I’m Team Cap! And It’s Not Because I’m a Nerd!

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Sorry I’m a little late with this post, but it’s been a crazy little week.  My mom had two medical procedures back to back that I had to take her to, and I had to go to traffic court (I was compelled to listen to a certain N.W.A song when I got that ticket)!  Today…I’m just plain tired (and the fact that my female problems began today doesn’t exactly help, either.  TMI?  Oh, well).  So, let’s hop right into it, shall we?  This past Sunday (May 8, 2016), before everything in my life went cuckoo, I watched Captain America:  Civil War at my local movie theatre.  Mark me (as crazy ass Prince Charles from “Outlander“loves to say), this flick was everything the previews hyped it up to be.  When I say that I loved every minute of this film, I mean that I LOVED every minute of this film.  This is the best Captain America movie to date.  That’s right, it even surpasses The Winter Soldier.

As I’m sure you all have heard by now, the movie is basically about the gubment (yes, I wrote that on purpose) drafting The Sovokia Accords, which are basically restrictions on superheroes.  Apparently, there have been way too many casualties in New York (The Avengers), Washington, DC (The Winter Soldier); and Sovokia (Avengers:  Age of Ultron), and unfortunately, during one of Cap’s mission within the film, even more innocent lives are lost.  The powers that be decide that folks with special abilities need to be reigned in.  My thing is this:  instead of blaming The Avengers, shouldn’t the big wigs be looking at the bad guys for causin’ all of this shit?  As Martin used to say, “Don’t start none, won’t be none.”  Anyway, my boy Tony Stark is all for the accords, especially after finding out about a young man that was killed in Sokovia.  However, Cap is against the accords, hence the beginning of the “civil war.”

This movie was great.  The actual plot is a lot more fleshed out and elaborate than what I described, but I’d hate to give away too much of the film.  You all really have to go out and see it for yourselves.  The action and the special effects don’t disappoint, either.  I only saw a few CGI moments that were clearly CGI in the first few minutes, but later on in the film, everything is pretty much flawless.  By the way, there’s a certain CGI’ed moment with Robert Downey, Jr. that’ll floor you.  What I really loved about the movie was the way the characters were handled.  Unlike Avengers:  Age of Ultron,  all the good guys weren’t fighting for screen time.  They all had their time to shine and it moved along smoothly.  We get to know Vision and Scarlet Witch a little bit more (they’re so cute together!), and Black Panther’s intro to the MCU was pretty badass.  This film was my personal introduction to Ant Man, and I love him now!  Now more than ever, I have to see the Ant Man movie whenever I have the chance.  When I first heard that Spider Man was joining the MCU,  I was totally against the idea.  I always felt that Spider Man and the X-Men should stay with Sony, and The Avengers should have the MCU all to themselves.  However, when I saw Tom Holland’s portrayal in Civil War, I’m more than happy to say I was dead wrong.  No one can beat Tobey Maguire’s rendition of Spidey in my eyes, but this new kid comes damn close.  Along the way, most of us have forgotten that Spider Man is actually a teenager, and this new rendition plays that fact up to everyone’s delight.  Once again, describing it won’t do the performance justice.  You have to see it.  Another thing that has to be seen to be believed is the big fight between Tony’s team and Cap’s team at the airport.  That showdown was hot to death.  My only gripe is that Thor was missing.  I love Thor.

As far as the actual civil war is concerned, I’m team Cap, just as the title reads.  Don’t get me wrong, I can definitely see Tony’s point of view, but Cap brings up an interesting tidbit in the film that totally has me on his side.  He mentions to Tony that the government has their own agenda from time to time, and if they’re dictating what The Avengers can and cannot do, there may come a time that they’ll send the team off on a mission or call a mission off not for the good of the people, but for the good of their own objectives.  Also, who the hell puts restrictions on superheroes?  That’s the craziest shit I’ve ever heard of in my life!  Another reason I’m not on Tony’s team is because the Sokovia Accords were basically drafted by Betty Ross’ dad, Col. Ross (at least, I think he’s a colonel), who’s always been a jackass, anyway.  And like I said earlier, why are The Avengers being blamed for all these civilian deaths?  If Loki, Ultron, and all these other so-and-so’s didn’t do their dirt in the first place, there wouldn’t be any civilian casualties!

So, if you loved The Winter Soldier and The Avengers, but were just a tad let down by Avengers:  Age of Ultron (me!), please check out this movie.  Don’t be like my mom and be turned off by Captain America and Iron Man fighting each other (seriously, she can’t stand the fact that they had to square off against each other in this film…she’s pissed about Superman and Batman going against each other, too).  When you watch the film, you’ll see why things transpired the way they did.  Trust me, it’s well worth your time and money.  Besides, Captain America gets hotter with each film!  Has anyone else noticed that?  They really have some sexy men in the MCU (especially Thor)!

—Written by Nadiya

Have you seen Captain America:  Civil War yet?  What did you think about it?  Was it the best Captain America film in the franchise (or in the MCU), or did you think it was overhyped crap?  Would you like to see Cap and Iron Man go against each other, or does the very thought of it make your stomach turn?  Did you miss Thor as much as I did, or was his absence a welcome relief (forget you if you feel that way…just kidding!)?  Give me your thoughts!

“Oathbreaker” – Recap and Review

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The Wall

Ser Davos must’ve thought deep down that bringing Jon back was a bit farfetched, because as soon as Jon begins breathing and sits up, he’s genuinely shocked.  Jon’s equally shocked that he’s alive, as he remembers Olly stabbing him in the heart (the fact that Olly delivered the death strike, and in the heart no less, makes the situation even sadder).  Melisandre rushes in and asks what he saw when he died.  Jon tells her he saw nothing.  Well, that’s a bummer.  Then Melisandre starts going on about how Jon may be the prince to rule the world instead of Stannis…blah, blah.  God, I hope she doesn’t become the Melisandre of old and starts giving birth to more demon babies and performing blood sacrifices on children.  I was just starting to like her.  Davos sympathizes with how Jon must be feeling.  Jon admits that he doesn’t know why he’s back, and isn’t sure what to do at this point.  Davos tells him to go on fighting.  Jon says the last time he fought, he failed.  Davos tells him to fail again.  Later, Jon greets his men, including Tormund and his buddy.  Tormund tells Jon that everyone thinks he’s a god, but Jon dismisses the idea.  Tormund agrees, saying that he couldn’t be a god, because his dick is too small.  I cracked up at that line.  Jon’s buddy asks if he’s still the same Jon Snow, and Jon says he thinks he is.  He tells a joke about holding off on the funeral pyre, and his buddy asks again if he’s sure he’s himself, seeing as the old Jon didn’t have a sense of humor.  That gets another laugh out of Jon.

The Middle of Damn Nowhere

An extremely seasick Sam and Gilly are in the middle of the ocean, traveling to the Citadel.  Well, Sam’s traveling to the Citadel.  Gilly learns that she and the baby are going to Sam’s family home while he completes his studies.  Sam argues that the Citadel is no place for a woman, and that Gilly would be safer with his mother.  Gilly’s a bit disappointed, but she resigns herself to the idea.  Sam tells her that he’d feel better if she blessed him out and threw something at him.  Gilly says she’d never do that to the father of her child.  Awwww!!  Sam smiles at that statement, and pukes.

The Three Eyed Raven’s Cave

Bran and The Three Eyed Raven are wargin’ out again, and this time, they see young Ned Stark riding with Howland Reed, Meera’s father.  Dang, fate is a trip!  Now young Ned is a bit older—maybe in his late teens or early twenties—as opposed to the last dream, where he looked to be about eleven or twelve.  Apparently Ned is trying to save Lyanna, who may be locked in a nearby tower.  Ser Arthur Dayne shows up as Ned’s opposition.  Of course, a sword fight breaks out.  Now, here’s the thing:  apparently, the story that Bran heard growing up was that Ned beat Dayne with one hand behind his back or some bullshit.  However, Bran learns that that’s not the case.  Ned put up a hell of a fight, but Dayne was overpowering him, and he lost because Howland Reed snuck up behind Dayne and stabbed him in the back.  Once Dayne is dead, Ned goes up to the the tower to get Lyanna, and Bran calls out to him.  Here’s the trippy part…Ned actually hears him.  The Three Eyed Raven appears a bit nervous and ends the dream.  Bran’s irate.  He knew his father heard him, but The Three Eyed Raven writes it off.  Bran wants to go back, but The Three Eyed Raven warns him again:  if you stay in the dream too long, you may never come back.  Bran doesn’t care.  He goes full on teenager and starts going on and on about how when he’s in the dreams he not a cripple, how he doesn’t wanna spend all his time with an old man in a tree…yadda, yadda, yadda.  Even Leaf (the little magical girl!  Props to Patrick for giving me her name!) can’t believe the temper tantrum this boy is having.  The Three Eyed Raven lets Bran know that he’s aware he doesn’t wanna stay in the cave forever, and he will eventually get out, but first he has to learn.  Bran asks what he has to learn (and then he asked the question like a spoiled ass child that thinks he knows everything!  Bran really is in his terrible teens).  The Three Eyed Raven answers, “Everything.”  Shots fired.

