asks Jamie if he thinks she’ll be a good mother.  Jamie assures her she will, and whatever she doesn’t know, they’ll learn together.  Awww…

The next day, Jamie and Claire go to Versailles to help the Duke buy horses.  Trust me…this is actually where the story gets interesting.  Just sit tight.  The Duke and Jamie engage in small talk as the latter checks horses like a doggone equestrian expert.  Prince Charles’ name comes up, and the Duke lets him know that he thinks the prince is an utter ass (that was funny!).  He also can’t help but notice that Jamie is such a good judge of horses but not of men.  Jamie lets the Duke know he sees Charles for what he is, but is in league with him because of the king (lies from the tree of lies!).  In the meantime, Jamie’s ex-girlfriend Annalise sees Claire and asks to walk with her in the garden.  Annalise basically discusses how much Jamie has changed since she knew him.  Before he was impulsive and passionate, and now he’s all about business and politics like everyone else (yeah, we miss the old Jamie, too).  Claire tries to convince Annalise that deep down, Jamie hasn’t changed, but Annalise is distracted by a man in the distance that keeps staring at Claire.  Claire turns around to see who she’s talking about, and it’s none other than…

MUTHA FUCKIN’ BLACK JACK RANDALL!!

Awwww, hell!  It’s on now!

Black Jack introduces himself like everything is everything, and Claire starts to feel sick, naturally.  Annalise runs off to get Jamie, leaving poor Claire with one of the most sadistic men to walk the face of the Earth.  Black Jack taunts Claire, of course, and refuses to let her walk away from him.  He even goes so far as to grab her arm to keep her there.  Claire demands that he let her go.  “The King,” Black Jack sneers.  Channeling The Hound from “Game of Thrones,” Claire answers back, “FUCK THE KING!”

It turns out King Louis is right behind her.  Claire straightens herself up and bows for the king; she even introduces Black Jack to him.  She’s better than me, I wouldn’t have introduced that asshole for all the money in the world.  Louis is charmed by Claire, but he appears to not care too much for Black Jack, and even goes so far as to insult his French (I love it!).  Jamie shows up (oh, shit!), and gives his respects to the king as well.  Claire coolly asks Randall what he’s doing in France, and it turns out he came there to get Alex’s job back.  Louis tells him to get on his knees and beg for it.  At first Black Jack thinks he’s joking, but he soon sees that Louis is serious.  That’s right, get on your knees, bitch!  Black Jack eventually gets on his knees, much to the satisfaction of Claire, Jamie, and the king.  Even the king’s men were crackin’ up.  I officially love King Louis now.  Claire and Jamie excuse themselves (Claire blames morning sickness for the third time that day), and the king allows Randall to get off his knees (ha, ha!).  Before they leave, Jamie and Black Jack have one last talk.  It turns out they scheduled a duel.  Claire is horrified.

When Jamie gets home, he’s happier than a kid on Christmas Day.  Claire on the other hand, immediately has their carriage take her to the Bastille.  I don’t even think Jamie noticed she was gone.  Later that night, Jamie and Murtagh prepare for the duel, when Claire comes in and tells them that there’s not going to be one.  She went to the Bastille and falsely accused Randall of raping Mary and attacking Claire.  Hey, it’s not like Black Jack isn’t really a rapist!  Claire sends Murtagh away so she and Jamie can talk.  Jamie reminds her that when she told him that Black Jack was alive, she gave him a gift, and now he wants to claim that gift.  Claire finally fesses up a la Doc Brown and tells Jamie that if he kills Black Jack, Frank will vanish from existence.  Jamie ain’t tryin’ to hear it.  Black Jack did too much to him to live another second.  Claire has to choose:  it’s either him or Frank.  Claire asks Jamie to wait a year, and reminds him that she saved his life twice and he owes her.  Jamie is mad enough to breathe fire, but since he’s a man of honor, he repays his debt to Claire and promises to wait one year…but not a day later.  Claire tries to hug Jamie, but he very angrily—and nastily—warns her not to touch him.  *Sob*

