The WTF? Moments of 2017 – Part 2

Ice Cube - WTF 2 (Alt)

Alright, y’all.  Here’s part 2 of the top WTF moments of 2017, as promised!  Once again, get comfortable, because it’s pretty long!

Usher Lets It Burn…Literally

"Fences" New York Screening - Arrivals

If 2016 was the year of celebrity death, 2017 was definitely the year of sex scandals (more on them later).  Around the same time reports of R. Kelly’s sex cult were making headlines, court papers were leaked stating that Usher infected a young woman named Maya Fox-Davis with genital herpes.  To add insult to injury, the woman stated that she slept with Usher while he was married to Tameka Foster, and she even served as a bridesmaid in Usher and Tameka’s wedding.  Just ratchet.

More women—and one man—spoke up, also stating that they contracted the disease after having unprotected sex with Usher, who was not honest with them about his STD status.  The weirdest story, however, was when the last woman, Quantasia Sharpton, present her case…along with attorney Lisa Bloom.  Most folks couldn’t believe that Usher slept with Quantasia because she was nearly 400 lbs., but that’s not what really shocked me.  What surprised me was that although Quantasia was suing Usher, she wasn’t even one of the women he infected.  Yes, you read that correctly.  The girl tested negative for herpes, and still wanted to sue Usher for pain and suffering.  To make the case even stranger, it was later revealed that the girl never slept with Usher in the first place and that she’s actually a pathological liarDespite that, she’s still getting rewarded with an all-expense paid gastric bypass surgery.  Now, that’s what I call justice.  *Sarcasm*

Joe Budden’s Bad Attitude

Joe Budden (Alt)

For those of y’all that aren’t too sure who Joe Budden is, he’s the dude that made the song “Pump It Up” back in 2003.  It was featured in films such as 2 Fast 2 Furious and You Got Served (God, that movie was terrible), and you can hear it nowadays at sports functions along with Gary Glitter’s “Rock and Roll” (aka “The Hey Song”).  Today, Joe hosts—or used to host—the Hip-Hop oriented show Everday Struggle with DJ Akademics and Nadeska Alexis, and uh…he ain’t the most gracious host.  First, he had Lil’ Yachty on his show sometime around the spring, and good Lord, he was a grouch.  Yachty, who was 19 at the time of the interview, pretty much admitted that he was happy every day, and that he wasn’t 100% sure about what type of record deal he had.  Instead of calmly advising the young man that he should be more mindful of what type of contract he’s been signed to, and being glad that Yachty is enjoying life, Joe went in on him.  Black Twitter gave Joe hell for that.  I have to give Yachty props for being respectful for the entire episode.

Next, was the 2017 BET Awards.  The Everyday Struggle crew went down there to interview some of the nominees, and one of the groups they had to speak with was Migos.  When it was time for the interview to wrap up, Joe got frustrated and walked off from the group a few minutes early while Akademics was giving the group props before they went their separate ways.  In true Joe fashion, he had to leave the scene scruntching up his face and throwing his microphone down, implying he didn’t want to be bothered with the Hip-Hop trio.  A fight almost escalated behind that stunt, and Akademics had to try to calm things down.  What did Akademics get for his trouble?  Joe later went on his podcast, The Joe Budden Show, and called the man a pussy.  *Sigh*  Since then, Joe and Akademics have made up (or at least, they led us to believe they have), but Joe left Everyday Struggle on Dec. 19, citing “internal chaos.”  Migos went on to make a diss track about Joe called “Ice Tray,”  with lookalikes to playing the panel members of Everyday Struggle in the video.  They even have Lil’ Yachty spittin’ a verse in the song (he appears in the video as well).  Yachty recently informed TMZ that the song was all in good fun, and there was no ill will.

I have to admit, although Joe’s attitude is just…rude, he was pretty damn entertaining, and a lot of folks are saying that Everday Struggle won’t be the same without him.  I suggest checking out The Joe Budden Show, by the way.  Joe’s still entertaining on his podcast, but he’s also a lot more relaxed and has a much better sense of humor, despite the name calling.

George Zimmerman Threatens Jay-Z

Jay-Z and George Zimmerman

One thing about 2017, the ratchetness just keeps on happenin’.  Just recently, Jay-Z announced that he’ll be working on a documentary about Trayvon Martin and how he was killed.  George Zimmerman, the man that killed Trayvon (and was unfortunately acquitted of the crime), was none too happy about that.  He stated that he would beat Jigga, and that he knew how to “deal with people that fuck with [him].  [He’s] handled that since 2012.”  Basically, he’s bragging about killing Trayvon.

What an asshole.  I swear I can’t stand this dude.  Zimmerman even went so far as to say that if Jigga messed with his family in any way, “[he’d] feed him to the alligators.”  This stemmed from the production crew conducting interviews with Zimmerman’s parents.  Needless to say, black folks went in, namely Snoop Dogg.  Personally, I’d love to see Zimmerman try Jay-Z.  Yeah, Jigga didn’t fight back when Solange was whuppin’ on him, but I honestly believe that was because a) nine times out of ten, he was taught not to put his hands on women and b) he may have been feeling guilty considering that Solange was pounding on him because he was cheating on her big sis.  George Zimmerman, on the other hand, is an entirely different case.  He’s not a 112 lb. woman, and if he comes for Jay-Z, he’ll learn pretty fast that Jigga isn’t a 17 yr. old child innocently walking home armed with nothing more than a bag of Skittles.

All of Tyrese’s Cryin’, Whinin’ and Lyin’

Tyrese Crying

When I was growing up, the king of R&B whining was Keith Sweat, hands down.  Today, in 2017, his title has been usurped by none other than Black Ty aka Tyrese Gibson.  I know a lot of you are thinking that I’m being way too harsh, but honestly, I’d have a lot more compassion for Tyrese if his stories were more consistent and if he wasn’t hating on someone else’s blessings.  Sit tight.  This entry is the longest of all of them.

The Tyrese saga started around late fall, when Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson was apparently in talks about starring in a Fast and Furious spinoff featuring Rock’s kickass character, Luke Hobbs.  Tyrese was against Rock having his own spinoff, as it would delay the release of Fast and Furious 9, because we really need another one of those movies ASAP.  *Sarcasm*  Tyrese texted Rock about not doing the film until he was blue in the face, and when the texts didn’t work, he went on to public Instagram and Twitter posts.  However, Rock took the smart road and decided to do the film, much to Tyrese’s chagrin.  Tyrese, who seems to have forgotten that Rock has his own light bill and mortgage to pay, as well as two girls to feed and another on the way, went all the way in on Rock on Instagram and Twitter.  Every other day, Tyrese posted some nonsense about Rock breaking the Fast Family apart, despite the fact that Vin Diesel himself congratulated Rock on his good fortune (not to mention that Vin realizes that Rock’s spinoff is good for everyone involved, as it expands the Fast and Furious universe).  Rock pretty much paid Tyrese dust, with the exception of a shady Instagram video he posted stating that “Big dogs eat and little cryin’ puppies stay on the porch.”

Tyrese later claimed that the real reason he wanted Rock to turn down the Hobbs movie was due to the fact that he couldn’t afford to have Fast and Furious 9 postponed because his ongoing custody battle for his daughter was breaking the bank.  However, Tyrese has a club, a private Benihana, as well as a private Starbucks in his backyard.  Did I fail to mention that he has a movie theatre in the backyard as well? He also has a private chef, multiple luxury cars (which he had no problem showing off to Rock during their one-sided beef) and life-sized Transformers figurines.  Sounds to me like Tyrese is doing what my mother calls “po’ mouthin’.”  He continued po’ mouthin’ on social media, and even broke down crying on a now infamous Facebook Live video because he couldn’t see his daughter and was running out of money because of his legal fees…or so he claimed. Rumor has it that he had an opportunity to see his daughter around this particular time, but he passed so he could jet off to Abu Dhabi for yet another trip to the Middle East (see Tyrese’s Instagram page, and you’ll notice that he’s taken these types of voyages countless times before).