Vaes Dothrak

Dany finally gets to Vaes Dothrak, and her reception isn’t exactly warm.  Once she gets in the temple, the head Dosh Khaleen has her stripped of her clothing and makes her wear the traditional Dothraki garment.  Dany starts going on about how they’ll regret what they’ve done, but her threats fall on deaf ears.  The Dothraki really don’t give a shit about Dany being the Mother of Dragons or the Queen of Meereen.  The main Dosh Khaleen asks her why she didn’t come to Vaes Dothrak when Khal Drogo died.  Dany tells her that her place is not with them.  The dragon lady writes off Dany’s attitude as her being young and how she’ll learn the way of the world soon enough…if she’s lucky enough to stay in Vaes Dothrak.  Dany asks where else she could possibly go, and Miss Thang tells her that since she went off in the world after Khal Drogo died, she committed a forbidden act.  Now her fate lies in the hands of the Khalasars.  Oooooohhh…

Meereen

Varys meets up with the ho that was working with the Sons of the Harpy (you know, the one that killed the Unsullied solider that just wanted a mother figure last season?).  She thinks he’s going to torture her, but he actually entices her with the promise of a new life for herself and her son, along with some startup money.  All he needs in return in some information.  In the meantime, Tyrion is waiting for the news along with Grey Worm and Missandei, and he learns that the two of them are pretty doggone boring.  He tries his best to start up a conversation or play a game to pass the time, but they’re so socially awkward they end up making Tyrion look like the weirdo for even suggesting it (which further proves that Grey Worm and Missandei are made for each other).  Strangely enough, whenever they’re around each other, or if Dany is nearby, they don’t have a problem talking.  As a matter of fact, Grey Worm and Missandei have scorching chemistry together.  Varys returns from the interrogation, much to Tyrion’s relief, and tells them that the Sons of the Harpy are being funded by the slave owners in Astapor and Yunkai, as well as the rich folks in Volantis.  Ain’t that somethin’.  Grey Worm suggests fighting them, but Tyrion suggest talking to them first, and asks Varys to get his little birds to send them a message.  Varys answers that men cannot be trusted but his little birds are always faithful.  That got me thinking…exactly who and what are Varys’ birds?

King’s Landing

Maester Qyburn aka The Mad Scientist, is doing checkups on the local children.  A little girl asks when Varys will be coming back.  Qyburn asks why, and the little girl answers that she always liked Varys.  He was nice, and always referred to the kids as his “little birds.”  Wow.  Mystery solved.  I always assumed that the birds were men he trusted until he made that statement in Meereen.  I should’ve known they were kids!  Children never lie (unless it’s about doing their homework and/or cleaning their rooms).  Qyburn decides to recruit some birds of his own, and gives the kids candy to butter them up.  Cersei, Jaime and The Mountain arrive, scaring the living hell out of the children.  Cersei sees that Qyburn is gathering spies, and she tells him to gather more:  in Dorne, Highgarden, everywhere.  If someone’s talkin’ shit about her, she wants to know.  Qyburn agrees.  Welcome back, bitchy Cersei.

There’s a small council meeting taking place where Pycelle is talkin’ shit about Qyburn and The Mountain.  Talk about a hater!  Cersei’s crew walks in on the meeting while Pycelle is talkin’ his trash, and once he sees The Mountain, he actually passes gas.  I’m not above laughing at toilet humor.  Don’t judge me.  By the way, one of my favorite characters was at the small council meeting…Oleanna Tyrell (or as I love to call her, Granny Tyrell)!  I love her almost as much as I love Tyrion!  Anyway, Cersei’s Uncle Kevan reminds her that she’s not on the small council and has no business being there.  Cersei asks why Granny Tyrell is there, but she lets Cersei know that her son invited her so they could talk about the queen’s imprisonment.  Cersei’s vain ass thinks she’s referring to her, but Granny lets her know quick, fast and in a hurry that Margaery is the queen and Margaery’s imprisonment is the topic of discussion.  Cersei and Jaime refuse to leave…so everyone else does.  Buuuurrrrrnnnnnnn!!!

Tommen confronts The High Sparrow, demanding him to allow Cersei to visit Marcella’s grave.  The High Sparrow refuses.  Tommen flexes his authority, “I am the king!”  When are y’all gonna learn that that doesn’t work??  The High Sparrow not only refuses again, but plays Tommen in the process.  He sits down with Tommen and talks to him about how Cersei has to go through further atonement not because the Septon wants it, but because the gods want it.  He goes on to say that the gods make their will known and it’s up to us as human beings to accept it or reject it.  Tommen mentions that Tywin used to say the same thing, and starts really listening to the rest of The High Sparrow’s malarkey.  Got ‘im.

Braavos

Blind Arya is back in the House of Black and White, and she’s not playin’ around.  She spends her days training to be no one.  She learns how to fight blind, sparring with that blonde heffa.  When she’s not fighting that witch, she asks Arya who she was before she came to Braavos.  Now, here’s what pissed me off:  the heffa asks about Arya’s family, and she mentions that she had one sister and four brothers.  The blonde heffa whacked her with the stick for that, and Arya quickly changed her answer to one sister, three brothers and one half brother.  That still makes Jon her brother, bitch!  I hate the way these bastards on this show treat Jon (and Tyrion) like he’s less than!  *Sigh*  But I digress.  Anyway, for the first few days, the blonde heffa continues to whup Arya’s ass, but she takes it everyday, and gets better as each day passes.  She learns how to use her sense of touch, hearing and smell to navigate her way around and fight.  She even learns how to mix potions.  While going through the former Arya Stark’s history, the blonde heffa makes her recite the kill list.  Arya only names a few people, and mentions that the Hound was once on the list as well, but was taken off.  The blonde heffa asks who else was on her “funny little list.”  Hell, with all the pounding you’re doing on this child, your nasty ass might be on it.  Good thing you don’t have a name!  Arya eventually gets so good at her skills that she ends up defending herself against the blonde heffa’s attacks (much to that witch’s dismay)!  When Jaqen H’ghar sees this, he tells Arya again that if a girl says her name, she’ll get her eyes back.  Arya repeats that she has no name.  Jaqen gives her a potion to drink.  At first Arya hesitates, but Jaqen says that if a girl is truly no one, she has nothing to fear.  Arya drinks it, and just like that, she regains her sight.  Jaqen asks who she is again.  Arya answers, “No one.”  Now she’s the Artist Formerly Known as Arya Stark.  Yes, her murderous skills are an art.

Winterfell

Some dude named Lord Umber comes to Winterfell asking for Ramsey’s help against the Wildlings now that they’ve crossed The Wall.  One thing I like about Umber is that he’s no dummy.  He knows that Ramsey killed Roose Bolton, and doesn’t for one second buy his bullshit about Roose being poisoned by his enemies.  Ramsey asks Umber to pledge his banners to him, but Umber refuses.  He then asks Umber to kneel before him and pledge his loyalty, but Umber refuses to do that, too.  Instead, he has a gift for Ramsey.  He brings in two hostages, with sacks over their heads.  When the sacks are removed, it’s revealed that the hostages are none other than Osha and Rickon.  OMG!!  This season is bringing back a lot of folks we haven’t seen for a while!  Ramsey wants proof that Rickon really is who they say he is, and Umber brings the head of Rickon’s direwolf as evidence.  The damn wolves are being killed off just as quickly as the actual Stark family members!  Ramsey accepts the wolf’s head as proof and “welcomes” Rickon back home.  Ugh.

All In All, You’re Just Another Brick In The Wall!