This episode started off pretty dull and my interest was waning.  Then again, that could’ve been because I was psyched to go see Captain America:  Civil War after the show (and I still ended up not going.  Long story.  I’m definitely going to tomorrow’s show so I can post a blog on it).  But when Black Jack showed up, the TV had my undivided attention!  I can’t wait to see where this is going to go!  Now the Frasers have to deal with the Duke, the Comte and Black Jack!  And poor Jamie can’t touch Randall for another year!  Ouch!  I was really sad to see Jamie so pissed at Claire, though.  Don’t get me wrong, I get why he was pissed, but I also get why Claire had to do what she did.  Not only does she still love Frank (not as much as Jamie, but she still loves him), but as I said a while back, if Frank ceases to exist, it’ll cause an alternate timeline of events and Claire will never go back in time to meet Jamie.  Yes, I’m a nerd.  My favorite part of the show had to be when King Louis humiliated Black Jack.  It was so great to see that fool get his.  Louis must have a way of detecting pure evil when he sees it.  Oh yeah, there’s another thing I loved about this episode…Jamie wore his kilt again and showed off those sexy legs!  Yay!  It looks like next week, Claire and Jamie will have gotten over this blowout (thank God) and will concentrate on how to destroy TFF’s wine shipment.  I really hope it’s red wine.  I hate red wine.  So nasty.  Tastes like beer.

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Untimely Resurrection”?  Was the entire episode dull, or did you pipe up once Black Jack Randall returned?  Also, what do you think about Black Jack’s return?  Do you think Jamie should still kill him and get it over with, or do you side with Claire and believe he should live until he gets Mary pregnant?  Your thoughts, please!

 

 

“Useful Occupations and Deceptions” – Recap and Review

Jamie and Murtagh

*Sigh*  Let’s just jump right into this.

So…the Frasers are still in Paris, but the couple isn’t having too much fun in the City of Light.  Jamie spends his days and nights rubbing elbows with Monsieur Duvernay and the crazy ass “Bonny” Prince Charles trying to bring down the Rebellion, whereas Claire spends her days and nights not doing a damn thing but sitting around the house and joining in the occasional card game with Louise de la Tour and timid Mary Hawkins.  Although Jamie’s life is busy, he hates what he’s doing, and Claire can’t stand being reduced to a socialite.  The only one having a blast is Murtagh, and that’s because he’s started participating in extracurricular activities with the maid.  Murtagh cracks me up this season!

To make matters worse for the Frasers, Jamie soon learns that the prince actually has an unknown financial backer to fund his war, and although Jamie previously convinced Monsieur Duvernay to talk the Prince out of the Rebellion, crazy ass Charles gave him an even sweeter deal:  an alliance between Britain and France in exchange for King Louis’ financial assistance.  If that’s not bad enough, Claire finally pieces together why Mary Hawkins’ name is so familiar to her…she’s Frank’s great-great grandmother, soon to be married to none other than Black Jack Randall (who’s still alive, by the way.  Evil never dies).  Claire realizes that Black Jack can’t be killed, because if he is, Frank will cease to exist.  If you wanna get even deeper than that, if Frank vanishes from existence, Claire will also vanish from the 1700’s, since she’ll never have a reason to go to Scotland on her second honeymoon and visit the stones of Craigh Na Dun.  I know, I just gave y’all a serious nerd moment.

Claire lets Murtagh know that Black Jack is still alive (naturally, she leaves out the second part about killing him and destroying the space-time continuum as they know it), and Murtagh advises that she not tell Jamie, as it will take his mind off what they’re doing and have him only focused on revenge.  In the meantime, Claire decides to do more while she’s in France.  Thanks to her apothecary buddy (whose name I still can’t remember!), she learns that the charity hospital in town is always looking for volunteers, and the services of a healer would be much appreciated.  Claire jumps on the opportunity and quickly finds herself in her element.  She diagnoses patients, tends to wounds, she even tasted some urine to deduce what was ailing a sick woman (yes, you read that right.  She tasted pee).  Jamie wasn’t too happy to hear about Claire becoming Florence Nightingale.  Not only was she not home when he needed her to be, but he believes being around all those sick people (and tasting their pee) will hurt the baby.  They get into a big argument—even Murtagh gets in trouble for taking her down there (Murtagh’s reaction had me rollin’!)—and Jamie storms out the house.  Booooooo.