Tyrese didn’t stop his nonsense there; oh, no.  He then claimed that Will and Jada Pinkett-Smith reached out to him and offered to give him $5M to assist with his legal fees. After Tyrese told that boldfaced lie on social media, Will and Jada let it be known immediately that they made no such offer.  By this time, Tyrese was being clowned by just about everyone for his antics.  He tried to do damage control on all the erratic posts and videos by saying that his unbalanced behavior was caused by medication that his psychiatrist currently prescribed him.  Now, I have a loved one with mental illness, and I can say with all honesty that the mood swings and irregular behavior make an appearance when the medicine runs out, not while taking it.  Now it’s true, everyone’s different, and everyone has a different reaction to psychiatric medication.  However, in Tyrese’s case, I’m not really buying it, not with all the stories he’s told this year.  He even lied about his wife being pregnant (and about her being black).  Sadly enough, he’s still immersed in drama.  He recently announced on a national radio show that he only married his first wife to keep her in the country, potentially allowing himself and his ex to be charged with marriage fraud.  Charlamagne Tha God jumped at the chance to give him a much-deserved Donkey of the Day after that bit of foolishness.

Whew!  That’s a lot of foolery in such a short amount of time!

BET Comes Back In a Major Way

BET (Alt)

When I was a small child, BET was a powerhouse TV network among the African-American community.  Everyone I knew tuned in to watch classic shows like Video Soul, Teen Summit, Rap City, 106 and Park, and BET Talk.  However, by the time I finished college, BET was looked upon as a joke with its lackluster production and the shortage of quality TV shows.  When other predominately black networks began popping up like TV One and Centric (which, ironically enough, is a BET sister channel, but it still gave the original network a run for its money), BET pretty much paled in comparison.  In 2017 though, BET decided to play no games.

First, they released The New Edition Story, a three-part miniseries that featured great production, excellent cinematography, and even better acting.  The miniseries introduced New Edition to a new audience and pushed BET back to the forefront.  BET didn’t stop there.  They premiered other great movies and TV shows like Tales, The Quad, Rebel, Madiba, and The Comedy Get Down.  Combined with the already critically acclaimed series Being Mary Jane and The Real Husbands of Hollywood, along with killer award shows like the BET Awards, Black Girls Rock! and the Soul Train Music Awards, BET has arguably claimed its position as the #1 African-American network once again.  Congrats to BET for being one of the few good WTF moments of 2017.

All the Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna Drama!

Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna (Broken)

As y’all may remember, Rob Kardashian fell head over heels in love with Blac Chyna sometime in early 2016 and she soon became pregnant with his child.  By the time their daughter Dream was born and Christmas rolled around a few weeks after her birth, Chyna showed her true colors and dumped Rob like a bad habit, confirming what we all pretty much figured about their relationship.  Apparently, in 2017, Rob and Chyna tried to “work things out,” or at the very least, attempt to co-exist, but that didn’t go very well.  Chyna was havin’ her little fun on the side and she eventually let Rob know that there was no chance in hell of them officially getting back together.  This time, ol’ boy didn’t go quietly.  Rob spent the better part of that fateful July day posting all kinds of videos and photos of Chyna, and spillin’ all kinds of tea.  Everything from allegations of Chyna using drugs around their daughter to revenge porn was exposed.  When Rob’s Instagram account was closed due to all the lewd content he posted, he just moseyed on over to Twitter and continued to put Chyna on blast. Rob and Blac Chyna were trending all day, and I was right there, watching all the craziness unfold.  Here’s a few of the posts that are slightly suitable for work and children (well, maybe not children):

Rob Post 2

Rob Post 3 (Alt)

Rob Post 1 (Alt)

Rob Post 4 (Alt)

The drama didn’t end there.  Chyna decided to fight back the best way possible:  litigation.  She called the one and only Lisa Bloom to take on her case, and of course, Ms. Bloom went straight for the money.  It turns out that posting revenge porn is actually illegal, and Mr. Kardashian was looking at possibly doing a little time. Chyna also alleged that Rob physically abused her, and even filed a restraining order against him.  Rob fired back by also suing Chyna, stating that she was the one that was abusiveT.I., the king of putting his two cents in, decided to do just that, and the next thing you know, he was the one put on blast.  Rob retaliated by claiming that Chyna had a threesome with T.I. and Tiny (now why did poor Tiny have to dragged into this?  She was minding her own business).  Chyna even filed lawsuits against the rest of the Kardashian clan for harassment and for ending her short-lived reality show, Rob & Chyna.  Things have since calmed down, slightly.  They’ve both agreed to joint custody of Dream and Chyna’s even closed her lawsuits against the Kardashian sisters, except Kim (the reason for that remains unknown), and she dropped her domestic abuse suit against RobChyna is still seeking compensation from Kim, Kris, and Rob for ending the series.  Let’s just pray that these two will eventually grow up and co-exist for the sake of their child.

Part 3 coming soon!

—Written by Nadiya

The WTF? Moments of 2017 – Part 1

Ice Cube - WTF (Alt)

What’s poppin’, y’all?  As you all know, I was pretty much MIA from Southern Girl Entertainment for the vast majority of 2017, so I decided to make up for the time that we lost.  For the most part, 2017 was a really cool year (personal tragedy aside; I lost someone very close to me this year), and it was an extremely exciting year for entertainment.  Real talk, there’s been a lot of WTF moments this year; some good, some bad.  I’ve decided to list them all for you, to basically touch on all the fun we missed out on this year.  This isn’t a top 10 list, mind you.  As a matter of fact, there were more than 10 WTF moments of 2017; so much so, that this post will be split into sections.  So, without further ado, here we go (sit tight; it’s long)!

The Bow Wow Challenge

Bow Wow Challenge (Alt)

Like my girl Lovelyti always says, “If you live in your truth, no one can ever take that away from you.”  That’s a lesson that Bow Wow desperately needs to learn.  Long story short, earlier this year, Bow Wow flew out to NYC to promote his reality series “Growing Up Hip Hop,” and he posted a pic of his supposed private plane on Instagram to show that he was flying there in style.  Unfortunately for him, he got busted by a passenger on a commercial flight that caught him on the way to NYC on the same airline, not the private jet he claimed to be chartering.  To add insult to injury, it was revealed that the picture of the private plane was actually an advertisement for a transportation service in Fort Lauderdale.  SMH.