As Laurence Fishburne once said in the film Deep Cover, “If you deal in vice, you pay the price.”  Well, all those fuckers that stabbed Jon are about to pay.  Jon’s buddy knocks on the Lord Commander’s door, letting him know that it’s time.  Jon goes outside to do his duty, and we see Thorne, Olly, and those other two idiots on the scaffold.  Jon asks if they have any last words, and one of the no-name idiots hollers out, “You shouldn’t be alive!  It’s not right!”  Really?  Jon claps back and tell him that killing him wasn’t right, either.  The other no-name idiot wants Jon to send a letter to his mother telling him he died fighting the wildlings.  Jon doesn’t openly agree to it, but he doesn’t come out and say no, either.  Thorne gives a long winded speech about how he had to choose between betraying Jon or betraying The Night’s Watch.  Whatever.  Then Jon gets to Olly, who says nothing.  All he does is look at Jon with disdain.  Jon pauses for a second before cutting the rope to release the bottom end of the scaffold.  Once he does, it only takes a few seconds for all of them to die.  When it’s over, Jon takes off his coat and hands it to his buddy.  His buddy asks what he wants him to do with it, and Jon basically lets him know he doesn’t care because he’s handing the title of Lord Commander to him.  Jon walks away saying, “My watch has ended.”

WTF!?

This was an interesting episode, but it hurt my heart a little bit.  First of all, despite the fact that Olly pissed me off royally for betraying Jon, seeing his dead body on that rope was haunting, to say the least.  All in all, he was just a boy.  True, he was a boy that decided he wanted to be grown and had to pay the ultimate grown up price, but he was just a boy nonetheless.  The other thing that hurt my heart is the ongoing situation with the Stark children.  When I was in high school, we had to watch a mini-series called The Holocaust for my US History class.  In the movie, there’s a wealthy Jewish family that’s very close knit, but once the Nazi party’s power grows, the family becomes separated.  Many members of the family never see each other again.  Whenever I watch “Game of Thrones,” and see how the Starks have all been separated thanks to the Lannisters and their bullshit, I think about The Holocaust.  Rickon missed Sansa at Winterfell by a few days, maybe a week.  Jon just left The Wall, right before Sansa is about to show up.  It seems to me that they’ll never be reunited again.  Another thing I want to touch on is Tommen.  Tommen’s been getting a lot of flack for being a useless king.  Well, he’s not the strongest monarch, but we have to remember something…he’s a kid.  A softhearted kid at that.  The High Sparrow knew exactly how to play his emotions, and it worked like a charm.  At least Tommen tried to exercise his authority this week.  We’ll see if The High Sparrow continues to play him, or if Tommen will eventually become a better ruler.  Only time will tell.  And Jon!  I can’t believe he quit!  Where will he go?  What he will he do?  He can’t go back to Winterfell; Ramsey and those other bloodthirsty bastards will have his head (although he may see Rickon again…maybe).  Can’t wait for next week!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Oathbreaker”?  Good show, or was it dull as dishwater?  Also, what’s your opinion on Olly’s death or Tommen’s lack of influence, or anything going on with the Stark kids?  Your thoughts please!

Why “Underground” Is a Force To Be Reckoned With

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If some of you remember, in my very first post, I mentioned that nowadays I get more excited to see “Underground” on Wednesday nights than “Empire.”  Don’t get me wrong, “Empire” still entertains me, despite the fact that it’s not quite the show it once was.  The only difference is, now “Empire” can be DVR’ed if I have to do something when 9:00 PM rolls around.  However, when “Underground” airs on WGN an hour later, please do not disturb me.  I absolutely have to watch that show.

“Underground” is a drama that tells the story of four groups of people whose lives are intertwined in the Antebellum south.  The primary group is the Macon 7, seven slaves that are forced to work the Macon plantation and make a daring escape.  Two of the slaves, Rosalee (Jurnee Smollett-Bell) and Noah (Aldis Hodge) are the main characters, who are bonded together by their thirst for freedom as well as their growing love for each other.  The second group is a young Caucasian couple in the north, John and Elizabeth Hawkes (Marc Blucas and Jessica De Gouw).  John is the younger brother of Tom Macon, the master of the Macon plantation.  However, John and Elizabeth are abolitionists, and they convert their house into a station in the Underground Railroad.  The third group is made up of August Pullman (Christopher Meloni, who’ll always be Elliott Stabler to me) and his young son Ben.  August is a slave hunter that has his son accompany him on his hunt for the Macon 7.  The thrill of the hunt and the reward that comes with it keeps August going, but Ben’s disgust for treating human beings like property mounts with each gaining week.  Last but not least, there’s the fourth group:  the slaves and masters that remain on the Macon plantation.  The seven slaves that escape leave lasting ramifications for all the other slaves on the plantation, mainly Rosalee’s family.  The escape also effects Tom Macon, who is running for the Senate, and is looked down upon for having so many of his slaves flee on his watch.

Now, I know what you’re thinking:  “I’ve seen this all before!  If you’ve seen one slave show, you’ve seen them all!  I can’t stand watching stuff about slavery!”  I get it.  If you’re uncomfortable with shows that depict slavery, this definitely isn’t the series for you, because “Underground” holds nothing back.  However, there are certain aspects of this show that make it different than most movies/TV series that discuss the topic of slavery.  All the slaves in the show aren’t heroes.  There’s one in particular named Cato (Alano Miller) that runs with the Macon 7, and makes it clear from jump street that he has no loyalty to anyone.  You don’t see your typical behavior from the house slaves and field slaves.  There’s a few times that some of the house slaves say that they envy the field slaves, because the once the field work is done for the day, they can go back to their lives, whereas the house slaves don’t have that luxury.  The protagonists as well as the villains are three dimensional.  Cato has shown his human side many times as well as his devilish side.  There is one slave that is generally good, but she kills another slave to protect her family.  Although August is a slave catcher hell bent on capturing the Macon 7—Rosalee in particular—it’s still hard to completely hate him due to his extreme intelligence as well as the issues he has with his mentally ill wife as well as seeing that his son no longer looks up to him as he once did.  Well no, I take that back.  August still sucks.  I like Elliott better.  Even the way the show is set up is different.  The slaves didn’t just start running on the first episode; they spent the first few episodes planning the escape.  After a while, I started to wonder if when and if they were going to run.  Also, when they finally ran, they didn’t all run together.  Certain circumstances occurred that caused the group to be split up.  Some of them didn’t even make it off the plantation.  Not only that, but the Macon 7’s numbers have been dwindling week to week.  I won’t mention how or why the numbers have been reduced.

I highly recommend this show.  It’s full of action, drama and suspense, and it never disappoints.  I know what else you’re thinking:  “Nadiya, how can we watch the show when the season finale is coming up?”  Please.  This is the 21st century.  If WGN is offered by your cable provider, you can easily go back and watch these episodes On Demand or on the WGN website (www.wgnamerica.com).  The episodes are also available on Amazon Instant Video as well as VUDU (www.vudu.com).  If neither of those options tickle your fancy, this coming Wednesday (May 11, 2016), WGN will air all nine episodes of “Underground,” leading up to the season finale at 10:00 PM.  The marathon begins at 1:00 PM EST.  I suggest y’all set your DVR’s or take a day off work.  Just kidding about the day off work thing.

—Written by Nadiya

So what do you think about “Underground”?  Is it an exciting show, or is it just the 20 millionth retelling of “Roots”?  Give me your thoughts!

 

“Untimely Resurrection” – Recap and Review

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We pick up right where we left off last week.  The house is in shambles from the fight that broke out.  It turns out the g‘darmes TFF summoned actually were the cops, and they arrested everyone, including Jamie (where I come from, the Comte would be known as a “snitch bitch”).  Claire and Fergus sat up all night waiting for him to return.  When Jamie returns the next morning, he sweetly puts Fergus to bed and lets Claire know that Alex was blamed for Mary’s rape, and the only thing that’ll get him out of the Bastille is Mary’s word that Alex is innocent.  The Duke of Sandringham already fired him to avoid any scandal.  Punk.  Jamie asks if Claire could identify any of the men, but she says she couldn’t (did she forget about the wine colored birthmark on the dude’s hand?); only that they spoke aristocratic French.  Jamie asks how she got away from them, and she lets them know about the whole La Dame Blanche nonsense.  It turns out that Jamie knows how the whole La Dame Blanche rumor got started…it was him.  At the whorehouse he and crazy ass Charles love to frequent, Jamie started the rumor about Claire to keeps the hoes away.  Claire is pissed at first, considering that she was nearly burned as a witch back in Scotland, but Jamie lets her know that if one of the men that tried to rape her frequent the whorehouse, he can find out exactly who it was, and they may lead him to St. Germain, who was most likely behind the attack.