While Jamie’s drowning his sorrows in a nearby tavern, he encounters a young pickpocket ripping all the patrons off (he even managed to steal Jamie’s beloved snake sculpture a few nights earlier.  You have to watch the first season to learn the significance of that wooden figurine).  Jamie chases him down and puts the kid in his employ, having him steal letters from crazy ass Charles so he and Murtagh can decipher the coded messages.  He pretty much adopts the kid.  Jamie moves him into their house and renames him “Fergus” because his real name “wasn’t manly enough.”  Claire isn’t too keen on the new living situation, but she praises Jamie for his idea.  That’s about all she’s willing to say to him though, considering they’re not exactly on speaking terms.

For the next few days, Fergus steals letters for Jamie, who in turn attempts to crack the codes with Murtagh.  Claire continues her work at the charity hospital.  One day, Fergus retrieves a letter that is actually a musical composition.  Jamie correctly deduces that it’s actually a coded message, so he begrudgingly visits Claire at the hospital to have her boss, Mother Hildegarde, decipher the meaning.  The sheet music is a German composition, and since Mother Hildegarde is indeed German, Jamie figures she’s the best lady for the job.  She notes (no pun intended) that the piece is taken from one of Bach’s works (and she knows Bach personally!) but the key is constantly changing.  Later that night, Jamie and Claire figure out that the key changes are what’s needed to decode the actual letter.  They soon learn it’s a message from the Duke of Sandringham himself, stating that he’s gathered all the funds they need.  Jamie is happier than he’s been in weeks, and he breaks out the good alcohol to celebrate.  Little does he realize, the second he meets up with the Duke, he’ll learn that Black Jack is actually alive (remember Black Jack’s baby bro works for the Duke).  Murtagh begs Claire to tell Jamie, but she remains tight lipped, not wanting to spoil Jamie’s moment in the sun.  DUN-DUN-DUUUUUNNNNNN!

I have to say, this episode was dull as dishwater.  I’m ready for the Frasers to return to their beloved Scotland, because France isn’t delivering the goods like I thought it would.  Nothing exciting is happening.  I can see why Claire and Jamie are dissatisfied with their new lives; their new lives are beginning to dissatisfy us!  All they have are conversations over games of chess, conversations in brothels, conversations at parties…long, boring drawn out conversations.  “Madame Secretary” brings more fire than this season of “Outlander,” and that’s an actual political drama.  I want the heat, drama and romance as well as the political aspects to come back.  Claire working in the hospital gave a small taste of what we’ve come to love about the show, but it’s still a pale version of what the series once was.  Then, when there’s an opportunity for something interesting to happen, it’s over all too soon!  TFF made an appearance this week (to learn what that means, see my last week’s “Outlander” review), but it lasted all of five seconds, and hardly any words were exchanged between him and Claire.  I will say that the apothecary seemed a bit chummy with TFF, although he let it be known last week that he considers the Comte an enemy as well.  Claire called him on it, and I hope we get more insight into their relationship as well as the Comte’s conflict with the Frasers.  Next week, Claire and Jamie host a huge dinner with Monsieur Duvernay and the Duke of Sandringham in attendance, which I’m sure will bring about more boring political mumbo jumbo, but Jamie apparently gets pissed off and starts whuppin’ someone’s ass halfway through the episode.  My mom was psyched to see a fight actually break out, and to honest, so am I.  I’m ready to kill to see some real action and excitement happen this season.  Step it up, y’all.  Bring back the “Outlander” that made us all fans in the first place.

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Useful Occupations and Deceptions”?  Did it have you biting your fingernails or was it so boring you could hear your hair grow?  Give me your thoughts, please!