What makes this situation even crazier, is that Bow Wow doubled down and did his damndest to convince the public that the initial photo was genuine, even though he was caught lying.  As a result, the #BowWowChallenge was created, where folks flocked to Twitter to clown Bow Wow by posting hilarious pics of themselves frontin’ and fakin’ for social media.  Here’s two of the many gems they posted for nearly 36 hrs:

Bow Wow Challenge 2Bow Wow Challenge 3

Steve Harvey’s Bad Year

Steve Harvey and Donald Trump (Alt)

Poor Steve Harvey.  If you’re a fan of Steve’s like I am, you know that he usually has blessings coming at him frontward, backward and sideways.  However, 2017 hasn’t been his finest year.  First, he met with now President Trump at Trump Towers to speak about urban development.  Big mistake.  Then, he made an extremely tasteless joke about Asian men.  Bigger mistake.  Next, an e-mail that he sent to his staff leaked, which basically revealed that Steve will no longer tolerate folks bombarding him in the hallways and in his dressing room.  More bad publicity for Steve.  If all that wasn’t bad enough, after the NBA Finals, Steve got in more trouble for making yet again another tasteless joke.  This time, he caught up in trash talking about the Golden State Warriors with an audience member/Warriors fan from Flint, MI during an episode of The Steve Harvey Morning Show.  Steve, a die hard Cavaliers fan, decided to have the last word of the argument when he jokingly told the man to enjoy “a nice brown glass of water.”  *Sigh*  The backlash from that last incident was so bad he took a break from his radio show for an entire month.  Since then, Steve’s been a lot more careful with the words coming out of his mouth and the company he keeps, but he has yet to issue the public apology Flint’s mayor demanded.

R. Kelly’s “Sex Cult”

R. Kelly (Alt)

2017 was definitely the year of ratchetness.  Sometime around spring of this year, it was reported that R. Kelly, aka The Pied Piper of R&B, actually had a sex cult.  The news story broke thanks to the family of a young woman named Joycelyn Savage, who openly stated that R. Kelly has her “brainwashed” and living in one of his houses, along with a slew of other women.  A former assistant of Kelly’s backed up the family’s claims and also added that Kelly dictates how the women should dress, when they should have sex with him, and when they should bathe.  Joycelyn herself released her own statement, claiming that she’s not being held against her will, and that she’s perfectly fine.

Despite the fact that R. Kelly’s isn’t a stranger when it comes to sexual scandal, and another former “lover” of Kelly’s came forward, the Savage family pretty much discredited themselves when it was revealed that that Joycelyn’s father allowed her to live with R. Kelly to further her career in the first place.  Later, when Mr. Savage couldn’t get back in touch with Joycelyn, he called himself releasing a series of videos calling Kelly out and threatening himEven his youngest daughter made a diss track about R. Kelly.  Okaaayyyy…  However, other women have come forward since the Savage’s story was released, also claiming that Kelly’s been running a sex cult for ages, providing more validity to the tale.  As of yet, no legal action has been taken against R. Kelly.

IMDB Shuts Down Their Message Boards

IMDB

Ever since I was 18 yrs. old, there was a place specifically made for nerds/cinephiles where I would feel welcome (well, most of the time…more on that later) and talk about whatever movie or TV show I wanted, whenever I wanted.  That place was the IMDB message boards.  Whether it was the most obscure B-movie out there, or the most popular flick ever made, there was a message board for it, and I frequented them all.  The boards weren’t just restricted to the movies and TV series, either.  There were also individual boards for actors/actresses, directors, etc.  No topic or person was taboo.  However, that may have been the problem.  In mid-February of 2017, IMDB announced that they were shutting down the message boards permanently, and they only gave folks two weeks notice.  Apparently, the reason for dismantling the boards was because they were “no longer providing a positive, useful experience.”  In other words, there were too many trolls actin’ a damn fool on the boards.  Hence, the reason I mentioned that I usually felt welcome on the boards, but not 100% of the time.

Some of the boards were so full of trolling topics that I just stayed clear from them all together.  I even came across a troll that used to harass me back in my college days (on another website, sadly enough).  Yes, the trolls were a problem, but I always thought the purpose of moderators was to make sure that they wouldn’t ruin conversations for everyone else.  From what I gathered over the last few years, they either couldn’t handle things, or just flat out weren’t doing their jobs.  Either way, the powers that be at IMDB.com threw up their hands, and now I don’t have a place to discuss movies or TV series anymore.  There’s a few imitators out there, but it’s nowhere near the same.  *Sob*

And the Winner Is…La La Land!  No, Wait!  It’s Moonlight!  My Bad!

89th Annual Academy Awards - Show

This year’s Oscars had an extremely interesting ending.  Former Bonnie and Clyde co-stars Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway were tasked with announcing Best Picture, and after opening the envelope, it was proudly declared that La La Land won the coveted award.  Five minutes later, after the cast and crew of La La Land gave thanks, they later had to give congrats to the cast and crew of Moonlight…because they were the ones that actually won Best Picture.  So how did a musical with a predominately Caucasian cast get confused with a coming-of-age LGBT drama with a predominately African-American cast?  Easy.  They mixed the damn envelopes up, and poor Warren Beatty was clowned for the next month (although I must admit, he didn’t get half as much flack as Steve Harvey did for his Miss Universe gaffe.  Poor Steve can’t catch a break).  I still don’t get why Warren caught so much hell, considering that Ms. Dunaway was the one that announced the wrong winner.  Here’s the proof.

All the Rappers Wantin’ To Fight…Sheesh!

Chris Brown and Soulja Boy

2017 started off on a crazy note thanks to Chris Brown and Soulja Boy.  During the first of the year , Soulja Boy was caught liking a pic of Chris’s ex, Karrueche Tran, on Instagram.  Chris was none too happy about Soulja Boy’s appreciation for Karrueche’s bikini-clad pic (although he and Karrueche broke up ages ago).  Long story short, Chris and Soulja Boy started going back and forth on Instagram and Twitter, and their trash talk soon started to turn towards an actual physical fight.  Shortly afterward, 50 Cent and Floyd Mayweather got involved, and the beef between Chris and Soulja Boy became a PPV event.  Floyd even offered to train Soulja Boy for the fight, whereas Mike Tyson backed Chris.  If that wasn’t crazy enough, other internet fights between celebrity rappers started escalating:  21 Savage vs. 22 Savage, Kodak Black vs. Lil’ Wayne (that one-sided squabble was particularly hilarious), etc.  Thankfully, Chris came to his senses sometime around March and called the fight off, and the other rappers followed suit in their own respective beefs.  Some folks are mad because the PPV never happened, but I can’t say that I am.  I’m glad to see that Chris is finally starting to grow up.

Bruno Mars Gets Accused of “Cultural Appropriation”

Bruno - Dafuq (Alt)

I’ve completely fallen in love with Bruno Mars this year, so on the morning of the 2017 BET Awards, I was psyched to see that he was trending on Twitter.  Then I found out exactly why he was trending.  Some fake woke chick on Twitter (and believe me, Twitter is chock full of them) posted a million tweets about how Bruno was guilty of appropriating black culture by singing R&B music.  I’m a black woman, and I have to say, some folks are little too fast and loose with that “cultural appropriation” accusation.  Don’t get me wrong, some people are guilty of committing that crime (I’ll be nice and not name names).  Bruno, however, is not one of those people, considering how he’s always given props and respect to black artists, and cited the R&B groups of the past as his inspiration.  Black Twitter saw the chick’s tweets for what they were:  a bunch of bullshit.  As a result, they appropriately drug the woman and read her to filth.  Bruno, true to form, paid the girl dust, went to the BET Awards later that night and killed.  I’m sure the girl really got pissed when she realized that Bruno’s song choice for the night was “Perm,” in which he pretty much reveals that he knows how a black woman’s relaxer works (that’s not what the song is really about, but I’m just sayin’…he knows how a doggone perm works!  I’m impressed!).  Then he sat in the audience and promptly went to sleep.

Bruno Sleeping (Alt)

He woke up just in time to win best R&B Artist, though.

Bruno - Thank You (Alt)

I’m sure that chick is still salty as hell.  Probably got even saltier when Bruno performed at the Apollo a few months later.  LOL.

The Lies!  The Lies!  The Lies!