When Murtagh’s finally released from jail, he’s tasked with following St. Germain to find out exactly what he has going on with the prince (Claire let Jamie know they left the party together) and to verify if he was behind Claire and Mary’s attack.  Murtagh goes to Jamie’s workplace and informs him that there’s a gang of masked wealthy folks in Paris known as “Les Disciples” that attack people at night.  The way they’re initiated into the gang is by raping a virgin.  Gross.  Murtagh goes on to say that he feels guilty for not protecting Claire and Mary, not to mention Jamie’s unborn child.  Jamie tells him there’s nothing for him to feel bad about.  Murtagh still says he can’t forgive himself, and Jamie advises him to stay on TFF if he wants to feel better.  Murtagh swears to him that he will.

Claire visits Mary, who’s writing a letter to prove Alex’s innocence.  Like most rape victims, Mary is feeling ashamed and that she’ll never be herself again.  Claire lets her know that she has nothing to be ashamed of, and gives her some herbs to help with her physical pain.  Mary tells Claire that she’s glad she doesn’t have to marry that ugly old man she was betrothed to, and now she’s free to marry Alex once he gets out of jail.  Mary asks Claire to deliver the letter to the authorities, but Claire actually considers not sending it, due the fact that if Alex and Mary get married, it may put Frank’s existence in jeopardy.  According to Frank’s family tree, Mary has a child with Black Jack, not Alex.  Uh-oh…

Crazy ass Charles visits Jamie at work, letting him know that although his other financial backers have let him twist in the wind, he’ll soon be getting $10,000 pounds…from Le Comte St. Germain.  I can’t stand that guy.  Apparently, TFF and Charles have made a business arrangement:  TFF wants to buy Portuguese wine to sell, and Charles took out a loan to help him buy it, since the Comte’s running low on funds (I wonder why?).  They’ll use the profit from selling the wine to start securing ships for the Rebellion.  I can’t help buy wonder what’s in this for St. Germain.  I’m sure he doesn’t give a damn about Scotland.  Charles lays another doozy on Jamie:  he has to work with TFF to sell the wine.  *Groan*

It turns out that Claire sent the letter to the authorities and Alex is released from the Bastille.  However, Claire does everything in her power to dissuade Alex from marrying Mary.  “Blah, blah…you just lost your job…blah, blah…you have a bad cold and she shouldn’t be your nurse…blah, blah.”  All the negative talk pretty much makes Alex feels like he’s not the man for her, and he decides to give her up.  Claire feels bad for breaking his heart, as she should, but she convinces herself she’s doing it to secure Frank’s existence.  Poor Mary.  Black Jack’s homicidal rapist ass’ll make the ugly dude with warts look good in comparison.

Jamie and TFF meet at the whorehouse to discuss the wine sale…or at least, they were supposed to discuss the wine sale.  Jamie tells TFF that he doesn’t want to be around him, and wants to just get down to business so they can leave.  Like the bastard he is, TFF taunts Jamie about Claire.  Jamie tells him that if he finds out he had anything to do with Claire’s attack, he’s dead where he sits.  TFF shrugs the threat off, and tells Jamie that he’ll handle the shipment of the wine and he’ll keep it at his warehouse.  Jamie can call him when he gets a buyer, and only when he gets a buyer.  Whatever.  He doesn’t wanna be in business with your shady ass, either.  Back at the house, Jamie gives Claire the news, and Claire has an idea to make TFF’s men appear like they have smallpox so the shipment of wine can be destroyed, which in turn would cause Charles to lose his money.  In a sweet Fraser moment (I’m so damn tired of politics), Jamie gives Claire a christening gift of twelve spoons for each of the twelve Apostles.  It turns out to be a Fraser heirloom.  Claire is moved by the gift, and she asks Jamie if he thinks she’ll be a good mother.  Jamie assures her she will, and whatever she doesn’t know, they’ll learn together.  Awww…

The next day, Jamie and Claire go to Versailles to help the Duke buy horses.  Trust me…this is actually where the story gets interesting.  Just sit tight.  The Duke and Jamie engage in small talk as the latter checks horses like a doggone equestrian expert.  Prince Charles’ name comes up, and the Duke lets him know that he thinks the prince is an utter ass (that was funny!).  He also can’t help but notice that Jamie is such a good judge of horses but not of men.  Jamie lets the Duke know he sees Charles for what he is, but is in league with him because of the king (lies from the tree of lies!).  In the meantime, Jamie’s ex-girlfriend Annalise sees Claire and asks to walk with her in the garden.  Annalise basically discusses how much Jamie has changed since she knew him.  Before he was impulsive and passionate, and now he’s all about business and politics like everyone else (yeah, we miss the old Jamie, too).  Claire tries to convince Annalise that deep down, Jamie hasn’t changed, but Annalise is distracted by a man in the distance that keeps staring at Claire.  Claire turns around to see who she’s talking about, and it’s none other than…

MUTHA FUCKIN’ BLACK JACK RANDALL!!

Awwww, hell!  It’s on now!

Black Jack introduces himself like everything is everything, and Claire starts to feel sick, naturally.  Annalise runs off to get Jamie, leaving poor Claire with one of the most sadistic men to walk the face of the Earth.  Black Jack taunts Claire, of course, and refuses to let her walk away from him.  He even goes so far as to grab her arm to keep her there.  Claire demands that he let her go.  “The King,” Black Jack sneers.  Channeling The Hound from “Game of Thrones,” Claire answers back, “FUCK THE KING!”

It turns out King Louis is right behind her.  Claire straightens herself up and bows for the king; she even introduces Black Jack to him.  She’s better than me, I wouldn’t have introduced that asshole for all the money in the world.  Louis is charmed by Claire, but he appears to not care too much for Black Jack, and even goes so far as to insult his French (I love it!).  Jamie shows up (oh, shit!), and gives his respects to the king as well.  Claire coolly asks Randall what he’s doing in France, and it turns out he came there to get Alex’s job back.  Louis tells him to get on his knees and beg for it.  At first Black Jack thinks he’s joking, but he soon sees that Louis is serious.  That’s right, get on your knees, bitch!  Black Jack eventually gets on his knees, much to the satisfaction of Claire, Jamie, and the king.  Even the king’s men were crackin’ up.  I officially love King Louis now.  Claire and Jamie excuse themselves (Claire blames morning sickness for the third time that day), and the king allows Randall to get off his knees (ha, ha!).  Before they leave, Jamie and Black Jack have one last talk.  It turns out they scheduled a duel.  Claire is horrified.

When Jamie gets home, he’s happier than a kid on Christmas Day.  Claire on the other hand, immediately has their carriage take her to the Bastille.  I don’t even think Jamie noticed she was gone.  Later that night, Jamie and Murtagh prepare for the duel, when Claire comes in and tells them that there’s not going to be one.  She went to the Bastille and falsely accused Randall of raping Mary and attacking Claire.  Hey, it’s not like Black Jack isn’t really a rapist!  Claire sends Murtagh away so she and Jamie can talk.  Jamie reminds her that when she told him that Black Jack was alive, she gave him a gift, and now he wants to claim that gift.  Claire finally fesses up a la Doc Brown and tells Jamie that if he kills Black Jack, Frank will vanish from existence.  Jamie ain’t tryin’ to hear it.  Black Jack did too much to him to live another second.  Claire has to choose:  it’s either him or Frank.  Claire asks Jamie to wait a year, and reminds him that she saved his life twice and he owes her.  Jamie is mad enough to breathe fire, but since he’s a man of honor, he repays his debt to Claire and promises to wait one year…but not a day later.  Claire tries to hug Jamie, but he very angrily—and nastily—warns her not to touch him.  *Sob*

This episode started off pretty dull and my interest was waning.  Then again, that could’ve been because I was psyched to go see Captain America:  Civil War after the show (and I still ended up not going.  Long story.  I’m definitely going to tomorrow’s show so I can post a blog on it).  But when Black Jack showed up, the TV had my undivided attention!  I can’t wait to see where this is going to go!  Now the Frasers have to deal with the Duke, the Comte and Black Jack!  And poor Jamie can’t touch Randall for another year!  Ouch!  I was really sad to see Jamie so pissed at Claire, though.  Don’t get me wrong, I get why he was pissed, but I also get why Claire had to do what she did.  Not only does she still love Frank (not as much as Jamie, but she still loves him), but as I said a while back, if Frank ceases to exist, it’ll cause an alternate timeline of events and Claire will never go back in time to meet Jamie.  Yes, I’m a nerd.  My favorite part of the show had to be when King Louis humiliated Black Jack.  It was so great to see that fool get his.  Louis must have a way of detecting pure evil when he sees it.  Oh yeah, there’s another thing I loved about this episode…Jamie wore his kilt again and showed off those sexy legs!  Yay!  It looks like next week, Claire and Jamie will have gotten over this blowout (thank God) and will concentrate on how to destroy TFF’s wine shipment.  I really hope it’s red wine.  I hate red wine.  So nasty.  Tastes like beer.

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about “Untimely Resurrection”?  Was the entire episode dull, or did you pipe up once Black Jack Randall returned?  Also, what do you think about Black Jack’s return?  Do you think Jamie should still kill him and get it over with, or do you side with Claire and believe he should live until he gets Mary pregnant?  Your thoughts, please!

 

 

“Home” – Recap and Review

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This week’s “Game of Thrones” episode was hot to death.

The Three Eyed Raven’s Cave

We open to an all-grown-up Bran Stark, who’s warging out in the Three Eyed Raven’s cave.  He psychically travels to Winterfell and sees his father, aunt and uncles when they were all still children, and before the manor was ruined by sadistic assholes.  We finally get to see what Lyanna was like, and I have to say, it’s clear where Arya gets her wild ways from.  Lyanna was literally riding circles around her brothers, proving that she wasn’t some dainty little lady.  The most interesting thing about Bran’s travels is that he sees young Hodor, who could actually speak and answered to the name of Wylis.  This means that somewhere along the line, Hodor suffered an accident that caused some type of permanent brain damage.  I believe that’ll be discussed later in the season.  The Three Eyed Raven ends Bran’s dream, much to his dismay.  He warns Bran that he can’t stay in the dream too long, or it will consume him.  Bran asks where Meera is, and Hodor basically answers him as he always does, “Hodor.”  When Hodor takes Bran outside (Bran’s too big to fit on Hodor’s back now!), he’s all too excited to tell Meera what he saw, but she could care less.  In my opinion, she’s still mourning for her brother, but she tells Bran that she’s feeling some type of way because she believes being stuck in the cave with him while he wargs out is useless.  The little magical girl (I can’t remember her name) tells her that they won’t be in the cave forever, and Bran will need her when they leave.

The Wall

Alliser Thorne and his merry group of assholes get ready to fight Ser Davos and Jon’s loyal soldiers.  Thorne makes one more piss poor attempt at negotiating, but Davos and the others don’t budge.  Thorne’s men start breaking the door down, while the folks outside, including that damn Olly, take a fighting stance.  The men inside the room get ready to fight, as does Ghost.  Just then, there’s a bamming noise outside the gates of The Wall.  Sure enough, the men turn to look in time to see the wildlings and their giant (whose name I also forgot…look, dammit!  It’s “Game of Thrones”!  I can’t remember everyone’s name!) burst down the gate along with Jon’s other buddy (shutup, y’all.)!  Hell, yeah!  It’s on now!  The men are scared shitless, and the second one brave soul shoots the giant with an arrow, the giant grabs him and splatters him all over a nearby wall.  The men drop their weapons with a quickness!  That crap was too funny!  And to think, these are the folks that are supposed to protect Westeros!  After the men surrender, Thorne tries to call Jon’s buddy a traitor.  Pot, meet kettle!  Jon’s buddy wastes no time reminding Thorne who the real traitors are.  Then, Olly’s little bad ass tries to jump Tormund (y’all know Tormund was there!  And hey, I remembered his name!) and gets his feelings hurt.  What was really funny is that he did one of those run and yell type deals, only to epically fail.  I love when that crap happens.  All of Thorne’s men are taken away to the dungeon, including Olly.  Hey, you’re the one that wanted to play with the big boys!  You havin’ fun?  Davos then takes Tormund to see Jon’s body and pay his last respects.  Tormund stands over Jon for a while and says that he’ll get some of his men to build a funeral pyre.  That just shows how much Jon was loved by everyone.

King’s Landing

Some dirt poor drunk guy is talkin’ trash about Cersei to his friends, saying that during her walk of shame, he flashed his junk at her and she licked her lips upon seeing it.  Yeah, right.  If it’s the same guy I remember, he flashed his stuff, but he promptly got the tar beat out of him by one of The High Sparrow’s minions.  Speaking of which, when the guy finishes trash talkin’ and goes into an alley to take a pee, The Mountain approaches him and smashes his head against the wall, splattering it with one shove.  Damn, I knew that The Mountain was gonna take out all of Cersei’s enemies, but not the random dudes that talk shit about her!  If that’s the case, he’ll have to kill half the town!

Back at the Red Keep, Cersei gets ready to go to Myrcella’s funeral.  The Mountain accompanies her, but the Kingsguard won’t let her pass, saying that Tommen ordered Cersei to stay at the palace.  For the second time in two weeks, I felt something I thought I’d never feel for Cersei…sympathy.  The woman was barred from going to her own daughter’s funeral!  I’d be feeling some type of way behind that.  At the funeral, Jaime asks Tommen why he kept Cersei from coming.  Tommen tells him that The Seven told him that if Cersei came to the temple, they’d lock her up again.  Jaime promises him that will not happen a second time.  Tommen reveals that he hasn’t spoken to Cersei since she got back for fear of her disappointment and rejection of him for not doing anything when she and Margaery were locked up.  Jaime assures him everything will be alright.  The High Sparrow shows up, filthy as hell.  Does this man ever take a bath?  Tommen asks to speak with Margaery, but once again, The High Sparrow refuses.  Jaime sends Tommen away, and he and the High Sparrow basically have a pissing contest in which the priest wins, thanks to his psychotic monks showing up armed to the teeth.  Jaime continues to talk tough, saying he’s faced worse odds and can take them all out.  The High Sparrow reminds him that although they’re all poor and “powerless,” they still have the ability to overthrow an empire.  Tommen goes back to see Cersei and apologizes for not being there for her.  He asks her to make him a stronger person and she agrees, accepting his apology.  Tommen better watch out.  Cersei’ll make him an evil person, not a stronger person.

Meereen

Tyrion is doing his two favorite things…drinking and talking politics, and he does both flawlessly.  I love that guy.  He asks Varys to give him some good news about the state of Meereen.  Varys lets him know that Astapor and Yunkai (the other lands Dany conquered) have stopped asking for aid because they’ve brought slavery back.  Boooooooo!  Grey Worm mentions that they’re looking into whoever burned the fleet of ships, but so far, they’ve turned up with nothing.  On top of that, Missandei tells Tyrion that the dragons locked below the palace are not eating.  Tyrion wisely figures that if Dany is the Mother of Dragons, and if the dragons are wasting away, she’ll lose the power she’s worked so hard to get.  If the dragons remain in captivity, they will surely starve to death.  He asks Missandei if the dragons ever hurt her when she was around them.  She lets him know they didn’t, and she was in their company many times.  Tyrion figures that dragons know their friends from their enemies, and it’s time they got to know a new friend to help them eat.  Tyrion makes his way below the palace a few moments later, and although he’s clearly about to piss himself, he goes along with the plan.  The dragons see him and start bearing their teeth and breathing fire, but Tyrion calms them by telling an adorable story about how he wanted a dragon for his birthday when he was a child.  He then removes the chain off one of the dragons, and the other lowers his neck in front of Tyrion so he can be freed as well.  Tyrion takes off the other dragon’s chain, and they both simply walk away from him.  Tyrion runs up the stairs faster that Jesse Owens and tells Varys, “If I ever have an idea like that again, punch me in the face.”  Tyrion is boss.

Braavos

Arya is still in the streets begging and still blind, only now she’s bloodied and bruised from getting her ass handed to her in the previous episode.  The blonde heffa comes back as promised and starts handing her ass to her again, asking her who she is.  Arya keeps answering that she’s no one, but the blond chick continues to wail on her with the stick.  Arya still hasn’t mastered using her sense of touch, hearing or smell, so all she can do is swing the stick around, hitting nothing but air.  The blonde heffa disappears as Arya thrashes the stick around, trying to hit her.  Jaqen H’ghar appears and grabs Arya’s stick (I knew that was really him in disguise!).  He tells her that if a girl says her name, she’ll have a place to sleep.  Arya says she has no name.  He says that if a girl says her name, she’ll have food.  Arya says she has no name.  Jaqen says that if a girl says her name…she’ll get her eyes back.  Arya hesitates for a moment, and says she has no name.  I have to give it to her.  I would’ve caved when he said I’d get a place to sleep for saying my name.  “It’s Nadiya!  Nadiya!”  Jaqen instructs her to come with him and to leave her collection plate.  She’s not a beggar anymore.