Phaedra (Alt)

Season 9 of The Real Housewives of Atlanta was their absolute worst.  It was boring, clearly scripted—I realize all reality TV is scripted, but the last season didn’t even try to really hide it—and the usual ratchetness wasn’t even amusing or entertaining.  It was stomach churning.  By the fourth or fifth episode of the season, I tuned out and relied on You Tube recappers to find out what was going on, seeing as their breakdown of the show was more entertaining than the show itself.  I can’t even bring myself to watch season 10, and even the folks that did the You Tube recaps for the past season seem to have tuned out.  When I found out midway through season 9 that Kandi and Todd were accused of trying to drug and basically rape Porsha in their “sex dungeon,” I still didn’t have too much interest in watching the show, but I heard that topic would be of considerable interest during the reunion and decided to watch it.  That was the only thing about the last season that didn’t disappoint me.

Long story short, it was revealed during the reunion that Phaedra told Porsha that bold faced lie about Kandi and Todd wanting to sexually violate her for God-knows-what purpose, and the blowout was intense, to say the least.  Kandi was distraught, as was Porsha (although she should’ve used better judgement), and the other ladies were rendered speechless from shock, except for Kenya, who gloated the rest of the reunion.  Phaedra, on the other hand, remained stone faced for the rest of the night, not showing too much geniune remorse for betraying two of her friends.  Black Twitter turned on Phaedra quicker than a gallon of milk left in 100ºF heat, and I witnessed the self-proclaimed southern belle instantly go from being a fan favorite to an absolute pariah.  After the dust had settled, it was reported that the ladies no longer had any desire to work with Phaedra, and the lawyer/mortician/activist officially lost her peach.  She recently told TMZ that she was happy to no longer be a part of the show, although previous news reports stated otherwise.  On the bright side though, I never saw Phaedra look prettier (seriously, no shade.  Phaedra’s always been pretty to me, but that night she was gorgeous.  Too bad it was revealed that she has a seriously evil streak), and Kandi gave us all GIF gold that fateful night.

Kandi - The Lies (Alt).gif

—Written by Nadiya

Part 2 coming soon!

Thanksgiving Binge Watching: ‘The Punisher’ and ‘She’s Gotta Have It’

Frank and NolaWhat’s up, y’all?  Happy very belated Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas!  I hope y’all had a great holiday.  Mine was wonderful, if I do say so myself. I had a glorious five day weekend away from the aggravation of my day job, and enjoyed some great food and even better company.  Other than that, I pretty much just sat on my lazy behind and did the same thing half the country did during Thanksgiving break:  binge-watched Netflix movies and shows.  The two original shows I crammed in right before and during the holiday were The Punisher and She’s Gotta Have It.  Both series have gained a very decent amount of publicity, especially The Punisher, and they each made a very serious impact on me.  With that being said, I decided to give my two cents on each show.

The PunisherThe Punisher

I wasn’t too sure if I wanted to see The Punisher at first.  When the film was originally released, it didn’t really grab me.  I heard all the hoopla for The Punisher before the series premiere, but I figured that it’d probably be an overhyped show just like The Defenders (sorry y’all, the show was good, but not great).  However, my mom wouldn’t let me forget that the show was set to premiere on Nov. 17, and when I sat down to watch it with her, I wasn’t disappointed.

The show begins with Frank Castle completing his quest for revenge against the people that murdered his family…or so he thinks.  As the show progresses, we the viewers learn that the conspiracy behind the Castle family’s massacre is much deeper than Frank initially believed, and it all revolves around Frank’s time in the Marines.  That’s all I can really say without giving away crucial plot points.

The fact of the matter is that this show had me on the edge of my seat from start to finish. Truth be told, it took me from the 17th up until the start of my Thanksgiving vacation to watch all thirteen episodes, thanks to my day job, but you best believe that every day I went to work during the week leading up to the holiday, all I could think about was getting home to watch the next episode of The Punisher.  This show was well acted, action-packed, and is full of twists and turns you wouldn’t believe.  What could’ve easily been made into a strictly revenge series ends up being the Bourne trilogy on steriods.  Plus, the men in the show are pretty damn good looking (namely Frank, Billy and Curtis)!  Check it out if you haven’t already.  Also, if you haven’t seen Luke Cage, definitely give that show a shot.  That’s another Marvel show I really enjoyed.

She’s Gotta Have ItShe's Gotta Have It

The day after I finished watching all the episodes of The Punisher, She’s Gotta Have It premiered on Netflix, and I knew I had to see the pilot episode, at the very least.  I was always a fan of the original film, which I first viewed at the slightly innocent age of 12. Yes, you read that correctly.  12.  As you may have already guessed, Nola Darling’s character perplexed me.  She had three lovers that all knew about each other—which was pretty much unheard of during the late ‘80s and early ‘90s—but I never thought of Nola as a ho or a nymphomaniac.  I remember Nola stating that she wanted to have “five rusty butt boys” one day, but I couldn’t even see her settling down or being a domestic.

Fast forward 23 years since the fateful night I first watched the movie (and 31 years since the movie was released), and Ms. Nola Darling has returned with a reboot for the new millennium.  In 2017, a woman having three lovers at one time isn’t as shocking as it was circa 1986, but you have to admit, there’s still a bit of a taboo there, especially if you compare Nola having multiple men to a man having multiple women all at once.  Even when the iconic Thanksgiving scene with Nola and all her men was recreated, there’s a point in time when Greer (the narcissistic one) asks her, “Why are you acting like such a…” and Nola finishes the sentence by asking, “…a man?”

Despite Nola’s life choices being frowned upon, yet not exactly stroke inducing, the show was still very entertaining, and translates flawlessly to the 2010s (although not everyone agrees with that ).  The cinematography was gorgeous, and I loved the soundtrack.  I especially loved how Spike made sure to showcase what album the song that was played actually came from so you could possibly download the track for yourself (whether you decide to do that legally or illegally is up to you; no judgment).  On top of everything, the show was just beautiful to watch.  I love positive portrayals of my people living their lives.  Before I knew it, just checking out the pilot episode turned into me binging the entire series in a record-breaking two days.

What I really adored about She’s Gotta Have It is it delved deeper into the characters than the movie did, much like the beloved Soul Food series did over a decade earlier.  Mars was a big softie.  Jamie was flawed.  Opal was human.  Greer tried to be a loving boyfriend.  Clorinda was more than just the rejected roommate.  Nola’s parents were cool and opinionated (of course).  The only character that didn’t really change was Nola herself, which isn’t a bad thing at all.  Aside from her sexuality changing from strictly dickly to bisexual (and the fact that she kept all her lovers secret until the last episode of the season), she’s the same Nola Darling that loves life and loves people, and won’t tolerate disrespect.  Once again, this was a show that was well acted, and full of enough drama to keep you glued to the screen.  All the pretty people (Greer!) and hot sex scenes provide eye candy, and the soundtrack is hittin’.  Give this series a try.

—-Written by Nadiya

Have y’all seen The Punisher and/or She’s Gotta Have It?  If so, what did y’all think of the series?  Was The Punisher great, or was it too violent?  Was She’s Gotta Have It insightful, or did it contain way too much sexual imagery?  Are you a fan of Stan Lee or Spike Lee or both?  Who would you rather be friends with:  Frank Castle or Nola Darling? Let me know in the comments section!