Winterfell

Ramsey and Karstark report to Roose that men who went after Sansa and Theon are all dead, meaning that someone is helping them.  Knowing where Sansa’s heading, Ramsey has the bright idea of storming Castle Black and killing Jon.  Yeah, good luck with that, jackass.  Roose lets him know that’s a bad idea, considering that Jon is the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch.  They’d turn all the important houses in the North against them.  Karstark and Ramsey both disagree, naturally.  Any reason to kill or mutilate someone is a good reason for Ramsey’s crazy ass.  Speaking of which, the maester comes in and announces that Lady Walda gave birth to a healthy baby boy!  Uh-oh…  Ramsey congratulates Roose, who in turn tells Ramsey that he’ll also be his first born.  Ramsey thanks him, and then guts him like a fish.  Karstark just stands there, while the maester is petrified.  Ramsey smugly tells him to send word that his father has been poisoned by his enemies and to send Walda and the baby to him.  A few moments later, Walda meets Ramsey outside with the baby, thinking that Roose sent for them.  Ramsey asks to hold the baby, and Walda agrees (God, I can’t stand him).  He holds the baby for a second, and tells Walda that Roose is in the kennel.  The minute she gets in the kennel with those devil dogs, Ramsey closes the door.  “Where is Lord Bolton?” she asks.  “I am Lord Bolton,” he says.  Walda begs him to spare her and her child’s life, saying that they’ll leave Winterfell.  Ramsey refuses.  “But he’s your brother!” she pleads.  “I prefer being an only child,” Ramsey tells her.  He sics the dogs on her and the baby and watches them get torn apart.  Ramsey, youse a bitch.

The North…Somewhere

Brienne tells Sansa that she saw Arya with The Hound, but lost track of her.  Sansa asks if she knows where Arya went, but Brienne has no idea.  She asks how Arya looked, and Brienne answers that she wasn’t dressed like a lady.  The answer makes Sansa smile.  I thought that was sweet.  Sansa goes over to speak to Theon, assuring him that they’ll be safe once they reach Castle Black.  Theon reminds her of all he’s done to hurt her family, and that Jon’ll kill him the second he walks through the gate.  Sansa tells him that he’ll be forgiven when he joins the Night’s Watch, but Theon says he doesn’t want to be forgiven for his sins.  What he’s done to Robb, Ser Rodrik and the two farm boys he killed isn’t worth forgiveness.  He tells Sansa he’s not going with her or the rest of the group.  Sansa hugs him and asks where he’s going.  He just answers, “Home.”  Home where?  Not the Iron Islands!  I can’t stand those disloyal buttplugs!

The Doggone Iron Islands

*Sigh*  We cut immediately to the Iron Islands for the first time in two seasons, and Lord knows I didn’t miss them.  Balon’s still a dick, and Yara’s getting tired of his shit.  She’s finally realizing what we’ve known ever since they were introduced:  they don’t have a chance in Hell of winning the seven kingdoms.  They’ve even managed to lose their hold on the last little region or house or whatever they had control of.  Yara tries to talk sense into him by asking him to give up fighting, but Balon refuses to listen, and even chastises Yara for trying to save Theon, since it caused him to lose men for a useless cause.  Now do y’all see why I can’t stand the Ironborn?  Balon storms out the room, saying that if Yara doesn’t obey him and continue to fight, he’ll produce an heir that will.  Please.  You’re like 90 years old.  Your sperm has probably been reduced to dust.  Anyway, like the dick he is, Balon decides to take a walk in the dark—and in the rain on a rickety bridge, no less—and he runs into his estranged brother, Euron.  Euron proves to be just as nutty as Balon, but like Ramsey, Euron is crazy, but not stupid.  Balon, on the other hand, proves his stupidity when he insults his much younger brother after the latter already mentioned that Balon is old and it’s time for him to step down (and let’s not forget…they’re on a raggedy ass bridge that rivals the one on Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom).  Balon further proves his idiocy when he tries to jump Euron, and misses.  He put a little scratch on his cheek, but what the hell will that do?  Euron promptly throws Balon off the bridge.  Who didn’t see that comin’?  Yara and the other Ironborn have a funeral the next day, where Yara swears on the Salt Throne that she’ll kill her father’s murderer.  Some weird guy—I guess he was their priest—nastily tells her that the throne’s not hers and she has to win the Kingsmoot in order to win it, whatever the hell that means.  Then he snidely tells her, “Maybe you’ll win.  Maybe you’ll be the first woman to rule the Ironborn.  Or maybe you won’t.”  Ugh.  I can’t stand these douchebags.

Livin’ On The Wall!

Melisandre is still in her room moping, but at least she put that doggone necklace back on.  She was a rough looking old lady.  Ser Davos comes in and asks her if she could possibly bring Jon back to life (finally!).  Melisandre says that she’s never brought anyone back herself, and she’s only seen it done once (I could’ve sworn she was the one that first brought back that guy Arya met).  Davos is certain she can do it, but Melisandre’s faith is completely shaken.  I actually felt bad for her when I watched this scene.  Considering that I hated Melisandre and Cersei from jump street, I never thought I’d feel sympathy for either one of them.  That just goes to show what a great series this is.  Davos convinces her by telling her that he’s not asking the Lord of Light for help, but he’s asking the woman who showed him that miracles exist.  I wouldn’t categorize that evil shit Melisandre did as miracles, but if it means we’ll get Jon back, I’ll roll with it for now!  Melisandre, Davos, Tormund and Jon’s buddy all meet in the room where Jon’s body is still laid out.  I’m surprised he kept this long.  Must be due to the extreme cold up there at Castle Black.  Melisandre starts cleaning Jon’s body.  Then she cuts his pretty hair and throws it into a nearby fire.  Then she trims a small bit of his beard and throws the stubble into the fire.  The she washes his hair.  Are we watching a resurrection, or a barbering course?  She starts reciting an incantation in Valyrian while the other men watch.  She says the words for a few moments, but nothing happens.  Jon remains still.  She repeats the incantation, but nothing happens.  “Please,” she desperately says.  Still nothing.  It looks like Jon is truly gone.  Tormund leaves, disgusted.  Melisandre walks away, hopeless.  Jon’s buddy exits, disappointed.  Davos stands over Jon’s body a little while longer, and eventually goes, resigned.  Only Ghost remains in the room, sleeping under the table Jon’s lying on.  Jon remains still as Ghost sleeps.  Suddenly, the direwolf wakes up and raises his head.  Nothing’s happening in the room, and no one has entered.

Then…JON WAKES UP!

HE’S ALIVE!!!

I enjoyed this episode.  I loved Tyrion interacting with the dragons, seeing that there’s no limit to Ramsey’s evil (even Joffrey drew the line at his parents and siblings!  I know Tyrion killed his dad, but that was different), seeing Bran again for the first time in ages as well as Yara (although I can’t stand the Ironborn, I’ve always wondered if Yara felt guilty for leaving Theon with Ramsey), I’m really intrigued about Hodor’s past history now, but most of all, I loved that Jon Freakin’ Snow is back, baby!  Man, I can’t wait to see how Thorne and his punk bitches are gonna react!  My only worry is that Jon may not come back as the same man.  Many people on the internet have had this theory, and I remember the guy that Arya met in the cave said that every time he came back, he would always lose a piece of himself.  I’m hoping he doesn’t go completely batshit crazy a la Pet Semetary.  That would suck.  Tune in with me next week!

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about this episode?  Are you happy that Jon is back or do you think his resurrection is a recipe for disaster?  Did you like the part where Tyrion spoke to the dragons?  What do you think about Bran and the Ironborn returning?  What do you think happened to Hodor?  Give me your thoughts!

 

“Lemonade” Ain’t Your Mama’s Beyoncé Album!

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I know I’m late blogging about this, but due to other commitments, I wasn’t able to submit this post as quickly as I wanted to.  However, this album is so huge that despite the fact that it was released nearly a week ago, I feel the intense need to put my two cents in.

While I was impatiently awaiting the season premiere of “Game of Thrones” last Sunday, Beyoncé’s Lemonade visual album was airing on HBO for the second—and unbeknownst to me—final time.  I watched parts of it, and saw where a good friend of mine was posting his hilarious thoughts on the film.  Although I was more concerned with whether or not Jon Snow was would be brought back to life, the bits and pieces I saw of the visual album piqued my interest.  I became even more interested when theories on the album’s content started going around the internet.  I’ll speak more on that later.

When I learned that Lemonade would no longer be shown on HBO, I downloaded the film and watched the piece from start to finish.  I was blown away.  I’ve seen Beyoncé happy, I’ve seen Beyoncé sad, I’ve seen Beyoncé ready to party, and I’ve seen Beyoncé insightful.  However, this is a Beyoncé that I haven’t really seen before.  This is Beyoncé pissed off.