 

Top 10 ‘Outlander’ Moments

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What’s poppin’, y’all?  As die hard fans like myself may already know by now, season 2 of Outlander officially ended a few weeks ago, and we’re officially in the time period known as “Droughtlander.”  To be honest though, if I have to endure an entire season of bratty ass Brianna Randall, I’d rather brave the drought!  Anyway, despite losing Starz a while back, I was able to catch up on the last couple of episodes (and got royally pissed off at the events of the season finale, namely Claire’s spoiled brat of a daughter), and now I’d like to do a top 10 list of the most memorable moments—good and bad—of the Outlander TV series!  Let’s hop to it!

10.  Brianna Cusses At Her Mother

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In the season finale, 20 years have passed, and a 50 year old Claire and her rotten daughter Brianna travel to Scotland to attend Rev. Wakefield’s funeral.  While there, Brianna learns the truth about her father—her real father—and basically tells her mother, “You were just fucking another man behind Dad’s back!”  What’s even crazier is that Claire didn’t smack the child silly!  Okay, did Brianna have the right to be upset?  Sure.  Did Claire’s story about traveling to the 18th century sound ludicrous?  Yeah.  But did she have the right to drop an F bomb at her mother and basically call her a ho?  HELL NO!

I’ma need you to have several seats, Brianna.

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9.  The Spanking

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Yep, I went there.

In this scene, Jamie has just rescued Claire from Black Jack’s clutches, but feels the need to punish her since he ordered her to stay with Willie in the woods, but she “wandered off” towards the stones at Craigh Na Du instead, leading to her capture.  What does he consider punishment?  Puttin’ a belt to her behind.  Okay…I know I’m gonna catch holy hell for this one, but as I always say, I have to keep it 100%.  I’m a black woman from the south, raised during the ’80s and ’90s.  When I got out of line as a child, my mother and grandmother spanked me.  Some people look at this scene and see abuse.  I see a spanking.  Now, did Claire deserve the spanking?  Hell no, especially given the fact that she was running back to the stones to go home (which Jamie later learned and deservedly ended up with egg on his face).  Do I believe a husband should whup his wife’s booty with a belt?  Not unless it’s for kinks.  However, I laughed out loud when I first watched this …because Claire whupped Jamie’s ass more than he whupped hers.  Homegirl refused to go down without a fight, and she gave him the silent treatment for the next week, to boot.  Jamie had no choice but to literally get on his knees and beg for forgiveness.

8.  All of Gellis’s Moments

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Yes, you read that correctly.  All of Gellis Duncan’s moments are memorable.  Whether she’s worshiping mother nature, killing both of her husbands, channeling her inner Malcolm X at a Prince Charlie rally, whipping up her potions or announcing that she’s “going to a fucking barbecue,” when Gellis comes on screen, you know it’s about to go down.

7.  Angus Dies

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In the episode “Prestonpans,” Angus returns from the eponymous battle bruised from a cannon blast that exploded next to him, while Rupert was unconscious and seemingly circling the drain.  Ever the faithful best friend, Angus never left his side, and it looked as if he was going to lose his partner in crime.  However, it turns out that Angus was the one that was dying.  He passed out after bleeding internally for the past few hours from the cannon blast, and all Claire and the others could do was watch in horror as he bled to death.  Ironically enough, Rupert woke up the second Angus died.  This scene really broke my heart.

 6.  Black Jack Violates Fergus

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Just when we thought that Black Jack couldn’t get any more evil, we learn that Jamie found his ratchet ass raping Fergus, the 10 year old boy Jamie and Claire took under their wing.  Hence, Jamie broke his word to Claire about waiting a year to kill Black Jack, and went ahead with their scheduled duel.  I cheered when Jamie stabbed his no good ass in the balls towards the end of the fight.

5.  Dougal Gets Killed

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Another reason this season 2 finale pissed me off.  After realizing that crazy ass “Bonny” Prince Charles is going to send the Scots to their death no matter what, Claire suggests killing him via poison.  Dougal overhears this plot, goes into a murderous rage and lashes at Jamie, with Claire presumably to be next.  Jamie and Dougal fight, and Jamie eventually gets the upper hand with Dougal’s knife aimed at his chest.  Dougal’s a tough SOB, and he struggles to keep the dagger from piercing his body, so Claire, being the ride or die chick she is, bears her weight down on Jamie, causing to knife to enter Dougal’s chest.  Let’s face it, Dougal McKenzie was a bastard.  He cheated on his sick (and supposedly lonely) wife, 90% of the time he was out for self, he knocked up Gellis and forgot about her, and he tried to hook up with his nephew’s wife on his wedding day!  In spite of all that though, I liked Dougal.  Really, really deep down, he had a good heart, and his love and loyalty to Scotland were very commendable.  He also cared a great deal about Claire as well as Colum, although he had a shitty way of showing it.  That’s why it broke my heart that Claire and Jamie had to kill him, especially given the fact that Dougal went out of his way to save Claire’s life previously (which makes it even more hurtful, considering that Claire is the one that sealed his death warrant).  Hell, he’s the reason they’re a married couple in the first place.  I hated that his last thoughts of Jamie and Claire were that they were a couple of traitorous bitches.

4.  Claire Loses Faith

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“Faith” was the most powerful episode of season 2, hands down.  As previously mentioned, Jamie breaks his word to leave Black Jack alone for an entire year, and as a result, a very pregnant Claire goes into distress upon seeing him fight the no-good Englishman.  Claire goes into labor immediately after the duel, and the baby is stillborn.  Naturally, Claire is depressed and when the nuns allow her to see the baby, she holds the child for the remainder of the day.  In what’s possibly the most thoughtful and selfless act of her life, Claire’s friend, Louise de Rohan, convinces her to let the baby go for good.  If this episode didn’t pull at your heartstrings, I don’t know what will.  I wish the baby had lived and Claire and Jamie raised her.  I’d trade Faith for Brianna any day (it’s okay to say that about TV characters).

3.  The Duke of Sandringham Loses His Head

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We all knew that the Duke of Sandringham was an asshole, but in the episode “Vengeance Is Mine, ” we learned that the duke was damn near evil incarnate.  It’s revealed that he was the one that orchestrated Claire and Mary’s attack in Paris, and to add insult to injury, we also learn that Mary was the Duke’s own goddaughter, and he still allowed the attack!  Apparently, St. Germain (aka TFF) wanted Claire dead, but Sandringham suggested rape, because it “wasn’t as bad.”  WTF!?  After finding out about the duke’s evil deed, Murtagh, who promised Claire he would lay vengeance at her feet for what happened to her and Mary, promptly buries an ax into the Duke’s skull and proceeds to chop off his head.  He then lays the head at Claire and Mary’s feet and lets them know that he fulfilled his vow.  Go ‘head Murtagh.  I cheered at this scene, too.

2.  Wentworth Prison

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Jamie’s torture scenes in Wentworth Prison are stomach turning, to say the least.  Black Jack promised he would break Jamie…and he does just that, and makes the viewing audience cringe in fear and disgust in the process.  His tactics are enough to make Jeffrey Dahmer shiver:  brutal and multiple rapes, molestation, mutilation, and psychological games, all ending with a “mercy kill” that thankfully never happened, thanks to Claire and Murtagh.  When the founding fathers of America outlawed “cruel and unusual punishment” in the Bill of Rights, I believe they were thinking about Black Jack Randall (psych).  Seriously, I can hardly watch these scenes now, but you best believe they stayed burned in my mind.