You’d think with a title like Lemonade, the album would feature songs that would be cute and bubbly, all about love and happiness (hell, the title itself makes me want to enjoy a nice glass of my mom’s lemonade).  If you think that, not only would you be sadly mistaken, but it’d also mean that you’ve been living under a rock for the last few days.  As everyone’s heard by now, the album has a recurring theme:  a woman learns that her husband has been cheating on her, and she’s none too happy about it.  The album is definitely a dark departure for Bey.  There’s lyrics in the songs like, “Who in the fuck do you think I am?” and “Suck on my balls-balls!  I’ve had enough!”  Lemonade basically makes Beyoncé’s self-titled 2013 album look like a kid’s nursery rhyme CD.  Like the title of the post reads, this ain’t your mama’s Beyoncé album.  The new direction album takes is in no means a bad thing, however.  Pissed off Beyoncé is just as entertaining as Happy Beyoncé, if not more.  In my opinion, it shows how much range Bey has artistically, and I’m lovin’ it.  I’ve had the songs on heavy rotation on my IPod for the last few days, namely “Formation” (that’s my favorite song right now!).  Not only that, but I’ve been singing now infamously epic lyrics like, “You betta call Becky with the good hair,” and “I got hot sauce in my bag, swag.”  I’m lovin’ the “middle fingers up” and “When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster” lines, too.

The film brings the infidelity theme home with profound poetry between each song that describes the woman’s inner torment and later, her path on the road to recovery.  It also features images that range from comical (Beyoncé gleefully smashing everything in her path with a baseball bat), to artsy (there’s a scene where Bey is floating in a room submerged in water), to disturbing (in the first half of the film, Bey jumps off a building).  One thing I absolutely loved about this film is that each vignette showcases the beauty of black people, whether they’re dressed in 19th century style clothing, dancing for performance pieces (Serena Williams’ dance routine was on fire!) or just hanging around their local neighborhood.  Bey also takes the time to honor the young black men that lost their lives to police brutality by having their mothers appear on the film, holding photos of their lost sons.  There’s other touching moments too, like the clip of young Beyoncé talking to her dad, all the clips of Blue Ivy, and the video footage of Bey and Jigga’s wedding.

Speaking of Jigga, the million dollar question that everyone’s been asking is…is the album really about Jay-Z cheating on Beyoncé?  Now, this isn’t a gossip blog, so I’m not gonna speculate.  At the same time, when I created this blog, I promised myself that I would keep it 100%, so I will say that the album being about Jigga’s supposed infidelity isn’t exactly far fetched.  It would explain why Solange went straight HAM on Jigga in that elevator back in 2014.  Rachel Roy clappin’ back on Instagram regarding the “Becky with the good hair” lyric further adds to the rumors.  Some of the lyrics in “Hold Up” sound a lot like Jigga and Bey’s relationship as well:

Let’s imagine for a moment that you never made a name/for yourself/A master/What, they had you labeled as a king/Never made out the cage/Still out there moving in them streets/Never had the baddest woman in the game up in your sheets/Would they be down to ride?/No/They used to hide from you/Lie to you/But y’all know/we were made for each other/so I find you and hold you down

Then, there’s the poems with lines like:

You remind me of my father/a magician/Able to exist in two places at once/In the tradition of men/in my blood/you come home at 3:00 AM/and lie to me/What are you hiding?/The past and the future/merge to meet us here

We all know that Matthew Knowles cheated on his wife and fathered two illegitimate children.  It’s possible Bey is saying that she and Jay-Z have been in the same predicament.  If that’s the case, this album shouldn’t be called Lemonade, it should be entitled Tea, because she’s servin’ it hot.

On the other hand, this may not be related to Jigga and Bey’s relationship in any way.  I mean, let’s face it.  We don’t know what really goes in their marriage.  Rihanna has even stated that she doesn’t believe the album is about Jay-Z.  It just could be a concept album about a woman dealing with infidelity in her marriage, which isn’t a farfetched theory either.  Artists make albums with a common theme all the time, and women dealing with cheating husbands/boyfriends is something that many of us out there have experienced, and it’s an issue that will continue until the end of time.  Now that Bey is a wife and a mother herself, she may have decided to dedicate an entire album to discussing how she would react if she felt her family was in jeopardy.

No matter the reason behind releasing the content on the album, there’s one thing that’s certain…Lemonade is boss.  This may be Beyoncé’s magnum opus.  Between the film, the adulterous motif, the controversy following it and the killer songs, Lemonade will be discussed for years to come.

Lemonade can be found on Tidal and ITunes.

—Written by Nadiya

So what did y’all think about Lemonade?  Is it a masterpiece, or is it overhyped?  Give me your thoughts!

 

“La Dame Blanche” – Recap and Review

Outlander Season 2 2016

Praise Jesus.  This episode was actually good.  Let’s do this.

The show begins with Jamie and Monsieur Duvernay playing what appears to be another boring game of chess, when the minister asks Jamie what he plans on naming the baby.  He and Claire–who’s watching the game—have a chuckle worthy disagreement over what to name the baby if it’s a boy when who shows up?  Le Comte de St. Germain!  Yeah, That French Fucker is back with a vengeance!  Not only does that bastard ruin the chess game by giving away Monsieur Duvernay’s moves, but he also makes time to see that Claire’s drink is poisoned.  Never mind that she’s pregnant and showing.  This man is purely evil…but damn, he makes for good TV.

Thankfully, the poison in Claire’s drink isn’t fatal…but while Claire is recuperating later that night, she guesses that cascara was put in her drink.  She knows for a fact that her apothecary friend sells cascara.  Hmmm…  To distract Claire from the pain the poison’s causing, Jamie tells her of his new plan:  Invite the Duke of Sandringham and Prince Charles to a dinner at their house.  That way, the duke can meet the prince’s nutty ass in person and take back his funding.  Claire is none too happy about the plan, and Jamie notices.  She finally fesses up that Black Jack is actually alive and that she heard the news from his baby bro, who is the duke’s secretary.  To Claire’s—and all viewers’—surprise, Jamie isn’t upset, scared or angry by this news.  He’s happy.  Extremely happy.  Now, Jamie has the opportunity to kill Randall himself.  Too bad Jamie never watched Back to the Future.

Claire goes to the apothecary the next day and asks if he sold the cascara to TFF.  He claims he sold it to Joe Schmo months ago (rhyme not intended…not really), and he could’ve possibly have been employed by the Comte, but he had no idea.  Much like Gellis Duncan (see season one), the apothecary seems to have two sides to him.  He then takes Claire in the back and shows her his cool collection of dinosaur fossils and unconventional medicine.  He even allows Claire to shake up some sheep knuckles in a cup and throw them onto to a zebra hide like dice to learn more about Frank’s future.  The apothecary says that he can’t see Frank’s fate, but the bones do say that she’ll see Frank again.  Claire is shocked.  Yahtzee!

That night, Jamie comes home and lo and behold, he’s horny.  Claire is all but ready to give it to him until she sees bite marks on his thighs.  Of course, she wigs out and Jamie mentions that he was approached by a ho that wanted him to engage in the sixty-nine position.  Jamie lets Claire know that he didn’t do anything with the whore, but she showed him that he still had sexual urges, a revelation that made him all too happy.  Claire understandably becomes livid at the thought that Jamie was aroused by another woman, especially given the fact that he hasn’t touched her in ages.  Jamie lets her know that Claire is also responsible for making him feel like more of a man, by telling him that Randall is still alive.  That still doesn’t appease Claire.  She mentions that she and Jamie don’t talk like they used to, and she feels alone at times.  She even says that they didn’t even talk about baby names until Duvernay asked about it.  Jamie says that she doesn’t know how he’s been struggling since his rape, and Claire makes him open up.  He tells her that the assault made him feel extremely exposed and vulnerable, like being naked and forced to hide under a blade of grass.  Claire understands, and after trying to sleep in separate bedrooms, she goes to Jamie in the middle of the night, and they make love.  I’m sure half of America cheered.