1.  All the Times Claire and Jamie Hooked Up

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Real talk, we all love the drama and action Outlander brings, but what we all salivate over is Claire and Jamie’s sex scenes.  Whether they’re consummating their marriage, having a sizzling make up session, or Claire letting Jamie give her a “good morning kiss,” we live to see these two hook up.  Claire and Jamie have explosive chemistry, and together, they’ve had some of the hottest love scenes I’ve seen in ages.  So much so, that everybody and their mama was beggin’ to see Claire and Jamie get it on in season 2.  Unfortunately, they only had two measly hot scenes together this season (and one of them was a quickie).  Boo!  Maybe they’ll get together a little bit more next season after their 20 year separation (God, I hate that storyline), but it begs the question…do we really wanna see middle aged folks get their freak on?

Oh, yeah…honorable mention:

Jamie's Got a Gun

“I’ll thank you to take your hands off my wife.”  I love it!

—Written by Nadiya

So tell me, what’s your favorite Outlander moment?  Did you agree with the list, or did you have a different opinion?  Let me know in the comments section!

 

Top 10 ‘Game of Thrones’ Psychos

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What’s poppin’, y’all?  I know Game of Thrones‘ sixth season has ended, but I’m quite sure some of y’all have been going through withdrawals.  With that being said, I decided to do a Game of Thrones Top 10 list, and what better way to do it than to name off the top 10 psychos on the show!  I mean, let’s face it, a lot of the characters on Game of Thrones aren’t particularly balanced.  Let’s hop to it!  By the way…do y’all like my house sigil?

10.  Sandor “The Hound” Clegane

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I know what y’all are thinkin’, “What’s The Hound doing on this list?”  Now I know that all of y’all love The Hound; I love him, too.  However, you have to admit that he’s a bit psychotic.  I can see why, though.  If my brother burned half my face for playing with one of his favorite toys, I’d be a bit off myself.  Yes, deep down The Hound is a good man, but he actually enjoys killing.  Remember when he told either Sansa or Arya (I can’t remember which one it was) that killing was the most wonderful thing in the world and that Ned enjoyed it, too?  Every time I watched Ned—or even Jon—kill someone, it was a necessary evil, but they got no enjoyment from it.  Only The Hound finds glee in murder.  Unless it’s folks gettin’ burned to death, of course.

9.  Euron Greyjoy

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That’s right, number nine is the king of the Iron Islands and the king of dick jokes himself, Euron Greyjoy!  It’s true that he just joined the cast this season, but right out of the gate, he proved himself to be an A1 nut!  First he killed his brother, proved himself to be obsessed with Theon’s no-longer-existing dick, and then uttered his famous phrase, “Where’s my niece and nephew?  Let’s go murder them!”  Cu-koo!

8.  Walder Frey

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He flirts with chicks young enough to be his granddaughters, he murders entire families at social functions, and always appears to be constipated!  The number eight spot goes to none other than ratchet ass Walder Frey!  Anyone that can watch folks get slaughtered at a wedding and get years of enjoyment from it (not to mention the fact that he imprisoned his son-in-law for God knows how many years after the massacre) is a pure psycho!

7.  Cersei Lannister

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Cersei was always a bitch, but she crossed into pure psychotic territory during the sixth season finale.  When a monarch commits mass genocide (and let’s not forget, she blew up a church!) in her own kingdom and smiles with joy, it proves that she isn’t playing with a full deck.  Plus, there were her past deeds:  trying to kill Tyrion, sleeping with Jaime (ill!), not caring when Jaime pushed Bran out the window, etc.  Hell, in the books, she murdered one of her close friends because the latter had a crush on Jaime!  With an ally like her, who needs enemies?

6.  Ellaria Sand and the Sand Snakes

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These ladies are so hellbent on revenge, they don’t care who they take out to get it, and if you’re not with them, you’re damn sure against them.  I get Ellaria and the crew being pissed at Cersei, but why kill Myrcella?  She was completely innocent!  Why kill Prince Doran and his son for (wisely) not wanting to wage war?  Let’s not forget how the youngest Sand Snake (her name escapes me) poisoned Bronn just for shits and giggles.  A family full of fools, indeed.

5.  Meryn Trant

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Meryn Trant was an arrogant, murderous pedophiliac who got his rocks off on following Joffrey’s sick orders and beating up little girls under the age of 14.  I cheered out loud when Arya messed his ass up.  Talk about just desserts!  The only reason this dude isn’t higher on the list because there’s much, much worse people on Game of Thrones.  You have to have a strong will and thick skin to enjoy this show.

4.  Lysa Arryn

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Lord, have mercy.  Lysa Arryn was the epitome of batshit crazy.  Considering that she’s the one that poisoned her husband and sent that letter to Ned Stark implicating the Lannisters for his murder, it’s possible to say that her actions put all the horrible events in the show into motion (Ned wouldn’t have gone to King’s Landing if the former Hand of the King—Lysa’s husband—hadn’t been murdered).  Some of Lysa’s favorite pastimes included dropping people to their death (which makes it fitting that she was killed the same way), obsessing over Littlefinger, and allowing her nine year old son to be breastfed.  Did I mention that she was a horrible parent, too?  Lysa was single-handedly responsible for raising the most spoiled and useless child on the face of the Earth, and I’ve seen some bad ones, boo.

3.  Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane

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The Hound made it on to the list, but his big brother, The Mountain, is waaaaaaay crazier than he is.  As I said earlier, The Mountain is basically the reason The Hound is on this list in the first place.  Much like Meryn Trant, he found joy in carrying out The Lannisters’ dirty deeds (i.e. raping and killing women and children), but he’d also go after anyone and everyone that pissed him off.  He tried to kill Loras Tyrell once for beating him fair and square during a game of joust.  And of course, there was that time he crushed Oberyn Martell’s skull (the very act that turned Ellaria and the Sand Snakes into vengeful nuts).  To add insult to injury, ever since he’s become a reanimated corpse, he’s gotten even crazier!  Smashing people’s heads, raping nuns…move over, Hannibal Lector!

2.  Joffrey Baratheon

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Now y’all know the king we all loved to hate was gonna be on this list!  Joffrey was a spoiled rotten young king that thrived on torture and humiliation.  He didn’t care who felt his wrath:  his uncle, his fianceé, his future father-in-law, innocent animals, random folks in King’s Landing, or some hoes that just wanted to show him a good time.  The very first episode of Game of Thrones I ever watched was “The Lion and the Rose” (the episode with “The Purple Wedding”), and I witnessed what an asshat Joffrey was.  I couldn’t say I was too upset—or shocked—when he was poisoned to death at the end of the episode.  Hell, I laughed out loud!

1.  Ramsay Bolton

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Real talk, if you were surprised Ramsay made the number one spot, you must be a new fan.  Ramsay is on a whole ‘nother level of insanity that even Joffrey’s spoiled, maniacal ass can’t touch.  Even Joffrey had a limit to his craziness.  Ramsay, on the other hand, had no chill.  He killed his dad, his step mother, and even his 10 minute old newborn brother!  Like Joffrey, he got off on torture, but he took it a step further than beatings and using folks for crossbow practice.  He cut off appendages and peeled the skin off people.  He raped and used psychological torture.  We have Ramsay to thank for Euron’s never ending dick jokes and for Theon being the poster child for PTSD.  What made Ramsay even scarier than Joffrey is the fact that Ramsay was actually intelligent, whereas Joffrey was a vicious idiot.  Ramsay used his insanity and mind games to his advantage, and he came out on top just about every time…until Jon beat his ass and Sansa turned him into Dog Chow.

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—Written by Nadiya

So who do think is the biggest psychopath on Game of Thrones?  Do you agree with the list?  Also, do you like my house sigil?  No, really.  Do you?  Give me your thoughts!

Are There Too Many Remakes/Reboots Nowadays?