While basking in the afterglow, Jamie hears noises coming from the roof.  It’s none other than crazy ass Prince Charles trying to get in Jamie’s house at God-knows-what hour so he can chit-chat and have Claire patch up his injured hand.  While Claire’s tending the wound, the prince tells them that his married lover dumped him and kicked him out of her house when she heard her husband returning.  Before he left, his lover’s pet monkey bit the crap out of his hand, hence the wound.  He decided to go to Jamie’s house for comfort and refuge since it was down the street.  Claire remembers earlier that day that Louise confided in her that she was pregnant with another man’s child and didn’t want her husband to know…and Louise has a pet monkey.  After Charles leaves, Claire and Jamie devise another plan:  Invite Louise to the big dinner and announce the pregnancy in front of Charles.  That way, Charles’ll go ape shit in front of Sandringham, making him even more convinced not to spend a dime of his money.  Claire asks Jamie if doing this makes them bad people, to which Jamie says, “It’s a bad thing…but we’re doing it for a good reason.”  Claire then asks if that’s what all bad people say.  Nah, Claire!  Not all bad people!  Just Hitler, Bin Laden…

The next week, the Fraser household prepares for the dinner…well, most of the Fraser household.  Claire decides to do a shift at the hospital to make herself useful.  Now, I’m a modern day woman, so I’m all for a sister doing it for herself, but with all things considered, this would’ve been the perfect time for Claire to stay her ass at home.  You’ll see what I mean in a minute.  Claire’s shift runs longer than usual, and to add insult to injury, the wheel on the carriage “breaks.”  Claire, Mary (she came with Claire to volunteer) and Murtagh don’t have time to wait for the wheel to be repaired, so they walk back home.  Murtagh sends Fergus ahead to let Jamie know they’re gonna be late.  Back at the house, Jamie greets the guests, including the slimy ass Duke of Sandringham, who was among the first to arrive.  After flirting with Jamie, he wastes no time introducing Black Jack’s baby bro to him.  Jamie is a little taken aback, but if that asshole was looking for complete shock, he’s a day late and a few dollars short.

While walking home, Mary confesses to Claire that although she’s betrothed (to an ugly man), she’s fallen in love with a man named Randall.  Claire freezes up, thinking she’s referring to Black Jack, but Mary soon mentions that it’s Alex Randall she’s smitten with (the baby bro).  Just then, they’re attacked by a group of thugs.  One thug rapes Mary, the other two knock Murtagh out, and then try to force Claire to perform oral (I’m guessing it was because she’s pregnant).  Claire notices that one of them has a wine colored birthmark on his hand.  In the opening credits, a man with a wine colored birthmark can be seen dismantling a wheel on a carriage.  Coincidence?  I think not.  When they try to rip Claire’s clothes off, they see a white stone around her neck .  The apothecary gave Claire the stone earlier, saying that it changes color whenever it’s near anything poisonous.  The men wig out.  “C’est la dame blanche!”  Then they run like roaches when the lights come on.  Okay…you’re scared of a white woman.  Isn’t France full of white women?  Didn’t you just rape one white woman and try to rape another?  I’m glad these punks got scared and ran off, but WTF?

Back at the house, Jamie’s still greeting his guests, when who shows up uninvited?  TFF.  Turns out Sandringham invited him to the party.  I ask again…WTF?  How are you gonna invite some dude to someone else’s house?  I wouldn’t be surprised if the duke found out how much the Comte hates the Frasers and invited him to the party for shits and giggles.  Ass.  Claire and the others finally arrive at the house.  Mary has passed out from the shock of the assault.  When Jamie finds out what happened, he’s ready to kill.  Claire stops him and lets him know that taking care of Mary and keeping up appearances at the party are more important.  Baby Bro Randall, who also sees the injured party arrive, lets Claire know that he’ll stay by Mary’s side throughout the night.  They sneak in the house around the back to keep the others in the dark.  Claire wants to tell the authorities about Mary’s rape, but Jamie mentions that if anyone finds out what happened to her, her reputation will be destroyed, as no man wants to marry a woman who’s no longer a virgin.  Damn, it’s not like Mary asked to be violently raped!  Man, I’m glad I was born in the 20th century.  Jamie spills the news about the Comte being “invited” to dinner and correctly deducing that he had something to do with the sabotage.  Claire is visibly shaken by this news, but she tells Jamie to keep his head and go on with the dinner, as too much is at stake.

When Claire makes her grand entrance, Jamie introduces her.  All the guests politely bow to her as a form of respect, except for the Duke and TFF.  Jamie notices TFF’s rude behavior.  Hell, no one wanted his nasty ass there anyway.  Dinner is served, and the guests make small talk.  The Duke tells bad jokes that work the prince’s nerves.  Jamie asks Charles to tell Sandringham to tell him his political views, which clearly bore the duke and Louise, who promptly changes the subject.  Seems like they feel the same way we have this entire season.  Jamie spills the beans on Louise’s pregnancy, which shakes Charles up.  Charles keeps his cool for the most part, but he doesn’t hesitate to throw shade toward Louise’s husband.  TFF sits near Claire, eating his soup like everything is everything.  Claire nervously eats, throwing glances his way, and vice versa.  The Comte’s side chick compliments the stone Claire’s wearing, when TFF lets it be known that the stone will change color if poison is near and maybe everyone should wear a stone like it if Claire’s so afraid of her own food.  Claire tells him that maybe he should wear a stone.  Shots fired.

In the meantime, Baby Bro Randall is looking after Mary, never leaving her side.  He gently tells her that he loves her and that he won’t let any harm come to her.  Aww…he’s so sweet.  Black Jack must’ve been adopted.  Mary wakes up, still traumatized, and starts fighting Alex.  She jumps out of bed and runs away.  Alex goes after her and catches up to her in one of the parlor rooms.  Mary continues to fight him and Alex tackles her to the ground.  By this time, Mary’s screaming and thrashing, while Alex is holding her down, trying to get her to relax.  Now it looks like he’s raping Mary, and when the guests hear the commotion and try to see what’s going on, that’s exactly what they think.  Jamie pulls Alex off her and picks Mary up, and Mary’s idiotic uncle and fiancé (who were also invited) think that Jamie just raped Mary.  Never mind the fact that Jamie was in the damn dining room with them when they heard all the noise.  They try to jump Jamie, but they’re no match for the sexy Scot, and Jamie beats the crap of them.  More morons jump in the fight, and Jamie fights them off too.  Claire holds an extremely frightened Mary in her arms and yells for the men to stop, but to no avail.  Then Murtagh walks in, wearing his traditional Scottish shirt and kilt.  Oooh…it’s on now!  Murtagh and Jamie start kickin’ ass and takin’ names!  There’s even a point in time where Claire tosses a curtain cord to Jamie to whup some sense into those fools!  I guess she figured she might as well help out, seeing as the fight had no chance of just ending.  The Duke, being the punk that he is, whines about how he won’t be able to have dessert and leaves.  TFF plays on Charles’ unease with the fight and has him leave with him and his side chick, but not before summoning the g’darmes, whoever the hell they are.  Sound like the cops.  The show ends with Fergus’ little bad ass sneaking into the dining room to eat all the food and drink all the wine, while Jamie and Murtagh continue to hand these French folks’ asses to them.  Don’t fuck with Scotland.

As you can see by my lengthy recap, a lot happened in this episode, and I loved it!  This was hands down the best episode of the season so far; a complete 180º from the sleep inducing show we had to endure last week.  It had romance, drama, thrills and excitement.  This is the “Outlander” that we’ve all come to know and love.  Stuff like this is what made us all fans in the first place.  Welcome back old “Outlander.”  Please don’t leave us again.  I can’t wait to see what TFF is going to do on next week’s episode (assuming he’ll be back next week).  Not only that, but according to the previews, Claire tells Jamie that killing Black Jack before he marries will destroy the space-time continuum and cause Frank not to exist.  Jamie responds by telling Claire she has to choose between Frank and him.  Yeah…I’m really gonna need Jamie to watch Back to the Future.

—Written by Nadiya

EDIT:  After watching the episode once more, I realized I was wrong about two things in this post.  Number one, the Comte showed up with his wife, the Comtess, not a side piece as I originally thought.  That poor woman.  I can’t imagine being married to that beast.  Secondly, the rapists in the alley didn’t freak out after seeing the stone around Claire’s neck.  They freaked out when they actually saw Claire’s face.  Claire had a hood over her head when the thugs jumped them, and it was dark.  When they tried to force her to perform oral, they removed the hood, and freaked out the minute they saw who she was.  These idiots must’ve believed she was a witch, which makes no sense considering that all she’s done while in town was correctly diagnose a few men with smallpox.  Basically, they were scared of an actual white woman…despite the fact that I’ve only seen one person of color (the apothecary’s maid) in the whole damn city.  That’s all!

So what did y’all think about “La Dame Blanche?”  Was it a throwback to the first season of “Outlander” or do you still think that it’s still not quite as good as it used to be?  Your thoughts, please!