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Hey, y’all!  I decided that today’s topic should be something that’s been on my mind for a while now.  Week before last, when I went to see Central Intelligence, I noticed there was a large cardboard cutout in the lobby promoting the film Ben-Hur.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Ben-Hur.

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For you young bucks that never heard of Ben-Hur, let me give you a little rundown.  Ben-Hur is a film that made in the 1950s about a young Roman prince-turned-slave that lived in biblical times.  The movie stars legendary actor Charlton Heston and has not only been regarded a cinematic classic, but it’s been preserved in the Library of Congress.  Needless to say, remaking this film may not be the best idea.  Nonetheless, it’ll be appearing at a theatre near you sometime in August.

It got me thinking…are there too many reboots/remakes now?  It seems like there’s a remake or a reboot of a movie every couple of months.  Even my mother is starting to complain about how there’s nothing original out there any more.  I’m not knocking reboots/remakes.  Some of them are really well made, like Cape Fear, Roots, The Karate Kid and Christopher Nolan’s Batman franchise.  Ben-Hur itself is a remake (the original film was made in 1907 and remade again in 1925) that greatly out shined its predecessors.  Then, there’s some remakes or reboots that turn out like Vacation and Steel Magnolias.  *Shudder*  I have to be totally honest, I’m going to wait until the new Ghostbusters reboot is released on video until I watch it.  It has nothing to do with the main characters being women (I love that aspect, actually), and I don’t think the movie will ruin my childhood.  I’m scared it’ll be as tortuous as Vacation was, judging by some of the flat jokes in the trailer, and I’m just not willing to pay full price for that.  Yeah, my boo Chris Hemsworth makes viewing the film tempting, but as I’ve always said, a fine man does not a good movie make.  Hell, Vacation itself was proof enough of that.

Ben-Hur and Ghostbusters aren’t the only remakes/reboots that’ll be released soon.  There’s quite a few that are currently in production or have been announced according to The Guardian:

  • The Craft (why?)
  • War Games  (WHY!?)
  • Commando (oh God, no!  This will ruin my childhood!)
  • Overboard (y’all just wanna kill it dead, don’t you?)
  • An American Werewolf in London
  • Jumanji (Rock is supposed to star in this film)
  • Porky’s
  • Drop Dead Fred (please don’t touch this masterpiece)
  • Soapdish
  • Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (*sob*)
  • Police Academy
  • Flight of the Navigator
  • Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (*prolonged sobbing*)
  • Three Men and a Baby
  • It
  • Cliffhanger (aw, c’mon!)
  • The Birds (y’all must like being dissed)
  • Flatliners
  • Don’t Look Now

I didn’t name all the movies in the list; those are just the ones that I’m familiar with/grew up on.  Movies aren’t the only thing being rebooted or remade.  TV shows also are getting remakes/reboots, or there’s classic movies being made into TV shows, and vice versa.  Here’s a list of a few of them:

  • Lethal Weapon (Damon Wayans is Murtaugh, and he’s too young for this shit)
  • MacGyver  (MacGyver is a young dude in his 20’s)
  • Uncle Buck (this time with a black family…can’t complain about that)
  • The Exorcist (I’m not watching this)
  • Training Day
  • Frequency
  • Thunderbirds Are Go (instead of puppets, it looks like it’s all CGI)
  • Prison Break (oh, God!  How many more prisons do they have to break out of??)
  • Voltron
  • Gilmore Girls:  A Year in the Life
  • The X-Files (talk about beatin’ a dead horse)
  • Twin Peaks
  • Taken
  • The Rocky Horror Picture Show (once again with an all black cast…make me proud, y’all)
  • Baywatch (this one also stars Rock, and it’s a TV show being converted to a movie)

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Wow.  That’s a lot.

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Here’s my thing:  What made these shows and movies great was that they were original ideas that broke the mold.  There’s nothing wrong with putting a new spin on great films and TV shows for inspiration, but constantly doing it doesn’t give much room for more original ideas and would be classics to be made.  Also, like I said earlier, some remakes/reboots do TV series and movies justice, but others do them a grave disservice.  My advice would be to leave the great classics alone—like Ben-Hurand find new ways to break the mold.  Oh, and don’t touch Drop Dead Fred either, doggone it.

—Written by Nadiya

So what do you think about the vast amount of remakes/reboots for movies and TV shows?  Are there way too many, just enough, or would you like to see more?  Give me your thoughts!

“Game of Thrones” Season Six Finale!!

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Okay, I know what I said earlier about losing HBO and Starz, and how I wouldn’t post any more recaps/reviews.  However, I found a way to watch last night’s season finale of “Game of Thrones” (and I actually found a way to catch up on the other episodes, as well as the other episodes of “Outlander.”  Don’t ask; it’s a long story, and we A LOT to talk about in this post).   That doggone episode was too doggone epic to not post anything about it.  So, instead of me giving my usual recap/review, I’m just going to go over the events that blew my mind and made me rethink my universe.

***WARNING:  IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED “THE WINDS OF WINTER” SEASON SIX FINALE YET, I HIGHLY SUGGEST THAT YOU STAY AWAY FROM THIS POST, BECAUSE THERE’S SPOILERS HEREIN.  YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.***

The Sept Is Gone (and the Septons, too) and the Tyrells Are No More (sort of)!

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Okay, Cersei’s trial is coming up, and instead of facing The High Sparrow’s biased and arbitrary form of justice, she carries out a plan that a lot of folks have been theorizing for quite some time now.  She learned about a cache of wildfire directly under the Sept thanks to her buddy Qyburn, had one of his “birds” empty a few of the crates near the supply and light some candles in a puddle of the stuff…and boom.

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In one swoop, she took out nearly the entire Faith Militant, including Lancel, who was lured to the bottom of the Sept by one of the “birds” when the blast went off.  The Tyrell family was also there, and got blasted to kingdom come.  By the way, Margaery was the only one that had sense enough to know something was up when she noticed that Cersei and Tommen were absent from the trial, but those idiot minions wouldn’t allow her, her brother or anyone else to leave the building.  Cersei also managed to take out Pycelle (in another location) by the hands of Qyburn’s “birds” and her uncle Kevan (he was in the Sept).  She later exacted her revenge on Septa Unella, via The Mountain.  And poor Tommen, who could only watch the 9/11 type destruction his mother caused, and knowing his wife was in that blast, promptly committed suicide.  And all this was just in the first twenty minutes.

Winter Is Finally Here (and it only took five years!)!

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While Sansa and Jon are discussing how they must trust each other and who should take over the Stark household, Sansa mentions that a raven came from the Citadel (I’m assuming that was from the nasty ass admissions director that didn’t believe Jon was the Lord Commander and the letter of recommendation he wrote for Sam was “irregular”)…a white raven.  Sansa says that means that winter is actually here.  Jon laughs and talks about how Ned always said it was coming.  Well, it’s about doggone time!  I wish winter was like that in real life.  After six more measly months, we’ll all be shivering again (yes it gets cold in the south).

The Sand Snakes and Granny Tyrell Align…and They Have Extra Help!

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Remember I said “The Tyrells Are No More (sort of)”?  There’s one Tyrell left…Oleanna aka Granny Tyrell, and she’s pissed.  Thanks to Cersei’s terrorist attack, the Tyrell name will now end with Oleanna.  She wants revenge, and she goes to Dorne to get it.  Despite the fact that Granny epically shut the younger Sand Snakes up, she and Ellaria still agree to team up, and they have another force aligning with them…

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Hell yeah.  It’s on now.  I can’t stand the Sand Snakes, but I’m loving this new alliance.

Tyrion Is Appointed Hand of the Queen!

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After Dany officially announces that she is indeed heading to Westeros in the near future and drops Daario Naharis like a bad habit, she and Tyrion have a heart to heart, where he tries to console her for dumping her lover, seeing as she had to leave him if she wants to be queen of the seven kingdoms (I can’t help but wonder if Daario got dumped so the writers could make the Dany/Yara thing happen).  Dany’s inconsolable, especially since she just realized she never really loved Daario and had no emotion when she dumped him, but Tyrion tells her how he’s been a cynic all his life and never believed in anything…but he believes in her.  That’s when Dany presents Tyrion with the pin she had especially made for him and officially declares him the Hand of the Queen.  Tyrion responds in a way he never has before…

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He kneels before her.  Y’all know how much I love Tyrion, so it was really nice to see him finally being appreciated for the things he’s done (by the way, the war waged by the masters was wasn’t so much a fuck up by Tyrion, but more so of a double cross…although Grey Worm and Missandei warned him of said double cross…never mind).  I’m also glad to see a genuine relationship forming between Dany and Tyrion now.  I believe they’re becoming real friends, and not just political allies.  *Squee*

Arya Kills Walder Frey’s Ratchet Ass (and smiles!)

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Walder Frey is enjoying his delicious meat pie and a flirting with a handmaiden young enough to be his granddaughter.  Then he wonders where his sons are.  The maiden tells him his sons are right there with him.  The old man’s confused, so the young lady shows him the slice of pie and tells him again, his sons are there.  Frey takes the top crust off the pie, and sure enough, he finds the top of a finger (or a toe…I know the nail was green..ill…).  Gross…but cool!  I have to say, in the Shakespearean play Titus, the main character got revenge on a rival family by putting their evil sons in a pie.  That was epic then, and it’s epic now!  Then, the ultimate…the maiden takes off her mask to reveal that she’s none other than Arya Stark.  She introduces herself to Frey and lets him know the last thing he’ll see is her smiling down on him as he dies.  Then she slices his throat and smiles as he bleeds out.  Valar morghulis, bitch.

NWA Dancing

The R+L=J Theory Is True!  WTF!?!?

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Long story short, Bran wargs out again, with his Three-Eyed Raven powers fully realized, thanks to his Uncle Benjen, and goes back in time to where he saw his father heading up to the Tower of Joy to save Lyanna.  Lyanna has obviously just given birth, and she’s dying from excessive hemorrhage.  She makes Ned promise to take care of her baby boy if and when she dies.  Bran looks on as the midwife hands Ned the baby who opens his brown eyes…

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And then we cut to this:

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Holy shit.  Now here’s why this has rocked my world…I always thought that the R+L=J theory was bogus and just something that the fans really wanted to see (like Tyrion actually being a Targaryen instead of a Lannister).  There’s really only two reasons I felt like the theory wasn’t warranted, and one of my best friends (who’s also a big “Game of Thrones” fan) and I have discussed this at length.  Reason one:  Why didn’t Ned at the very least confide in Catelyn that Jon was actually his nephew?  It doesn’t make sense for him to come home and introduce Jon as his bastard child and put the boy—and his own marriage—through all that stress and misery.  Reason two (and this was the BIG reason):  As most of y’all may remember, in season one, Ned learned that Robert Baratheon did not father any of his legitimate children when he read that family history book and saw that all the descendants of the Baratheon family had dark hair, not blond hair.  In the “Game of Thrones” universe, genetics are pretty simple.  The children—namely the males—take their father’s hair color.  If Jon was a Targaryen, wouldn’t he have silver hair like Dany and Viserys, instead of dark hair like the rest of the Starks (except Sansa)?  Despite what I think though, D&D and Mr. Martin proved that Jon is a Targaryen, and even though I have to reevaluate my life, I can’t wait to see the sparks that are gonna fly when Jon finally meets Dany (his auntie)!

Jon Stark is Declared the King in the North!  Yaaaassss, Bitch!

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Earlier in the show, Littlefinger told Sansa he wanted to sit on the Iron Throne and he wanted her by his side…then he made a pass at her by trying to kiss her, but Sansa rejected his ass and he ended up throwing a brick like Steph Curry at the NBA Finals.  Soon after, all the Northerners gather for a pow wow, and Jon informs them that winter has arrived, and the White Walkers are coming.  At first, no one wants to listen…until Lyanna Mormont reminds them how most of them punked out when House Stark needed them, and she publicly declares Jon King in the North.  I’m starting to like her now.  Everyone realizes she’s speaking truth and all of them declare Jon king.  By the way, I love this exchange between Jon and Sansa while everyone’s pledging their allegiance:

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These two are so cute (in a brother/sister type way, you nasty shippers!).  While everyone’s cheering for Jon however, Sansa spots Littlefinger in a corner mean muggin’.

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Why so pissed?  Sexually frustrated?  Mad ’cause a “bastard’s” been declared king (a bastard hatin’ on a bastard)?  Or are you PO’ed because now that ugly ass throne is a little further out of your reach?  And speaking of which…

Cersei Lannister Sits On the Iron Throne  (Armageddon has arrived…)

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Jaime returns from Riverrun just in time to see the disaster area that is now King’s Landing.  He also comes back just in time to see Cersei’s coronation as the Queen of the Andals and the First Men and Protector of the Seven Kingdoms.  He didn’t look too happy.  Me personally, I nearly fainted.

And last, but damn sure not least…

Dany and Her Army FINALLY Sail to Westeros (and it only took five years!)

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Theon is shown looking up at a flag on a ship.  He’s standing next to Yara, who’s looking out at the horizon.  Then we see another ship setting sail with Grey Worm and most of the Unsullied.  Another ship is full of Dothraki Bloodriders and their horses (by the way, the Dothraki learned in a short period of time how to manage a ship!).  There’s close to a thousand ships sailing in the ocean, all with dragons embroidered on the sails.  Drogon, Viscerion and Rhaegal fly overheard.  The dragons pass the leading ship, which contains Varys, Missandei, Tyrion…and Dany.

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So Dany basically has the Unsullied, the Dothraki, most of the Ironborn, the Sand Snakes, Granny Tyrell, Tyrion and Vary’s sharp minds, the Second Sons on call (she left them in Meereen with Daario), Jorah Mormont’s eventual comeback, and three big ass dragons?  Let’s not forget there’s a possibility the North might join in.

Cersei…you in danger, girl.

You In Danger Girl

I don’t have to tell y’all, this entire season was asskickin’.  From the Bastard Bowl, to The Hound coming back, to Jon’s resurrection, Dany’s epic war with the slave masters, Ramsay being turned into Alpo, to this game changing season finale (I have to say, this may be one of the best season finales in “Game of Thrones” history, in my humble opinion), I loved it all.  I especially loved how the biggest outcasts in the show (Jon and Tyrion) are finally getting the respect and accolades they deserve.  The only thing I hated in this episode was Margaery being killed and Tommen committing suicide, but all that’s going to lead to Cersei’s ultimate destruction, which’ll be be so delightful to see (even Jaime’s pissed at her now!).  I have to say though, it looks as though everything’s come full circle with Jon becoming king, Tyrion becoming Hand of the Queen, Cersei ruling the Seven Kingdoms, Dany sailing to Westeros and winter finally arriving.  That may very well mean that season seven will indeed be the last season.  If it is…I’ll be sad to see the show go, but I know it’ll give us a final season we won’t forget!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Winds of Winter”?  Was it a great season finale, or was it disappointing?  What blew your mind?  Do you have something to add to the list?  Give me your thoughts!